Being an introvert means that I am only outspoken when I am extremely passionate about something. Other than that, I am loud when I am in performance mode and when I am around the people with whom I am the most comfortable. Alternatively, I am quiet most of the time. I spend most of my time by myself, so it would be weird if I talked a lot. I am quiet when I am processing or thinking about something. I am quiet when I know that what I say will cause a confrontation because I hate confrontation (unless it is something about which I am extremely passionate). Most of what I say is in my head though, and although, other people cannot hear it, God knows exactly what I am saying.
The other day, I was reading a devotional and came across this verse in Exodus, “God will fight the battle for you. And you? You keep your mouths shut!” Exodus 14:14 (MSG). It was a slap in the face, but the good kind; the kind that wakes you up. It was akin to one of my favorite prayers, Lord, keep Your arm around my shoulder…and Your hand over my mouth. Our words are very powerful, and I try to choose mine wisely, but I know that I am guilty of using my tongue as a sword. I used to be quite proud of having that as a talent. I loved the fact that I never had to actually put my hands on people because I could do much more damage with my words. I know that is a flawed mindset, but it was my defense mechanism. Now, that I have become more careful with my words, I still find destructive speech goes on in my head. Sometimes, it is directed at other people. Sometimes, it is directed at me. And sometimes, though I am not proud to admit it, it is directed at God. When I read that verse, it reminded me that no matter what is going on in my life, God has the final say. He can and will fight all of my battles and win. My job is to shut my mouth, whether that means not saying something out loud or quieting the negative voices in my head. The verse was directed towards the most quintessential whiners in all of history: the post-Egypt, pre-Promised Land Israelites. Despite all of the times God had delivered them, they still complained every time even a hint of adversity appeared. Now, before we get all high and mighty and condemn their whining ways, let us remember, well at least I know I need to remember, that we do the same exact thing. God rescues us over and over again, even sometimes when we create the calamity, and yet, we have doubt when a new storm arises. So, this verse reminds us, while God is fighting, we just need to be quiet, listen to Him and let Him handle it. Remember, we have two ears and one mouth for a reason. Ms. EV
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I truly believe that God places dreams within each of us, so that we can fulfill His purpose for our lives. What we do with our God-given dreams is up to us. But know, you were created for a purpose. We can turn the dream into ministry and reach to seek the lost. Or, we can devote our time to making the dream profitable. Is it possible to do both? Well, the Bible says that we cannot serve two masters. Still, I have faith that if I submit to God’s Will for my life and use the dreams He has placed in me for the building of His Kingdom and to glorify His Name, I will have riches untold. Those riches may be spiritual, material or both. And, whatever He provides will be enough and more than enough.
I have had several dreams. Some have always been present in my life; some have been present for a season. Some have been used to honor God, but honestly, most times, I got swept up in how the dream to uplift me. I have realized, the hard way, that God’s purpose for my life is for others to see Him through me and to feel His love through my love. All the good deeds and good intentions in the world are worthless if I am not seeking His Kingdom. At times, the dreams placed in our hearts may seem strange or even risky, but God knows what He is doing and He knows who He can use. My dream may not fit your life and yours may not fit mine. What God has for me is for me and what He has for you is for you. Once we know the gift He has given us, we must make the choice to live it out for His glory. We must choose to walk it out daily. You may not be able to see what is coming, but if you could, you might not take the leap of faith. So, trust in Him, lean on Him, let Him direct and guide you into the dream He has placed in your heart. Ms. EV As I was scrolling through Facebook statuses, I saw that one friend posted about pushing through adversity. Then, a few hours later, I noticed some posts from my oldest nephew about being disappointed and working harder, essentially pushing through rather than giving up. Though, I don’t know the situation my friend referred to and I do know the situation that my nephew referred to, both messages were inspiring. When, I combine that with the last few chapters of Acts that I have been reading and look at Paul’s perseverance through persecution, I am motivated to push through rather than lay down (even though laying down seems so much easier to do right now).
