I have been on a bunch of retreats for various reasons. On many teambuilding retreats, there is an exercise called the Trust Fall. In this exercise, one person volunteers to blindly fall into the arms of another person or group of people. The person must face forward, without looking back and just fall. The idea is that you must trust the other person or the group of people to catch you when you fall. It is out natural human instinct that if we don’t trust someone during this exercise, that we will physically prevent ourselves from falling. In those instances, it shows the other person or persons involved that there is not enough trust available to surrender.
For years and years, I have had the dream to pursue a career in writing and songwriting. Last year, I started this blog just so that I would have a forum to share, in writing, the wisdom that God speaks to me. For so long, I thought that the only way to be a writer was to have a publishing deal and that nothing I wrote meant anything if I didn’t have that type of deal. When I started the blog, I didn’t know how much I would write or how often, I just started. I closed my eyes, spread my arms out wide, and fell backwards. I trusted that God would do whatever He wants to do with this. There have been times when I have been discouraged and have considered putting an end to this blog. There have been times when I have thought that maybe I am sharing too much of my life with complete strangers. And, every time I have those feelings, I get some sort of encouragement that I am doing the right thing. This is the easy part. The harder dream is the songwriting one. I think I am just more sensitive about the music that I have been inspired to write. Now, feels like the best time to move forward because, before now, I never knew the steps to start my music career, but suddenly, I am finding out information and seeing paths that seemed to be hidden before. It is somewhat scary, though. It seems like there is so much more to lose. This is one of those big Trust Falls; not the kind where you lean back into the arms of a friend, but the kind where you stand on a really high platform and fall into the arms of some co-workers that you barely know. The good news is that I am not falling into the arms of strangers; I am falling into the arms of Jesus. And no matter how vulnerable I feel, no matter how big a risk I take in pursuit of the dream, as long as I know I am following God’s lead, I can close my eyes, spread out my arms, and fall. I am at a stage where it feels like I won’t stop falling, but I know that no matter how far I fall, I can trust Jesus to catch me. I will land safely, and so will you. So, take all of your dreams and trust God with them. Take a leap of faith; He will catch you. Ms. EV
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One of our favorite things to listen to on long van rides when I was younger was the “Bill Cosby: Himself” comedy tape. We listened to that thing so much we had the whole thing memorized. From “Dad is great…give us the chocolate cake” to Cosby’s impression of his wife, Camille, dealing with fighting children where she screams, “I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIIIIIIISSSSS!!!” That comedy tape is still hilarious to this today.
And, on one particular Monday, I felt a little like Camille except it wasn’t about my children (because I have none), it was about my current situation. I woke up this morning and almost immediately wanted to pull the covers back over my head and hide at home. I knew that I had so much work to do, most of which would not ever be appreciated by anyone. I also knew that I had to have an unpleasant, confrontational chat with my students, and I awakened to a text message that seemed to add something else to an already full plate. I think we all get a case of the Mondays, but this case had me wanting to tap out of the fight. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate and love my job. Well, I love the intent of my job because I have a passion for teaching people. It’s all of the other tasks that go along with my job that can make it overwhelming and unpleasant. I finally convinced myself to get up and prayed my way through my morning routine, so I could get out of the house. I usually listen to sports radio on the way to work, but my radio was still on the gospel station from Sunday, and I heard a song I liked so I stayed on that station all the way in to work. Just before I got out of the car, there was a mini-message from a local pastor. He talked about how we want to move forward, but many of us are not sure of when to move. He went on to say that when you’ve had enough of your current situation, it is time to move into what God has for you. This was a Word from God that I had been waiting on to confirm what I believed to be true about some projects I have in progress. I did not march up to my boss and quit my job. My to-do list did not disappear. However, I was able to thank God that my job is no longer comfortable. I was grateful for feeling overwhelmed and underappreciated because if I did not feel that way, I would not be motivated to pursue my dream of a music ministry or to continue writing as God speaks to my heart. If I was still comfortable where I am, I would never move. So, I am thankful that I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS!!! It challenges me to start building and start working on the next phase of the life God wants me to have and the dreams God wants me to pursue. And, if it is His will, my passions for writing and music ministry will also become my sources of income. But, even if I have to teach until I qualify for retirement, I am confident that God will still open doors and help me to use the gifts He has given me for His glory. Thank You, God, for confirming that now is the time to move, to press into You as I pursue the dreams You have given me. I am going to move forward and trust God because I have had enough! Have you? Ms. EV A year ago, I was not satisfied with my life. I was feeling like I was wasting my time and my talents. I was feeling unwanted and undesirable. My usual modus operandi was to start whining and complaining in these types of situations. You would think that I would have learned that all that murmuring does is make me feel worse; moreover, it may become contagious to those around me. I didn’t want to be that woman; that daughter, that sister, that aunt, that friend, that teacher, that Christian, who always seemed to live under a dark cloud of sorrow.
