I have been on a bunch of retreats for various reasons. On many teambuilding retreats, there is an exercise called the Trust Fall. In this exercise, one person volunteers to blindly fall into the arms of another person or group of people. The person must face forward, without looking back and just fall. The idea is that you must trust the other person or the group of people to catch you when you fall. It is out natural human instinct that if we don’t trust someone during this exercise, that we will physically prevent ourselves from falling. In those instances, it shows the other person or persons involved that there is not enough trust available to surrender.
For years and years, I have had the dream to pursue a career in writing and songwriting. Last year, I started this blog just so that I would have a forum to share, in writing, the wisdom that God speaks to me. For so long, I thought that the only way to be a writer was to have a publishing deal and that nothing I wrote meant anything if I didn’t have that type of deal. When I started the blog, I didn’t know how much I would write or how often, I just started. I closed my eyes, spread my arms out wide, and fell backwards. I trusted that God would do whatever He wants to do with this. There have been times when I have been discouraged and have considered putting an end to this blog. There have been times when I have thought that maybe I am sharing too much of my life with complete strangers. And, every time I have those feelings, I get some sort of encouragement that I am doing the right thing. This is the easy part. The harder dream is the songwriting one. I think I am just more sensitive about the music that I have been inspired to write. Now, feels like the best time to move forward because, before now, I never knew the steps to start my music career, but suddenly, I am finding out information and seeing paths that seemed to be hidden before. It is somewhat scary, though. It seems like there is so much more to lose. This is one of those big Trust Falls; not the kind where you lean back into the arms of a friend, but the kind where you stand on a really high platform and fall into the arms of some co-workers that you barely know. The good news is that I am not falling into the arms of strangers; I am falling into the arms of Jesus. And no matter how vulnerable I feel, no matter how big a risk I take in pursuit of the dream, as long as I know I am following God’s lead, I can close my eyes, spread out my arms, and fall. I am at a stage where it feels like I won’t stop falling, but I know that no matter how far I fall, I can trust Jesus to catch me. I will land safely, and so will you. So, take all of your dreams and trust God with them. Take a leap of faith; He will catch you. Ms. EV
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For the foreseeable future, Ms. EV's Blog will feature music from Toni LaShaun Music. Today's song is Don't You Worry. This song was written in 2004, just after I had graduated from law school. The dream career that I thought I would have for the rest of my life was not what I wanted, I was VERY single for the first time in a long time, and I was living with my parents. I have always been known as a worry wart, but I needed reassurance that everything would be okay. I found that reassurance in Philippians 4:4-9. It has been a long journey, but as I rejoice and think on praiseworthy things, God continues to work my circumstances out for my good. Ms. EV Don’t You Worry (Philippians 4:4-9) © Copyright 2004 Toni L. Wortherly Worry sneaks up in your mind Like a thief in the night Robbing you of your Godly peace You can’t see everything will be alright But if you kneel down and pray Thanking God everyday He will lead to the light He’ll help you to the other side Don’t fret or worry You don’t have to The Lord will never fail you Don’t you worry ‘bout a thing He is able to take care of you Don’t you worry ‘bout a thing For I know the Lord will see you through Doesn’t matter what’s going on with you He fixed it for me, He’ll help you too He’ll always step in on time Whether health is failing or bills are due So think of things that are pure and just And in sweet Jesus put all your trust Cast cares on Him for He cares for you With Him, there’s nothing you can’t do Don’t fret or worry You don’t have to The Lord will never fail you Don’t you worry ‘bout a thing He is able to take care of you Don’t you worry ‘bout a thing For I know the Lord will see you through Rejoice rejoice In every trial you go through Rejoice rejoice The peace of God will be with you Rejoice rejoice Even when things are getting hard Rejoice rejoice Make your requests known to God Don’t you worry ‘bout a thing He is able to take care of you Don’t you worry ‘bout a thing For I know the Lord will see you through If you enjoy the music you listen to here, you can purchase and download the song in the Toni LaShaun Music STORE.
