I was preparing for bed the other night and my cat, Joy Bella, came into the restroom. She looked up at the counter, and then, looked at me. I pushed some items out of her way. Then, she sized up the counter again and hopped up on the counter. Her leap was so graceful and elegant. She does this all of the time, but that night, for whatever reason, I was amazed by it.
You see, Joy looked at the challenge (getting on the counter). She asked for help the remove the obstacle (my stuff was in the way of her safe landing). Then, she went for it! In that moment, I wished that I would have the courage that she displayed. Once, she knew that there was nothing to impede her progress, she jumped. When she jumps, it is as if she knows every time that she will land right where she is supposed to be. I, on the other, see a challenge. I try to avoid the challenge or deal with the challenge on my own. I do not like to admit that I might need help. Then, even if the obstacle is removed, sometimes I still tell myself all of the reasons that I cannot or do not deserve to reach my goal. Even though I have prayer and preparation on my side, I am sometimes still afraid to take the leap. It should be just the opposite. Because I know that God is with me, all of my leaps of faith should be effortless. That is not to say there will be no challenges once I leap. That is not to say that I should put myself in a bad position that is not the desire that God has for my life. What I am saying is that I should freely face the challenge and take the next step know that God is in control. If He is the one who told me to step out on faith and I am obedient, then there may be obstacles, but nothing will go wrong. So, what is it that you need to trust God for today? Whatever it is, I challenge you (and me) to LEAP!!! Ms. EV
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In one of my latest writings, I came up with several new definitions of what it means to be a single servant of the true and living God. S_____ IN G_____ L_____ E_____... And, since we're only one week from Single Awareness Day (a/k/a Valentines Day) let’s take a look at some of these new definitions over the next few days:
Situated IN God’s Learning Experience – Matthew 11:28-30 We often learn lessons and then just want to take off and run with the lessons, which is what I did after Pray While You’re Prey. But not long after, I felt empty again. I submit that I was so focused on fixing other people that I didn’t take the time to find rest for my soul. I was just looking to make some sort of restitution for my past sins, so that God could bless me with the love of my life. Instead, I should have taken the time to rest in Him and be sure that I was ready for a new relationship. Now, I am relearning some of the same lessons, but this time my focus isn’t on finding a new man; it is on sustaining my relationship with Christ and trusting in God’s plan for me. He has me in this place for a reason, which leads to the next definition. Standing still IN Great and Limitless Expectation – Psalm 46:10 One of the hardest things for any human being to do is waiting. Now, if you magnify how hard it is for normal people by about one million, you get how hard it is for me. “Be still and know that I am God…” Sometimes, I read that and think, Has God met me? I mean, He created me, so He knows how hard it is for me to sit still and not try to make things happen. But, here’s the cool thing about God, He gives me the chance to let Him handle it and then, He puts in a situation where I have no choice, but to let Him handle it. I don’t mean that He takes away my free will, but God has a way of making it abundantly clear that if I want things to work out in the best way possible that I have to let Him do His job. And, I have come to learn --usually the hard way --that God always exceeds my expectations when I stop limiting Him to what I want and submit to His will for my life. Ms. EV A year ago, I was not satisfied with my life. I was feeling like I was wasting my time and my talents. I was feeling unwanted and undesirable. My usual modus operandi was to start whining and complaining in these types of situations. You would think that I would have learned that all that murmuring does is make me feel worse; moreover, it may become contagious to those around me. I didn’t want to be that woman; that daughter, that sister, that aunt, that friend, that teacher, that Christian, who always seemed to live under a dark cloud of sorrow.