If I had gone to a doctor, I probably would have been diagnosed with depression. I felt like I had let God and my family down. My grandmother, one of my best friends, passed away before she got to meet my forever husband and hold my babies. I wasn’t even close to having a family. I had become the first attorney in my family only to give it all up to become a teacher, and teaching was not as fulfilling as it was when I started. I had written countless songs that were on my computer until it crashed, but no one had heard them and all that was left was one hard copy of the lyrics. I wrote a book and I had boxes of copies sitting in my garage collecting dust. I started writing another book, sent out queries to publishers, but had gotten rejection after rejection. “If I wasn’t to be a wife, a mother, lawyer, a teacher, a writer or a singer,” I wondered, “Why am I even here?” Then, God placed an idea in my spirit. He chided, “You can do and be whatever you desire to be. Why are you waiting for someone else to approve of you when you have My approval. Share your gifts in whatever way you can and I will take care of the rest.” So, I started writing down everything with which I had been gifted and what I wanted to do with each of those gifts. After some research and planning, I decided to build a web presence that encompassed all of my passions. I love event planning and coordinating. I love baking desserts. I love sharing my testimony through writing. But, I needed a name. I need a name that would help others understand what drives me. I needed a little bit of anonymity, so that people would not be quick to turn a deaf ear; a name that commanded attention. I have often been told that I have high standards, which applies to every facet of my life, not just dating. I embrace the fact that I have higher standards than many. Settling is unacceptable! I looked at synonyms for higher standards and came up with Elevated Values. I filled out the paperwork to make the name mine (the law degree comes in handy) and on January 17, 2012 (my birthday), I launched the site and its accompanying Facebook presence. I am so glad that I serve a God who loves me enough to take me to task when I start whining. Since its inception, Elevated Values has coordinated a wedding, a surprise congratulatory party and a banquet. Through its consulting services, Elevated Values has edited a book and created a website for a minister and has been credited by a customer for helping her get her dream job by editing her resumé. The music on the Elevated Values site became so popular that it now has its own site, Toni LaShaun Music. The Pray While You’re Prey weekly devotions for Christian singles were launched in July and draw hundreds of readers to the site daily. The number of subscribers to the devotions has doubled in the past month. And, last, but certainly not least, this blog, Ms. EV’s blog has not only helped me work through issues and spiritual battles, but I have gotten countless comments, e-mails, and Facebook messages about how my writing has touched people in places I could have never dreamed of reaching! Isn’t God AMAZING?!?!?! So, I want to thank all of the customers, subscribers, fans and followers of Elevated Values Consulting and Coordinating. This is just the beginning; God is on the move! Ms. EV I spent three years in law school and three years practicing law. It was a career that I wanted form the time I was a little girl, but after a year and a half of school I fell out of love with the idea of becoming an attorney. Choosing not to be a quitter (and to not have to pay back my grant for law school), I finished and I begrudgingly practiced family law to make money and entertainment law for fun…and to make money. Do you know why attorneys make so much money? In school and in practice, I learned that it is because attorneys specialize in the fine print.
