I am beginning to feel that I am being too nice. I have been a people-pleaser. I have even been a doormat. I have purposely tried to find balance between being those things and being intolerably mean because for a lot of my life I did not see that there could be a middle ground. But, apparently lately I am erring too much on the side of nice because people are feeling as though they can say and do anything around me, which is not true. As a teacher especially, it is tricky to find a balance. Please don’t misunderstand me. Not being liked by students does not bother me at all. They are teenagers and they change their minds about who and what they like as often as they change their clothes. I do have a problem when I feel disrespected.

In my professional and personal life, I try to make other peoples’ lives easier. If I have knowledge to impart or experience to share, I am willing to give of myself. Sometimes I have done this to the point of being an enabler. I also do not believe in making things difficult for no reason; however, there are some lessons that need to be learned by the person and I cannot let them have the easy way out, but other times, I choose my battles. Recently, today in fact, I have seen that the reaction by several of my students to my kindness is to mistake it for weakness. Because they are grasping for boundaries, they try to see how much they can get away with before they have a consequence. The cute part is when they act surprised when there is a consequence. I have also seen in some of my friends that because I do not cram my beliefs down their throats, they feel that they can say anything in front of me.

Jesus was meek, but He also braided a whip and flipped tables in the Temple. I do not enjoy getting angry, but I do. In fact, my usual immediate response following anger is to cry because I got angry and it saddens me. Nonetheless, anytime someone demonstrated to me that they believe me to be weak or inept, it results in me getting angry. Is it okay to be a Christian and be mad? I think so. It is how we handle our anger that is important. Humility and meekness are difficult traits to learn and they are made even more difficult when people feel that they can step all over you. I feel that this is one of the subtle sufferings of Christians. It is something that doesn’t seem like it would be innately difficult, but it truly is difficult. The good news is that I know it is not impossible. I am going to pray for God’s guidance in how to remain meek and gentle, while still showing that I deserve and require respect. I know that meek does not equal weak, docile does not equal doormat. I just need to know how to help others realize the same thing. I would love to hear your thoughts. Ms. EV

My niece wants to be a teacher like her mother and I. The difference is that she knows she would like to be a teacher now. Her mother and I both had other careers, aspirations, and experiences prior to teaching. I think both us still have dreams that go beyond teaching. But, my niece is pretty determined that this is what she wants to do, so today, she shadowed me. She watched me in my class. Now, I am very, very frank and candid with my older nephews and niece, I keep it real, so I did not sugarcoat anything that I did in class today. There was no show; it was all real.

I needed to confront my students on some behaviors that were displeasing to me. Normally, this would not occur in front of an audience, but it had to be done now because it is the middle of the last quarter and there is only a short amount of time to correct bad behavior. So, after my correcting yesterday, I knew that I had to approach the issue with sensitivity and grace. You know the saying, “You can attract more flies with honey than with vinegar?” Well, I really don’t know why anyone wants to catch flies, but that’s not the point. The point is that in this particular moment, the attention of my students was the fly. I could have laid into them; I had plenty of ammunition. Instead, I took a soft, but stern approach. And, although, they didn’t say much to me, word travelled back around that my approach was appreciated.

Time will tell if my audience was indeed moved to action, but when I asked my niece what she learned. She replied, “That your kids need to do their work,” Then, I asked her for her honest opinion on how I handled the situation and she said I handled it well. That meant more to me than any reaction from my students. As a Christian, it is not always easy to find the balance between nice and mean. I think I’ve written about it several times in the last couple of weeks because it is an area I am working on personally. My desire is for others to see Christ in me, but that does not mean that I am to be disrespected because I show grace and mercy.

This entire situation was a great lesson in how we treat God. He gives us opportunity after opportunity to follow His Will, and yet, many times, we disrespect Him and take His kindness for granted. So, I understand why, in the Old Testament, God took people out in those situations because initially that’s how I felt. But, I am so glad that He sent Jesus and sees us through Jesus’ eyes, with grace and mercy. I hope I get the results I desire, but I will not be a salty light or spread venomous vinegar around to get my “flies.” I will listen to the Holy Spirit’s guidance, and behave accordingly.  Ms. EV