If I had gone to a doctor, I probably would have been diagnosed with depression. I felt like I had let God and my family down. My grandmother, one of my best friends, passed away before she got to meet my forever husband and hold my babies. I wasn’t even close to having a family. I had become the first attorney in my family only to give it all up to become a teacher, and teaching was not as fulfilling as it was when I started. I had written countless songs that were on my computer until it crashed, but no one had heard them and all that was left was one hard copy of the lyrics. I wrote a book and I had boxes of copies sitting in my garage collecting dust. I started writing another book, sent out queries to publishers, but had gotten rejection after rejection. “If I wasn’t to be a wife, a mother, lawyer, a teacher, a writer or a singer,” I wondered, “Why am I even here?” Then, God placed an idea in my spirit. He chided, “You can do and be whatever you desire to be. Why are you waiting for someone else to approve of you when you have My approval. Share your gifts in whatever way you can and I will take care of the rest.” So, I started writing down everything with which I had been gifted and what I wanted to do with each of those gifts. After some research and planning, I decided to build a web presence that encompassed all of my passions. I love event planning and coordinating. I love baking desserts. I love sharing my testimony through writing. But, I needed a name. I need a name that would help others understand what drives me. I needed a little bit of anonymity, so that people would not be quick to turn a deaf ear; a name that commanded attention. I have often been told that I have high standards, which applies to every facet of my life, not just dating. I embrace the fact that I have higher standards than many. Settling is unacceptable! I looked at synonyms for higher standards and came up with Elevated Values. I filled out the paperwork to make the name mine (the law degree comes in handy) and on January 17, 2012 (my birthday), I launched the site and its accompanying Facebook presence. I am so glad that I serve a God who loves me enough to take me to task when I start whining. Since its inception, Elevated Values has coordinated a wedding, a surprise congratulatory party and a banquet. Through its consulting services, Elevated Values has edited a book and created a website for a minister and has been credited by a customer for helping her get her dream job by editing her resumé. The music on the Elevated Values site became so popular that it now has its own site, Toni LaShaun Music. The Pray While You’re Prey weekly devotions for Christian singles were launched in July and draw hundreds of readers to the site daily. The number of subscribers to the devotions has doubled in the past month. And, last, but certainly not least, this blog, Ms. EV’s blog has not only helped me work through issues and spiritual battles, but I have gotten countless comments, e-mails, and Facebook messages about how my writing has touched people in places I could have never dreamed of reaching! Isn’t God AMAZING?!?!?! So, I want to thank all of the customers, subscribers, fans and followers of Elevated Values Consulting and Coordinating. This is just the beginning; God is on the move! Ms. EV I spent three years in law school and three years practicing law. It was a career that I wanted form the time I was a little girl, but after a year and a half of school I fell out of love with the idea of becoming an attorney. Choosing not to be a quitter (and to not have to pay back my grant for law school), I finished and I begrudgingly practiced family law to make money and entertainment law for fun…and to make money. Do you know why attorneys make so much money? In school and in practice, I learned that it is because attorneys specialize in the fine print.
You know what the fine print is. It is the teeny tiny words at the bottom of a contract, agreement, article, prescription; the words that look so little, but say so much. It is the part at the end of the commercials that gets read in a low voice and super fast. I was reminded of these little words, these caveats if you will, during my pastor’s sermon on Sunday when he talked about the side effects listed on medication. “Sure,” he said, “the medication might cure one problem, but it could bring on a ton more!” (I’m paraphrasing, but you get the gist). Most of us ignore the fine print because we are so focused on the thing that we want. Whether it is health, housing, a husband or a host of other things we are begging God for, we often forget that just because something seems good doesn’t mean that everything about it is good. We don’t see the potential harmful effects. We don’t see the things that are not guaranteed. We just see what we want. As I am sure my clients were about my ability to read the fine print, I am so glad that God realizes that we fail to read the fine print sometimes. Knowing this, helps me to accept when God says, “No” or “Wait.” I am going to be honest, I said accept, not like because I want what I want when I want it. Nevertheless, doing things my way is how I ended up being a 23-year-old divorcee, so that experience alone should have taught me about reading the fine print. But, alas, it did not. And, I have made some questionable choices since then by only looking at what I want and not paying attention to warnings to go another way. Now, all of this is not to say that you or I should not pursue our passions and