You know what the fine print is. It is the teeny tiny words at the bottom of a contract, agreement, article, prescription; the words that look so little, but say so much. It is the part at the end of the commercials that gets read in a low voice and super fast. I was reminded of these little words, these caveats if you will, during my pastor’s sermon on Sunday when he talked about the side effects listed on medication. “Sure,” he said, “the medication might cure one problem, but it could bring on a ton more!” (I’m paraphrasing, but you get the gist). Most of us ignore the fine print because we are so focused on the thing that we want. Whether it is health, housing, a husband or a host of other things we are begging God for, we often forget that just because something seems good doesn’t mean that everything about it is good. We don’t see the potential harmful effects. We don’t see the things that are not guaranteed. We just see what we want. As I am sure my clients were about my ability to read the fine print, I am so glad that God realizes that we fail to read the fine print sometimes. Knowing this, helps me to accept when God says, “No” or “Wait.” I am going to be honest, I said accept, not like because I want what I want when I want it. Nevertheless, doing things my way is how I ended up being a 23-year-old divorcee, so that experience alone should have taught me about reading the fine print. But, alas, it did not. And, I have made some questionable choices since then by only looking at what I want and not paying attention to warnings to go another way. Now, all of this is not to say that you or I should not pursue our passions and dreams. Still, we must be careful. Yes, we trust God to take care of us, but aren’t you tired of God having to dig you out of a hole that you jumped into on your own? All I am saying is that we should take the time to go to God and ask Him to illuminate those things that we cannot see, or those things that we are choosing to ignore. God allows us free will, so if we want to jump head first into something, He will allow it to happen. If you are waiting on God to move in your life though, and you feel like He is saying “No” or “Wait,” chances are there is some fine print that you have not read. If you ask Him, He will show you what you are ready to see. I know it is difficult. In this day and age, everything seems to be so time-sensitive. However, there is no timing like God’s timing. And, the Father of Time does not work on the same timetables that we envision. So, take a little time to read the fine print. See the whole picture and not just the parts that you think will benefit you in the end. Ms. EV I entered a Twitter contest last week that offered four floor seats to the local ABA team, the Jacksonville Giants. Much to my surprise, when I got home, I had a message saying that I had won the tickets. I am not a huge basketball fan. I usually only watch my nephews play and I watch March Madness and the NBA playoffs. But, since I won free tickets and it gave me something to do on a Saturday night, I went to the game.
ABA basketball is a little bit different than NBA and I noticed in the program that they have a rule called the 3D rule. This rule means that if the defending team steals the ball before the offensive team crosses half court, the next shot is worth three points instead of two. So, the teams often incorporate a full court press into the defense, which means they start defending the ball as soon as the other team is awarded possession rather than waiting until they cross the half court. When I was reading about the rule, I thought that this is a good strategy to employ when we are trying to reach our dreams and goals. Many times, when we are going after our dreams, we leave it up to others to bring us the resources we need, or we wait for the perfect plan, the perfect chance to arise to take what we have been after. We set up our defenses and try to prevent anything bad from happening. The thing about a full court press as opposed to a traditional half court defense is that if the offensive player gets past the press, the team on offense generally outnumbers the team on defense and they may have an easier chance to score. But, if the defensive team can get the ball away, they usually have a one-on-one shot at the basket and can score easily. It is a risk versus reward thing. We have to ask ourselves, “Am I ready to fully press in? Am I ready to press into the loving arms of God and step out in faith, knowing He has everything under control? Or will I sit back with my defenses up and just wait to see how things go? Am I willing to risk failing in order to ultimately be successful?” I can only answer those questions for myself. However, I do know that doing things the same way and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity. So, for me, I have to be willing to try a more aggressive approach every once in awhile. This is not done without praying first. I will not take the step if I feel that God, my coach if you will, has not given me the signal to go after it. And, when I listen, if I don’t get the expected results, I know there is something can learn from it. If my attempt is successful, I might get a little more than I even expected. That, to me, is a win-win situation. It is a lesson I wish I had learned and put into practice long ago. Nevertheless, the past is gone and I can only focus on how I approach my dreams in the future. Another lesson I learned from the ABA 3D rule was that teams will employ the full court press even when they are far ahead in points. Sometimes, when we are successful, we are even less motivated to take a risk than we are when we have failed. I feel like this is when God takes the opportunity to shake up our comfort zone and force us to do something radically different; something that requires that we fully press into our faith and trust in Him. So, when approaching your dreams and goals don’t be afraid to try a full court press. Start attacking from the start, create your own opportunities, and at the very least, you will show the devil and the world that you are serious about your plans. At the very most, you will show God that you trust in His plan. Ms. EV Last year, on New Year’s Day, my pastor preached a sermon titled, “On the Edge of Greatness.” With so much lately about going over the edge of a fiscal cliff, feeling like I am on the edge of something great from a ministry standpoint, and a couple of personal situations, this sermon came to mind. The spiritual nugget that I took from the sermon was a football analogy that pastor used (how apropos since I am a HUGE fan of the pigskin). He talked about how when a team is on their fourth down with one yard to go. (Wait, let me stop here, if you don’t understand football, this might not make sense, but I would be happy to explain the game to you, just drop me a line). Anyway, when a team has fourth down and one yard to gain for a first down, many times they pitch the ball to the running back about three to five yards back. What this does is allow the blocking to be set up and allow the running back to gain momentum, so that he can get through the defenders.
