Yesterday, I talked about Job and the challenges he faced in being tested by God. One thing about Job that I liked was that he was a real human, and even though he endured and did not give up his faith, he did ask questions. God’s response was that He created all and knows all, but I do not believe that He responded in anger; He just wanted to be sure that Job knew that God does everything on purpose. I know why God does not reveal everything about His plan for our lives to us, but that does not make it any less frustrating at times. In faith, I still depend on Him, but in the flesh, I am discouraged when circumstances don’t go the way I feel they should be or don’t happen when I think they should. And then…
Then, there are the times when God speaks so clearly to my heart that all I can do is sigh a deeply heartfelt, “Thank You.” As you may have figured out, I am bothered at times by the fact that I am 34 and I do not have a husband (or a boyfriend for that matter) or any children of my own. Like the judgment of Job’s friends, I have experienced people looking at me with the side-eye, likely wondering what I did or what is wrong with me that I am now a “consecrated spinster.” Surely, I must have made some mistake or I must have made God mad at me. I know enough to know that is not the case, and so did Job. I watched a show last night that showed me that having a family might make my aspirations in life difficult, not impossible, but difficult. And, I don’t know that I will have the particular career that these women have (though, it would be nice), but as I saw a mother struggle to say goodbye to her husband and children in pursuit of furthering her career, I felt peace about my situation. Perhaps, God is has not given you what you desire because He has a plan that you cannot imagine. And, for that plan to work for His Kingdom, He needs you to be where you are. I have separation anxiety just saying goodbye to my parents and my nephews and niece; it would be heart-wrenching to be torn from my own husband and children. I am not ready for that. And, God knows it; now, He has allowed me to know it and it gives me a sense of peace. I still do not know the “what” in particular, but I feel that I got a glimpse at the “why.” Ms. EV
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Can God brag on you? Are you sure you would want Him to? If we look at the book of Job, it should challenge us to ponder whether God could confidently tell Satan to try us and see if we would turn away from God. I think if most of us are honest, f course, we want God to be proud of us, proud enough to tell anyone about us. But, if you read the story of Job and see the pain, grief, suffering and loss he went through, how many could still say, "Sure, God can brag about me."?
Job lost his means of income and still didn't turn from God. We might curse someone out (occasionally using God's name to do it) if we're just having a bad day at work. Jo lost all of his children, and he grieved, but did not speak ill of God. When we lose a loved one, or a loved one is sick, some of us will stop going to church or stop praying because we feel that God has let us down. Job got boils all over his body, and still trusted God. Some of us stub our toe and let it ruin our day. Or, if we get a bad diagnosis, we think God has abandoned us instead of asking Him how we can use our situation to bless Him and to bless others. So, could God brag on you? Could he take His hands off? Could you pass the tests of adversity and still praise God? Or, would Satan not even bother to mess with you because you're already his? Ms. EV Not to sound full of myself, but I am an extremely intelligent person. I am what you would call a Type A personality. I dot all of my I’s and cross all of my T’s and I have a little touch of OCD, which leads to a pursuit of perfectionism in everything I aspire to do. When I take on a task, I go out of my way to make sure that it is done properly and to the best of my ability. It took a while for me to learn that I am not good at everything, but, once I learned, I made sure that I also learned how to delegate to people who know how to do the job the way I would do it if I had the ability.
