I spend a lot of time reflecting on my life, not dwelling, but taking glimpses in the past to see what worked and what did not. Not only and I trying to avoid my past mistakes, but I am also looking for how the lessons I have learned can be a blessing to someone else. When I see someone headed down a familiar path, I cannot just stand by and watch them step in front of an oncoming train of heartache and disappointment. I feel I have to say or do something to get his or her attention. Now, I have learned that the person will not always listen to me, which is fine, hurtful, but fine. Sometimes in life we have to learn lessons for ourselves in order for them to stick. I mean, honestly, I don’t always listen to my warnings, so I can be mad when someone else ignores me. Nevertheless, I hope this blog will continue to help me and will help someone else who is trying to stay on the path to his or her dreams because I have discovered how to get everything you want in life.
Step One: Offer honor and respect where it’s due Step Two: Believe in God’s Word Step Three: Esteem others higher than yourself Don’t push your way to the front; don’t sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don’t be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand. Philippians 2:3-4 MSG Nearly everything in this world tells us to look out for number one, ourselves, before anyone else. We are constantly bombarded with messages that if you don’t look out for you no one else will. Sure, these are not the only messages out there. There are messages of love, hope and helping hands, but are these the messages that are getting the most attention? I would submit that they are not. Just scroll through your Twitter timeline or Facebook newsfeed on any given day and you will see one, if not many tweets and posts about how you should trust no one. Or, everyone is out to get you. Or, you better do whatever you have to do to get ahead because no one has your back. While I agree that there are very untrustworthy people in the world, our trust should not be in man anyway. Our hope and trust should be in God. And, when we hope and trust in God, we cannot subscribe to the theory that we must scratch and claw our way to the top with total disregard for anyone who gets stepped on along the way. Rather God wants us to stop thinking about ourselves long enough to lend a helping hand. As a writer and songwriter, I have tried to ask many people for help. I have sought out people who have walked the path that I am trying to take to ask for advice, or to listen to my music, or to point me in the right direction in the pursuit of my dreams. It was my thought process that any Christian writer or artist would be more than willing to take a few moments to help someone with the desire to uplift the Kingdom. In reality, I rarely receive a response. And, that is fine because my confidence is not in mankind; just because someone is a Christian, it does not mean that they are not looking at you as competition. Eventually, God will lead me to someone who believes in the principle of forgetting yourself long enough to lend a helping hand. Furthermore, knowing what it feels like to be ignored or rejected by people for whose craft I have a great deal of respect, teaches me to never treat anyone else that way; to put others ahead of myself. This is the reason I write what is on my heart to share and I offer it to the world for free. It is not mine to begin with; it all belongs to God, and, as such, if I can share what He gives me in an effort to help others succeed, then I am reaching my goal. Would it be nice to be a New York Times best-selling author or a Grammy-winning, platinum-selling songwriter? Absolutely! Do I desire those things? You bet I do, but not at the expense of forgetting my fellow brothers and sisters because I am too wrapped up in myself. It is more important to me to share God’s gifts than to attain a title (I am sure I will be tested on this later). When it comes to the things you desire, are you willing to spare any cost to get them? Does it matter if you lose friends? Does it matter if you lose respect? Does it matter if you make those who respect you feel that they are not worth your time? God doesn’t give us dreams, gifts and talents, so we can hoard worldly riches and close the doors behind us. He blesses us to be a blessing to others, even if it means we help them get everything we want before we get it. Who’s timing is best? Yours or God’s? Tomorrow, I will finish this discussion of how to get everything you want in life, so stay tuned…Ms. EV
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Last week, I went to get a massage. When I was asked by the therapist what areas on which to concentrate, one of the things I mentioned was that I needed a really good foot massage. My feet were sore, and in my experience, if my feet do not feel good, it is hard for the rest of my body to feel relaxed. When it came time for my foot massage, I notice that the therapist put hot towels on my feet. It was very soothing and it was a nice gesture. The hot towels were then used to rub my feet clean before the actual foot massage. As I laid there, I thought, “They do the same thing when you get a pedicure; your feet are washed before anyone deals with them.” If my job involved people’s feet, I would want to be sure they were clean before I put my hands on them too. I mean I have seen some pretty dirty feet. It is just more hygienic to clean them first and I do not think that anyone would disagree with that. As I thought about this, it led me to a revelation about how the washing of Jesus’ feet was an extreme act of worship.