As a spectator, this play always looks wrong, but it is so awesome when it works. My pastor explained that sometimes, when we are on the edge of greatness, God has to take us back, so that we can move forward with momentum. On New Year’s Eve, I performed three of my songs during our service. I was surrounded by love and support from the congregation and I truly felt, for the first time, that I was on the edge of greatness. I felt like people finally understood what God is doing in my life and how I pray He uses it for the uplifting of His Kingdom. When I got home, I found out that my ex had been fired from his job. For a minute, in my loneliness, I thought I should reach out to him. I felt awful for him because I know that this job is his dream job and that, as I was wishing others a happy new year, he was probably not having a great day. Then, I took a step back mentally and emotionally. I remembered what our relationship was like and I remembered that although, we are both good people, we do not have the best time communicating with one another. So, what would be a nice sentiment from me might not be well-received. If it was well-received, and if he appreciated my concern, it might lead to more than just a step back. I might take my focus off of my goal completely and try to help and support him. Taking that step back, gave time for my defenses to be set up. I realized that I cannot afford to turn back, not when I am on the edge of greatness. So, I prayed for him and every time I think about him, I pray for him that he is able to continue to live his dream. I also prayed for me that nothing would slow down my momentum. I would hate to get to heaven and see that I was one step away from my dream when I turned my attention to something else. It is not easy to stay focused because I have more than one dream, but it is necessary to keep moving forward. And, when I come up against a tough situation, I have to take the time to allow God to take me back, so He can set up my blocks and propel me forward. Sometimes the things that stop us from being where God wants us to be are not bad things (or people). In fact, I think that good tasks, people, projects are far more dangerous to our paths than bad ones. With bad things, you know you should turn around and run the other way, but with seemingly good things, it makes you question if you should gun it up the middle or pop outside to the edge (another football reference). Then, as you hesitate, you might miss the opportunity that God has in place to move you forward into greatness. So, whatever path God has you on in your life, even if you haven’t reached your goal, stay the course. He will work it out for your good if you love, trust and obey Him. Ms. EV I truly believe that God places dreams within each of us, so that we can fulfill His purpose for our lives. What we do with our God-given dreams is up to us. But know, you were created for a purpose. We can turn the dream into ministry and reach to seek the lost. Or, we can devote our time to making the dream profitable. Is it possible to do both? Well, the Bible says that we cannot serve two masters. Still, I have faith that if I submit to God’s Will for my life and use the dreams He has placed in me for the building of His Kingdom and to glorify His Name, I will have riches untold. Those riches may be spiritual, material or both. And, whatever He provides will be enough and more than enough.
I have had several dreams. Some have always been present in my life; some have been present for a season. Some have been used to honor God, but honestly, most times, I got swept up in how the dream to uplift me. I have realized, the hard way, that God’s purpose for my life is for others to see Him through me and to feel His love through my love. All the good deeds and good intentions in the world are worthless if I am not seeking His Kingdom. At times, the dreams placed in our hearts may seem strange or even risky, but God knows what He is doing and He knows who He can use. My dream may not fit your life and yours may not fit mine. What God has for me is for me and what He has for you is for you. Once we know the gift He has given us, we must make the choice to live it out for His glory. We must choose to walk it out daily. You may not be able to see what is coming, but if you could, you might not take the leap of faith. So, trust in Him, lean on Him, let Him direct and guide you into the dream He has placed in your heart. Ms. EV People sometimes think I am a grumpy person. I try not to be, but I know that I can have a very challenging personality. This is in part because I am an introvert and many times I am thinking about the issues in my life, having discourse with God or myself in my head, working through situations constantly. So, as the internal reflection takes place, the external result is that it looks like I am sad, annoyed, worried, or just plain mad. (I have never been able to hide what I am thinking; my face gives me away every time). During that time, I need to work through whatever it is that is going on in my head before I can interact with people fully. Therefore, if someone interrupts my process, they might see behaviors that would incline them to label me as aloof, arrogant, or antisocial. At least, those are the ones people have said to my face.
