In one of my latest writings, I came up with several new definitions of what it means to be a single servant of the true and living God. S_____ IN G_____ L_____ E_____... And, since we're only one week from Single Awareness Day (a/k/a Valentines Day) let’s take a look at some of these new definitions over the next few days:
Situated IN God’s Learning Experience – Matthew 11:28-30 We often learn lessons and then just want to take off and run with the lessons, which is what I did after Pray While You’re Prey. But not long after, I felt empty again. I submit that I was so focused on fixing other people that I didn’t take the time to find rest for my soul. I was just looking to make some sort of restitution for my past sins, so that God could bless me with the love of my life. Instead, I should have taken the time to rest in Him and be sure that I was ready for a new relationship. Now, I am relearning some of the same lessons, but this time my focus isn’t on finding a new man; it is on sustaining my relationship with Christ and trusting in God’s plan for me. He has me in this place for a reason, which leads to the next definition. Standing still IN Great and Limitless Expectation – Psalm 46:10 One of the hardest things for any human being to do is waiting. Now, if you magnify how hard it is for normal people by about one million, you get how hard it is for me. “Be still and know that I am God…” Sometimes, I read that and think, Has God met me? I mean, He created me, so He knows how hard it is for me to sit still and not try to make things happen. But, here’s the cool thing about God, He gives me the chance to let Him handle it and then, He puts in a situation where I have no choice, but to let Him handle it. I don’t mean that He takes away my free will, but God has a way of making it abundantly clear that if I want things to work out in the best way possible that I have to let Him do His job. And, I have come to learn --usually the hard way --that God always exceeds my expectations when I stop limiting Him to what I want and submit to His will for my life. Ms. EV
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Yesterday, I was walking up the stairs to Sunday school and my knee buckled. I went to reach for the railing and I pulled something in my neck and back. The pain was excruciating! I could not turn my head. I could not breathe too deeply. I was miserable. And, everybody knew it. I barely heard the lesson in Sunday school, but I did pick up a few nuggets of wisdom, like, "We don't face adversity because we did something wrong," and "When you have a problem, you should shake it off and not hold on to it and complain and whine." So, I tried to pull it together because I knew I had to sing. And, I didn't want to affect others' worship experience because I was in pain. Still, as I told my family, I was not born with the ability to hide pain, so everyone knew there was something wrong.
The first song was one that I don't like to sing because I always feel like I am lying when I sing it. It says, "I don't mind waiting on You, Lord." And while I will wait on the Lord to move my life in His direction, in His time and according to His will, I am not sure that I always do so with an, "I don't mind" attitude. It's more of an, "I know that being impatient leads to bad things, so I don't have any choice, but to wait" attitude. The sermon subject was, "Wait on the Lord," so I started to sense that God was speaking to me through the lessons. The problem was that, even though, I had taken some ibuprofen to try to kill the pain from my earlier incident, it was NOT working. So, throughout the sermon, I was desperately trying to listen, but my pain would not lessen. Eventually, I got frustrated, and instead of writing sermon notes, I began to ask God questions, like, "How long am I going to be waiting?" Waiting for what you ask: for my physical pain to end, for my loneliness to end, for my dreams to start coming true. I wanted to clap and praise with everyone else, but I was so bogged down with physical and emotional pain that all I could do was cry. Then, I felt guilty because on a scale of one to ten, my problems are a negative twelve, when I look at what others are facing. Why am I such a baby? Why do I have such a low tolerance for pain? Why am I so spoiled? Am I like the children of Israel? Am I making my journey longer than it has to be because I whine? The devil is good, isn't he? That dude had me so distracted and I played right into his hands for a minute. Upon reflection, though, I realized that I have started to make great progress on my music this weekend. And, I still haven't been approached by a guy in a long time, but I am able to use my experiences to help others. My neck still hurts, but it's nothing I cannot handle, and through that injury, I saw how much my family really loves me. So, I guess this is what the prophet Isaiah meant by "run and not get weary...walk and never faint." I truly felt like I was down for the count yesterday. My issues are teeny-tiny, but when combined and over time, sometimes they seem overwhelming. That's when God steps in with those eagles' wings to help us continue to soar. I am still waiting. I know there will be a grand testimony after this because there are great testimonies all up and through this. To God be the glory! Ms. EV Back in the day, before it skipped five years and got weird, I watched the show Desperate Housewives. It followed the paths of four friends who lived on the same street and were all experiencing varying degrees of marital dysfunction. It, and many other shows like it, portrays issues that might cause one to consider never getting married; they make the institutions of marriage and family seem like some cruel joke. I know that each family faces its own set of difficulties, but it does not stop me from wanting a family of my own.