As you can see, I have no problem giving myself a pat on the back. I like praise for a job well done; who doesn’t? But, honestly, even if no one else acknowledges my good work, I know God sees it and I probably give myself enough props. It’s not that I take credit from God; I know exactly where my help comes from, but sometimes I do start to think that I have arrived. I begin to think that I have everything figured out. It is at those times that God allows someone to come and knock me off my high horse. Earlier this year, it happened in my career, and just yesterday, it happened in one of my new endeavors. You see, I can criticize myself all day long. I am not too shabby at self-analysis and I (and those who love me) know how to tell me that I can do better and improve. But, when someone else brings my shortcomings to my attention, it is hard to swallow. I feel attacked. In times of weakness in my life, the devil was pretty successful at using the criticism of others to help me start to doubt my abilities. But, as I have grown in Christ, I have learned that God respects humility. I have learned that I do not know it all and that God wants me to keep learning and growing. I will continue to do the best that I know to do and strive for perfection, but that does not mean that there is no room for improvement. I will never let doubts and fears throw me off of my God-given path again and I will never stop learning. Ms. EV I am writing this for me, and I pray that it inspires someone else. I used to say that I am not good at waiting, in fact, I am sure that I have said it on this blog at least once, but I read Psalm 62:5 today and it gave me a different perspective. In The Message, it reads, “God, the one and only—I'll wait as long as He says. Everything I hope for comes from Him, so why not?” I guess in the past few years I have adopted this attitude. It is not that I am not good at waiting because I am most definitely waiting on God; it is that waiting is not easy. There is a song that says, “I don’t mind waiting on You, Lord,” and every time our minister of music wants us to sing it, I tell him I don’t feel comfortable saying that because I am not sure that I don’t mind waiting. I know that I will wait, but I am a human being, and sometimes waiting for things that do not seem to go against the Will of God is difficult.
But, this psalm says that everything we hope for comes from God, so why not wait for as long as He says. If I go out and get the relationship I want, but it does not come from God, will it sustain? Will it be satisfying? If I try to force my career path in a direction that seems to be what I want, but it is not in God’s timing, will it be frustrating? Will it be fulfilling? I do not know the answers to these questions, but I know that whatever God gives me, He adds no sorrow to it (Proverbs 10:22). So, if I wait on God, who is the Source of everything I could hope for and so much more, I will have exactly what I want and need, and I will not have to question whether it is right or whether the time is right. Even though waiting is not ideal in our fast-paced, instant-gratification society, waiting on God is so worth it. Ms. EV How can you put a timetable on the Father of time? When I was younger, I had my whole life planned out. I would finish high school, and then go to college, hopefully graduating early, so that I could go to law school and be finished before I was 24. Then, I would get married and have my first child by 25, so that I could have the other one or two before I turned 30 and there would be at least two years in between them. I would, of course, be doing all of this, while becoming a highly sought-after corporate attorney and the best wife ever. Well, I graduated from high school on time and from college a year early. But, I filled both experiences with so much pressure to be perfect and so many extra activities that, by the time I graduated from college, I was EXHAUSTED.
I told my parents that I wanted to come back home and work for a year before I went back to school and they were very receptive to the idea. That still would allow me to graduate law school by 24 and continue on my timetable. Then, I met my ex-husband. I had already been accepted to law school, but the relationship was going so well, and he wanted to marry me, so I didn’t want to leave for law school until after we had a proper courtship and marriage. This was not exactly part of my plan, but still fit in the plan. You see, by getting married, I was ensuring that I would have a husband, so we could start having babies as soon as I graduated. Actually, as time went on, we planned that we would start trying to get pregnant during my third year, so that I could have the baby as close to my graduation date as possible, so, I could stay home until they were old enough for daycare, and then find a job. That didn’t exactly go as planned since I got divorced after my first year of law school. Then, I realized I didn’t want to be a lawyer. My whole plan and my timetable went out the window. So, for the next five years, I tried to figure out what I was supposed to do and who I was supposed to be. All the while, I was thinking that I had to have a child by the time I was 30. Then, I turned 30, and while I found a career that I love and had a boyfriend, I still felt pressured to be married and have a child. Then, in the last few years, I have been single and dateless and my job has become less satisfying, so once again, I started searching for or what I am supposed to be. Now, though, I know that I can only find that answer by seeking God’s face. When I think about my crazy timetables and the pressure that I brought on myself, it all feels so ridiculous. I was accomplishing and achieving, and even, envied, but I was also anxious, aggravated and exhausted. All God wants me to be is His forever, and since He has forever, who am I to try to plan a good time for things in my life? He has a reason for every season. The old fable of the tortoise and the hare teaches that, “Slow and steady wins the race.” So even, when my life seems to be moving in slow motion, I have to know that if am obedient and walk in His Will and His Way, everything that happens in my life is on time. ...from a Single Girl's Perspective with Help from Scriptures...