If you are an artist interested in recording any of these songs, collaborating or having a song written for you, please contact [email protected]. When I was 24, I was on vacation for spring break and my “boyfriend” at the time said that he might come down to see me during the break. I found out that his favorite team was going to be nearby, so I tried to give him a call to see if he would want to come see them. I called and left a message. Hours went by and I got no response. I tried to call again and got no answer. I called the house phone and kept calling until his roommate answered and told me to stop calling because he was trying to sleep; he did not, however, give me any indication about my guy’s whereabouts. I started panicking. Had he been in an accident? Was he in a hospital with no identification?
He called the next day. I was relieved until he ripped into me about how irrational it was to continue to call him when he wasn’t answering. It never crossed my mind that he just didn’t want to speak to me. I jumped to some pretty illogical and catastrophic conclusions. This was not the first time that this had happened; the jumping to horrific conclusions and being so panicked that I could not breathe thing was a normal part of my existence. And, I thought it was normal to everyone until he called me crazy. That was what it took for me to seek help. I went to a doctor. He made a diagnosis and I began treatment. One of the parts of treatment involved some breathing exercises. The results were not immediately better, but over time, I got better. Now, though I have an occasional bout of anxiety, it is no longer crippling. Now, when I am faced with situations that cause me to start down a slippery slope of disaster and panic, there is a quiet voice that whispers, “Just breathe….” As I inhale and exhale, it gives me the opportunity to calm down and to reflect on the fact that God is in control. The situation may not always have the results I desire, but they will always be the best results. Earlier this year, I was driving home and the decision I made by faith and obedience to cut off a source of income was weighing heavy on my mind. I started to panic, imagining that my cat and I would soon be homeless, but then I heard, “Just breathe…” and I calmed down. I remembered that there has never been a time when God has abandoned me. The issue was not solved immediately. I did not get another source of income that I was counting on earlier in the school year. I did not go to the mailbox and discover a random check. I had to tighten my budget, tithe, and trust God. Fast forward five months, God is in the process to replacing my source of income with an even better, more convenient work opportunity and I will be earning more than I was before. God is just good like that! So, while you may not suffer from an anxiety disorder, the next time you, or the devil, tried to get you all riled up over the circumstances that surround you, just breathe. With each breath, think of a time when God saw you through a situation from which you saw no escape. Think of the many times that God looked out for you when you could barely look out for yourself. Reflect on His goodness and just breathe. Ms. EV Since I talked about my Joy Bella on Christmas Eve, I will use her as a subject again today. Because I got Joy a few days before Christmas, her annual cat exam is always a day or two after Christmas. I do not know if this only applies to my cat or if they are all like this, but Joy hates being in her carrier and riding in the car. The only way I can take her to the vet, though, is to subject her to both of those things. So, the annual trip causes a bit of anxiety for both of us because I can’t stand to hear her cry (in case you are not aware, cat cries are quite pitiful).
This morning, as I prepared to take her to the vet’s office, which is literally across the street from my house, so if we catch the light it takes about three minutes to get there, I tried to calm myself down, so she didn’t feel my anxiety. After the first two years that I had Joy, she has been pretty healthy, but, unlike a child who can communicate when something is wrong, there is no way for me to know if there is something going on with her health until I take her to the vet. In my head, I was thinking of all the possible things that could go wrong, not to mention the wailing on the way to the vet and I started to get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Then, I remembered that God said to cast ALL my cares on Him. And, when He said ALL, He meant ALL. So, I picked up my cat and I said, “We’re going to pray about this before we go.” Of course, she looked at me like I was being ridiculous because I swear she understands everything I say. Nonetheless, I prayed that God would calm her