In one of my latest writings, I came up with several new definitions of what it means to be a single servant of the true and living God. S_____ IN G_____ L_____ E_____... And, since we're only one week from Single Awareness Day (a/k/a Valentines Day) let’s take a look at some of these new definitions over the next few days. Today's definition is specifically geared towards divorcees, but if you have never been married, you can pretty much plug in any action that you have taken that still haunts you.
Sanctified IN my Gracious Lord’s Evaluation – 1 John 1:9 God is faithful to forgive me and purify me. When I confess my sins to God and ask for His forgiveness, I am clean is His sight. He wipes the slate clean. That is difficult to understand because of the grudges that people continue to hold against each other. It is even more complex when I think of how hard it is for me to exonerate myself. One of the worst decisions that I ever made was to get married, and I have carried the guilt of divorce with me for nearly ten years. So, for my sake and all of the other Christian divorcees, I needed to see what God says about divorce, so that I could finally put my guilt and shame, which is no way brought on by God, to rest. Last Thursday, in Part 1, I talked about the Old Testament's view of divorce. Today, I will look at the New Testament and give my thoughts on what all of this means. The New Testament is a little more hopeful than the Old Testament…emphasis on “little” Matthew 5:31-32 – "Remember the Scripture that says, 'Whoever divorces his wife, let him do it legally, giving her divorce papers and her legal rights'? Too many of you are using that as a cover for selfishness and whim, pretending to be righteous just because you are 'legal.' Please, no more pretending. If you divorce your wife, you're responsible for making her an adulteress (unless she has already made herself that by sexual promiscuity). And if you marry such a divorced adulteress, you're automatically an adulterer yourself. You can't use legal cover to mask a moral failure…” Bad news: Before Jesus died, I was considered an adulteress. Matthew 19: 4-9 – He answered, "Haven't you read in your Bible that the Creator originally made man and woman for each other, male and female? And because of this, a man leaves father and mother and is firmly bonded to his wife, becoming one flesh—no longer two bodies but one. Because God created this organic union of the two sexes, no one should desecrate his art by cutting them apart." They shot back in rebuttal, "If that's so, why did Moses give instructions for divorce papers and divorce procedures?" Jesus said, "Moses provided for divorce as a concession to your hard heartedness, but it is not part of God's original plan. I'm holding you to the original plan, and holding you liable for adultery if you divorce your faithful wife and then marry someone else. I make an exception in cases where the spouse has committed adultery." Good news: Though divorce was not in the original plan, God made an exception is cases of adultery. What does all of this mean? Does God really forgive me? If I believe the Bible, and I do, God absolutely forgives me. God is not fickle as we humans can be. God does not want us to wallow in guilt. He wants us to learn from our mistakes, and follow His path. He shows this throughout the Bible. Psalm 103:6-18 (The Message) says, "God makes everything come out right; He puts victims back on their feet. He showed Moses how he went about his work, opened up his plans to all Israel. God is sheer mercy and grace; not easily angered, he's rich in love. He doesn't endlessly nag and scold, nor hold grudges forever. He doesn't treat us as our sins deserve, nor pay us back in full for our wrongs. As high as heaven is over the earth, so strong is his love to those who fear him. And as far as sunrise is from sunset, he has separated us from our sins. As parents feel for their children, God feels for those who fear him. He knows us inside and out, keeps in mind that we're made of mud. Men and women don't live very long; like wildflowers they spring up and blossom, but a storm snuffs them out just as quickly, leaving nothing to show they were here. God's love, though, is ever and always, eternally present to all who fear him, making everything right for them and their children as they