One morning on the radio, the topic of the day was, “When I graduated from high school, I thought I would be a _____________, but I ended up being a ___________.” So, of course, I talked back to the radio. When I graduated from high school I thought I would be a high-powered attorney, wife and mother to three or four children, but I ended up being a divorced high school teacher with a very spoiled cat. The good news is that I have recently discovered that, despite my life not being how I envisioned that it would be, I am no longer desperately seeking the things that are out of my control. There was a time when I wanted a husband and children so badly that I married the wrong person because I feared he would be the last one to ever ask. There was a time when I was willing to compromise my morals and do what I knew was wrong in the sight of God just to feel loved because I felt I had to give in to temptation to keep a man in my life. There was a time when I was willing to look past what I desire in a mate for the sake of going on a date because I did not know if I would ever date again. But now, I am so filled with Love from the inside that the desperation has dissipated. I am willing to wait for the person that I have asked God to provide for me. I am willing to live alone, sleep alone, and eat alone because I know that God has me right where I need to be. I also know from reading the Bible that God never refused to provide, for people who followed His Word, after a famine was over. Does it hurt some nights? Absolutely; it hurts some days, too, but I know my role in how I got where I am, so I know it could be much worse and I praise God for His mercy. Desperation can lead to life-changing decisions, and not in a good way. It can lead to infidelity, violence, promiscuity. It can lead to behaviors that have hazardous results. Desperate is not cute on a woman (or a man). The only thing any of us should be desperate for is more of God; more time in His presence and more intimacy with Him. Ms. EV It is not a secret that waiting is not something that I am particularly fond of doing. Yet, I do wait. I know what it is like to take matters into my own hands and try to “help God” when it seems like He’s taking too long to give me what I want. In my life, the results were disastrous, a failed marriage riddled with infidelity and cruelty, and those things were not one-sided. I made a choice to move forward with my plan of marriage to the person I assumed would be the last person to ever ask me for my hand. Surely, God’s will was that I not be alone and that I marry rather than burn with lustful desires. Surely, God wanted me to be someone’s help meet. But, what was taking Him so long? I had already graduated from college and started working towards my career goals. Pretty soon, I would be old, unwanted and barren. After all, I was 21. Yes, you read that right. I was 21 and I felt like I was destined for spinsterhood if I did not marry immediately. I had only had two real boyfriends and they were hard to come by, so the chances of having someone else love me enough to marry me were slim to none. I imagine that this is what Sarah felt like when she decided to have Abraham bear a child with Hagar. She knew the promise, but felt like God needed her help to make it happen.
