Last year, around this time, I went to an audition. Only a handful of people knew at the time where I was going because I learned from the story of Joseph that sometimes it’s best to keep your dreams within your circle of trust. Now that it is over and has been over for quite some time and the first episode has aired, I can reveal that the audition was for the show, Sunday Best.
I had been encouraged by several people to step out and audition for this type of opportunity, so I prayed about it and God did not tell me not to do it. Looking back, I am not sure if He told me to do it, but I am sure that there was not a “No” involved. I may have mentioned this before, but I do not like to go to auditions or job interviews because there is always the looming possibility of rejection. At least in my theatre days, I knew what the audition process would entail. In this particular instance, I had no idea what to expect. I sat in the freezing cold in a lawn chair for eleven hours, surrounded by strangers. I tried to sleep, but the audition, the anticipation and the anxiety of being in the midst of so many unfamiliar faces kept me awake the entire time. When the line finally started moving, I was excited, but weary. I signed an agreement saying that I would not reveal the process, so I will honor that and just tell about my experience. I got less than half a minute to sing. I got complimented by the judges on my enthusiasm. And, then I was sent on my way. It was a very humbling experience when that door closed. Last night, I watched the first episode, and I just had to thank God. First of all, I was proud of myself for watching the show because I had vowed as I left that day that I would not. Of course, that was the hurt feelings speaking at the time and part of growing in Christ is having joy for others when they reach their goals. I was also grateful that God gave me the ability to show Him how much His gift means to me. I was glad I did not stick have to around for the rest of the process because I was dead tired (and maybe a little delirious). And, after watching the auditions last night, I realized that even if I had made it to the final round to sing for Yolanda, Donnie and Kim, they would have cut me, which would have been even more heartbreaking. They told at least two prospects that their voices were better suited for theater. I know they would have said the same about me because the only formal vocal training I have comes from being in theatrical productions. I think that most of us have heard that when God closes a door, He opens a window. Sometimes we need doors slammed in our faces because that is the only way God can keep us on the right track, and then, we can live out God’s purposes for our lives. If I had been on the show, I do not know how far I would have made it on the show. Sure, it would have been nice for people across the country to hear me sing; however, because God gave me this talent, as long as I perform for the audience of One, I am using His gift for His glory. If I had been on the show, I still would not know what my voice sounds like. I know that sounds weird because, obviously, I know what my voice sounds like, but would not have been able to sing the music that I write. I would have been emulating other artists and my true voice would still be undiscovered. It was only through recording some of my songs that I was able to finally hear my sound. Speaking of recording, if I had been on the show, I would not be recording music right now. Even if I had won the whole thing, I would be signed to a label that would have control of my sound and my image. I believe that God wanted to be sure that He, and He alone, had dominion over my sound, my image and my life. God has allowed me to have an experience that made rejection less terrifying. He has allowed me the opportunity to shine in a room full of people in a way that I would never have imagined, given my introverted nature. Closed doors are blessings, too. Whether the door is closed on a career, a relationship or a dream, it has closed for a reason and God knows what is best. Never give up on your dreams because of a closed door. Instead, reflect on what you learned when the door slammed as you crawl out of the window and keep pressing toward the mark. Ms. EV
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I love my day job. I absolutely am giddy about the ability to impart knowledge and wisdom into the minds and hearts of our youth. This was not always the career that I envisioned for myself. My teenage self thought that I would either own my own law firm or be a partner in a law firm at thirty-five. I would be a wife and a mother of pre-teenagers. I would be in a completely different place if my teenage self was correct. I gave up practicing law after a short time and I started teaching. I got a divorce and I am not even dating anyone, so, clearly, that was not meant to be my reality.