dreams. Still, we must be careful. Yes, we trust God to take care of us, but aren’t you tired of God having to dig you out of a hole that you jumped into on your own? All I am saying is that we should take the time to go to God and ask Him to illuminate those things that we cannot see, or those things that we are choosing to ignore. God allows us free will, so if we want to jump head first into something, He will allow it to happen. If you are waiting on God to move in your life though, and you feel like He is saying “No” or “Wait,” chances are there is some fine print that you have not read. If you ask Him, He will show you what you are ready to see. I know it is difficult. In this day and age, everything seems to be so time-sensitive. However, there is no timing like God’s timing. And, the Father of Time does not work on the same timetables that we envision. So, take a little time to read the fine print. See the whole picture and not just the parts that you think will benefit you in the end. Ms. EV I entered a Twitter contest last week that offered four floor seats to the local ABA team, the Jacksonville Giants. Much to my surprise, when I got home, I had a message saying that I had won the tickets. I am not a huge basketball fan. I usually only watch my nephews play and I watch March Madness and the NBA playoffs. But, since I won free tickets and it gave me something to do on a Saturday night, I went to the game.
ABA basketball is a little bit different than NBA and I noticed in the program that they have a rule called the 3D rule. This rule means that if the defending team steals the ball before the offensive team crosses half court, the next shot is worth three points instead of two. So, the teams often incorporate a full court press into the defense, which means they start defending the ball as soon as the other team is awarded possession rather than waiting until they cross the half court. When I was reading about the rule, I thought that this is a good strategy to employ when we are trying to reach our dreams and goals. Many times, when we are going after our dreams, we leave it up to others to bring us the resources we need, or we wait for the perfect plan, the perfect chance to arise to take what we have been after. We set up our defenses and try to prevent anything bad from happening. The thing about a full court press as opposed to a traditional half court defense is that if the offensive player gets past the press, the team on offense generally outnumbers the team on defense and they may have an easier chance to score. But, if the defensive team can get the ball away, they usually have a one-on-one shot at the basket and can score easily. It is a risk versus reward thing. We have to ask ourselves, “Am I ready to fully press in? Am I ready to press into the loving arms of God and step out in faith, knowing He has everything under control? Or will I sit back with my defenses up and just wait to see how things go? Am I willing to risk failing in order to ultimately be successful?” I can only answer those questions for myself. However, I do know that doing things the same way and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity. So, for me, I have to be willing to try a more aggressive approach every once in awhile. This is not done without praying first. I will not take the step if I feel that God, my coach if you will, has not given me the signal to go after it. And, when I listen, if I don’t get the expected results, I know there is something can learn from it. If my attempt is successful, I might get a little more than I even expected. That, to me, is a win-win situation. It is a lesson I wish I had learned and put into practice long ago. Nevertheless, the past is gone and I can only focus on how I approach my dreams in the future. Another lesson I learned from the ABA 3D rule was that teams will employ the full court press even when they are far ahead in points. Sometimes, when we are successful, we are even less motivated to take a risk than we are when we have failed. I feel like this is when God takes the opportunity to shake up our comfort zone and force us to do something radically different; something that requires that we fully press into our faith and trust in Him. So, when approaching your dreams and goals don’t be afraid to try a full court press. Start attacking from the start, create your own opportunities, and at the very least, you will show the devil and the world that you are serious about your plans. At the very most, you will show God that you trust in His plan. Ms. EV Last year, on New Year’s Day, my pastor preached a sermon titled, “On the Edge of Greatness.” With so much lately about going over the edge of a fiscal cliff, feeling like I am on the edge of something great from a ministry standpoint, and a couple of personal situations, this sermon came to mind. The spiritual nugget that I took from the sermon was a football analogy that pastor used (how apropos since I am a HUGE fan of the pigskin). He talked about how when a team is on their fourth down with one yard to go. (Wait, let me stop here, if you don’t understand football, this might not make sense, but I would be happy to explain the game to you, just drop me a line). Anyway, when a team has fourth down and one yard to gain for a first down, many times they pitch the ball to the running back about three to five yards back. What this does is allow the blocking to be set up and allow the running back to gain momentum, so that he can get through the defenders.