As I write it, it seems so ridiculous; especially, now that I am 34 and divorced with no children. Now, would be the time for the “you’re never going to have kids” panic attack. And, I’m not going to lie and say I don’t get those on occasion. Nonetheless, God has been so faithful in fulfilling His promises in my life, and, as I have grown in Him, I have come to realize that the best thing to do is wait on Him. Everything God does is purposeful, in His timing and for my own good. He is also so merciful, that everything I do to “try to help” is turned into a blessing, just like He did for Sarah and Hagar. In the case of my failed marriage, it serves as a reminder to wait on God no matter how hard that can be. The situation also drew me closer to God into the most intimate and fulfilling relationship I will ever have. So, now I’m cured! I don’t want a husband or kids! NOT! I still have those desires, which lets me know that in His time, they will be fulfilled because He promised to give me the desires of my heart, IF I delight myself in Him (Psalm 37:4) and to add all the treasures I need to my life, IF I seek His Kingdom first (Matthew 6:33-34). So, I am waiting on Him. I have good, patient days and I have rough, flesh-battling days, but the former outnumber the latter, which is a blessing. I’m trusting in God because He has my best in mind. Ms. EV There are days like today when I want to write, but I cannot think of what to say, so I go back to some things that I have not yet shared (hard to believe there are such things, right). In any case, this is a reflection brought about by a devotional from Girlfriends in God back in the very beginning of this year. The subject was about Psalm 46:10, "Be still and know I am God." Here are the questions that readers were given to ponder and my responses. I started responding to questions and at times ended up communicating with directly with God about them. I invite you to answer these questions for yourself. For me, they brought some clarity about where I was in that moment and how to move forward.
How good are you at "be still and know that I am God?" I know that God is God and I know that He controls everything in the Universe. I know that He made the Earth and everything in it. I know that He made Heaven and Earth, land and water, moon sun and stars, beasts on the earth, fowl of the air, fish in the waters, every plant, every molecule, every human being in His image. Maybe the fact that I am made in Your image is why I feel like I need to control everything, which leads to me not being still in situations. You, God, know all and see all, and I have the desire to do the same. Maybe that’s why it’s hard for me to be still and let things just play out. But, that’s not really showing faith. That’s not showing that I know You have your best plans for my life. I have to sit back and let You be You. I have plenty of evidence that I cannot and will not do a better job than You of controlling my life or the way that others think and act. When I think ‘be still,’ I used to think lazy, sit around, take a nap, take a load off, and I am not too shabby at those things. But, when I see ‘cease striving,’ that means something much different. Cease striving means stop trying to figure out what my purpose is and who I am supposed to be. It means stop trying to stockpile accomplishments and impress people. It means to rest in the life that You have given me right now and wait (I do not like that Word and You know it) for the next natural--or rather supernatural--progression. I wake up everyday with this desire to change my life, my world, my job, my home, my friends, so much so, that I don’t enjoy anything around me. And, that is not a testimony to how good You have been to me. And, that is a travesty because You have been more than good to me. You have been so amazing. And, I adore You and I am sorry for taking who You have been to me and what You have done for me for granted because it doesn’t look the way I think it should look. Have you ever felt God say those words to you? I feel that You are saying them to me right now. Stop striving. Stop surviving. Start thriving. Take a step back and enjoy where I am and stop trying to get to the next place. Stop listening to the voice (even if it is my own) that says I am supposed to be something or do something different. Life is not a to-do list, filled by accomplishing one goal after another; it is a journey with one goal, and that is to praise and please You. Being still: Easy? Hard? What do you think stands in the way? It is certainly easy to say and think I will be still while I am sitting in my house, in my pajamas basking in Your Glory. If and when I face the world later on, I do not know if I can stay in this place of peace and calm. As I said, I have a desire to feel ‘in control’ that is in direct conflict with my need to give up control. I mean I know giving up control doesn’t meant wondering mindlessly and aimlessly, but that’s what I did for a while, thinking it is what You wanted me to do. I keep thinking there is some formula, but I’m just going through the motions and waiting for you to change my life instead of being grateful for everyday and every moment of wisdom. I live for attention and acknowledgment, but praise and honor belong to You, not me. I know I cannot thrive without You because it involves facing my own insecurities, other people and Satan (although, I don’t think Satan can hold a candle to what I can do to my own self-image and self-esteem). I need You. I know that You are in my heart and You have been since I accepted You in my life. But, I have been acknowledging You and yet, living like You’re not there for way too long. This reflection actually inspired my song, "Living Like You're Not There." As I prepare to go into another school year, I think at times, I need to go back and reflect on the lessons I have learned so that I can be prepared for what may come. I certainly do not want to go back (see William McDowell, I Won't Go Back), but I will look back to press forward, stop striving and start thriving! Ms. EV How will the introverted girl who does not enjoy talking to strangers ever meet someone? That is the million dollar question! Let’s get something straight: I am not a hermit. I have a social life, not a super active one, but I do not stay in my house waiting for someone to come, knock on my door and sweep me off my feet. I give many men the opportunity to find me. I go to work (not that I would date anyone there), church, sporting events (cannot wait for football season to start), I play trivia on occasion, and I take myself out to dinner. Nonetheless, I have been encouraged by others to step out of my comfort zone, so to that end, with a little shot of courage and a Living Social deal, I decided to try speed dating. Boy, when I step out I step way out!