In honor of Elevated Values' first wedding this weekend, I decided today's blog would be an excerpt of an article I wrote on marriage. As beautiful and flawless as Elevated Values will make the ceremony, marriage isn't about the wedding, it's about a commitment to God and spouse. ... God tells us in Ephesians how to have successful relationships. Ephesians 5:21-28 God’s Word on Relationships 21Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another. 22-24Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands. 25-28Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ's love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They're really doing themselves a favor—since they're already "one" in marriage. Wives are not told to love their husbands. God knows we are capable of doing that naturally as women, so he addresses a much deeper issue: submission. Treat the man like he’s the man, even when he makes mistakes, even when he makes big mistakes, even when he’s not doing it how you think it should be done. Remember when you were single and you could get a man to do whatever you wanted him to do, it was because you made him feel good, you made him feel like a man, you made him feel like there was no other man on earth who could take his place. Why is it that you forgot how to do that as soon as he puts the ring on your finger? Now, you want to be the boss. Well, guess what that’s not the natural order of things. And, I know, it’s not easy. Relationships are not meant to be easy, but fulfilling. It will be hard for me. I went to law school. I have my own house. I have taken care of myself since I’ve been by myself for eight years and counting and God and I are doing just fine in that area, with the help of my parents and my friends, but God forbid I ever make my husband feel like he’s not needed because he is what’s absent from my life. I say absent rather than missing because nothing is missing from my life, as God doesn’t make mistakes. I am complete right now and I will be complete if God blesses my with a husband because of God, not because of me or the human relationships I have. So, why do we make the man feel like less of a man? Yeah, don’t think that the men are off the hook because God did have to tell you how to love your wife. Love like Christ loved the church. Christ gave the church a secure future. He endured moments that were more than uncomfortable for the church. His friends and family turned their backs on Him because of His love for the church. He died for the church. Does your wife feel like you would die for her? Does she feel like she comes before your job, your friends, your church family, your family, and your own issues that you haven’t dealt with? Are you willing to put those things aside to make her feel secure? Because I know I would do just about anything, cook, clean, give my attention to, and submit to a man who could make me feel that way. I would go out of my way for him when I was tired or had a “headache” or had a long day. All relationships are a two-way deal and because we are humans, there will be times when it seems you’re the only one giving or sacrificing, but God was the only one sacrificing in our relationship with Him and I don’t remember Him complaining, so suck it up, and make it work. God has given you the wisdom to make it work, if you can put aside your self-righteous, I shouldn’t have to deal with this attitude. You should have to deal with anything that comes your way, unless you lied when you stood before God and everyone and said you were willing to stick it out in sickness (and that includes mental illness) and health, for richer or poorer (and, oh by the way, there is no "your money" and "my money" after marriage), for better or worse (which includes when your spouse looks at you like you’re the most disgusting creature on earth). As far as I know, all of the couples I know are generally healthy, no cancer, no AIDS, no terminal illnesses, their children are healthy, they have jobs, they have a roof over their heads, so can someone tell me why the smallest, pettiest problems are threatening to tear Christian marriages apart. Call me when someone is beating on you or sleeping with your best friend. So, maybe the problem is that we don’t know how to love or what love is (this common excuse doesn’t hold any water either because it’s in the Book). I Corinthians 13:4-13 All About Love 4-7Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut, Doesn't have a swelled head, Doesn't force itself on others, Isn't always "me first," Doesn't fly off the handle, Doesn't keep score of the sins of others, Doesn't revel when others grovel, Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, Puts up with anything, Trusts God always, Always looks for the best, Never looks back, But keeps going to the end. 8-10Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled. ...13But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love. I recently read an exercise regarding these verses that said to read them as is, then read verses 4-8 and replace the word love with God, and then read it a third time and replace the word love in 4-8 with your name. Are you living up to God’s standards? If you were, then you probably wouldn’t be looking for greener grass. And, a single girl like me wouldn’t have to listen to you whine about the one thing that is absent from her life right now. I love you, God loves you, and you love each other, so trust God, follow His Word, and set things right in your family. Ms. EV If you are in a crowd of people, can any of them tell that you are a Christian? Why or how do they know that you are a child of Christ? I have often heard it said that as Christians, our goal should not be to fit in, but to stand out. I have struggled with this statement for years because I believe that there has to be a balance. I feel that you have to stand out enough that God and everyone else knows that you are not ashamed of the Gospel, but you have to also fit in enough that people are not afraid to hear the Gospel from you.
