So, it’s not a secret that I love music. And, Stephanie Mills’ song, “Never Knew Love Like This Before,” is currently stuck in my head. No, you did not miss the newsflash; the kid is still single. Nevertheless, I am celebrating the love that I sometimes take for granted; the love of Jesus Christ.
You see, sometimes, I get caught up in the world and what it has to offer. Sometimes, I look around and feel sorry for myself because I don’t have the kind of relationship that I desire. Sometimes, I feel sad because I think I have never truly experienced what it means to be in love. But then, I am reminded that, although I am single, and my earthly relationships have not been successful, I do know what it feels like to fall in love. There is something so awesome about falling in love with Jesus. When I think about what my life would be like without Him, I cannot help but love Him more. When I think of all the times He has forgiven me, I cannot help but fall deeper in love with Him. When I think about how He has never given up on me, even though others did, I cannot help but feel a sense of joy and peace from the inside; the likes of which no man can give. This kind of love, peace and joy can only come from Jesus. One more piece of amazing news is that you can fall in love with Him over and over and over again because, everyday, He gives us more and more reasons to love Him. He gave His life, so that we could live despite our faults, flaws and failures. He still believes in us. Even the best love this world has to offer is no match for that kind of love. You can search your whole life for the perfect wife or perfect husband or You can open up your heart to Jesus and let Him supply all you will ever need. I choose Jesus…’cause I never knew love like this before!!! Ms. EV
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For single people, friends often become an integral part of everyday life. Whether our friends are from work, school, the neighborhood, our childhood, they each have their own purpose and place in our lives. Some are there for support, some are around for fun, and some keep us accountable to God. But what happens when your life and your friends don't match anymore? How do you decide who to hold dear and who to let go?
As children of Christ, there may be times when we realize that as we grow in Christ, some people who were once close, do not understand our growth. Do we continue to allow those people in our lives? Do we allow them to mock the faith that we hold dear? How do we tell them that we are changing and this is no longer acceptable? Can we make them understand that we still love them, but we love God more? These are real questions...that I am praying about. What I do know is that as much as I love my family and my friends, when it comes down to it, NO ONE is there for me like Christ. No one loves me like He does or shows me mercy like He does or is faithful like He is to me. It is human nature that we will let each other down, and that is forgivable, but it is not acceptable to allow any "friend" to pull you down, or to push you back into a place from which God has delivered you. Real friends will understand that. Ms. EV Usually when I hear something more than once in a day, there is a lesson in it. I read a devotion yesterday about how animals are yoked together, a weaker one with a stronger one, so the stronger one can pull the weaker one along. Then, as my sister and I were reflecting on watching my oldest nephews’ teammates play basketball, we talked about how some of the guys just do not seem to understand teamwork. And last night, when I was on a radio show for NFLFemale, the burning question of the night was about whether individual players should pursue personal records or try to stay healthy for the team’s playoff run. So, all of that led me to really think about working as a team.
I, though not always of my own choice, am somewhat of a loner. I despise group work or group projects because many times I feel like other people get in the way. I like to be in charge, okay let’s just call it what it is, I am bossy. So, in order to not subject too many people to my bossy nature, I prefer to do things on my own. At my job, I am the only person who teaches my subjects, so while everyone else has to work with a team, I am a “unicorn;” the other unicorns and I get together, but work on our own planning and projects. Sometimes I think I have gotten way too comfortable with being by myself because I have to force myself not to opt for solitude and interact with other people. But, there was a time when I needed to be surrounded by people to feel whole, so I am grateful that I have moved away from that. As much as I sometimes think the world would be a better place if there were a bunch of me running around, that is clearly not how God intended for His children to be. In 1 Corinthians 12, Paul says, “A body isn’t just a single part blown up into something huge. It’s all the different-but-similar parts arranged and functioning together” (The Message translation). No matter how awesome we believe we are at certain tasks, we were all meant to work together. We are blessed with strengths in some areas, not to brag or boast to others or to show off, but to help those who not as gifted in those areas. Likewise, there are areas in our lives in which we are weak and we need someone else to help us along. Going back to the basketball game, not everyone is talented at ball handling, so usually you have two guards who can handle the ball, one to orchestrate the offense and one to shoot from the outside areas of the court. You have forwards and a center who might not be able to dribble as well as others, but can defend the hoop, rebound or set picks to give the other players more room to operate. But, if one player decides that he is never giving up the ball, it makes the defense’s job really easy. They know