Why speed dating instead of online dating? I have heard some positive feedback about online dating, but I have heard more negative feedback, so it is not something with which I am comfortable, but to each his or her own. Not to mention, every time I fill out one of those surveys on matching sites, it tells me I am too specific. Sorry if I know what I want; I have had plenty of alone time to figure it out. Also, like many of my male counterparts, I am a visual person and if a person is sitting in front of me, there is no mystery as to whether or not they are embellishing the truth about their outer appearance. I know it sounds superficial, but I am a human being and one of the many things I desire in a mate is that I am physically attracted to him. I also liked the idea of speed dating because it’s only six minutes per person, and then, if you don’t want to, you never have to speak to that person again. You also get to meet several people all in one setting instead of meeting one person at a time. So, I arrived with no expectations and a sick feeling in the pit of my belly. The first bell rang, we were given our instructions, and then I met thirteen different men. And, when I say different, they were very different. I knew that only about half of them had a remote chance because that is how many appeared to be taller than me. However, the others were helpful in allowing me the opportunity learn how to talk to strangers, show off my sense of humor, and learn how to be cordial even when I want to run. Of the ones that met the height requirement, one was too old, three were not attractive for various reasons (i.e. not wanting kids, smoking, recently divorced and noncommittal), and that left three. I had great conversations with all three, which was a good start. As the process ended, I tried to reflect on what I learned. First, I learned that I cannot be anyone other than who I am and there is nothing wrong with that. Next, I learned that even as the years go by, there are some things on which I am not willing to compromise and there is nothing wrong with that (see Superficial or Super Specific). I also learned that even though I took the initiative to attend the event, I still want to be pursued, so if someone wants to really get to know me, he will have to make the first move. Most importantly, I learned that I have to trust that God is not going to keep anything that is good for me from me. It would be nice to write that I had this adventure and I met the man of my dreams, and we are experiencing this beautiful romantic courtship that I am sure will lead to marital bliss and a family of my own. But, the fact that I cannot say that does not mean that this was not a successful venture. I sat in a room full of strangers and had conversations; a few of them were uncomfortable, but most of them were fun. That is a victory for me. I did not have my security blanket people to help me (although my BFF was available by text in case of emergency), and I did not break out into hives or start hyperventilating. That was a success. I have no idea how or when I will meet my future husband, but I am so glad that I already know my Present Help (Psalm 46:1). With each day, we grow closer and I am confident that no matter what happens in my love life, I already have the Love of my life. Ms. EV I love rain. Well, I love rain if I am inside of a building and I don’t have outside plans. A good steady rain is like the perfect sleep symphony. You hear the raindrops tapping against the windows in a perfect rhythm that could only be God’s design. The sky darkens to a grayish shade. I am hard-pressed to stay awake in an overcast setting with that melodic sound. While rain, in actuality, feels harmless, and maybe even relaxing, again when you are inside, a storm brings up a whole other set of feelings. When you add thunder and lightning, tornado warnings, and power outages to the rain, it is not so great anymore.