There are pastors, gospel singers, and many people with great influence who say they are Christians, but refuse to use the name of Jesus Christ or to say that if you do not accept Christ, the consequence is hell. Then, there are fanatics who literally scare the hell out of people through hate and violence. I don't believe that God is pleased with pacifism or vigilantism. Look at Paul. Paul, as Saul, thought he was doing a great work for God when he was persecuting Christians. Then, after one encounter with God, he went from persecutor to persecuted. And, he did not let being threatened and jailed stop him. He had the stand out/fit in balance going so well that the prison guards were getting saved. But, if Paul is not a good enough example that there needs to be a balance, look at Jesus himself. He didn't exactly avoid those people who were shunned by society. He allowed sinners into His presence for the sake of saving their lives. And, on several occasions, he got alone by Himself to pray. If all Christians separate ourselves from everyone who has a lifestyle that we do not agree with, who will be left to teach of Christ? It's not about taking on the lifestyle of that person; it's about being who you are in Christ while you are around him or her, so that Christ's love is felt and stealing away to pray for the person and for yourself, so that the person can know Him and that your walk is not hindered. Once you plant the seed, it's up to God to do the watering. You don't have to sugarcoat the truth, but you don't have to be nasty either. It is a flesh/spirit battle, but when the Holy Spirit influences you, it could be a win for someone else's spirit as well. Ms. EV Sixteen years ago, I was sitting in my dorm room alone. My roommate was gone and I was homesick. My best friend from home and I were not on speaking terms. My best friend at college was out with her other friends. I tried to call my mom and dad, but they didn’t pick up. I tried to call my boyfriend, but he didn’t answer. I have never felt so alone in my life. That night, I thought that since everyone who was important to me was too busy for me, their lives would be better without me. The devil really had me thinking about taking my own life for a split second. Then, I moved on to a plan of taking enough medicine to cause a panic and get the attention I craved. It was a stupid plan that probably would have killed me, but I heard a song in my spirit that reminded me of the Friend who sticks closer than a brother. The Friend who never leaves my side. The Friend who always answers when I call.
Last night, a scene on television caught me off guard. It brought a very real situation in my life to the small screen. It spoke my fear right back to me. I have to give the devil a little credit because I did not see that one coming. So, naturally, I tried to contact my best friend. Then, I tried to call my mom, but got no answer. This time, I didn’t get any crazy ideas. I decided to change the channel and then, turn the television off, so that I could rationally think through the situation. You would think that I would learn to go to God first and let Him comfort me. After all, when I look at the odds that are stacked against me for several of the things that I desire in my life, He is the only one who can perform the miracles I need. So, maybe it’s not so bad when no one answers the phone. It gives me time to go to God. (And, soon after I made the choice to look to Him and we sorted things out, my bestie texted me back). He just wants us to seek Him first. Haha, Satan, not this time buddy! Ms. EV Today is the first day of spring, a time for new beginnings. The cool weather is gone (well, it’s been gone for awhile because I live in the south, but work with me), the days are longer, and there is a freshness in the air. This is supposed to be the season of love and romance. Christmas and Valentine’s Day are over so potential partners can stop ducking each other now in hopes of not having to buy gifts for one another. True love can be pursued without those pesky, obligatory gift-giving holidays getting in the way or causing unnecessary stress and strife. I remember in the movie Bambi, all of the little animals getting excited for spring and trying to resist the urges of “twitterpation.” Nevertheless, each of them fell, one by one, hopelessly in love with a creature of the fairer sex--even the skunk. It is season in which people start to feel hopeful that broken hearts will be healed and empty hearts will be filled. It is a season of renewal.