follow His Covenant ways and remember to do whatever He said." 1 John 1:8-10 (The Message) says, "If we claim that we're free of sin, we're only fooling ourselves. A claim like that is errant nonsense. On the other hand, if we admit our sins—make a clean breast of them—he won't let us down; he'll be true to himself. He'll forgive our sins and purge us of all wrongdoing. If we claim that we've never sinned, we out-and-out contradict God—make a liar out of him. A claim like that only shows off our ignorance of God." The Woman at the Well (John 4:7-26) is one of the greatest examples for women of how God just wants our hearts. This woman would be known as the town whore in most settings, but Jesus didn’t ignore her. She tried to hide her transgressions from Him, but He did not throw her lies in her face and walk away. Jesus took the time to help this woman understand who He is and to show her the true meaning of worship. He forgave her sins and used her to spread the gospel. So, if God can forgive and use a woman who had five husbands and a live-in boyfriend and use her in His ministry, then He is faithful to forgive me for getting divorced and for any other sin that I confess to Him. When God examines me, He sees me through the blood that Jesus shed on the cross, and I am sanctified in Him. So, is my singleness my punishment for getting divorced? Well, Psalm 103:10 says, He doesn't treat us as our sins deserve, nor pay us back in full for our wrongs. When we commit sins, God looks for opportunities to teach us to do better. He does not seek out revenge or retribution; that is a human trait. I now believe my singleness to be yet another blessing from God despite my past sins. At this moment it is not my heart’s desire to be single forever, but I am able to see things more clearly as a contented singleton than I was when I was chasing the ever-elusive perfect relationship. For one thing, I know that the only perfect relationship is the one that I have with Christ. Ms. EV
0 Comments
In one of my latest writings, I came up with several new definitions of what it means to be a single servant of the true and living God. S_____ IN G_____ L_____ E_____... And, since we're only one week from Single Awareness Day (a/k/a Valentines Day) let’s take a look at some of these new definitions over the next few days. Today's definition is specifically geared towards divorcees, but if you have never been married, you can pretty much plug in any action that you have taken that still haunts you.
Sanctified IN my Gracious Lord’s Evaluation – 1 John 1:9 God is faithful to forgive me and purify me. When I confess my sins to God and ask for His forgiveness, I am clean is His sight. He wipes the slate clean. That is difficult to understand because of the grudges that people continue to hold against each other. It is even more complex when I think of how hard it is for me to exonerate myself. One of the worst decisions that I ever made was to get married, and I have carried the guilt of divorce with me for nearly ten years. So, for my sake and all of the other Christian divorcees, I needed to see what God says about divorce, so that I could finally put my guilt and shame, which is no way brought on by God, to rest. What does the Bible say about divorce? Well, in the Old Testament, it does not look promising for a divorced woman.
The New Testament is a little more hopeful…emphasis on “little”
What does all of this mean? Does God really forgive me? If I believe the Bible, and I do, God absolutely forgives me. God is not fickle as we humans can be. God does not want us to wallow in guilt. He wants us to learn from our mistakes, and follow His path. He shows this throughout the Bible. On Monday, I will post the second part of this blog for divorcees...Ms. EV A few years ago, I felt very deeply hurt by someone extremely close to me. As a result, I limited my contact and conversation with the person to try to ease my pain. It did not mean that I did not forgive the person or that I did not love the person, but it seemed to me to be too painful to let the person get as close to me as we once were. What started as me protecting myself became a grudge. Instead of just being cautious, eventually, I became callous; doing my best to exclude this person from as much of my life as possible. I felt completely justified at the time.
