I got a lot of fantastic and encouraging comments last week while I was showcasing my music at One Spark. But, the comment that had the most impact, and was spoken by more than one person was, "It's about time!" The context was different each time that the words were spoken, but, even though it sounds a bit like a dig, it was always encouragement.
For some, the statement meant that they were excited that I had finally gotten up off of God's gifts and started to do something with it. I have been singing since I was a teenager and writing since my late teens/early twenties. When I got out of college, I tried to do a couple of demos with some pop/R & B songs I had written. It did not work out. A little while later, I was invited to a gospel music conference where I one of my favorite gospel artists of all time and worked with another very successful gospel artist. I made a lot of contacts, but I still did not advance in my singer/songwriter career. A few years after that, my computer crashed. I lost all of my music, plays, poems, except for the hard copies of the music I had taken to the gospel conference. Since I didn't feel like my book was successful, and I had lost most of my hard work, I felt like God was telling me that this was not what He had for me. I quit. And, for about two years, the music stopped. Then, my grandmother passed away and I was in a pretty deep depression. At my lowest point, I thought about how disappointed she would be if I let grief take me out. So, one night, I decided that I no longer had any excuses. I always said that no one would listen to my songs because they had no accompaniment, so I bought a guitar. I used money as an excuse for not recording, so I saved up money to record one song at a time. I used the fact that I could not get signed or published as an excuse, so I started this blog for my writing, and I copyright and publish my own music for now. It's about time! It's about time I stopped letting excuses keep me from walking in the gifts that God has given me. It's about time that I took advantage of opportunities to spread the Gospel through music and writing. It's about time I started believing that my God is able to do just what needs to be done in my life for His purpose and glory. It's about time! Ms. EV
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How can you put a timetable on the Father of time? When I was younger, I had my whole life planned out. I would finish high school, and then go to college, hopefully graduating early, so that I could go to law school and be finished before I was 24. Then, I would get married and have my first child by 25, so that I could have the other one or two before I turned 30 and there would be at least two years in between them. I would, of course, be doing all of this, while becoming a highly sought-after corporate attorney and the best wife ever. Well, I graduated from high school on time and from college a year early. But, I filled both experiences with so much pressure to be perfect and so many extra activities that, by the time I graduated from college, I was EXHAUSTED.
I told my parents that I wanted to come back home and work for a year before I went back to school and they were very receptive to the idea. That still would allow me to graduate law school by 24 and continue on my timetable. Then, I met my ex-husband. I had already been accepted to law school, but the relationship was going so well, and he wanted to marry me, so I didn’t want to leave for law school until after we had a proper courtship and marriage. This was not exactly part of my plan, but still fit in the plan. You see, by getting married, I was ensuring that I would have a husband, so we could start having babies as soon as I graduated. Actually, as time went on, we planned that we would start trying to get pregnant during my third year, so that I could have the baby as close to my graduation date as possible, so, I could stay home until they were old enough for daycare, and then find a job. That didn’t exactly go as planned since I got divorced after my first year of law school. Then, I realized I didn’t want to be a lawyer. My whole plan and my timetable went out the window. So, for the next five years, I tried to figure out what I was supposed to do and who I was supposed to be. All the while, I was thinking that I had to have a child by the time I was 30. Then, I turned 30, and while I found a career that I love and had a boyfriend, I still felt pressured to be married and have a child. Then, in the last few years, I have been single and dateless and my job has become less satisfying, so once again, I started searching for or what I am supposed to be. Now, though, I know that I can only find that answer by seeking God’s face. When I think about my crazy timetables and the pressure that I brought on myself, it all feels so ridiculous. I was accomplishing and achieving, and even, envied, but I was also anxious, aggravated and exhausted. All God wants me to be is His forever, and since He has forever, who am I to try to plan a good time for things in my life? He has a reason for every season. The old fable of the tortoise and the hare teaches that, “Slow and steady wins the race.” So even, when my life seems to be moving in slow motion, I have to know that if am obedient and walk in His Will and His Way, everything that happens in my life is on time. Ms. EV |
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