When I looked at the weather this morning, it described Tropical Storm Debby as a stalled storm. The meteorologists are not sure how long this storm will hover over our area. All they know is that it is unpredictable and slow-moving. When I read that, I thought, “That sounds like some of the storms in my life: unpredictable and slow-moving.” When the rain first started yesterday, we were inside, so it was the perfect soundtrack to a nap. Before most storms, it seems like everything is alright. During the periods in our lives where the rain is still peaceful, we should take the opportunities that God gives us to rest. I am not saying sleep all day; however tempting that might be, but rest in Him. We should read His Word, listen to His voice and meditate on what God has for us, so that when the storm comes, and it will come, we are prepared for it. Being well-rested is key to surviving a storm because you never know how long it will take to ride through the storm. After the peaceful rain came the lightning and thunder. Have you ever watched lightning? I think lightning is beautiful…from faraway of course. It just seems to form these cracks in the sky and then there is a bright light through the darkness that exposes everything around for a brief second. In our spiritual storms, when the lightning comes, we start to crack open and be exposed. Those insecurities and indiscretions in our lives are exposed, even if only for a brief moment. There is enough of this amazing light to show the parts of us that we did not even realize were hidden. The lightning reveals enough to trigger the thunder. Sometimes it sounds like loud shouting and sometimes like quiet rumblings. In either case, it is like all of the voices that vie for our attention. Some are louder than others. Can we drown out the negative long enough to hear the positive? Can we silence the know-it-alls long enough to listen to the One who knows it all? Following the lightning and thunder, we were subject to a tornado warning. If only we would heed the tornado warnings in our spiritual storms. You know, that feeling in the pit of your belly that tells you that everything is about to spin completely out of control. There are actions we can take during the warning to protect ourselves from the harmful effects of a tornado, but once we get caught up in a whirlwind of disobedience or deception or despicable behavior, it is too late to minimize the damage and destruction. Usually in these storms, where it is heavy rain, tornado or hurricane, there is a power outage. I cannot stand a power outage. It is during those times that you realize just how much you rely on being plugged into a power source. Sure many items can run on batteries, but if the battery runs out before the power comes back on, those items are useless. The same thing happens in a spiritual storm. Perhaps, we feel plugged in to God’s power until we are tossed around a bit. Then, like Job, we are wondering where God has gone. He has not gone anywhere, and the good news is that we can plug into Him anytime we want to, even in the midst of a storm. He is waiting for us to reach out to Him. We know that in life there will be storms. There will be tests and trials that come to make us stronger and more prepared to face the next challenge. Nonetheless, the storms in our lives maybe unpredictable and slow-moving like this tropical storm we are experiencing right now. Coach and I broke up almost four years ago. At the time, I thought we would get back together when we had a chance to calm down. We did not, and I have not been on a date since our last date (some of which has to do with my elevated values, but I do not get asked a lot). Four years ago, I did not think that I would still be very single and not even close to having a family of my own. Four years ago, if I had known where I would be right now, I probably would have broken down even more than I did. So, thank God, I did not know because that version of me would not have been able to handle the news that I would not be married and have a baby by 35. However, over four years, my relationship with Christ, through this stalled storm, has grown closer than ever. I have come to understand that God truly knows what is best for me and He will keep me in the midst of the storm. Though it may not feel like it, all storms can bring a blessing, even when they are stalled storms. Just hold on to faith, rest in God, explore what He exposes, listen to His voice, heed His warnings, and plug in to His power. Your stalled storm has nothing on your Savior. Ms. EV A roadblock is barrier or barricade on a road, especially one set up by the authorities. They can be intentionally placed because of construction or an accident, or they can be the result of something outside of anyone’s control like a fallen tree or a sink hole. In either case, when you meet a roadblock, you have to decide what to do. There are usually two options we are left pondering while we sit in traffic headed toward the impending obstruction of our route. Turn back around and wait for a better time to complete your mission or take a detour and complete the mission (just not in the way we had envisioned).