Even though I am content with my job and my relationship status, there are times when I come face-to-face with completely unfair situations. Despite my best efforts to do my job as unto Christ, and despite the respect that I have from my colleagues and my supervisors, there are still times when I am attacked. The worst is when it is seemingly for no apparent reason. So, here is what I have learned about life from Joseph and Paul. Like Joseph, I told everyone who would listen about my dream to become an attorney, a wife, and a mother. Though, I was not tossed in a pit by my brothers, I somewhat created my own pit of pressure to live up to this ideal life that I had bragged about before it ever happened. That led to a divorce, depression, and disillusion with my chosen career. So, I changed into what seemed to be career that fit my personality, but that I knew was not my forever job. Even though, I know how to do my job, there are still times when unfair accusations are hurled my way, leading me to feel like I am in prison, where Joseph found himself after false accusations by Potiphar’s wife. So, here is where the lesson from Paul comes in because Paul shows everyone how to react to being imprisoned. Paul teaches us, first of all, that many times, you can be punished even when you have done nothing wrong. However, that punishment should not paralyze you, you should instead use it as a platform to continue to show the love, grace and mercy of Christ. We should not seek revenge against those who persecute us, but we should seek to reveal Christ in every situation. Though Paul was in prison, he didn’t throw a pity party; he continued to pray, praise and preach the gospel of Christ. And, when we feel trapped, imprisoned by the snares set up by the enemy, we must not sit idle; we must continue to move in God’s direction in the best way we can until He delivers us from the situation. This leads me back to Joseph. As my pastor has preached, Joseph went from the pit to prison to the palace. So, we must be confident that there is a better place for us; God has a plan for us. The person, place or thing that has you feeling imprisoned will not be the end of you, unless you let them. Just like Joseph said in Genesis 50:20, they mean it for evil, but God can use it for good. So, if you are feeling trapped, keep praying, praising, and preaching like Paul, and watch God move you from your pit and your prison to a palace like Joseph. Ms. EV This past Sunday, during the opening of worship, we sang the “More than Enough” by The Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir. The words are:
Jehovah Jireh, my Provider You are more than enough for me Jehovah Rapha, you’re my Healer By Your stripes, I’ve been set free Jehovah Shammah, You are with me You supply all my needs You’re more than enough More than enough More than enough for me As the song continued, I began to envision that I was all alone singing for an audience of One. I felt as though I was sitting at the feet of Jesus singing this song of praise to Him. But, as I continued to sing, I felt a stir in my spirit asking me if I truly believed what I was singing. Do I really consider God, my Savior, to be more than enough? If He never did anything else for me, would I still lift my hands in praise or would I hang my head in defeat? I think that all of us would love to shout “Yes! Lord, no matter what happens to me, You have already done more than enough!” And, that is true. I fully understand that God does not owe me anything. He has already poured so much grace and mercy over my life that I did not deserve. Yet, there are still times when I want more. Can we sing or say that God is more than enough and continue to ask Him for more and more? If we ask God to bless us, does it mean that we do not believe that He is our everything? I don’t believe that taking your concerns, your thoughts, your dreams, and your prayers to God means that you devalue everything else that God has done. It does not mean that salvation was not enough. Jesus said, in John 10:10, that He has come to give us life more abundantly. That kind of life means that whether we have plenty or whether the world would consider us to be poor, God still reigns on the throne in our hearts. We contradict ourselves when we say that God is more than enough, but then, we try to do His job for Him. We are not being true to God when we say that He is more than enough, but we hang our heads in defeat at every time we get a bid of bad news. This earth is not our home, so we will always have a longing for something greater. There is no need to be ashamed of that. But, we must never be ashamed of our God. We must never think that there is any challenge to great for God. ‘More than enough’ does not meant we should never ask God for anything because that directly contradicts His Word. ‘More than enough’ is the character of God. When we do make our requests known to Him, He not only answers them, but He answers them in the best way for us. He gives us more than we asked for, even when He says, “No” or “Wait” because the denial or the delay always leads to something greater than we imagine. So, if you are thinking that you cannot sing, “You’re more than enough for me,” because you are still asking God to bless and keep you, don’t let the devil convince you of that lie. Hold your head up and