In Luke 7:38-50, Luke recounts the washing of Jesus’ feet. A woman, described in the Kind James version of the Bible as a sinner and in The Message Bible as a harlot, came to a Pharisee’s house where she knew Jesus was eating. Being in the very presence of the Almighty, she could not say a word, all she could do is weep. But, rather than just weep at Jesus’ feet, she used her tears to wash Jesus’ feet. It was an act of servitude that was modeled by Jesus when He washed the disciples’ feet. When she finished washing His feet, she dried Jesus’ feet with her hair. Now, I don’t know about anyone else, but I am very particular about my hair. I do not like for people to touch my hair without my permission ( I have big hair and I think sometimes people want to see if it is real, so they are tempted to just reach out and touch). So, it is hard for me to even fathom the level of humility it took for this woman to put her hair on Jesus’ feet. However, this is not about worshipping the act of this woman. This is about recognizing that being in the presence of God’s Son caused this woman to abandon any inhibitions about being embarrassed or messing up her look to simply fall a Jesus’ feet and worship. And, she did not stop there. After she dried Jesus’ feet with her hair, she anointed them with very expensive ointment. She could have possibly sold this ointment to make a better life for herself, but something about the mere presence of the Messiah, let her know that by worshipping Him, she would have a better life than she could ever imagine. She had a lot of sin in her life, so she poured out everything she had, and Jesus forgave her sins much to the dismay of the Pharisees. You see, when someone feels they have never messed up (and chances are that they have, but they just do not wish to admit it), or if everything is going well in life, those are the times when many people forget to worship God. However, when you know that without God, your life would be filthy, you cannot help but worship Him. Notice that this woman did not just sit at Jesus’ feet and weep and stop there. She did not have a pity party; she had a praise party. She turned her tears into tools of worship! That is what we need to do, but not just when we feel bad about who we are; we also need to sit at the feet of Jesus and worship when everything is going well. While we cannot literally wash Jesus’ feet and anoint them with oil, we can pour out everything we have in worship. And trust me, you will see what I have learned, there is so much power in uninhibited worship! I figured that since I have already written about driving for two days, I would continue with that theme today. Today, however, I am not talking about the rules of the literal road, but the rules on the proverbial road of life. What drives us? What is transporting us toward our goals? What is motivating us in our relationships with people? What is getting us to a deeper love and understanding of our Master? Are we purpose-driven or profit-driven? Is it wrong to be both?
I absolutely believe that I was meant to publish Pray While You’re Prey seven years ago. The book is my testimony, and, to this day, people tell me that it is helpful to them as they walk the single, Christian journey. While I am confident in publishing the book, I am pretty sure that the way that I handled publishing the book was not the way God would have chosen. With a manuscript that got rave reviews and just enough legal know-how to be dangerous, I very quickly took God’s plan and ran down my own path with it. I tried to get a publisher for the book. I sent out query letter after query letter and got rejection after rejection, so I felt that it was in my best interest to self-publish. I did all of the research of the costs of printing and publishing, gathered a team that was willing to invest time, talent and treasure and I was off to the races. Even with the help of others, I still needed more funding, so I got a small business credit card that had zero percent interest for the first six or twelve months or something, and then, of course had a huge interest rate if the balance was not paid in that time frame. (I should probably mention that at that point in my life, I was two years into my dad’s credit reconstruction/financial responsibility plan from all of the bad financial mistakes I had made in college and law school.) So, here I was with this fantastic testimony in manuscript form and a credit card, so that I could act immediately on my dream. At the time, I felt that by putting the printing and marketing costs (keep in mind that there was no social media) of the books on credit, I was