Then, while attending a workshop, I heard the question, “Have you ever been hurt or felt betrayed by someone you love?” I was quick to identify with the notion. The overseer of the exercise went on to ask questions like, “Do you still love that person?” and, “Does that person still love you?” and, “How would you react if something happened to that person and you never saw them again? What would be the last interaction that you had with them?” At this point, I started crying my eyes out because, as much as I could point to the pain of feeling hurt by this person, just the thought of anything happening to this person presented a much deeper and more catastrophic type of pain. I began to think if I could live with myself, look myself in the mirror, and know that this person’s last thought of me might be one of me being filled with contempt rather than compassion. I knew I could not begin the road to rebuilding the relationship without God’s guidance and help. And, though we are not nearly as close as we used to be, I know that my love is obvious. I know that if we don’t have a tomorrow together, I have made it known how much I care. And, that is really all we are in control of when it comes to others. Some people are hard to love, but we love them anyway. When we put it in perspective, we should be able to say, “If God can love someone like me, then I should be able to love anybody.” And when we love, we have to love past hurt feelings and feelings of betrayal. That is not an easy thing to do, but God is able to guide us through it. I know because He did it for me. Many times, when we are hurt by those we love, we tend to think that time will heal the wounds, but we are not promised any amount of time on this side of Heaven to make things right. Think about the grudges you hold against the people you love. Think about how you treat them as a result of the pain they imposed. And, even though, you feel justified in punishing them or protecting yourself from experience that type of pain again, think about this: what if you don’t get to fix it? What if there is never another opportunity to say, “You know what, I feel like you were wrong when you did this…. It hurt me. It hurt me, especially because I love you and I know you love me.” Or, vice versa, what if you are the person in the wrong? Think about how it would feel to know that all you had to say was, “I apologize and I love you,” but pride got in the way and now, you will never get the chance. This is not really about the reaction of the other person. This is about you. Can you live with yourself if that person leaves this earth and thinks that you hate them (whether they are right or not)? Can you live with yourself if the last impression that person has of you is you treating them cruelly? I knew I could not do it. So, I asked God to help me move past anger and resentment. I sought God to help me forgive because He is the author of forgiveness. He pulled me through it and He would do the same thing for you. Don’t put yourself in a situation where you don’t get a chance to fix it. Make the choice today to repair what is broken and I promise it will feel like a thousand tons of weight is lifted from your shoulders. Forgiveness and love are the way to go; if not, there would have been no need for Jesus to die on a cross to save you and me. Ms. EV Why is it that the smallest things cause so puch pain? For example, papercuts are excruiciating. It is just the slightest sliver, but it cuts like a knife. Actually, I think a knife might be less painful. For the past couple of weeks, I have been having issues with my left eye. I went to the eye doctor because I felt like there was something stuck in my eye and I could not tell if it was a result of my new contact lenses or if something had flown into my eye. It felt like there was a small rock in it, but I could not rub out whatever it was and no amount of eye drops seemed to help. Honestly, one evening, I was eating some chips and a piece broke off and flew towards my face, so I wasn't sure if it had landed in my eye and was the cause of this turmoil, but it was painful!
I told my eye doctor of my chip theory and he laughed at me like I am sure you are, but I just wanted whatever was in my eye out of it. It literally felt like every time I blinked, this foreign object was scraping the surface of my eyeball. Yep, OUCH!!! So, the doctor put some drops in, flipped my eye lid, pulled out some tweezers and went to work; this was not fun, but I was willing to go through it to stop the pain I was experiencing. Finally, the doctor said, "You have oil pockets in your eyelids, they are like tiny pimples on the inside of your eyelid. Usually, I can pop them, but they won't pop." He sent me away with instructions on how to get them to pop on their own and a new set of contacts. After a few days of following my doctor's orders, I felt some relief. But, last night, out of nowhere, the evil eyelid pimples struck again! It reminded me of my sins! What?!? I know, but hear me out. People constantly, yours truly, try to catergorize sins. Little white lies (not sure if the big ones are black or not, but you get my point). Yesterday, I caught myself gossipping, but it was like I could not stop myself. I reasoned that everything I was saying was accurate, but I knew it was still wrong. Big sins, little, sins, public sins, private sins, and my favorite the, "God knows my heart sins"; we try to categorize sin to make ourselves feel better, but we never think of how it makes God feel. Just like a paper cut can sometimes hurt as bad a slicing your hand with a kitchen knife, your gossiping grieves God just as much as starting a false and malicious rumor. Just like my eye pimples hurt as bad or worse than being poked in the eye with a sharp object, my "little lies" hurt God as much as a murder! And, letting those little things fester can make you miserable. I don't know about you, friend, but I have spent so much of my life focused on how others sin worse than I do. It has made me angry and miserable at times, and has even ruined a few relationships. Rather than categorizing sin or comparing our sins with others, we need to just ask God to show us the things in our lives that break His heart and focus on allowing Him to forgive and heal us in those areas. Not so that we can browbeat our brothers and sisters who aren't there yet, but just so that we can be closer to Him; more like Him. I don't ever want God to think of me as a little pain in the eye. Do you? Ms. EV Ray Charles had a song called, "Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word." I am not sure that is the case. It seems that when people do wrong, they have no problem saying, "Sorry." The problem lies in actually truly meaning it. I think it was in Sunday school a couple of weeks ago that a comennt was made about apologies that really stuck with me: "There is a difference between apologizing and repenting. Both of them mean you regret what you did, but repentance means you will change." This is not the exact statement, but it is the gist of it.