When you are actually driving, the choice may be clearer, depending on purpose of your trip in the first place. However, in the figurative sense, when you are faced with a roadblock on the path to your goals, the choice between turning around and taking a detour is a very serious choice. If you turn around, does it show a lack of faith or does it show that you are being cautious about where you are headed and when you might get there? If you choose a detour, does it signify perseverance, a win-at-all-costs attitude and determination or does it signify a lack of faith when you decide to call an audible (sorry, I miss football) and take another route so you can get to where you think you deserve to be. This is not something that we can take lightly. I am known to analyze and overanalyze every decision I make. I plan my spontaneity. It does not even matter what type of decision it is: relationships, financial, career, ministry; if I hit a roadblock, I am taking whatever amount of time it takes to decide the next course of action. Even if it means sitting in proverbial traffic with people honking at me about what I should be doing, I will pray and consider my options carefully. It is not out of a lack of faith; it is because I want to be sure of whether God is saying no, go, or take it slow. Sometimes, we think God is taking us in one direction, but He has another plan. Sometimes He needs to get our attention because we have taken His plan and put our own spin on it. Whatever the case, the roadblock is there for a reason. Maybe God wants to know how deeply you want to reach this goal. Maybe you’ve been barreling full steam ahead and have not stopped to assess whether or not you are still on God’s path for you. Maybe God wants to know how deeply you want Him. The only way to know the reason is to go to God and ask Him what He would have you do. Notice I said ask God, not your parents or your pastor or your friends. If God wants you to hear from those people, He will make it so, but depend on Him to answer the question. At times, that answer will come instantly and clearly; other times, you will have to wait. But, whatever the answer and whenever it comes, and whoever delivers the message, it will be what is best for you. A roadblock is not the opportunity for you to quit; it is the chance for you to quiet your mind and seek God’s direction. Ms. EV I was challenged yet again by a Girlfriends in God devotional in my inbox today and here is my response. I hope that it can bless and encourage you about the storms in your life. Check out Girlfriends in God when you have a chance .
Challenge: Read 1 Peter 4:12-13 "Do not be surprised at the painful things you are now suffering. These things are testing your faith." (ICB) In your own words, describe the testing you are going through today in your life. How is it testing and strengthening your faith? Response: My main tests are being single and childless. I never thought that I would survive four years of singleness. But, I am approaching four years this June and I am thankful because God proved to me that, with Him, I can survive. I will be alright. I thought the depression of being alone might kill me when I was younger. It was that thought that twisted my mind into thinking that getting married very young was a good idea. If I took the opportunity then to get married, I wouldn’t have to ever be alone again. But, because I didn’t listen to God, I experienced an even more painful loneliness. I experienced feeling alone while in a relationship, a marriage. The heartache is even more brutal when you are alone and attached at the same time. Morally, it is wrong to seek comfort in another person while you are married, so you either have to continue to battle loneliness and become a young divorcee (which was the ultimate failure in my book at the time) or commit adultery. I did the latter. I am not proud of it and it led to even more pain because not only was I being rejected by my husband, the man who I sought for comfort also rejected me because he lost respect for me. How could either of them respect me when I didn’t even respect myself? All of this was the result of me not wanting to be alone. Nevertheless, praise God that I realized that I am never alone. The loneliness that made me cry to myself to sleep at times is the very thing that pushes me into the arms of the Master. When I was younger, I didn’t want children. As a child, I didn’t get along with other children, and I felt my time was better spent on achieving my goals. So, when I had a pregnancy scare at eighteen, I prayed, “God, I would rather not be pregnant now and never have children, than to be a teen mother.” Unmarried, teenage mothers were looked down upon. I was one of the people looking down upon them, and now, I was the one who might be in their shoes. At eighteen, it seemed like a harmless prayer because I didn’t want kids and I never thought that I would. When I got married, for the few months that we were happy, I could see myself having my husband’s babies and we weren’t trying to get pregnant, but we weren’t not trying either. I am grateful that I didn’t have his child and I know that there were a lot of prayers from people who loved me and saw what I could not see that help that to happen. I have had several health issues that are threats to my fertility and every year when I see the doctor, I get a little nudge that I might want to think about when I am going to start a family because I am running out time before I am high risk. But I am not even dating