shout it from the rooftops! My God is more than enough! My God is more than able! My God has already given me His best and will continue to do so! And, don’t just sing or shout it, mean it and believe it. Ms. EV I woke up very early this morning in somewhat of a panic. I started thinking about what I do not have in my life. I started thinking that I am not achieving enough; that I am a failure. I started wondering how I had taken a step back instead of a step forward. I started praying hard, and I eventually fell back to sleep. When I woke up and started preparing to face the day, the thoughts came right back. I felt myself start to get lost in anxiety, and then, I said, “No. Not today. Not ever!” God has been too good to me for me to let these thoughts break me down. You see, yesterday, I went back into the studio for the first time in five months and recorded my first gospel song. The song is called, “My Victory Is In My Praise.” It was the first song I have recorded that it took one take for the lead vocal. I wrote the lyrics at the beginning of the year and I had it next on my list to record, so I took a leap of faith and recorded it. The song is about using praise as a weapon to overcome your inner struggles; you know those late at night, don’t nobody know, but you and God (I know that was bad grammar) struggles that creep into the daytime sometimes. It is about praising your way through ailments, whether they are physical, mental, emotional or spiritual. It is about praising until your deliverance comes from whatever it is that has you bound; be it singleness, alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, illicit relationships, or just not living up to your potential. So, as I thought about yesterday’s recording session, and how close I felt to God, the words from my uncle Rodney’s sermon on Sunday rang in my ears, “That’s why the devil hates you!” I am not a failure. I have everything I need in my life. In fact, I am an overcomer (the red squiggly line says this is not a word, but we churchy people know that it is). So, I decided to start praising. I thanked God for helping me make some tough decisions about my life that I knew would change my ability to afford some of the luxuries that I am used to, but would free up my time to use the talents that God has bestowed upon me. I thanked Him for giving me something to write and say for almost every day of the last year. I thanked Him for keeping my head way above water even when, on paper, it looked like I should drown. I thanked God for helping work through loneliness and its associated issues. I thanked God for getting me through mourning, and giving me the opportunity to comfort others. Victory! Healing! Deliverance! It’s all in the praise and my God is able! Because you are a loyal reader of this blog, I am going to give you a preview of the new song. The preview and all of the lyrics are below. Enjoy! Ms. EV So, yesterday, I was recounting the story of how my car would not start and I left off at the part where my best friend had kind of calmed me down and my uncle was on the way to help (If you need a refresher, scroll down to Part I or click over the Ms. Ev's Blog to see the beginning). Anyway, in between the phone call to my uncle and the text from my bestie, the devil went to WORK! It is so funny, but when you are single, EVERY issue seems to always come back to, "and I wouldn't be in this situation if I had a man!" So, I sat in the car and stewed until my uncle called and said he was in the parking lot.
He arrived and went to work to figure out why the car wouldn't start. I had a suspicion that it was the battery, and my mom told me to have him check the water in the battery as well. So, he checked and the water was nearly non-existent. He hooked up the jumper cables and sent me inside to get some water to fill the battery. The water cost about twice as much as I had put in the bucket, so I thought, "Okay, I am going to have to spend some extra to remind me to listen to the urge to give when it comes. Got it. Lesson learned." My uncle put the water in, waited a bit and had me start the car. I turned the key and it started. We tried again and it started again. I was very hopeful, except the car was still hooked to the jumper cables. So, he took the cables off, I said I prayer, I turned the key, and "click"...nothing happened. I tried to hold back tears as my uncle tried to reassure me that it would be okay. I sat in the car trying to figure out what I was going to have to give up to be able to fit a new battery in my budget while we tried to let the jumper cables do their thing. We tried again, but the car wouldn't start; the battery was dead. We went into the store, again, thank God I broke down somewhere where they sell car batteries. We looked for the battery I needed. It came in three types, Value, Zoom and Maxx. I was hoping to find a Value one because it wouldn't damage my budget too much. The only one we could find was the Maxx (the most expensive one). Again, I sucked back tears, as I thought about my earlier disobedience and how I was solely responsible for this. I also lamented over the fact that if I had a husband or a boyfriend, he would have reminded me to put water in the first battery, so it wouldn't die. When, we reached the cash register, I pulled out my debit card reluctantly and before I