down in the car and in the vet’s office. I prayed that she would be healthy ad receive a clean bill of health. I prayed that the bill would be something that I could handle. Different people have different stances on how God feels about animals, but it does not even matter because I know how God feels about me and I love and care for that little animal and He loves and cares for me and that for which I love and care. So, I trusted that He would answer my prayer. And He did. In five trips to the vet’s office, my cat has never been calmer. It only took me one try to get her in her carrier. She did not cry in the car. She was a little talkative in the waiting area, but quickly calmed down. She was sweet with the vet. As I waited for all her test results, I started to feel some nerves, but I prayed again. I asked God to let everything come back normal, and, if it was not normal, to be the Provider that I know He is so that I could take care of my cat. Everything was normal; Joy is completely healthy. I even found a way to save some money in taking good care of her health. All of my prayers were answered and I just kept thanking Jesus! Sometimes, we don’t ask God for things because we are afraid that they seem ridiculous. But, even when it seems ridiculous, whether to you or someone else, if it is a concern of yours and you are a child of God, He wants you to bring it to Him. Just as there is nothing too big or too small for God to handle, there is nothing too mundane or too ridiculous for God to handle. Trust God to be who He promised He would be. He does not lie; He listens and He is faithful. Ms. EV God is not man, one given to lies, and not a son of man changing his mind. Does he speak and not do what he says? Does he promise and not come through? Numbers 23:19 (MSG)
For much of my life, I was known as a worry wart. Not the kind of worrying normal people do, but I had a paralyzing sense of fear over the smallest details. In my mind, little problems turned into catastrophes in a nanosecond. For example, if there was thunder, I thought the sky was falling. If I felt sick, I thought it was an incurable disease. When I was a senior in high school and had not ever had a real boyfriend, I thought no one would ever love me or want to marry me. When I was younger, I thought everyone thought this way. About ten years ago, my anxiety had such a tight grip on me that I suffered from insomnia and paranoia. I finally decided, with the help of some of my inner circle, that it could not be normal, and I sought help. After some therapy, I was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder. I was so conflicted about this diagnosis because, as a Christian, we are not to have fear or anxiety or worry. But remember, those of us who are saved, are in this world, but not of this world. As long as we are a part of this world, we are subject to the trouble of this world, which includes illness – even mental illness. But, praise God that He created doctors, therapists, and medicine. There is no shame in seeking help. It does not make you less of a Christian. That is something that the devil would have you believe, so that you can stay sick. I knew that there was an issue, so I followed the treatment plan of my doctor, and I got the issue under control. I have been fine for years, but recently, I started to feel that old familiar feeling of paralyzing, worrisome thoughts. Only this time, I knew that it was irrational and it was nothing but the devil trying to distract me and throw me off my path. How do I know this? Because the anxieties that were, and still are, going through my head are blatant lies. And, I know that there is nothing to even be concerned with because God, my Father, cannot and does not lie. And, God, my Father, has told me that I have nothing to worry about or fear. And, God, my Father, has told me that He will never let anything happen to me that I cannot handle. And, God, my Father, told me that He will never leave me or forsake me. So, anytime thoughts cloud my mind about having a desperate need or being devastated or abandoned, I know they are lies and God does not lie. Ms. EV Today’s Vacation Bible School verse is, “Praise the name of God forever and ever, for He has all wisdom and power” (Daniel 2:20 NLT). The lesson for today is the account of Daniel being thrown into the lions’ den. If you are unfamiliar with the story, the text is in Daniel 6. So, as I listened to the song I will teach later and looked at the theme for the day, “Amazing! God’s Power Over Circumstances,” I thought, “Do I really believe that God has control over every circumstance?” Yesterday, I wrote about God having control over everything and nothing being too hard for Him; however, if we really believe this, then we should never lose any sleep over our problems.
