Just the other day, I was remarking about how if adults want children to act a certain way, they should model that behavior. The comment came from watching a specific adult. This particular person has made it clear that whining will not be tolerated. This adult has made it clear that if the child or the parent or guardian of the child whines about any policies, that child will not get the same opportunities as others. Now, I am a whiner at times, you know, squeaky wheel gets the oil, and I believe that when you feel that something is not right, you should point it out. Is there a better way than whining about it? Absolutely, but sometimes one gets so frustrated that the legitimate observations he or she is making come off as whining. I truly understand both sides of the issue.
Nevertheless, as I watch this adult in high intensity situations in which this adult is the focus of many, including those who are, at times, admonished for their behavior, I noticed that the behavior exhibited by this adult is the very thing that this individual tells the children not to do. There is yelling, screaming, and whining when this person does not get what this person wants and it is constant. The children see this and I see them acting and reacting in the same way. Why? Because, even though they have been warned and/or punished by this adult, they still like, respect, and look up to this adult. So, whatever behaviors are exhibited, and this adult does have great qualities, like being fun-loving and friendly, but the children emulate all of the behaviors; the good and the bad. There is a great lesson to be learned from this. I do not know about anyone else, but me, so I will speak to my experience. Sometimes, I am so focused on my best qualities that I fail to notice when I exhibit my worst qualities. I expect that those around me will pick up on the best insights that I have to offer, but they will ignore the insults that so easily slide off of my tongue. I expect that the people over whom I have some influence will see me setting, seeking and reaching goals and will be inspired to do the same. I forget that they might also see me seeking validation from all of the wrong places and they may think that nothing they do is fruitful unless someone else cosigns. I want them to see me when I am being generous, but to turn a blind eye when I hold grudges. Everyone has their sphere of influence. We must be careful that we are examples, especially, if we are Christians. I said something last night in front of my niece that should have never entered my mind let alone come out of my mouth. Sure, I laughed because it was funny at the time, but then, this morning, I thought twice about it and realized that I need to be an example of how to be hilarious without being inappropriate or insulting. I am not suggesting that people be fake; be who you are just be mindful of who is watching you and how you may shape that person’s idea of Christ-likeness. If we want the people around us to behave a certain way, we need to give them a proper example. We all have the greatest example of how to act and react in any situation in Christ Jesus. Sometimes we wonder where the children (or even adults) around us get their worst behavioral habit. Well, I am reminded of an old ‘Say No to Drugs’ commercial where a father grills his son about why he is doing drugs. The son responds, “I learned it by watching you!” You might not be lighting up a joint in front of impressionable young people, but your bad habits can be just as contagious. So, be an example; it matters not whether you are dealing with your own relatives or someone else’s, just set a good example. Then, not only will you be cleaning up the junk in your life, but you might just help someone else live a better life as well. Ms. EV
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For the past four years, our school has participated in an international program known as Challenge Day. This program is designed to bridge the gaps between ages, races, genders, and basically anything else that causes us to judge people by helping us look introspectively and realize that many other people have the same trial and triumphs that we have. There are some incidents in life that transcend every category of human being like loneliness, pain, loss. But, it is not just the sad things in life that brings us together; we also all should have dreams, goals, victories and things for which we are grateful.
If you ever get to participate in Challenge Day by volunteering as an adult leader or just being a participant, I would encourage you to do so. Not knowing who has had this experience and who has not, I will not reveal to much about the process. Although, I have done it five times (same process) and have gained something new each time, including this week when I participated twice in the same week with the same Challenge Day leaders. One of the activities that most people are familiar with is called, "If You Really Knew Me...." The "If You Really Knew Me" exercise challenges participants to push past their images and tell people what they would know if they saw all of the the aspects of that person hidden under the surface. Everytime I think I am showing my most authentic self, this activity makes me examine what else I am hiding from others. It doesn't have to be all bad things. as a matter of fact, listening to what others go through (especially children) will really make you want to be more vocal about the part of your life for which you are grateful. It's not about telling a group of strangers all of your business, but it is about sharing more of yourself than the superficial. I remember in my early twenties, I almost had a breakdown because I had so many images that I had no idea which one was the real me. Now, I have very little problem showing the real me. I am actually quite transparent, but I do have my secrets that only those closest to me will know because I don't believe everything should be revealed. However, if we have things in our lives that would help someone better understand how we operate, we should not be ashamed of those things, specifically if it is something we survived or are surviving. And, if we have experiences that will help those around us, why should we let them feel alone in what they are going through? Do we not remember what it feels like to face tough times while feeling lonely? I believe the world could be a better place if people were not afraid to be 100% real, flaws, failures and all! So, I encourage you to finish the line, "If you really knew me, you would know that...." Then, think about sharing it with those closest to you. Admittedly, it is probably easier to do this with complete strangers for many of us than with those with whom we have our closest relationships. Still, maybe there is some part of you that they just don't understand and by sharing, you can start a dialogue that brings you closer together. If nothing else, finish the line for yourself, so that you have an idea of what if feels like to be the real you and you can live in the identity and personality that God has planned for you. If you really knew me, you would know that I write as an escape, so that the feelings I have inside do not fill me up so much that I explode. Knowing that most of my thoughts are public makes it easier to just be myself. Now, it's your turn. If you want to you can leave yoursMs. EV Growing up with siblings, it is inevitable that at some point, one or more siblings will have what one or more other siblings want. The items can be anything from toys to candy to clothes to money. Now, if you are the sibling who wants the commodity, you face the dreaded task of having to bargain with your sibling for said commodity. You know the drill, “I’ll do your chores for a week,” “I won’t bother you while you’re on the phone with your friends,” or “I won’t tell mom and dad that you were…when they thought you were…;” seems like it’s all about leverage with siblings. But, sometimes you have nothing with which to barter, and you are just hoping that your sibling will let you have or borrow whatever it is that you need. If you are the sibling with the hot commodity, you are in a fantastic situation. You can choose the payoff for the prized item. And, if there are multiple items from which to choose, you get to pick which one to let your sibling have or borrow.