could swipe it, my uncle picked up the tab, which really made tears come to my eyes, but in a good way. I told him that I could pay for it, I didn't want to, but I had the money, but he replied that he just wanted to see me smile and he as glad to be a blessing and he said, "Now, you can put this in your praise bucket." I thought, "What an awesome uncle and what an awesome bit of wisdom!" He never once made me feel like I was inconveniencing him or bugging him. His demeanor was as if I was doing him a favor. So, I learned a lot. First, I learned that when I do something for someone else, I need to be more gracious about it. Second, I learned that sometimes we are going to feel down, but God can hook us up to friends and family that will get us going just like jumper cables. I also learned, because I clearly heard God speak this to my heart, that God was not going to punish me over not giving up $0.36; He definitely let me know that I had not listened, but I was more blessed than punished. Finally, I learned that we should store our blessings in our praise bucket. That way, when we have a down day (or maybe I'm the only person who isn't happy-go-lucky all the time), we can pull something out of out praise bucket and get to shouting! What's in your bucket? Ms. EV Yesterday, I had the day off, and I was very tempted to stay in the house all day and veg out. But, after a quick pep talk, I decided that since I had a few errands to run, I would make a day of it. I would take myself out to eat at a new place and walk around a shopping center. Perhaps, even get a new phone to replace my rapidly dying, malfunctioning one. I knew I needed to get up, make myself pretty and get out of my house. I had gotten out of the habit of doing so and more into the habit of being a hermit. I could tell that while I don’t particular mind being a hermit most times, it was starting to lead me into a sullen and somber state that tends to happen to me about this time of year.
I set off on my journey, looking cute I might add, and I went to a new restaurant. I had nearly forgotten what it was like to eat alone in public. I had built up a certain confidence in the practice of eating alone, but I hadn’t done it in so long that I began to panic. But, I made it through lunch with the help of my best friend who participated in a conversation by text. I made three stops in that shopping center (this will be important later), and then, I headed to my last stop. I went to look at phones, but the line was too long, so I left the store. On the way out, there was a Salvation Army bell ringer. I thought I should put something in the bucket, but realized I had $0.31 on me and decided to keep walking. I got in my car, turned the key and nothing happened. I prayed, turned the key again, still nothing. I called my mom, who is out of town, to see if she or my dad could offer some advice. They told me to call my uncle and see if he could help. I tried to reach him, but my phone wouldn’t let me dial the number and my aunt wasn’t answering. I started to panic. I surmised it was the battery and I probably needed a jump start, but I didn’t have jumper cables and I was not comfortable asking a complete stranger for help. So, I tried my phone again. The next number it let me dial was my nephew, but he couldn’t come help me, so I decided to try to call my roadside assistance plan. I texted my best friend to update her on my situation, opining that I should have opted to stay in for the day. She quickly calmed me by saying that what I was experiencing could happen to anyone and I should just be thankful that it happened there and at that time, where I could get some help. She was right. While I was reading her text, I thought of a way to try to reach my uncle. I went into the store and called him and he was willing to come and help me. On my way out of the store, I dug into my pocket, took the $0.31 out and dropped it in the bucket. I didn’t want to take any chances that being disobedient to the urge to give it the first time had caused my current trouble. As I sat and waited for my uncle to come to the store, I thought about what my friend said. I had made several stops during my trip. Most of them were not as close to my house as this last stop. Had I been further in town, my uncle might not have been able to reach me. Had I stayed home, and tried to start the car this morning when it was time for work and it didn’t start, it would have caused far more trouble. Sometimes, we just have to examine our perspective on a situation and find the places where God clearly shows His hand, so that we can give Him praise. There is more to this story. Tune in to Ms. EV’s blog tomorrow, for part two. Ms. EV Do you ever get tired of doing what feels like thankless work? Maybe that’s just me. Maybe I am the only one who would really like to hear “thank you” when I work hard for something or someone. (Honestly, I did not realize how much I longed for it until it happened to me recently). It’s not that I work for the “thank you;” I will do the work, regardless, and do it to the best of my ability. I have to say, though, that when I get the “thank you,” it does feel great. So, if I feel this way, I know that God must feel it, too. He is always there for us; guiding our paths and fixing our problems, but how often do we take the time to say, “Thank You.”
