Pride and Insecurity

I have a hard time sometimes finding a happy medium between two characteristics. I have, and still do sometimes, find it complicated to find the place between pride and insecurity. When I was younger, I did not feel very pretty (although, looking back, I was pretty cute; I just had no fashion sense). As I got older, the pendulum swung way too hard to the other side, as I began really feeling myself to the point of conceit. Eventually, there was a medium that naturally occurred and resulted in confidence that I am who God made me to be. I embraced my looks, my shape, my hair, and all of the other characteristics that bothered me as a child, but I did not expect everyone to recognize how fly (do we still use this word) I am and fall all over me.

I have come to realize that it was never really about my looks per se, it is about my love for attention. I am not sure when I developed the affinity for attention, but being the center of attention often gives me an adrenaline rush that is very gratifying. The problem is that, at a certain point, I started to rely on the natural high that getting attention gives, so rather than complete tasks because it is something that I love that God has led me to do, I would achieve for applause. Realizing that I have a tendency to follow this pattern has caused me to be extremely cautious when I take on a new venture. I have to really pray and look within to determine whether I am taking a course of action because God told me to or because it will give me a chance to impress people. So, when someone does try to recognize an accomplishment; it becomes very difficult for me to take the compliment because I do not want to get caught up in the praise; I just want to stay on the path for my purpose.

It feels good to be recognized, but that should not be our only motivation for working hard. While we do not want to have people give us praise that belongs to God, we should also give them the opportunity to praise God for what He does in and through us. Humility and insecurity are not one in the same. We have to stay humble while allowing God to use others to propel us to the heights that He has for us. I am really talking to myself here, but I have a feeling that I am not the only person who has this struggle. God wants to do great things through us, and, to that end, He has given each of us a specific purpose and design. We have to find the place between pride and insecurity that allows us to reach our greatest potential, so that through our success, God can receive the glory. Ms. EV