they can just pressure that one player and create a turnover. Now, you might get a few plays where it works to have one player take the ball all the way up the court, drive to the hoop and score, but more often than not, players need their teammates to be successful in an entire game. I have to check myself because it is very hard for me to ask for or receive help. I do not like to delegate, and when I do, it is only to those I am pretty confident will do things just like I would. That can cause me to be a lot more stressed out than I have to be in high pressure situations. It might not affect us as much on a few projects, but over a lifetime, it can make this life a lot harder than it has to be. God is so merciful and He did not place us in the world to do life alone. First of all, He gave us Him, in the manner of the Holy Spirit, to lead and to guide us into all truth. We often try to figure things out on our own, but God did not take Jesus and leave us with no answers. If you belong to Him, He is there to answer every question, every moment of every day if you listen. God also surrounds us with people who can do what we cannot do and people who need the skills we possess. Sometimes, we are so focused on being independent (so that we don’t have to share credit) that we forget teamwork makes the dream work. Be a team player. Allow others to share their strengths with you. Share your strengths with others. That is they way that God meant for us to work together and build His Kingdom. Ms. EV Just the other day, I was remarking about how if adults want children to act a certain way, they should model that behavior. The comment came from watching a specific adult. This particular person has made it clear that whining will not be tolerated. This adult has made it clear that if the child or the parent or guardian of the child whines about any policies, that child will not get the same opportunities as others. Now, I am a whiner at times, you know, squeaky wheel gets the oil, and I believe that when you feel that something is not right, you should point it out. Is there a better way than whining about it? Absolutely, but sometimes one gets so frustrated that the legitimate observations he or she is making come off as whining. I truly understand both sides of the issue.
Nevertheless, as I watch this adult in high intensity situations in which this adult is the focus of many, including those who are, at times, admonished for their behavior, I noticed that the behavior exhibited by this adult is the very thing that this individual tells the children not to do. There is yelling, screaming, and whining when this person does not get what this person wants and it is constant. The children see this and I see them acting and reacting in the same way. Why? Because, even though they have been warned and/or punished by this adult, they still like, respect, and look up to this adult. So, whatever behaviors are exhibited, and this adult does have great qualities, like being fun-loving and friendly, but the children emulate all of the behaviors; the good and the bad. There is a great lesson to be learned from this. I do not know about anyone else, but me, so I will speak to my experience. Sometimes, I am so focused on my best qualities that I fail to notice when I exhibit my worst qualities. I expect that those around me will pick up on the best insights that I have to offer, but they will ignore the insults that so easily slide off of my tongue. I expect that the people over whom I have some influence will see me setting, seeking and reaching goals and will be inspired to do the same. I forget that they might also see me seeking validation from all of the wrong places and they may think that nothing they do is fruitful unless someone else cosigns. I want them to see me when I am being generous, but to turn a blind eye when I hold grudges. Everyone has their sphere of influence. We must be careful that we are examples, especially, if we are Christians. I said something last night in front of my niece that should have never entered my mind let alone come out of my mouth. Sure, I laughed because it was funny at the time, but then, this morning, I thought twice about it and realized that I need to be an example of how to be hilarious without being inappropriate or insulting. I am not suggesting that people be fake; be who you are just be mindful of who is watching you and how you may shape that person’s idea of Christ-likeness. If we want the people around us to behave a certain way, we need to give them a proper example. We all have the greatest example of how to act and react in any situation in Christ Jesus. Sometimes we wonder where the children (or even adults) around us get their worst behavioral habit. Well, I am reminded of an old ‘Say No to Drugs’ commercial where a father grills his son about why he is doing drugs. The son responds, “I learned it by watching you!” You might not be lighting up a joint in front of impressionable young people, but your bad habits can be just as contagious. So, be an example; it matters not whether you are dealing with your own relatives or someone else’s, just set a good example. Then, not only will you be cleaning up the junk in your life, but you might just help someone else live a better life as well. Ms. EV I do my best to try to be aware of where my weaknesses are. I know that I am not perfect and that I have shortcomings. Some are obvious and others are less blunt, so I often ask God to show me the areas of my life in which I am failing Him. One of those areas is in dealing with adverse people. Mary Southerland of Girlfriends in God calls them sandpaper people. Don't get me wrong, I am a nice person. I have been told that I am compassionate, genuine, and loving. But, when it comes to the people who seem to exist only to unnerve me, sometimes I fall short in the area of Christian love.
