For the foreseeable future, Ms. EV's Blog will feature music from Toni LaShaun Music. Today's song is He's Still God. I wrote this song partly in tribute to my grandmother, Dorothine Bates, and in part for the victims of senseless crimes. In this world, sometimes we experience tragedies that make us wonder why God allows such sadness and pain, but we must be confident in the fact that God is still God. He is still in control. He still sits on the throne and every battle in this life belongs to Him. He will win every time! If you know someone who could use it, please feel free to share this blog with her...Ms. EV

He’s Still God

© Copyright 2012 Toni L. Wortherly
I laid awake I prayed and prayed
That her healing would arrive
I thought that she was getting better
She was so full of love and life
Then the phone rang and off I drove
Only to get there too late
I didn’t get to say goodbye
I’ll never forget that day

Though the pain seemed like too much to handle
Though the tears felt like they’d never end
I know she’s safe in Jesus’ arms right where she belongs
And in my despair He holds my hand

He’s still God
Even when I face the darkest hours
He can still hear my cries
He still holds all the power
He’s still there
Even when it seems too much to bear
Although I know life can be hard
I also know that He’s still God

Seems I can’t turn on the news
Without a story of violence and slaughter
It seems like life is not even valued anymore
People are killing their own sons and daughters

They are so self-consumed and they don’t think
Of the victims they leave behind
Just senseless acts with torturous costs
It truly blows my mind

Though it seems the enemy is too much to handle
Though the devil may think that he has won
I know in the end that my God wins
All these earthly battles belong to the Lord

He’s still God
Even when we face the darkest hours
He can still hear our cries
He still holds all the power
He’s still there
Even when it seems too much to bear
Although I know life can be hard
I also know that He’s still God

A few years ago, I felt very deeply hurt by someone extremely close to me. As a result, I limited my contact and conversation with the person to try to ease my pain. It did not mean that I did not forgive the person or that I did not love the person, but it seemed to me to be too painful to let the person get as close to me as we once were. What started as me protecting myself became a grudge. Instead of just being cautious, eventually, I became callous; doing my best to exclude this person from as much of my life as possible. I felt completely justified at the time.

Then, while attending a workshop, I heard the question, “Have you ever been hurt or felt betrayed by someone you love?” I was quick to identify with the notion. The overseer of the exercise went on to ask questions like, “Do you still love that person?” and, “Does that person still love you?” and, “How would you react if something happened to that person and you never saw them again? What would be the last interaction that you had with them?” At this point, I started crying my eyes out because, as much as I could point to the pain of feeling hurt by this person, just the thought of anything happening to this person presented a much deeper and more catastrophic type of pain. I began to think if I could live with myself, look myself in the mirror, and know that this person’s last thought of me might be one of me being filled with contempt rather than compassion.

I knew I could not begin the road to rebuilding the relationship without God’s guidance and help. And, though we are not nearly as close as we used to be, I know that my love is obvious. I know that if we don’t have a tomorrow together, I have made it known how much I care. And, that is really all we are in control of when it comes to others. Some people are hard to love, but we love them anyway. When we put it in perspective, we should be able to say, “If God can love someone like me, then I should be able to love anybody.” And when we love, we have to love past hurt feelings and feelings of betrayal. That is not an easy thing to do, but God is able to guide us through it. I know because He did it for me.

Many times, when we are hurt by those we love, we tend to think that time will heal the wounds, but we are not promised any amount of time on this side of Heaven to make things right. Think about the grudges you hold against the people you love. Think about how you treat them as a result of the pain they imposed. And, even though, you feel justified in punishing them or protecting yourself from experience that type of pain again, think about this: what if you don’t get to fix it? What if there is never another opportunity to say, “You know what, I feel like you were wrong when you did this…. It hurt me. It hurt me, especially because I love you and I know you love me.” Or, vice versa, what if you are the person in the wrong? Think about how it would feel to know that all you had to say was, “I apologize and I love you,” but pride got in the way and now, you will never get the chance.

This is not really about the reaction of the other person. This is about you. Can you live with yourself if that person leaves this earth and thinks that you hate them (whether they are right or not)? Can you live with yourself if the last impression that person has of you is you treating them cruelly? I knew I could not do it. So, I asked God to help me move past anger and resentment. I sought God to help me forgive because He is the author of forgiveness. He pulled me through it and He would do the same thing for you. Don’t put yourself in a situation where you don’t get a chance to fix it. Make the choice today to repair what is broken and I promise it will feel like a thousand tons of weight is lifted from your shoulders. Forgiveness and love are the way to go; if not, there would have been no need for Jesus to die on a cross to save you and me. Ms. EV

Yesterday, I was walking up the stairs to Sunday school and my knee buckled. I went to reach for the railing and I pulled something in my neck and back. The pain was excruciating! I could not turn my head. I could not breathe too deeply. I was miserable. And, everybody knew it. I barely heard the lesson in Sunday school, but I did pick up a few nuggets of wisdom, like, "We don't face adversity because we did something wrong," and "When you have a problem, you should shake it off and not hold on to it and complain and whine." So, I tried to pull it together because I knew I had to sing. And, I didn't want to affect others' worship experience because I was in pain. Still, as I told my family, I was not born with the ability to hide pain, so everyone knew there was something wrong.