I am giving this explanation because lately there has been a shift in my focus. Rather than focusing on what I do not have or have not done, I am trying my best, with God’s help, to pursue my dreams. Not the ones that I thought I would do to get everyone’s attention, affection, and acclamation, but the ones that God gave me for His glory. Focusing on writing and singing for the glory of the Lord is taking up so much of my reflective process that I do not have time to focus on the instability of my career or the fact that I do not have the family I envisioned I would have at this point in my life. And, people are noticing a shift in my personality. It is somewhat embarrassing when people are scared because you are smiling. But, like the old song says, “Something on the inside is working on the outside; I feel a change in my life.” Am I perpetually joyful now as I pursue my dreams? Joyful, probably; happy-go-lucky and walking on rainbows, not so much. But, I am learning what the psalmist in Psalm 37 meant when he wrote, “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” I thought it meant pray, go to church and pay your tithes and you will get what you want. It means become so wrapped up in God that His desires for your life become yours. I still do not have a clue what God wants me to do as a writer and a singer, but, with each open door (and closed door), I am excited about the possibilities. God places dreams in our hearts; we can ignore them and pursue what we think we want or we can live the life He has planned for us. I promise when you do the former, you will always feel like something is missing. You may even project what you feel is missing on to other areas of your life: relationships, career, finances, etc. However, when you keep the dream alive, when you know in your spirit that you are living in God’s Will for your life, the concern, the worry, the emptiness dissipates and contentment sets in and you can ride the waves and go with the flow. Ms. EV I heard an interview on the radio for a program meant to empower young women called, “Goal Diggers.” I thought that was incredibly inventive. I am around young people all the time, and while many of them have career aspirations, I have heard one too many young ladies aspire to be the wife of a very rich man. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with wanting to be involved with someone who is financially secure. As a matter of fact, I am taking applications (must be over 72 inches tall). In any case, I find it sad when becoming a wife, girlfriend or baby mama of an athlete or entertainer is the only goal young women have in mind. In a day and age where people have become famous for being infamous, it is not difficult to see where these young ladies get the idea that snagging a rich guy is the way to go. You need only turn on the television for five minutes to any reality show about women (except ‘Mary Mary’) to see why young ladies value money and notoriety over anything else. I must admit that at times, I have wished I had thought to do something that went viral when I was younger, so that I could have a famous name. And though in my mid-twenties I was very interested in dating and marrying a football player, I was already an attorney; I had attained a lifelong goal, plus, I just really love football. In any case, I have always been told that the thing that makes your heart cry is where your passion lies. I know that when I ask a young lady what her goal in life is and she replies, “To meet Hugh Hefner and be one of his girlfriends, so I can live in his mansion,” that makes my heart break (that actually happened by the way). So, please help me to encourage young men and young women to become goal diggers. As a matter of fact, they do not even have to be young because I know some people my age and older that still do not know what they want to be when they grow up. Set SMART goals. These are goals that are Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Reasonable, and Time-Sensitive. Then, do not just stop at setting the goals. Pray and ask for God’s guidance about each step to reaching your goal. When you reach a goal, praise God and take time to celebrate the accomplishment. But, do not rest on your laurels. Once you have reached one goal, seek God’s wisdom about what is next. Trust me there is nothing wrong with wanting a man with a lot of riches. I am already in love with someone who has more riches than anyone can measure. And He loves me so much, that He gave His all just for me. He also loves me so much that He wants me to be everything that I am capable of being for the glory of His Kingdom. There is no earthly love or amount of wealth that could ever outweigh His love. Don’t be a gold-digger; be a goal-digger. Ms. EV Below is a song I wrote that is dedicated to I figured that since I have already written about driving for two days, I would continue with that theme today. Today, however, I am not talking about the rules of the literal road, but the rules on the proverbial road of life. What drives us? What is transporting us toward our goals? What is motivating us in our relationships with people? What is getting us to a deeper love and understanding of our Master? Are we purpose-driven or profit-driven? Is it wrong to be both?