Anyone who knows me knows that I love to sleep. And, I thought I was the sleep champion until I got my cat, Joy Bella. When I first brought her home, having never taken care of a pet on my own and knowing nothing about cats in particular, I was concerned that she seemed to sleep almost all day. At first, I thought maybe it was because she was a baby. Have you ever watched baby’s sleep? They are so peaceful; they do not have a care in the world. They sleep until they have had enough rest, not tossing or turning, not begging their mind to stop racing. Hence, the phrase, “sleep like a baby.” That is the kind of rest God wants us to find in Him. He wants us to be so assured that He has all wisdom and power, that when we are overcome by exhaustion, we can enjoy peaceful rest rather than become so tired that it is difficult for us to be used for His glory. After a few days, Joy’s sleeping habits continued to concern me, though so, I did some research on cats. I found out that they sleep for about three-quarters of the day, in little spurts (hence, the term “cat nap”) and mostly during the day. I observed Joy Bella, and found that she could fall asleep anywhere. Sure, she has her favorite chair and window perch, but if something or someone (me) is in her way, she simply finds another place to rest and peacefully goes to sleep. The television can be on, music can be blasting, I can be on the phone; it does not matter. When Joy wants rest; she gets it. And, I wish I could be more like that. I wish that I could find rest no matter where I am and no matter what circumstances are going on in my life. I am definitely better at this than I used to be. When I first got divorced, I had a lot of anxiety about being alone again, not to mention I was in law school, which brought on its own set of issues. One day, I realized that I had not slept for more than two hours each night. I went to bed, but I knew when each hour passed because I was looking at the clock. I spoke to a doctor who let me know that I was suffering from insomnia, which I later found out was a symptom of a larger issue; I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. The good news is that I got treatment, I recovered, and then I got rest. But, it was embarrassing for me, as a Christian, to have let fear and worry overcome me so much. It did not end there; I was better, but every once in a while, I find myself back in the grip of anxiety. And, my problems are nothing like what Daniel was facing. Daniel did nothing wrong. All he did was stand up for God and live in obedience to His command. As a result, Daniel was revered and prosperous, which caused him to have some haters. The haters set Daniel up and forced the king to have to throw him into the lions’ den. Now, I mentioned I have a cat, when she playfully scratches me or bites me, it hurts! So, imagine what actual lions could do. This was a serious circumstance! But, Daniel trusted that God knew what He was doing and rather than staying up all night fearing what the lion would do to him, Daniel fell asleep on lion pillows. Most of the time our problems do not involve possibly being torn limb from limb, but I know that when it is your circumstance, no matter how insignificant it seems to others, it is huge to you. Let me encourage you, there is no problem too large or too small for God. When you are facing an unfavorable situation, do what Daniel did. Turn your problems into pillows. Ask God to work it out. Trust that He will work it out. Then, get some rest. Rest is an act of worship. It is us showing God that come what may, we need not lose sleep because we know that He never sleeps or slumbers and that He has all wisdom and power. Grab hold of your lion pillows and get your cat nap on because God has it all under control. Ms. EV God is not man, one given to lies, and not a son of man changing his mind. Does he speak and not do what he says? Does he promise and not come through? Numbers 23:19 (MSG)
For much of my life, I was known as a worry wart. Not the kind of worrying normal people do, but I had a paralyzing sense of fear over the smallest details. In my mind, little problems turned into catastrophes in a nanosecond. For example, if there was thunder, I thought the sky was falling. If I felt sick, I thought it was an incurable disease. When I was a senior in high school and had not ever had a real boyfriend, I thought no one would ever love me or want to marry me. When I was younger, I thought everyone thought this way. About ten years ago, my anxiety had such a tight grip on me that I suffered from insomnia and paranoia. I finally decided, with the help of some of my inner circle, that it could not be normal, and I sought help. After some therapy, I was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder. I was so conflicted about this diagnosis because, as a Christian, we are not to have fear or anxiety or worry. But remember, those of us who are saved, are in this world, but not of this world. As long as we are a part of this world, we are subject to the trouble of this world, which includes illness – even mental illness. But, praise God that He created doctors, therapists, and medicine. There is no shame in seeking help. It does not make you less of a Christian. That is something that the devil would have you believe, so that you can stay sick. I knew that there was an issue, so I followed the treatment plan of my doctor, and I got the issue under control. I have been fine for years, but just this week, I started to feel that old familiar feeling of paralyzing, worrisome thoughts. Only this time, I knew that it was irrational and it was nothing but the devil trying to distract me and throw me off my path. How do I know this? Because the anxieties that were, and still are, going through my head are blatant lies. And, I know that there is nothing to even be concerned with because God, my Father, cannot and does not lie. And, God, my Father, has told me that I have nothing to worry about or fear. And, God, my Father, has told me that He will never let anything happen to me that I cannot handle. And, God, my Father, told me that He will never leave me or forsake me. So, anytime thoughts cloud my mind about having a desperate need or being devastated or abandoned, I know they are lies and God does not lie. Ms. EV |
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