I know this is an issue because yesterday I mentioned to my mother that I may need to work on my people skills. I was in a situation where I found myself getting very frustrated with someone who asked me for help, and then, did not want to listen to me when I tried to give help. I have a feeling that my frustration was very obvious because, just like I do not have the ability to hide pain, I also have very little ability to hide the exact emotion I am feeling. Even though I was talking to my mother about the issue, I have a sneaking suspiscion that God overheard our convo (just in case you are wondering, I do realize that God hears everything). This morning, when I got to work I saw a person who not only annoys me, but goes out of his way to annoy me. I would prefer to have this person pretend that I am invisible because everything that comes out of his mouth is obnoxious. I have tried to ignore him. I have even tried, as recently as a few days ago, to be nice to him. But, there he was this morning as I arrived at work, pre-Coke Zero, to make another snide remark. I don't even know what I retorted, but I do know that it was accompanied by the yuck face and a possible eye roll. A couple of hours later I was reading a devotional and it spoke about making peace with people. OUCH!!! "But, I tried, Lord! I was nice to that dude the other day. I even smiled a genuine, not forced, smile. Surely, You can't mean him; he doesn't even recognize when I am trying to be peaceful." Even in the midst of my heart plea, I was wrong. And, I am still not really sure how to fix it. I don't want to brush off the obnoxious comments because I don't want this person to think that it's okay. Ignoring him is not going to fix it. Reacting adversly doesn't fix it either because even though I have had words with this guy and my friends have told him he is a jerk to me, he continues to act foolishly. Though I don't know what to do about this particular person, I am confident that God has the answer and He will guide me to it. Nonetheless, the issue is bigger than this one person. I don't want anyone to view God in a bad light because of how I treat other people, so I have to watch my actions and attitude towards others, especially obnoxious others. I figure if God can put up with the way I act and the things I say, I can learn to love in spite of. It is a process and I am sure I am not the only one who has to deal with those people. One thing is for sure, if you ever start thinking you have it all together and you ask God to point out your flaws, He will make them clear to you. The question then becomes what are you going to do about it. I have a few days to figure that out before I have to deal with this particular person again. But, in general, we have to keep love and peace in the forefront of our hearts and minds because some people are just too willing to let the devil use them to try to trip us up. Don't let the devil win! Ms. EV Growing up with siblings, it is inevitable that at some point, one or more siblings will have what one or more other siblings want. The items can be anything from toys to candy to clothes to money. Now, if you are the sibling who wants the commodity, you face the dreaded task of having to bargain with your sibling for said commodity. You know the drill, “I’ll do your chores for a week,” “I won’t bother you while you’re on the phone with your friends,” or “I won’t tell mom and dad that you were…when they thought you were…;” seems like it’s all about leverage with siblings. But, sometimes you have nothing with which to barter, and you are just hoping that your sibling will let you have or borrow whatever it is that you need. If you are the sibling with the hot commodity, you are in a fantastic situation. You can choose the payoff for the prized item. And, if there are multiple items from which to choose, you get to pick which one to let your sibling have or borrow.