I absolutely believe that I was meant to publish Pray While You’re Prey seven years ago. The book is my testimony, and, to this day, people tell me that it is helpful to them as they walk the single, Christian journey. While I am confident in publishing the book, I am pretty sure that the way that I handled publishing the book was not the way God would have chosen. With a manuscript that got rave reviews and just enough legal know-how to be dangerous, I very quickly took God’s plan and ran down my own path with it. I tried to get a publisher for the book. I sent out query letter after query letter and got rejection after rejection, so I felt that it was in my best interest to self-publish. I did all of the research of the costs of printing and publishing, gathered a team that was willing to invest time, talent and treasure and I was off to the races. Even with the help of others, I still needed more funding, so I got a small business credit card that had zero percent interest for the first six or twelve months or something, and then, of course had a huge interest rate if the balance was not paid in that time frame. (I should probably mention that at that point in my life, I was two years into my dad’s credit reconstruction/financial responsibility plan from all of the bad financial mistakes I had made in college and law school.) So, here I was with this fantastic testimony in manuscript form and a credit card, so that I could act immediately on my dream. At the time, I felt that by putting the printing and marketing costs (keep in mind that there was no social media) of the books on credit, I was showing God that I was “all in” on this vision. I was ready and willing to take on any challenge. In hindsight, I realize that I just was not willing to wait on Him to provide a better plan for what I wanted to do. So, I had a book release event, got my book in stores and did book signings. I was even on the radio promoting the book. But, as the time started to wind down to the high interest rate on the credit card, my motivation shifted from conveying a message of hope and encouragement to getting that cash money honey. I did not handle the moderate success that I had with the book very well. I expected people to come out in droves to my book signings and invite me to speak all over the country. And of course, once Oprah got a hold of the book, it would be in her book club, and I would be RICH…hahahahahaha! And, I wonder why God only shares pieces of information with me and not the whole picture! There is nothing wrong with believing that God will prosper you in His purpose for your life, but when you replace His plans with your own, you cannot expect the same results that you would have gotten if you had listened to Him. So, now I am at the halfway point of recording my first CD. People keep asking me what my next step will be and I keep asking God the same question because I never want to veer off onto my own path again. I had to stop and ask myself why I am even recording. The fact is that I have always had a desire to record music. The only other careers I envisioned besides attorney were educator and recording artist/producer. I do not feel like I came to those conclusions on my own because God has blessed me with the talents to match. I know that with music and writing of any kind that I do, the most important aspects are the lyrics and the message. Music is a universal language and I believe it to be one of my gifts for Kingdom-building. I would love for writing and music to be my careers; nevertheless, it is about God’s will and God’s timing. Right now, I am a teacher and I love teaching, but I did not intend to be a high school teacher forever, so is it wrong to want to make a career out of my gifts? Let me give you a hint, that question was rhetorical. I do not believe that it is wrong to pursue the passion that God has placed in you. But, we have to take the time to be brutally honest with ourselves and know whether we are driven by moving on God’s mission or driven by making that good money. When I felt that I was no longer going to make any money from my books, I quit because, at the time, I was profit-driven. All that mattered was the bottom line and that was wrong. Imagine if all that mattered to God was the bottom line. What if all He cared about was your salvation and after that you were on your own? Thankfully, He is a gracious and merciful God that does not just want us to be saved, but also cares about the quality of our lives. When it comes to dreams, goals, relationships, and loving God, we should be driven by purpose first and foremost. It is okay to be profit-driven if the gain is God’s glory revealed or souls snatched from the devil’s grip. God created us to praise and please Him, so that is what we are called to do and it is not about what we can personally gain. If God’s purpose in giving talents is for it to become a career, then that is what it will be. However, even if is it not meant to be a career, we should not going to stop using the talent for His glory. Many times we look at the provision, the people, and the purpose God blesses us with and we only want them for the benefits associated with them. If you throw away a blessing because you don’t feel that you are getting enough out of the deal, then you are strictly profit-driven. And, by profits, I do not mean strictly monetary harvests. So, as you move in the vision that God has for your life, be sure to note whether you are purpose-driven or profit-driven. Ms. EV |
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