But what happens if this season fails to meet expectations? Last spring, I was in a pretty good place. I had just finished a huge event with rave reviews and I was settling in to my spring break. I had done my spring cleaning, and then, the phone rang. It was my ex wanting to know if he could come by for a visit. We hadn’t really talked in almost a year prior to that, but since he was down the street, I thought, “Why not? Maybe this is it. Maybe this time will be different. Maybe he finally realizes that his life is better with me rather than without me.” Well, since we all know I am still single, it should be clear that is not what happened. In fact, what did happen was the unexpected closure of that little piece of my heart that still wanted the relationship. It was a little piece of my heart that I didn’t even know still existed until he called. I thought I was about to get the beginning of my happy ending. It was spring for goodness sakes! There was a new beginning, though, a beginning where I was free from old feelings and holding on to a relationship that was not what God had planned for me. The good news is that my faith is not in a season. I am still hopeful that my heart can heal from any wound and that any empty spaces there will be filled because I know that God alone can heal and fill. He is the Father of seasons, not just winter spring, summer and fall, but all of the seasons of our lives. He has ordained the trials and the triumphs. So, rather than throw myself at someone for the sake of not being alone, I want to be so full of Christ that I can’t help but pour love out on others. Do I still get lonely? You bet. I am not a robot; I am a real, flesh and blood, woman. However, I know that I am never alone and I know that the new seasons in my life are not associated with a date that man can predict; they are set by the Father of time. He is never late. He can never fail. He is always in season. Ms. EV It is not a secret that waiting is not something that I am particularly fond of doing. Yet, I do wait. I know what it is like to take matters into my own hands and try to “help God” when it seems like He’s taking too long to give me what I want. In my life, the results were disastrous, a failed marriage riddled with infidelity and cruelty, and those things were not one-sided. I made a choice to move forward with my plan of marriage to the person I assumed would be the last person to ever ask me for my hand. Surely, God’s will was that I not be alone and that I marry rather than burn with lustful desires. Surely, God wanted me to be someone’s help meet. But, what was taking Him so long? I had already graduated from college and started working towards my career goals. Pretty soon, I would be old, unwanted and barren. After all, I was 21. Yes, you read that right. I was 21 and I felt like I was destined for spinsterhood if I did not marry immediately. I had only had two real boyfriends and they were hard to come by, so the chances of having someone else love me enough to marry me were slim to none. I imagine that this is what Sarah felt like when she decided to have Abraham bear a child with Hagar. She knew the promise, but felt like God needed her help to make it happen.
As I write it, it seems so ridiculous; especially, now that I am 34 and divorced with no children. Now, would be the time for the “you’re never going to have kids” panic attack. And, I’m not going to lie and say I don’t get those on occasion. Nonetheless, God has been so faithful in fulfilling His promises in my life, and, as I have grown in Him, I have come to realize that the best thing to do is wait on Him. Everything God does is purposeful, in His timing and for my own good. He is also so merciful, that everything I do to “try to help” is turned into a blessing, just like He did for Sarah and Hagar. In the case of my failed marriage, it serves as a reminder to wait on God no matter how hard that can be. The situation also drew me closer to God into the most intimate and fulfilling relationship I will ever have. So, now I’m cured! I don’t want a husband or kids! NOT! I still have those desires, which lets me know that in His time, they will be fulfilled because He promised to give me the desires of my heart, IF I delight myself in Him (Psalm 37:4) and to add all the treasures I need to my life, IF I seek His Kingdom first (Matthew 6:33-34). So, I am waiting on Him. I have good, patient days and I have rough, flesh-battling days, but the former outnumber the latter, which is a blessing. I’m trusting in God because He has my best in mind. Ms. EV |
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