Maybe it is that we feel like God is doing what He is supposed to do. I mean, for many of us, when we do what we are supposed to do, it is rare that we get any appreciation. It is only when we do something spectacular or when we make someone else’s life a little easier, that we usually get thanks, so are we treating God that way? Do we believe that He only deserves praise when a miracle occurs? If so, I’ve got news for you, a miracle occurs every time you take a breath. The Bible says, “In everything, give thanks.” That means that we are not only to appreciate God for the good times, but for the tough times, as well. Think about it. God loves us when we are doing His Will and when we go astray, so how can our thanksgiving towards Him be conditional? In times of joy, it is easy to see the reasons to thank God, but sometimes we are so caught up in the success, that we forget to thank Him. In times of struggle, it is often hard to see the reasons to thank God, and we are so caught up in sorrow, that we forget to thank Him. Nevertheless, there is a reason to thank Him in every season, every day, and every moment. Beyond God’s incredible sacrifice for our souls (which means He owes us nothing), He still continues to bless us everyday. So, when you find it hard to be grateful, think of how you feel when you are underappreciated, and give God the praise that is due Him. Ms. EV Today's blog is in response to a challenge from a Girlfriends in God devotional:
Dear God: I want to take the time to tell You how much I love You. First, I love You for your sacrifice. There is no pain worse than when a child dies; yet, You loved us all so much that You willingly gave Your Son to pay the debts that we can never repay. I love that You are a forgiving God. We continually choose paths that are contrary to Your Will; nonetheless, when we come to You acknowledging the errors of our ways and willing to turn our lives around, You forget the past and move us forward. I also love You for Your grace. There is no telling where I would be without Your grace. And, I understand that grace is not a license to sin; it is the gift of Your riches and blessings that I do not deserve. Furthermore, I love that You are a merciful God. There are countless actions that I have undertaken that I know should have had more dire consequences, but You spared me. There were still consequences for my actions; however, I know that it could have been much worse were it not for Your mercy. God, I want to thank You for my family. I get to experience different family dynamics all of the time, so I know how blessed I am. Thank You for saved parents who helped me to know You. Thank You for a close-knit, supportive family that is not perfect and has its differences, but when push comes to shove, we are there for each other. Moreover, I thank You for my health. I have not always had a perfectly clean bill of health; nevertheless, there has not been one ailment that has been debilitating. I still have the use of all of my senses, my limbs, and my brain, and I think sometimes we take being able to breathe for granted, so I thank You for each breath. I also want to thank You for the gifts that You have given me. I have not always used them in the way that I know You intended for them to be used, yet, You did not take them from me. Instead, You gave me the opportunity to discover how I could use them for You. Lord, I thank You for being God. I have tried to be in control of everything and it is not easy, so I am glad that I do not have to be. I am so grateful to be awakened each morning by the sun that You created peeking over the horizon. I am thankful that You will never leave me or forsake me. Even though, I battled with a fear of loneliness, You and I came out victorious. Thank You for delivering me from the dark corners of anxiety in my mind, from self-doubt, and from low self-esteem. Lord, I thank You for eternity and for a heavenly home. I thank You because I know that no matter what happens in my life and on this earth, this is not my home and physical death is not the end. Father, You are awesome and amazing and I do not deserve Your love, but I am so glad that You give it freely. Thank You. Ms. EV I just read a challenge to think of ten things that I am grateful for and I wanted to take it a step further and think of ten problems that can be turned into praises.