So, in this scenario, if the sibling receiving the item would prefer to have a different item, but has no leverage, the phrase, “Beggars can’t be choosers,” is often used. What this means is that, because one is in a needy position, he or she should be content with whatever item is acquired. After all, he or she is the one in need with nothing to offer in return. How then does someone with nothing to offer have the audacity to make demands about a loan or a gift? Having been in this situation with family members, friends, and students, I understand what it is like to offer assistance to someone who is in need only to have them tell me that they want something more or different. So, I get why people use this phrase in certain contexts. However, this idiom should never be used toward or by someone who is waiting on God for a blessing. It occurs to me, as I expand my visibility in the dating world, that I have a very specific “someone” for whom I am waiting. If you pinned me down, I could make a list, but honestly, I just know if someone will be a good fit for my quirks. I actually am glad that I have a lot of idiosyncrasies. It narrows down the amount of people I have to wade through to get to the right one. I am beginning to think that there may actually only be one person who can fit the mold. And, that is fine by me because: a) I only need one person to fit the mold; and b) I will know that this person is sent by God because it is really difficult to be the person I desire to have in my life. I am 34 years old. I am divorced and I have no children and a ticking biological bomb (yes, I meant to say bomb and not clock). I would love to have someone with whom I could go to dinner or cuddle on the couch or go to karaoke or sporting events. But I am not a beggar, and therefore, I can be a chooser. I once was a beggar. I was a desperate girl who just wanted to be in a relationship, so I compromised. I compromised who I was, what I wanted in life, what I deserved and what I believed in on more than one occasion for the sake of not being alone. But, at this point in my life, I have been alone for so long, that it would just seem silly to start making compromises now. I hear this all the time, “I’m not saying lower your standards; I’m just saying be more open. You never know where love will come from.” Um, actually, I do know where love comes from; it comes from God. He is the same God that I talk to all day every day; the same God that knows me inside and out and know that I am weird--er, um unique. God knows exactly what I want and what I need. I don’t think I hear Him saying, “Girl, sending you a man that fulfills all of your desires is just too hard for Me. Can you ease up a bit?” Rather, I think God is saying, “I made you who you are and I know you. You will know who to choose because you will know that I sent him because he will be the perfect one for you.” My best friend says, “Every pot has its lid.” And, I cannot help but think of my parents, who have been together for thirty-nine years. They are so different from each other, but they understand each other’s quirks and they are each other’s best friend. They don’t try to change each other. Okay, well my dad tries to get my mom to try weird food, but he would never leave her because she is not like him and vice versa. I am not a beggar, and beloved of God, neither are you. So, wait for what you want. Being a chooser does not make you uppity, suddity, bourgeois, or ungrateful. It makes you a human being who knows what he or she wants and trusts God to deliver on His promises. Now, run and tell that! Ms. EV “Cultivate your own relationship with God, but don’t impose it on others. You’re fortunate if your behavior and your belief are coherent. But if you’re not sure, if you notice that you are acting in ways inconsistent with what you believe—some days trying to impose your opinions on others, other days just trying to please them—then you know that you’re out of line. If the way you live isn’t consistent with what you believe, then it’s wrong.” Romans 14:22-23 (MSG)
For the last couple of weeks, I have been trying to find a day where I could just take a break and have some “me time.” Now, that might sound strange for someone who spends sixteen to seventeen hours everyday weekday by herself. One would think I have plenty of “me time.” In reality, even though I am physically by myself for two-thirds of the day on most days except Sundays, if I spend any amount of time at work or tending to a church activity, the people and projects that I deal with in that time span get a lot of my attention even when they are not around. So, I decided a couple of weeks ago, that I needed a day for myself because I was starting to feel worn down and just out of touch. Today is that day. My not going to work today would not hinder my students’ progress or my interns progress; it would be a day that a capable substitute could handle, so I took a mental health day. I’m not sure what I am going to do with the rest of my day, but it was clear that as much as I sleep, I am not getting enough rest because my body took three extra hours this morning, despite being interrupted by my cat and my nephew. I knew that if I went much longer without some time to myself that my mind, body and spirit might be impacted, so I am glad that wisdom prevailed and I decided to take a day before I was forced to take one due to some breakdown. There are a lot of other people who are busier than I am. In addition to work, they may go to school, have children to raise, work on a lot of social or church committees, work out, socialize with friends more. And, maybe they never need a day off and good for them. It took me a long time to figure out that I should not try to be like other people or expect them to be like me. The only perfect model for behavior is Jesus Christ. When I read Romans 14, it convicted me. This chapter spoke volumes to me about my relationship with others and my relationship with God. But, the verses from yesterday’s blog and the ones above really stood out to me. We need to “cultivate [or work on our] own relationship with God, but [not] impose it on others.” This does not mean that we ought not share God with others, but that we ought not expect others to have the same relationship with God that we do. Furthermore, we need to focus on our own relationship and be sure that we are not acting inconsistently because we are too focused on others. Like I said, the minute I am around people and projects, my focus shifts to them. I am so concerned with fixing them that I do not give enough attention to what should be fixed about me. What we all really need to do it to ask ourselves, “Is the way I am living consistent with what I believe?” If we believe the Bible, the living Word of God, our lives should line up with the Word. We should not be manipulating the Word to conform to our will, but living out lives to conform to God’s Will. If we discover that we are living a life that is inconsistent with what we believe, then it is wrong. It is very difficult to make that discovery, though, if we are constantly focused on imposing our beliefs on those who we feel are worse than we are. It is hard to make that discovery when we are in the middle of projects that are designed to impose our will on others. Take some “me time” or rather “me and God time.” We need to really look at your lives and ask if it is pleasing to God. And then, here’s the kicker, listen for His answer, not our own self-righteous answers. Sure, there are people who are living deplorable lives. Yes, we should share our faith. Nonetheless, our faith can and should be shown in our walk. We need to be sure that we are living consistently with what we believe before we impose our beliefs on others and cause confusion about the God we love and serve. Ms. EV Every once in a while God speaks to me through one of my students. I was teaching a lesson about breaking down arguments. First, you identify the claims. Then, you figure out what the conclusion is and what the premise or premises are that support said conclusion. In order to figure out how those premises work together to reach the conclusion, you have to determine if they are linked (dependent) or independent. I hope I haven’t lost any of you yet.