Many times in life we work very hard towards a goal and are then met with some sort of adversity. For example, I have been writing music for about eighteen years. This past summer, I decided, after a lot of pushing and prodding by others and prayers, to record some of my original music and make my first single available for sale online. I had gotten so much positive feedback about the message, the quality of my voice and the gifts that God with which God has blessed me, so I expected that “Worth Dying For” would touch hearts worldwide. I also expected that I would be able to raise the money to complete my debut CD. And, I had hoped that it would open doors for me to write music for other artists or have the opportunity to pay back my parents and record more music. Well, my Kickstarter project was not successful and I figured that it just was not the route that God had designed for me with my music. Then, when I got my first sales report two months after “Worth Dying For” was released internationally for sale through Amazon and iTunes, I discovered that ten copies of the song had been purchased (and I knew who had purchased four of the ten). No, that was not a typo…ten copies. I was crushed. Once again, I felt like I had listened to God’s prompting to go after my dream, yet the result felt like I had failed again. So, I decided to take a step back and just wait for God to show me what to do next. I am still in that waiting place and every day has not been pretty, but days like today, when communicates to me in so many ways and through so many people, I know that He is looking out for me and that He has my best interests in mind. Through my friend, God has assured me that I am not alone in facing adversity and that I need to keep pressing through it. Through my nephew, God has taught me to evaluate what I am doing and step up my game. I need to continue to work hard, but still have fun and just expect God’s best for me. Through Paul in Acts, God is teaching me that though I may face trials, though I may feel trapped or held captive, there is a purpose and a plan behind every trial. I am not giving up, but I am looking up…to the God with whom anything is possible. Ms. EV We have undoubtedly all heard the saying, "The grass is always greener on the other side." But, what exactly does this phrase mean. It usually means that from where you are standing, it seems the people around you have better everything. They have a better life, a better family, a better job, a better relationship. And, it's frustrating because you seem to be doing the same things, in fact, sometimes you're even doing better and you serve the Lord faithfully. Yet, they still seem to be getting the best in life while you are struggling to survive.
Most of my life I have been taught to ignore what other people have and that the grass only seems greener. But, a few years back one of our ministers shed some light on this popular phrase. He said that the grass really is greener and if you hop across the fence you'll see why. What's the best way to make grass grow? Fertilize it. What fertilizer makes grass all green and shiny? Usually, manure. So, when you hop over to "the other side" the grass is bright green, but you usually find yourself knee deep in...manure. The family with the fantastic house down the street is up to their eyeballs in debt. The woman whose husband is so perfect is cheating on her, or worse, he is abusive to her. The man at your job who got a promotion that you worked hard for stepped on so many people that they are plotting his undoing. Are we really sure that greener grass is what we want? Or, do we want the future and hope that God has promised us? I am going to put my hope in Christ. It may seem that others are prospering, but we have no business looking at what anyone else does or has because our focus should be on Christ alone. Ms. EV A couple of years ago, we studied the book Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World by Joanna Weaver. I felt like I could identify with both sisters,then, but at their worst, not their best. I knew that I, like Martha was so concerned about doing more instead of being close like Mary. I didn't understand how God could bless people who seemed to me to be shirking their responsibilities and sitting idly by while the rest of us labored. But, I also identified with Mary. When circumstances were not ideal, like Lazarus' death, I was grief-stricken. I couldn't understand why God didn't work things out how I expected when I felt that we were so close.
Now I see, after reading about Martha in All the Women of the Bible by Herbert Lockyer, that the sisters are not in complete contrast and their personalities are needed in the Kingdom. Just as Ecclesiastes declares, there is a time for everything. If serving comes from the heart, and not in an effort to gain recognition, then there is a time to serve. If sitting at the feet of Jesus is done to be closer to Him and not to get out of doing Kingdom work that we know He has called us to do, then there is a time to rest. When things go wrong, you can cry like Mary and question like Martha, as long as you know that by faith, God will make a way. The point is that we don't have to choose. We don't have to be like one sister or the other. We don't have to beat ourselves up for not being more like Mary or more like Martha. All we need to do is seek to be more like Jesus. There is room for every personality in the Kingdom. Each temperament and talent has its place. We can all stand together, and where one is weak, the other is strong. God made us and He knows every idiosyncrasy within our personality. Yet, He loves us dearly and will use us just as were are if we let Him. Ms. EV I really love my family. Yesterday, my oldest nephew turned 18 and we went out to dinner together and had a fantastic time. Tomorrow, I am going to celebrate my granddaddy’s 79th birthday with my family and I know it will be a great time. I know a lot of people that dread being around their families, and don’t get me wrong, we have our moments, but through ups and downs, thick and thin, trials and triumphs, I can honestly say that I would not trade my family for anything in the world. And, as a singleton, a strong family structure is such a blessing.