showing God that I was “all in” on this vision. I was ready and willing to take on any challenge. In hindsight, I realize that I just was not willing to wait on Him to provide a better plan for what I wanted to do. So, I had a book release event, got my book in stores and did book signings. I was even on the radio promoting the book. But, as the time started to wind down to the high interest rate on the credit card, my motivation shifted from conveying a message of hope and encouragement to getting that cash money honey. I did not handle the moderate success that I had with the book very well. I expected people to come out in droves to my book signings and invite me to speak all over the country. And of course, once Oprah got a hold of the book, it would be in her book club, and I would be RICH…hahahahahaha! And, I wonder why God only shares pieces of information with me and not the whole picture! There is nothing wrong with believing that God will prosper you in His purpose for your life, but when you replace His plans with your own, you cannot expect the same results that you would have gotten if you had listened to Him. So, now I am at the halfway point of recording my first CD. People keep asking me what my next step will be and I keep asking God the same question because I never want to veer off onto my own path again. I had to stop and ask myself why I am even recording. The fact is that I have always had a desire to record music. The only other careers I envisioned besides attorney were educator and recording artist/producer. I do not feel like I came to those conclusions on my own because God has blessed me with the talents to match. I know that with music and writing of any kind that I do, the most important aspects are the lyrics and the message. Music is a universal language and I believe it to be one of my gifts for Kingdom-building. I would love for writing and music to be my careers; nevertheless, it is about God’s will and God’s timing. Right now, I am a teacher and I love teaching, but I did not intend to be a high school teacher forever, so is it wrong to want to make a career out of my gifts? Let me give you a hint, that question was rhetorical. I do not believe that it is wrong to pursue the passion that God has placed in you. But, we have to take the time to be brutally honest with ourselves and know whether we are driven by moving on God’s mission or driven by making that good money. When I felt that I was no longer going to make any money from my books, I quit because, at the time, I was profit-driven. All that mattered was the bottom line and that was wrong. Imagine if all that mattered to God was the bottom line. What if all He cared about was your salvation and after that you were on your own? Thankfully, He is a gracious and merciful God that does not just want us to be saved, but also cares about the quality of our lives. When it comes to dreams, goals, relationships, and loving God, we should be driven by purpose first and foremost. It is okay to be profit-driven if the gain is God’s glory revealed or souls snatched from the devil’s grip. God created us to praise and please Him, so that is what we are called to do and it is not about what we can personally gain. If God’s purpose in giving talents is for it to become a career, then that is what it will be. However, even if is it not meant to be a career, we should not going to stop using the talent for His glory. Many times we look at the provision, the people, and the purpose God blesses us with and we only want them for the benefits associated with them. If you throw away a blessing because you don’t feel that you are getting enough out of the deal, then you are strictly profit-driven. And, by profits, I do not mean strictly monetary harvests. So, as you move in the vision that God has for your life, be sure to note whether you are purpose-driven or profit-driven. Ms. EV I have a hard time sometimes finding a happy medium between two characteristics. I have, and still do sometimes, find it complicated to find the place between pride and insecurity. When I was younger, I did not feel very pretty (although, looking back, I was pretty cute; I just had no fashion sense). As I got older, the pendulum swung way too hard to the other side, as I began really feeling myself to the point of conceit. Eventually, there was a medium that naturally occurred and resulted in confidence that I am who God made me to be. I embraced my looks, my shape, my hair, and all of the other characteristics that bothered me as a child, but I did not expect everyone to recognize how fly (do we still use this word) I am and fall all over me.
