Even when I am surrounded by people, I can still feel neglected. Because, when the day is over, or the event is over, and the dust settles, I walk to my car alone, drive to my house alone, and sit in my house…alone (with my very spoiled cat, of course). I just want to experience having a relationship again. I know I am supposed to be content with what I have. I know that God knows what is best for me. I know that God has a plan. The fact that I know all of this is why I feel even worse about feeling this way. I have to question whether I have done something wrong, or I am not spending enough time alone with God, or if this is just one of those trials that is preparing me to move forward. In the past, I would usually have some other great triumph in some other phase of my life that I could look to and be grateful for that made it feel a little bit better that I have to be alone in this time period. But, lately, I seem to be at a standstill in almost every area of my life.
Usually, this would be the part where I would say, “but then…” and provide some update to how things have changed dramatically and I wish I could, but there is no big update. I have taken in the sermons about love and I have asked God to reveal to me what I need to know concerning the preached Word. I have learned that the love that I show is not perfect; it is a work in progress and I have to learn to love in the way that God intended us to love. I have realized that my relationship with God is the most important relationship I could ever have because without His love, grace and mercy, I do not know how I would survive. I have ascertained that I need to allow God’s love to be the motivating force in my life. My situation has not changed, but God’s love has not changed either. He never said this life would be easy, but He did say that He would never leave me. And, I know that things could be much worse, so I will continue to praise and continue to love, and I will be sure to give Him the glory now and on the other side of this trial. Ms. EV