In teaching my students about bureaucracies, I asked them if they liked to work in groups. I went on to tell them that, even though, most colleges and jobs assign you to work with groups, that it is very difficult for me to work with other people. I often joke that my kindergarten report card had all E's (for excellent), but the only comment was, "Does not work well with others." For a long time, I thought it was a character flaw. As I grew older, I realized that I am a perfectionist (read, I have OCD with certain things) and I am an introvert. So, it is very difficult for me to delegate or even ask anyone for help.
Fast forward to my current life, in which, I constantly find myself in situations where I have to work with other people. God knows how to make you grow, even when you are perfectly comfortable with your quirkiness. It is still not easy for me to ask for help, though, so it only happens when I really truly cannot complete something on my own. Besides my slight case of OCD and introvertedness, I also do not like rejection. I am still learning how to deal with it. Recently, I asked a group of friends to help me with a venture. Some responded favorably and have been an amazing amount of help. Others ignored me completely. At first, I was hurt. I was especially hurt by those that I had gone out of my way to help. But then, on Sunday, my pastor preached about God opening and closing doors. I realized that it wsa okay that people did not want to help or support me in my endeavors because God has placed the exact, right people. I realized that it does not mean that these people do not care about me or my success, but that God knows who to use to help me and who would be a distraction. God knows who would be my Peter, and who would be my James and John (please look it up, if you don't know what this means). A couple of days after the sermon, I was watching a tv show and there was a person singing one of my favorite songs, "I Can't Make You Love Me" by Bonnie Raitt. I just started singing the chorus over and over. It was a reminder. Those who are going to be in my corner are going to be there. Those who are not, I can't make them want to support me. I can't make them love me or my work. God knows the right people to let in my life at the right time. And, I am thankful that he leaves some people on the other side of the closed door. Trust me, you don't want anyone involved in your endeavors that is going to steal God's glory, whether they mean to or not. So, when God starts having people back away from you, be grateful. He knows what He is doing and He knows what is best for you. That being said, I am so thankful for those who, without being begged, poked or prodded, have continued to support and push me, knowing that it is difficult for me to even ask for suport. Praise God for the closed doors, even when people are involved! Ms. EV
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A few years ago, I felt very deeply hurt by someone extremely close to me. As a result, I limited my contact and conversation with the person to try to ease my pain. It did not mean that I did not forgive the person or that I did not love the person, but it seemed to me to be too painful to let the person get as close to me as we once were. What started as me protecting myself became a grudge. Instead of just being cautious, eventually, I became callous; doing my best to exclude this person from as much of my life as possible. I felt completely justified at the time.
Then, while attending a workshop, I heard the question, “Have you ever been hurt or felt betrayed by someone you love?” I was quick to identify with the notion. The overseer of the exercise went on to ask questions like, “Do you still love that person?” and, “Does that person still love you?” and, “How would you react if something happened to that person and you never saw them again? What would be the last interaction that you had with them?” At this point, I started crying my eyes out because, as much as I could point to the pain of feeling hurt by this person, just the thought of anything happening to this person presented a much deeper and more catastrophic type of pain. I began to think if I could live with myself, look myself in the mirror, and know that this person’s last thought of me might be one of me being filled with contempt rather than compassion. I knew I could not begin the road to rebuilding the relationship without God’s guidance and help. And, though we are not nearly as close as we used to be, I know that my love is obvious. I know that if we don’t have a tomorrow together, I have made it known how much I care. And, that is really all we are in control of when it comes to others. Some people are hard to love, but we love them anyway. When we put it in perspective, we should be able to say, “If God can love someone like me, then I should be able to love anybody.” And when we love, we have to love past hurt feelings and feelings of betrayal. That is not an easy thing to do, but God is able to guide us through it. I know because He did it for me. Many times, when we are hurt by those we love, we tend to think that time will heal the wounds, but we are not promised any amount of time on this side of Heaven to make things right. Think about the grudges you hold against the people you love. Think about how you treat them as a result of the pain they imposed. And, even though, you feel justified in punishing them or protecting yourself from experience that type of pain again, think about this: what if you don’t get to fix it? What if there is never another opportunity to say, “You know what, I feel like you were wrong when you did this…. It hurt me. It hurt me, especially because I love you and I know you love me.” Or, vice versa, what if you are the person in the wrong? Think about how it would feel to know that all you had to say was, “I apologize and I love you,” but pride got in the way and now, you will never get the chance. This is not really about the reaction of the other person. This is about you. Can you live with yourself if that person leaves this earth and thinks that you hate them (whether they are right or not)? Can you live with yourself if the last impression that person has of you is you treating them cruelly? I knew I could not do it. So, I asked God to help me move past anger and resentment. I sought God to help me forgive because He is the author of forgiveness. He pulled me through it and He would do the same thing for you. Don’t put yourself in a situation where you don’t get a chance to fix it. Make the choice today to repair what is broken and I promise it will feel like a thousand tons of weight is lifted from your shoulders. Forgiveness and love are the way to go; if not, there would have been no need for Jesus to die on a cross to save you and me. Ms. EV For single people, friends often become an integral part of everyday life. Whether our friends are from work, school, the neighborhood, our childhood, they each have their own purpose and place in our lives. Some are there for support, some are around for fun, and some keep us accountable to God. But what happens when your life and your friends don't match anymore? How do you decide who to hold dear and who to let go?