I have come to realize that it was never really about my looks per se, it is about my love for attention. I am not sure when I developed the affinity for attention, but being the center of attention often gives me an adrenaline rush that is very gratifying. The problem is that, at a certain point, I started to rely on the natural high that getting attention gives, so rather than complete tasks because it is something that I love that God has led me to do, I would achieve for applause. Realizing that I have a tendency to follow this pattern has caused me to be extremely cautious when I take on a new venture. I have to really pray and look within to determine whether I am taking a course of action because God told me to or because it will give me a chance to impress people. So, when someone does try to recognize an accomplishment; it becomes very difficult for me to take the compliment because I do not want to get caught up in the praise; I just want to stay on the path for my purpose. It feels good to be recognized, but that should not be our only motivation for working hard. While we do not want to have people give us praise that belongs to God, we should also give them the opportunity to praise God for what He does in and through us. Humility and insecurity are not one in the same. We have to stay humble while allowing God to use others to propel us to the heights that He has for us. I am really talking to myself here, but I have a feeling that I am not the only person who has this struggle. God wants to do great things through us, and, to that end, He has given each of us a specific purpose and design. We have to find the place between pride and insecurity that allows us to reach our greatest potential, so that through our success, God can receive the glory. Ms. EV I am beginning to feel that I am being too nice. I have been a people-pleaser. I have even been a doormat. I have purposely tried to find balance between being those things and being intolerably mean because for a lot of my life I did not see that there could be a middle ground. But, apparently lately I am erring too much on the side of nice because people are feeling as though they can say and do anything around me, which is not true. As a teacher especially, it is tricky to find a balance. Please don’t misunderstand me. Not being liked by students does not bother me at all. They are teenagers and they change their minds about who and what they like as often as they change their clothes. I do have a problem when I feel disrespected.
In my professional and personal life, I try to make other peoples’ lives easier. If I have knowledge to impart or experience to share, I am willing to give of myself. Sometimes I have done this to the point of being an enabler. I also do not believe in making things difficult for no reason; however, there are some lessons that need to be learned by the person and I cannot let them have the easy way out, but other times, I choose my battles. Recently, today in fact, I have seen that the reaction by several of my students to my kindness is to mistake it for weakness. Because they are grasping for boundaries, they try to see how much they can get away with before they have a consequence. The cute part is when they act surprised when there is a consequence. I have also seen in some of my friends that because I do not cram my beliefs down their throats, they feel that they can say anything in front of me. Jesus was meek, but He also braided a whip and flipped tables in the Temple. I do not enjoy getting angry, but I do. In fact, my usual immediate response following anger is to cry because I got angry and it saddens me. Nonetheless, anytime someone demonstrated to me that they believe me to be weak or inept, it results in me getting angry. Is it okay to be a Christian and be mad? I think so. It is how we handle our anger that is important. Humility and meekness are difficult traits to learn and they are made even more difficult when people feel that they can step all over you. I feel that this is one of the subtle sufferings of Christians. It is something that doesn’t seem like it would be innately difficult, but it truly is difficult. The good news is that I know it is not impossible. I am going to pray for God’s guidance in how to remain meek and gentle, while still showing that I deserve and require respect. I know that meek does not equal weak, docile does not equal doormat. I just need to know how to help others realize the same thing. I would love to hear your thoughts. Ms. EV Not to sound full of myself, but I am an extremely intelligent person. I am what you would call a Type A personality. I dot all of my I’s and cross all of my T’s and I have a little touch of OCD, which leads to a pursuit of perfectionism in everything I aspire to do. When I take on a task, I go out of my way to make sure that it is done properly and to the best of my ability. It took a while for me to learn that I am not good at everything, but, once I learned, I made sure that I also learned how to delegate to people who know how to do the job the way I would do it if I had the ability.
As you can see, I have no problem giving myself a pat on the back. I like praise for a job well done; who doesn’t? But, honestly, even if no one else acknowledges my good work, I know God sees it and I probably give myself enough props. It’s not that I take credit from God; I know exactly where my help comes from, but sometimes I do start to think that I have arrived. I begin to think that I have everything figured out. It is at those times that God allows someone to come and knock me off my high horse. Earlier this year, it happened in my career, and just yesterday, it happened in one of my new endeavors. You see, I can criticize myself all day long. I am not too shabby at self-analysis and I (and those who love me) know how to tell me that I can do better and improve. But, when someone else brings my shortcomings to my attention, it is hard to swallow. I feel attacked. In times of weakness in my life, the devil was pretty successful at using the criticism of others to help me start to doubt my abilities. But, as I have grown in Christ, I have learned that God respects humility. I have learned that I do not know it all and that God wants me to keep learning and growing. I will continue to do the best that I know to do and strive for perfection, but that does not mean that there is no room for improvement. I will never let doubts and fears throw me off of my God-given path again and I will never stop learning. Ms. EV |
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