Anyway, I gave the students an example for practice. They needed to figure out the relationship between the premises; whether they were dependent or independent. When I revealed that they were independent, a voice rang out, “No, they are not; they have to go together!” I resisted the urge to remind the student that I am the teacher, I had the answer key, and I had done this same question three times, so I knew what I was giving the correct answer. Instead, I explained that, while the statements made a stronger argument together, each statement could stand on its own and make sense with the conclusion. Just then, a young lady said, “I get it. It’s like men and women. We don’t NEED each other, but when two get together sometimes they are stronger.” This is what I call a “light bulb moment.” God allowed a fifteen year old to make the issue of earthly relationships so plain to me. And, this doesn’t just apply to romantic relationships. Any child of God who is living wholly and fully in God, can stand alone and make sense. However, he or she can stand with another believer, whether it is a husband, family member, friend or fellow worshipper, and become even stronger. So, while we may feel that we have to be together because together we feel stronger, wiser and better, we are able to stand alone and still make sense. On the other hand, one cannot take God out of the equation. When we are not linked to God, not only do we not make sense, but nothing makes sense. Think about a time in your life when you felt that you were not connected to God. Did anything make sense? If it did, I would challenge you to examine your relationship with Christ. I know that in my life, in some dark times, things did not make sense because I had moved away from the One to whom I should have been linked. And, other times seem like dark times because I am want so desperately to be linked to someone else, when I am perfectly capable of standing alone with God. It is clear that now is not the time that God desires for me to have certain connections. He wants me all to Himself, and that is perfectly fine because, as long as I stay dependent on Him alone, everything will start to make more sense. I am sure my student has no idea the impact her words had on my present situation, but I thank God for her and for wisdom and understanding. Ms. EV When I was writing Pray While You’re Prey, I was at a very peaceful place in my life. I was living within God’s will for my life, trusting Him and obeying His commands for my life and my testimony. Vulnerabilities and intimate details of my life, that would normally be sacred, became my stepping stone to reach out to others. God helped me use my idiosyncrasies and indiscretions to try to help others avoid the pitfalls that I had experienced in my life. Naturally, because I read the Bible, I felt that because I was delighting myself in the Lord, that He would give me the desires of my heart (Psalm 37:4). …How could my desires and God’s plan for my life be so different?