As children of Christ, there may be times when we realize that as we grow in Christ, some people who were once close, do not understand our growth. Do we continue to allow those people in our lives? Do we allow them to mock the faith that we hold dear? How do we tell them that we are changing and this is no longer acceptable? Can we make them understand that we still love them, but we love God more? These are real questions...that I am praying about. What I do know is that as much as I love my family and my friends, when it comes down to it, NO ONE is there for me like Christ. No one loves me like He does or shows me mercy like He does or is faithful like He is to me. It is human nature that we will let each other down, and that is forgivable, but it is not acceptable to allow any "friend" to pull you down, or to push you back into a place from which God has delivered you. Real friends will understand that. Ms. EV I want to take the time to thank all of my real, true, genuine friends. God has blessed me with some amazing people. Each one serves a different function. I have a friend who listens to everything I say, rarely interrupts, doesn’t try to solve the problem, but doesn’t let me get away with being evil either. I have another friend who never fails to help me love me for me, who will wallow with me and lift me right back up all at the same time. I have a couple of friends who always seems to know when I need support and when I need to be left alone, who are generous and selfless, and who I think believe in me more than I do. I friends that I know pray for me even if we don’t talk for a while, who hold me accountable to God’s standards without being preachy. I have some friends who seems to smile no matter what is going on, who can just brighten the day by being around; we don’t have to do a whole lot of talking, but we just get along.
This is a just a sampling of some of my closest friends. I have many others, who, though we always think of each other, our schedules never seem to jive; yet, I know they have my back and we love each other with a love that no one else could understand. Some of my friends are related to me, some of my friends are just as close as family. Regardless of the bloodline, one thing is true of me and all of my friends, we are better together. My friends are pretty awesome people on their own, but when we combine, we are unstoppable! Not to slight any of those friends, but there is one Friend, who has and will always be there for me. He is the only friend of mine that I can say for certain would lay down His life for me because He already did. I can’t even imagine why He would want to be my friend. I am so unworthy of the kind of love, grace and mercy that He shows; nonetheless, He still calls me friend. With Him, I am at my best. Apart from Him, I exist, but my existence has very little meaning. I am so very grateful to God for my very best friend, Jesus Christ, and for all of my other friends. We are just better together! Ms. EV Yesterday was Mother’s Day, a time to celebrate the mothers and mother-figures. I thank God everyday, sometimes several times a day for my mom (and my dad). I love both of my parents and I don’t know why God chose to allow me to be born to these two amazing, Godly people, but I am so grateful that he did. Daddy will get his tribute next month. For now, I just want to take the time to praise God for my mother. My mom is one of my best friends. We talk everyday, except for when she leaves me and goes on cruises, and there is no reception—longest weeks of my life! I think that, other than God, my mom is the only person who knows everything there is to know about me and still loves me.
I cannot tell you how many times I have read Proverbs 31, and thought, “How could this author have known who my mom would be?” Everything that you can think of when you think of a good mother – nurturing, supportive, selfless, generous – is possessed by her. She hasn’t had a “job” for over fifteen years, but she is one of the hardest working people I know. She is a personification on the love of Christ to me. She sacrifices willingly, she listens carefully, and she chastises lovingly. She and my father have taught us how to make the most of what we have. She has shown me how to be a loving and compassionate wife, and one day, if God wills, I hope to be at least half as awesome a mother as she is to us. She also reminds me of Ruth. When she was younger, she took the chance of leaving everything she knew to have a better life. If she had not done that, she would not have met my father and I would not be writing this. She reminds me of Esther. She stands up for her children. My mother is a beautiful and quiet person, but do NOT mess with her husband, parents, children, grandchildren or siblings. On our recent trip to Atlanta, there was a situation where she felt that people were being disrespectful to me. I tried to ignore it, but not my mommy. Have you ever seen a mama bear when her cubs are threatened? I did that day. And, I thank God for her because she will stand up for me when I cannot or am too timid to do so for myself. Growing up, everybody thought I would be like my dad and I do have some traits that are clearly his, but the closer my mother and I grow, I realize I am becoming more and more like her each day. I have two wonderful parents who have some fantastic qualities that I love having and want to instill in my progeny. I have known many people who have strained relationships with their parents, or do not even know one or both of their parents. I have known many people who had parents that may have been supportive, but for all the wrong reasons. I have known many people whose parents do not know Christ. So, there is never really a time when I am grasping for something to praise God for because all I have to do is think of my mommy and daddy and what a blessing they truly are to me. Ms. EV For single people, friends often become an integral part of everyday life. Whether our friends are from work, school, the neighborhood, our childhood, they each have their own purpose and place in our lives. Some are there for support, some are around for fun, and some keep us accountable to God. But what happens when your life and your friends don't match anymore? How do you decide who to hold dear and who to let go?
As children of Christ, there may be times when we realize that as we grow in Christ, some people who were once close, do not understand our growth. Do we continue to allow those people in our lives? Do we allow them to mock the faith that we hold dear? How do we tell them that we are changing and this is no longer acceptable? Can we make them understand that we still love them, but we love God more? These are real questions...that I am praying about. What I do know is that as much as I love my family and my friends, when it comes down to it, NO ONE is there for me like Christ. No one loves me like He does or shows me mercy like He does or is faithful like He is to me. It is human nature that we will let each other down, and that is forgivable, but it is not acceptable to allow any "friend" to pull you down, or to push you back into a place from which God has delivered you. Real friends will understand that. Ms. EV |
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