My parents are two of my best friends in this world. My siblings and I support each other even though we don’t always agree. And the little ones, well they’re not so little anymore, they are 4, 8, 15, 16 and 18, but they literally keep me going. Anytime I think about giving up, I have to pause and consider what message that would send to them, and I thank God for that. I thank God for all of them. Because of the way I grew up and how close in proximity we live to each other, I cannot imagine being out of touch with my family. However, I know that many families deal with deep-rooted issues that tear the structure of the family apart, but I would still encourage you to never take family for granted. Never put off the phone call to your mom or brother or grandparent that God laid on your heart because you don’t know what tomorrow will bring. Hug a little longer, speak a little more often, and love a little harder. Even if you cannot, for whatever reason, communicate with your family, keep them lifted up in prayer and watch God work miracles in your life and theirs. Other than the greatest gift of salvation, my family is the best gift God has given me. We laugh together, we cry together, and we love each other. What a blessing! Ms. EV Earlier today, I could not find my mailbox key. I was on my way home and I thought, “I should check my mail because I haven’t checked it in a week.” (I don’t really get much mail, so I only usually check it once a week unless I’m expecting something). I parked the car, reached for the mailbox key in its normal spot and it was not there. I searched all over the place for the key. I cleaned out my car, looked all over the house, and no key. I thought about how I could get another one, but then I was discouraged about how long that could take and what it might possibly cost to replace the key. I prayed and asked God to help me find the key.
Frustrated, I came upstairs and decided to just get on with my routine, eat my snack, check my e-mail and take a nap. I figured the key would turn up somewhere. While I was getting my snack, I felt the urge to look in a basket that I keep on my refrigerator. In the bottom on the basket was a mailbox key. It was not the one I was looking for, but it was a mailbox key. Now, I can check my mail, and maybe just maybe, I will find a big, fat check in there. So, what is the point of all of this? For weeks, I have been fighting a dark loneliness that I could not seem to find my way out of. I tried to do several things to take my mind off of sadness and nothing worked. I would think that I was close to the end of the trial and feel knocked right back into the midst of it. I was getting frustrated and angry because I could not seem to pull myself out of this place. But, this week, I got back into my routine, and little by little, I started feeling better. Just like with the mailbox key, when I prayed and stopped looking all around, I found the other key. Well, this week, I stopped looking all around to find joy and just settled back into my life. I still don’t have what I have been waiting for, as I am still alone; nevertheless, I am filled with the things that work just as well if not better: peace and joy. So, I AM BACK! Thank You, Jesus! Ms. EV Every once in a while God speaks to me through one of my students. I was teaching a lesson about breaking down arguments. First, you identify the claims. Then, you figure out what the conclusion is and what the premise or premises are that support said conclusion. In order to figure out how those premises work together to reach the conclusion, you have to determine if they are linked (dependent) or independent. I hope I haven’t lost any of you yet.
Anyway, I gave the students an example for practice. They needed to figure out the relationship between the premises; whether they were dependent or independent. When I revealed that they were independent, a voice rang out, “No, they are not; they have to go together!” I resisted the urge to remind the student that I am the teacher, I had the answer key, and I had done this same question three times, so I knew what I was giving the correct answer. Instead, I explained that, while the statements made a stronger argument together, each statement could stand on its own and make sense with the conclusion. Just then, a young lady said, “I get it. It’s like men and women. We don’t NEED each other, but when two get together sometimes they are stronger.” This is what I call a “light bulb moment.” God allowed a fifteen year old to make the issue of earthly relationships so plain to me. And, this doesn’t just apply to romantic relationships. Any child of God who is living wholly and fully in God, can stand alone and make sense. However, he or she can stand with another believer, whether it is a husband, family member, friend or fellow worshipper, and become even stronger. So, while we may feel that we have to be together because together we feel stronger, wiser and better, we are able to stand alone and still make sense. On the other hand, one cannot take God out of the equation. When we are not linked to God, not only do we not make sense, but nothing makes sense. Think about a time in your life when you felt that you were not connected to God. Did anything make sense? If it did, I would challenge you to examine your relationship with Christ. I know that in my life, in some dark times, things did not make sense because I had moved away from the One to whom I should have been linked. And, other times seem like dark times because I am want so desperately to be linked to someone else, when I am perfectly capable of standing alone with God. It is clear that now is not the time that God desires for me to have certain connections. He wants me all to Himself, and that is perfectly fine because, as long as I stay dependent on Him alone, everything will start to make more sense. I am sure my student has no idea the impact her words had on my present situation, but I thank God for her and for wisdom and understanding. Ms. EV For the month of September, the ministers at my church are focusing on love. So far, we have been taught about the love chapter, losing our first love, and loving our neighbors. It has been difficult to hear all of this preaching on love. I am in a place in my life where I know God loves me, I love God and I have a loving family, yet, I am struggling with loneliness. In the past, I have had moments where I felt lonely, but I quickly got over it. I would have a bad day or couples of days, shed some tears, say some prayers and bounce right back. But, not this time; this time the empty, dark, abandoned feelings just will not seem to go away. Every time I feel like I am past it and I have made it to the other side of this terrible place, I get knocked back down. I am fine when I am distracted by my responsibilities, but then, before I know it, I am sucked back into this very pitiful and lonely place.