I have not heard an audible reason as to why I’m still single and why I’m not a best-selling author and internationally sought-after speaker, but if I had to put what the Spirit is revealing to me into words, it would go something like this: “Your wish is not God’s command, Ms. EV. Guess what? He doesn’t answer every prayer with ‘yes.’ Sometimes He says ‘wait,’ and sometimes, He says ‘no.’ You cannot expect God to bless you with His unlimited power when you are still limiting Him to your ‘wishes’ and not yielding to His will. God is not a superhero to swoop in and save the day after you have landed yourself in a mess. You cannot just send up your beacon of praise in times of trouble and expect Him to rearrange your circumstance to make you more comfortable. Quite frankly, dear, the bottom line is that God cannot begin to bless you beyond your imagination until you acknowledge that no matter what, God is enough for you.” His plan is to lead me into my best life. My plan was for Him to give me what I want because I thought that’s what I needed to do His will. Amazingly, God knows more about what I need than I do. He knows what is around every corner. He knows the best timing for every aspect of my life. Case in point, as a child I always wanted to play basketball, but I never made a team. I even got mad at God for denying me a dream. However, a few years ago, I found out that I was born with a condition in my knees, and had I played basketball during middle and high school, I would have had to have my knees replaced. God knew that and I didn’t, but He protected me, even while I was mad at Him. God also cannot reveal everything to me all at one time because it would blow my mind and I might not take the road He has prepared for me. For example, if I had known that I would become a teacher, I am not sure that I would have ever gone to law school. But law school gave me an invaluable skill set, which includes presentation, critical thinking and writing skills that make me a better teacher. Imagine what God can and will do when I accept where I am in life, and let God be God. One of my favorite sayings now is, “We plan and God laughs.” He can laugh because His Word says, “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11) So what if I am single forever? Ms. EV Am I Going to be Single Forever, Part II
When I was writing Pray While You’re Prey, I was at a very peaceful place in my life. I was living within God’s will for my life, trusting Him and obeying His commands for my life and my testimony. Vulnerabilities and intimate details of my life, that would normally be sacred, became my stepping stone to reach out to others. God helped me use my idiosyncrasies and indiscretions to try to help others avoid the pitfalls that I had experienced in my life. Naturally, because I read the Bible, I felt that because I was delighting myself in the Lord, that He would give me the desires of my heart (Psalm 37:4). …How could my desires and God’s plan for my life be so different? In recent years, God has been showing me through the actions of others toward me, exactly how I treat Him. God has allowed me to be used for my talents and abilities by people. And in my rants about how why anyone would be so inconsiderate, God quietly reveals to my spirit that I use Him and sometimes have the nerve to try to manipulate Him into giving me what I want. God has allowed me to be left out by people with whom I thought I had a close relationship. And while tears ran down my face at the audacity of people making me feel like I don’t belong or I am not good enough, God reveals that I choose to leave Him behind all the time. He has shown me how painful and destructive disobedience can be by allowing me to experience how much it hurts when people are disobedient to my wishes or hurtful towards me. If I cannot stand seeing the people I love being swallowed up by sin—with what seems to be no desire to change their situations—even in situations where the sin is not directed at me, I can only imagine how God feels when I, His daughter, His friend, am disobedient. And, to top it off, my sin is directed at Him. Every time I sin, I am saying, “God, your commands aren’t good enough to follow.” Every time I engage in behavior that is not pleasing to Him, I am saying, “God, you’re not my friend who is looking out for my best interests.” Every time I don’t stand up for God, I am exhibiting the same exact behavior that brings me to my knees, feeling sorry for myself. I cannot even begin to count how many times my sin has said to God, “I don’t need You.” Or, “I don’t trust that doing things Your way is the best way.” Or, “I don’t believe that You are who You say You are.” God has also allowed me to experience both unrequited love and loving people more than they love me. God has shown me in these situations that I often say and do whatever I have to gain His favor, but my heart is not in the right place. He has also shown me how it feels to Him when I don’t appreciate all that He has done for me. He has shown me how it feels when I don’t praise Him. He has shown me how it feels when He gives me His best and I don’t give my best in return. God has shown me how it feels when He is not enough for me. God wants me to desire Him, not His characteristics or His revelations, but just to desire Him for who He is. He has the same desire for His relationship with me that I have in my relationships with other people. When I love people, I want the person that I am to be enough. I love God, but I don’t always show Him that His person, not just His personality, is enough for me. So, it leaves me to ponder if I would be willing to reveal my innermost thoughts and plans to someone if I felt that they had no interest in me, but were just using me for what I could do for them. Would I be willing to give my best to someone who is only giving me just enough to keep me hanging on, but is not fully committed to me? I would and have turned away from people who have done that to me, but God is too gracious and too merciful to give up or turn His back on me. He simply continues to pursue my heart and wait for me to come to my senses. (Revelation 3:20) He also helps me deal with the consequences that I have brought upon myself through my actions. Ms. EV |
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