The first song was one that I don't like to sing because I always feel like I am lying when I sing it. It says, "I don't mind waiting on You, Lord." And while I will wait on the Lord to move my life in His direction, in His time and according to His will, I am not sure that I always do so with an, "I don't mind" attitude. It's more of an, "I know that being impatient leads to bad things, so I don't have any choice, but to wait" attitude. The sermon subject was, "Wait on the Lord," so I started to sense that God was speaking to me through the lessons.

The problem was that, even though, I had taken some ibuprofen to try to kill the pain from my earlier incident, it was NOT working. So, throughout the sermon, I was desperately trying to listen, but my pain would not lessen. Eventually, I got frustrated, and instead of writing sermon notes, I began to ask God questions, like, "How long am I going to be waiting?" Waiting for what you ask: for my physical pain to end, for my loneliness to end, for my dreams to start coming true. I wanted to clap and praise with everyone else, but I was so bogged down with physical and emotional pain that all I could do was cry.

Then, I felt guilty because on a scale of one to ten, my problems are a negative twelve, when I look at what others are facing. Why am I such a baby? Why do I have such a low tolerance for pain? Why am I so spoiled? Am I like the children of Israel? Am I making my journey longer than it has to be because I whine? The devil is good, isn't he? That dude had me so distracted and I played right into his hands for a minute. Upon reflection, though, I realized that I have started to make great progress on my music this weekend. And, I still haven't been approached by a guy in a long time, but I am able to use my experiences to help others. My neck still hurts, but it's nothing I cannot handle, and through that injury, I saw how much my family really loves me.

So, I guess this is what the prophet Isaiah meant by "run and not get weary...walk and never faint." I truly felt like I was down for the count yesterday. My issues are teeny-tiny, but when combined and over time, sometimes they seem overwhelming. That's when God steps in with those eagles' wings to help us continue to soar. I am still waiting. I know there will be a grand testimony after this because there are great testimonies all up and through this. To God be the glory! Ms. EV

I am not really a girly girl. I do not wear makeup, unless I am going to be in a show. I do not really wear or like to buy jewelry. And, because of my above average height, and back and knee issues, I am not a big fan of wearing high heels, but I know how to look good when I walk out of the door. I do have a couple of beauty rituals that show my girly side, like the occasional mani/pedi and facial. I think every girl has her own individual beauty regimen (and some guys do too, but that’s a conversation for another day). I remember, back in the day, when my BFF and I would get ready to go out, there would always be some part of our beauty ritual or some part of our outfit that was uncomfortable, and maybe even, a little painful. But, her mantra, that I adopted, was, “Beauty knows no pain.”

I am not a big fan of pain, let’s just get that straight. I am not advocating that people physically hurt themselves for beauty’s sake, but to each her own. We all have our own beauty rituals. However, this mantra is more about sacrifice. Back then, it was dealing with the prospects of pinning up hair tightly to get it to look perfect, or wearing a shoe that was going to hurt after five minutes, but makes the calves look phenomenal. It is about pushing past the pain to let the beauty shine through.

Yesterday, as I was getting a facial, I thought about this old mantra. If you have never had a facial, I find them to be the most underrated beauty treatment available. It starts with a steaming and cleansing of the face and neck area. Then, gentle exfoliation with a light brush. Then, your eyes are covered and out comes the large magnifying glass, bright light and little silver tools. The process is called extraction, and it consists of removing all of the stuff under your skin that you cannot see with the naked eye and removing dead skin that is still on your face. As I was lying there yesterday, during this process, I momentarily wondered why I was voluntarily putting myself through the pain, even paying for it. I subsequently remembered what my face looks and feels like after each facial. It feels clean, light and fresh, maybe even a little unburdened. And, after the extraction comes a relaxing massage.

There is a point to all of this. I have sometimes heard people say that there is no pain in love. I find love to be the ultimate expression of beauty in this world. While I do not believe that one should take abuse, physical, mental or emotional, from someone who claims to love them, I do believe that in love, the ultimate expression of beauty, there will be pain. When a person truly loves, it oftentimes starts out as refreshing and relaxing, but when it comes time to get past the surface, there are some sacrifices that need to be made. And, many times, those sacrifices are painful. Sometimes it means putting those who you love before your own desires. Sometimes it means giving up things and people that you feel you need. Sometimes, the person you love does something that would never bother you if another person did it, but because you love them, it hurts. I am not speaking of casual love; I am talking about real, deep relationships with God, family, spouses and true friends.

Sacrifice and pain are not pleasant or fun. And, again, I am not talking about a person who maliciously tries to harm you. I mean those times in love when you have to make a choice that is uncomfortable, but is what is best for the relationship. If you can push past the discomfort, you can reveal true beauty; something even more satisfying than what you had before. For anyone who is still doubting that there is pain in love, look only to our Savior. His sacrifice, the ultimate sacrifice, was beautiful. Jesus had to push past the pain to reconnect us with God. None of us will ever feel the type of pain He felt or give as much as He gave. Still, I am grateful that the beauty of His love knew no pain that day. It is not that it was not painful, but that He endured the pain for you and for me. That is true love and beauty and because of His sacrifice, we can enjoy more beautiful, fresh, new, unburdened relationships with God and others. Ms. EV