Even when I am surrounded by people, I can still feel neglected. Because, when the day is over, or the event is over, and the dust settles, I walk to my car alone, drive to my house alone, and sit in my house…alone (with my very spoiled cat, of course). I just want to experience having a relationship again. I know I am supposed to be content with what I have. I know that God knows what is best for me. I know that God has a plan. The fact that I know all of this is why I feel even worse about feeling this way. I have to question whether I have done something wrong, or I am not spending enough time alone with God, or if this is just one of those trials that is preparing me to move forward. In the past, I would usually have some other great triumph in some other phase of my life that I could look to and be grateful for that made it feel a little bit better that I have to be alone in this time period. But, lately, I seem to be at a standstill in almost every area of my life. Usually, this would be the part where I would say, “but then…” and provide some update to how things have changed dramatically and I wish I could, but there is no big update. I have taken in the sermons about love and I have asked God to reveal to me what I need to know concerning the preached Word. I have learned that the love that I show is not perfect; it is a work in progress and I have to learn to love in the way that God intended us to love. I have realized that my relationship with God is the most important relationship I could ever have because without His love, grace and mercy, I do not know how I would survive. I have ascertained that I need to allow God’s love to be the motivating force in my life. My situation has not changed, but God’s love has not changed either. He never said this life would be easy, but He did say that He would never leave me. And, I know that things could be much worse, so I will continue to praise and continue to love, and I will be sure to give Him the glory now and on the other side of this trial. Ms. EV This week’s Sunday school lesson came from Hebrews 12:1-13. The focus of the lesson was how God trains us to live the life He has planned for us through discipline. The verses use the example of parents disciplining their children and how we respect parents who discipline their young and teach them the right way to go. So, if we respect earthly parents who punish their children, then how much more respect and admiration should we give our Heavenly Father when He chastens us.
As the lesson began and I read the verses, I first felt guilty for complaining to God, and my mom and my best friend about my current struggles because, as the verses say, I may be struggling in some areas of my life, but I have not “suffered unto death” as Christ did. No matter how bad it feels that my circumstances are getting, there is nothing that I can go through that Jesus did not face. And, I can look to Him as an example of how to face difficulties. When I feel lonely, I can see that He also felt lonely, especially just before He died. When, I feel like my friends don’t understand what I am going through, I know that Jesus felt the same way, as His disciples could not understand anything He was trying to tell them and His closest allies could not even stay awake long enough to pray with Him. When we got to the verses about God chastening those He loves, I sat and wondered, “God, I know I am not perfect, but I cannot think of what I did to be in this state where I feel like I am being punished. I know I have done things in the past, but I trust and believe Your Word that I have been forgiven. I know I will have to face some consequences from past actions, but I feel like I am living in a perpetual state of punishment. And, if you will show me what I am being punished for, I will repent and fix it.” I remember when I was little and I would get in trouble. I always wanted my parents to just spank me, so we could move past the punishment. The worst feeling was when my parents did not spank me or even yell at me, but just simply said, “I am really disappointed in you because you know better.” And, lately, I have been feeling like God is saying He is disappointed in me. I have been feeling that there is something I am supposed to be doing or a lesson that I am not learning and I just want to get my punishment, so we (God and I) can move forward from here. Then, one of the members of the class pointed out that discipline from God is not punishment for things that we do. It is not God’s way of calling attention to our wrongdoings, so we can beat ourselves up about them. God uses discipline to train us; to prepare us for the things that He has reserved for us. I would be lying if I said that I immediately felt better because I did not. I thought, “Ok, Lord, if it’s not something that I did wrong and I am being prepared and not punished, then what part of this preparation am I not getting because this process is painful.” Nevertheless, I know that everything I am going through and every feeling that I feel is something that my Lord and Savior is familiar with, so I just need to seek Him and ask for His comfort and peace through these growing pains. There is something that is going to happen in my life for which I need preparation. God loves me enough to allow me to feel uncomfortable right now, so that when the time comes to reveal the next step on my path, I will not stray and I will be able to fully enjoy what God has for me. He promises that it is all working out for my good and for His glory. If you have experienced something similar or are experiencing something similar, hang in there. God is not punishing you; He is preparing you, so that you can live an abundant life on earth, and then, an eternal life in Heaven. Listen, obey and walk in His Word. He has your best interests in mind. Ms. EV |
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