anyone, let alone married. And, I do not want children by myself. I want a family. I want a husband and then children, which is what I wanted when I was younger, but I went about it in all kinds of wrong ways. That subconscious prayer haunts me and tests me every time I start feeling my maternal instincts. Did God listen to that prayer or did He realize I was being ridiculous? I have asked for forgiveness and I have to believe that He has forgiven me for the sin and the request. So, now I wait on a husband on a child. Whether it happens or not, He is still God. He still knows what is best for me. I believe that my desire to love children has helped me grow into a better aunt and a patient teacher. And, should I have children, I have learned lessons from watching other parents for such a long time, that though I am sure I will still make mistakes, maybe they will be few. I have asked God to take the desires to be married and have children away from me several times. I say, “God, if it’s never going to happen, I am fine with that plan for my life, but please take the desires away.” They haven’t gone anywhere, so these trials are testing and strengthening my faith. I have to believe that God’s Word is true when it says that if I delight in Him, He will give me the desires of my heart. The more time I am without a husband and children who may break my focus, the more time I can dedicate to God; the more I can learn to delight myself in Him constantly and consistently, so that my family will be an addition to my abundant life not a substitution for God’s presence in my life. Challenge: Read 2 Corinthians 6:6 (NLT) "We have proved ourselves by our purity, our understanding, our patience, our kindness, our sincere love, and the power of the Holy Spirit." This verse lists the qualities God wants to create in us through storms that come our way. Which ones are present in your life? Which ones is He trying to produce in you today? Are you willing to let Him do so? Response: The qualities that these storms have produces in my life are purity. I am not inclined to mess up on that again. I have made the mistake enough times to know that God does not bless disobedience. I have developed an understanding of who God is, how God loves and what God wants from His children. I very much feel the power of the Holy Spirit working in my life and being a Comforter and a Guide. I have grown more patient, but I can still grow in that area. I am a kind-hearted person, I have learned how to be softer and gentler, but I do still have a short fuse that contradicts with what is actually in my heart. I am willing to let God continue the work that He has started and I know that He will finish. His Word tells me so. I know that when He knows I am ready, He will move me forward to the next step in my life. Ms. EV So, I took a step out on faith and pursued my dream. I had no idea what the outcome would be. I knew that I had extremely high hopes. I knew what I could envision happening. I knew I wanted someone to recognize my talent. But, in the end, I don’t know if that happened. What I do know that is my life is in God’s hands. I know that for the first time, I went to an audition, gave it my best, and didn’t feel the least bit rejected or disappointed when I didn’t get the outcome for which I had hoped. That was a victory. I also felt so much love and pride from the most special people in my life. That was a victory. I did not cry. If you know me at all, you know that was a victory. Even in the face of what some people would envision to be a failure, I can still see victory.
But, what about the dream, what is next? It is a fantastic feeling to know that I have overcome my hesitancy to try for things because I do not like rejection. It is a wonderful feeling to know that I have so many people that support and believe in me. It was a triumphant feeling to not even be able to conjure up a tear of sadness. Still, I feel like there is unfinished business. So, what do I do? I have made enough mistakes in my life to know that I should not take any action without prayerful consideration. I have also missed enough opportunities in life to know that I should not give up on my dreams or set them on the backburner. I know that my true passions in life are Kingdom-building enterprises. My goals are focused on God’s glory, so at His appointed time, I will be used in a way that is appropriate. All I can do, the best thing I can do, is pray and listen, wait and work. As I pondered the question, “What’s next?” a song by my favorite gospel artist came to mind. What Shall I Do by Tramaine Hawkins: What shall I do? What step should I take? What move should I make? Oh Lord, what shall I do? I’m going to wait for an answer from You, I have nothing to lose. Oh Lord, what shall I do? I know You’ll come through with a blessing for me. Please Lord, set my soul free. Oh Lord, what shall I do? After that song popped into my head, I heard my mom talking about a situation that broke my heart, and immediately, a song began to form. And, there I was pursuing the dream again. Not in such an overt way as the day before, but I was being obedient and listening. The dream is not dead, it is not even delayed; it will come true right on time and be exceedingly, abundantly above all that I could even imagine, so until then, I’m going to wait…For I know He’ll come through. Ms EV |
About Ms. EVWhen you have elevated values, it is not about being snobby; it is about living victoriously! Archives
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