Last week, someone commited an act, not against me, but against two of my family members, which is probably worse in my books. I felt intense anger towards this person's actions, which led to my realization that my anger issues were no longer in check (see Anger Management from yesterday). After the incident, I overheard the person apologizing, "I'm sorry guys...I should have...my fault." I thought, "Wow! That was big of him." And, once I knew that one of my family members had calmed down and the other one would, I calmed down and I thought that this person would do better when he got the opportunity to do so. I was wrong. After, my bold declaration of learning to deal with my anger, I think the devil took offense to me leaving the dark side that I had visited momentarily. The same person did the same thing again and with a much worse reaction this time from one of my family members. With clinched fists, ready to bark, I formulated just exactly which piece of my mind I was going to give this person. Then, I realized that it was a trap. I took a deep breath. I counted to ten. I walked away, called my mother and just snarled for a few minutes. I know that getting angry was not helping my family member and that, if I did say what was on my mind, it would make things even worse. So, I took another really deep breath because my heart seemed as if it would pound right out of my chest. I counted to ten again. Then, I went back to the rest of my family and resisted the temptation to blow up. When I got home, I saw a teaser on the news for a story and it said, "Could you forgive someone who stole millions of dollars from you? Could you thank them for doing it?" It went on to say that there will be a feature story about a beloved local legend forgiving and thanking someone who violated him. Then, as I talked with my best friend, she advised, that to let out my beef with this person that I should write a letter that I never send, so I can get my thoughts out. I retorted that the letter might find its way to the person if I did that. And then, this morning, after having to walk behind and hear the voice of the person who had commited the offense (and, by the way, he did not apologize this time), another devotion in my inbox about anger. So, in an effort to be obedient and move forward, here is what I have to say, "_____, I forgive you. I do not understand why you do things to hurt people, and seemingly do them on purpose. I do not know what joy you may get from breaking people's spirits or if you even realize what a terrible example you are being to young people who go out of their way to respect you and for whatever reason may even look up to you. What I do know is that I pray for my family, and we love God. I know that He is in total and complete control over our lives, not you. I am sorry that I have given you so much power and I pray that my family does not give you anymore power to make them upset or hurt their feelings. In fact, I want to thank you because I did not know that dangerously high levels of anger still existed within me. That is something that I need to keep in check and I thank God for showing me that through your ignorance. I will not harbor any ill will towards you. I will pray that God has mercy on you and your family, and that no one ever treats you the way that you treat other people. I do not expect you to apologize because I am not sure that you have a conscience, but that is between you and God. When it comes down to it, God has control over all things and whatever is best for my family is what God will see through to fruition. Everyone needs a "Pharaoh" to push them out of their comfort zone and help them to depend solely on the one true, God. So, thank you for helping me refocus on Someone who actually has an impact on my life and my family's life." I'm not sure that "Sorry" is the hardest word. But, "I forgive you," that phrase is a doozy. Nevertheless, if Christ can forgive the very same people who crucified Him, we should all be able to forgive those who offend us and those whom we love. It's definitely not easy, but I am going to keep trying because forgiveness brings freedom and peace. And, couldn't we all use a little more peace in our lives? If you are feeling uptight or angry, try to identify who or what is upsetting you, and choose forgiveness, even if the person you have to forgive is you. Then, go weigh yourself because you are going to feel so much lighter with that burden lifted. Have a great weekend! Ms. EV |
About Ms. EVWhen you have elevated values, it is not about being snobby; it is about living victoriously! Archives
March 2016
Categories
All
Copyright Notice© Toni L. Wortherly and Ms. EV's Blog, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Toni Wortherly and Ms. EV's Blog with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
![]() Ms. EV's Blog by Toni L. Wortherly is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. |