As a spectator, this play always looks wrong, but it is so awesome when it works. My pastor explained that sometimes, when we are on the edge of greatness, God has to take us back, so that we can move forward with momentum. On New Year’s Eve, I performed three of my songs during our service. I was surrounded by love and support from the congregation and I truly felt, for the first time, that I was on the edge of greatness. I felt like people finally understood what God is doing in my life and how I pray He uses it for the uplifting of His Kingdom. When I got home, I found out that my ex had been fired from his job. For a minute, in my loneliness, I thought I should reach out to him. I felt awful for him because I know that this job is his dream job and that, as I was wishing others a happy new year, he was probably not having a great day. Then, I took a step back mentally and emotionally. I remembered what our relationship was like and I remembered that although, we are both good people, we do not have the best time communicating with one another. So, what would be a nice sentiment from me might not be well-received. If it was well-received, and if he appreciated my concern, it might lead to more than just a step back. I might take my focus off of my goal completely and try to help and support him. Taking that step back, gave time for my defenses to be set up. I realized that I cannot afford to turn back, not when I am on the edge of greatness. So, I prayed for him and every time I think about him, I pray for him that he is able to continue to live his dream. I also prayed for me that nothing would slow down my momentum. I would hate to get to heaven and see that I was one step away from my dream when I turned my attention to something else. It is not easy to stay focused because I have more than one dream, but it is necessary to keep moving forward. And, when I come up against a tough situation, I have to take the time to allow God to take me back, so He can set up my blocks and propel me forward. Sometimes the things that stop us from being where God wants us to be are not bad things (or people). In fact, I think that good tasks, people, projects are far more dangerous to our paths than bad ones. With bad things, you know you should turn around and run the other way, but with seemingly good things, it makes you question if you should gun it up the middle or pop outside to the edge (another football reference). Then, as you hesitate, you might miss the opportunity that God has in place to move you forward into greatness. So, whatever path God has you on in your life, even if you haven’t reached your goal, stay the course. He will work it out for your good if you love, trust and obey Him. Ms. EV I was scrolling through my Facebook news feed yesterday reading through all of the New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day sentiments. I saw one post that said, My “New Year’s Solution (not resolution),” and I thought, “Well, I don’t know who originated this, but that was exactly my approach to last year.”
I am not big on resolutions because they are usually broken by the end of January. You know the ones: I am going to quit smoking, quit drinking, I am giving up on this man or that woman, I am going to start exercising more, start eating healthy, start reading my Bible everyday. We make these grand statements of improvement as resolutions and basically set ourselves up for failure. I know there are some people that keep every single resolution every year, so just assume I am not talking to you. Last New Year’s Eve, I had planned to go out with a friend, but she called and said she wanted to stay in for the night. So, I looked for things to do because I was determined not to ring in the New Year alone. I scrolled through the internet, Facebook, Twitter, trying to come up with some event that was not too expensive, too far away, and would not make me feel too awkward because I would be alone. Eventually, I realized that I would be spending the night alone. I laid in the middle of the floor and cried to God, “How long is it going to be like this?” And, when it felt like I had run out of tears, I cleaned up my face and started journaling. It was something that had helped me through some other rough patches in my life and 2011 was a rough, and I mean rough, year. In fact, 2009-2011 had been really bad and I just wanted to move forward. So, I said, “God, what are the real problem areas of my life?” I know I could eat healthier, exercise more, complain less, and that would fix some external things, but deep down, I needed to know how I ended up in the middle of the floor bawling my eyes out on New Year’s Eve, so I didn’t ever end up doing that again. So, I wrote down what was truly making me miserable last year: grief, hurt, bitterness, fear, trying to control everything. But, that was just one step of the process. You see, at the