1. Problem: I don’t have a family of my own, no husband (or even boyfriend) and no children. Praise: Thank You, Lord for giving me the freedom to pursue anything I want to pursue in this world. Thank You for the support system that I do have. 2. Problem: I don’t know what I should do next in my life? Praise: Thank You, God for being so faithful to me that I know whatever step I need to take needs to be in obedience and submission to Your will. 3. Problem: I am bored with my job. Praise: Thank You, Lord that I have a job that provides me with stability and that you have given me the wisdom to become so adept at my job that I can now take on new challenges. 4. Problem: I get very lonely at times. Praise: Thank You, Father for promising never to leave me or forsake me and for being there at all times whenever I need to talk or I need comfort. 5. Problem: I really miss my loved ones who have passed away. Praise: Thank You, God for the reassurance that the believers are not dead, but are only asleep, and that you will call us all to meet you in the air at the appointed time. 6. Problem: I have a hard time forgiving myself for my mistakes. Praise: Thank You, oh merciful Father for never giving up on me, even when I am living outside of Your will and thank You for the Holy Spirit who teaches me right from wrong and doesn’t allow me to walk through life oblivious to the harm I have done to myself and others. 7. Problem: I have a hard time forgiving those who have hurt me. Praise: Thank you, Lord that You are compassionate and forgiving, and that I am made in your image and have the power to forgive others and myself. Thank You for sending Your Son to feel a million times the pain that I have felt, so that I could be free from sin. 8. Problem: I am not as financially stable as I would like to be. Praise: Thank you, God that every month I meet every financial obligation that I have, and even have extra at times. Thank You for teaching me how to be a good steward over that with which You have blessed me. 9. Problem: I don’t know if I am living out my purpose. Praise: Thank You, Lord for giving me the purpose to praise and please You. Thank You for showing me favor each and every time I give you praise in spite of circumstances and obey Your commands. 10. Problem: I don’t like to have to do tedious household tasks on my own like taking out the garbage, fixing the toilet, maintaining my car. Praise: Thank you, God that I have the health, strength and financial means to carry out these tasks. Thank You for allowing me to learn new things, so that I don’t feel incompetent or incomplete. This is my list and you may be able to identify with some more than others, or even think of your own. Whatever you do, don’t forget to praise Him. In everything (even the tough stuff), give thanks for this is the will of Christ Jesus concerning you (1 Thessalonians 5:18). Ms. EV There is a rumor that when I was little I got kicked out of a dance class because I was a little bit of a brat. I can neither confirm nor deny this story. Nonetheless, I always wondered what kind of dancer I would have been had I been instructed in dance. The elementary and middle school years were not pretty when it came to rhythm. As a pretty lanky girl, it was difficult to get the arms and legs moving on the same rhythm.
Then, there was high school and musical theater. I discovered that I could learn choreography, but it took me a lot longer than other people; however, once I knew the dance I could rock it out. In college, I had to learn to step with my sorority, which completely exposed my lack of rhythm, but at the club (yes, I went to the club), I was a dancing machine. Of course, the kind of dancing we did back then did not really require any high level of skill. Although I am pretty sure that it contributed to my current knee and back issues. Even though I may not be the most skilled dancer, I love music and I love to dance. I have started choreographing dance numbers for theater, my cheerleaders, pageants and church. I might not look cute doing the moves, but I know what looks good when other people with skill perform it. There is one place though where it doesn’t matter that I am not a prima ballerina or a whiz at contemporary jazz. That is when I dance before God. Every year at Vacation Bible School, the music includes dance moves. It gives me the most jubilant feeling to teach the choreography to the children. To watch them laugh, be free, let go and just dance before God. There are the exuberant fast songs and the expressive slow songs. And, when I teach them the dances and we perform them, I understand why David chose to dance before God. Once you forget about how you look and just start giving sincere praise to God, dancing is so liberating! Then, as you fully surrender, the greatest Dance Partner, the Audience of One, can join in with you. He can move in and through You, leading you into the most intimate worship. I am learning a song called, “Dance With Me,” by Jesus Culture, and it reminds me of how beautiful it is to just dance before God. You do not have to have any training or talent. All you have to do is just praise Him in your own way. This kind of praise that yields to the movement of the Spirit can break down walls and strongholds in our lives. Give it a try. Put on your favorite praise music, whether fast or slow, old or new, gospel or contemporary, and just ask God to be your dance partner. Whether you are joyful or feeling downtrodden, open yourself up to praise Him and don’t hold anything back. These types of intimate moments can happen in your house by yourself or in a church full of people, but I am challenging you to allow them to happen, you will not regret the closeness that you feel to the Master. Say, “Won’t You dance with me, oh, Lover of my soul to the song of all songs?” God will never deny you the opportunity to grow closer to Him. He will embrace you and lead you in the dance. Ms. EV |
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