So, in this scenario, if the sibling receiving the item would prefer to have a different item, but has no leverage, the phrase, “Beggars can’t be choosers,” is often used. What this means is that, because one is in a needy position, he or she should be content with whatever item is acquired. After all, he or she is the one in need with nothing to offer in return. How then does someone with nothing to offer have the audacity to make demands about a loan or a gift? Having been in this situation with family members, friends, and students, I understand what it is like to offer assistance to someone who is in need only to have them tell me that they want something more or different. So, I get why people use this phrase in certain contexts. However, this idiom should never be used toward or by someone who is waiting on God for a blessing. It occurs to me, as I expand my visibility in the dating world, that I have a very specific “someone” for whom I am waiting. If you pinned me down, I could make a list, but honestly, I just know if someone will be a good fit for my quirks. I actually am glad that I have a lot of idiosyncrasies. It narrows down the amount of people I have to wade through to get to the right one. I am beginning to think that there may actually only be one person who can fit the mold. And, that is fine by me because: a) I only need one person to fit the mold; and b) I will know that this person is sent by God because it is really difficult to be the person I desire to have in my life. I am 34 years old. I am divorced and I have no children and a ticking biological bomb (yes, I meant to say bomb and not clock). I would love to have someone with whom I could go to dinner or cuddle on the couch or go to karaoke or sporting events. But I am not a beggar, and therefore, I can be a chooser. I once was a beggar. I was a desperate girl who just wanted to be in a relationship, so I compromised. I compromised who I was, what I wanted in life, what I deserved and what I believed in on more than one occasion for the sake of not being alone. But, at this point in my life, I have been alone for so long, that it would just seem silly to start making compromises now. I hear this all the time, “I’m not saying lower your standards; I’m just saying be more open. You never know where love will come from.” Um, actually, I do know where love comes from; it comes from God. He is the same God that I talk to all day every day; the same God that knows me inside and out and know that I am weird--er, um unique. God knows exactly what I want and what I need. I don’t think I hear Him saying, “Girl, sending you a man that fulfills all of your desires is just too hard for Me. Can you ease up a bit?” Rather, I think God is saying, “I made you who you are and I know you. You will know who to choose because you will know that I sent him because he will be the perfect one for you.” My best friend says, “Every pot has its lid.” And, I cannot help but think of my parents, who have been together for thirty-nine years. They are so different from each other, but they understand each other’s quirks and they are each other’s best friend. They don’t try to change each other. Okay, well my dad tries to get my mom to try weird food, but he would never leave her because she is not like him and vice versa. I am not a beggar, and beloved of God, neither are you. So, wait for what you want. Being a chooser does not make you uppity, suddity, bourgeois, or ungrateful. It makes you a human being who knows what he or she wants and trusts God to deliver on His promises. Now, run and tell that! Ms. EV A couple of years ago, we studied the book Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World by Joanna Weaver. I felt like I could identify with both sisters,then, but at their worst, not their best. I knew that I, like Martha was so concerned about doing more instead of being close like Mary. I didn't understand how God could bless people who seemed to me to be shirking their responsibilities and sitting idly by while the rest of us labored. But, I also identified with Mary. When circumstances were not ideal, like Lazarus' death, I was grief-stricken. I couldn't understand why God didn't work things out how I expected when I felt that we were so close.
Now I see, after reading about Martha in All the Women of the Bible by Herbert Lockyer, that the sisters are not in complete contrast and their personalities are needed in the Kingdom. Just as Ecclesiastes declares, there is a time for everything. If serving comes from the heart, and not in an effort to gain recognition, then there is a time to serve. If sitting at the feet of Jesus is done to be closer to Him and not to get out of doing Kingdom work that we know He has called us to do, then there is a time to rest. When things go wrong, you can cry like Mary and question like Martha, as long as you know that by faith, God will make a way. The point is that we don't have to choose. We don't have to be like one sister or the other. We don't have to beat ourselves up for not being more like Mary or more like Martha. All we need to do is seek to be more like Jesus. There is room for every personality in the Kingdom. Each temperament and talent has its place. We can all stand together, and where one is weak, the other is strong. God made us and He knows every idiosyncrasy within our personality. Yet, He loves us dearly and will use us just as were are if we let Him. |
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