beginning of the year, we are really good at identifying the problem, but we need solutions. So, for everything that was causing pain in my life, I thought of a solution. I thought of something with which to replace it. I made little notes for my bathroom mirror, so that when I lost touch of my solutions I would have reminders each day. It sounds corny, but it works. Last night, I was home alone again after church. It was an awesome service full of love for God and each other. But, you know when I hit the door, the devil hit me with the, “That was nice, but now what? You’re still alone; just you and the cat ringing in the New Year. Have fun with that.” It affected me for about a nanosecond until I thought about all of the love and support I had received and I thought about how much better this year has been than the three preceding years combined. Why? Because everyday, I have been working on solutions. So, at 11:55, I turned off the television, I picked up my guitar and I played one of two new songs that God blessed me with just yesterday. I played and sang in the New Year. First, I sang my new song, Soul Satisfaction, and then, Amazing Grace. I sent my “Happy New Year!” messages, answered a few back, said my prayers and went to bed at peace. There is nothing wrong with making changes in the new year. I pray that the first solution you consider is Jesus Christ. If you are not saved, He will truly change your life when you surrender. If you are saved, He will truly change your life if you surrender. (Yes, I meant to say the same thing twice). If you don’t know what the solutions are, God will help you find them if you ask. What is going on internally that is causing external bad habits? Because, until you find the solution to the spiritual or emotional mysteries in your life, any physical changes you make may last for awhile, but will eventually be in vain. It is my prayer that you have a 2013 that allows you to experience the fullness of God because He is the ultimate New Year’s solution! Ms. EV I heard an interview on the radio for a program meant to empower young women called, “Goal Diggers.” I thought that was incredibly inventive. I am around young people all the time, and while many of them have career aspirations, I have heard one too many young ladies aspire to be the wife of a very rich man. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with wanting to be involved with someone who is financially secure. As a matter of fact, I am taking applications (must be over 72 inches tall). In any case, I find it sad when becoming a wife, girlfriend or baby mama of an athlete or entertainer is the only goal young women have in mind. In a day and age where people have become famous for being infamous, it is not difficult to see where these young ladies get the idea that snagging a rich guy is the way to go. You need only turn on the television for five minutes to any reality show about women (except ‘Mary Mary’) to see why young ladies value money and notoriety over anything else. I must admit that at times, I have wished I had thought to do something that went viral when I was younger, so that I could have a famous name. And though in my mid-twenties I was very interested in dating and marrying a football player, I was already an attorney; I had attained a lifelong goal, plus, I just really love football. In any case, I have always been told that the thing that makes your heart cry is where your passion lies. I know that when I ask a young lady what her goal in life is and she replies, “To meet Hugh Hefner and be one of his girlfriends, so I can live in his mansion,” that makes my heart break (that actually happened by the way). So, please help me to encourage young men and young women to become goal diggers. As a matter of fact, they do not even have to be young because I know some people my age and older that still do not know what they want to be when they grow up. Set SMART goals. These are goals that are Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Reasonable, and Time-Sensitive. Then, do not just stop at setting the goals. Pray and ask for God’s guidance about each step to reaching your goal. When you reach a goal, praise God and take time to celebrate the accomplishment. But, do not rest on your laurels. Once you have reached one goal, seek God’s wisdom about what is next. Trust me there is nothing wrong with wanting a man with a lot of riches. I am already in love with someone who has more riches than anyone can measure. And He loves me so much, that He gave His all just for me. He also loves me so much that He wants me to be everything that I am capable of being for the glory of His Kingdom. There is no earthly love or amount of wealth that could ever outweigh His love. Don’t be a gold-digger; be a goal-digger. Ms. EV Below is a song I wrote that is dedicated to |
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