How good are you at "be still and know that I am God?" I know that God is God and I know that He controls everything in the Universe. I know that He made the Earth and everything in it. I know that He made Heaven and Earth, land and water, moon sun and stars, beasts on the earth, fowl of the air, fish in the waters, every plant, every molecule, every human being in His image. Maybe the fact that I am made in Your image is why I feel like I need to control everything, which leads to me not being still in situations. You, God, know all and see all, and I have the desire to do the same. Maybe that’s why it’s hard for me to be still and let things just play out. But, that’s not really showing faith. That’s not showing that I know You have your best plans for my life. I have to sit back and let You be You. I have plenty of evidence that I cannot and will not do a better job than You of controlling my life or the way that others think and act. When I think ‘be still,’ I used to think lazy, sit around, take a nap, take a load off, and I am not too shabby at those things. But, when I see ‘cease striving,’ that means something much different. Cease striving means stop trying to figure out what my purpose is and who I am supposed to be. It means stop trying to stockpile accomplishments and impress people. It means to rest in the life that You have given me right now and wait (I do not like that Word and You know it) for the next natural--or rather supernatural--progression. I wake up everyday with this desire to change my life, my world, my job, my home, my friends, so much so, that I don’t enjoy anything around me. And, that is not a testimony to how good You have been to me. And, that is a travesty because You have been more than good to me. You have been so amazing. And, I adore You and I am sorry for taking who You have been to me and what You have done for me for granted because it doesn’t look the way I think it should look.
Have you ever felt God say those words to you? I feel that You are saying them to me right now. Stop striving. Stop surviving. Start thriving. Take a step back and enjoy where I am and stop trying to get to the next place. Stop listening to the voice (even if it is my own) that says I am supposed to be something or do something different. Life is not a to-do list, filled by accomplishing one goal after another; it is a journey with one goal, and that is to praise and please You.
Being still: Easy? Hard? What do you think stands in the way?
It is certainly easy to say and think I will be still while I am sitting in my house, in my pajamas basking in Your Glory. If and when I face the world later on, I do not know if I can stay in this place of peace and calm. As I said, I have a desire to feel ‘in control’ that is in direct conflict with my need to give up control. I mean I know giving up control doesn’t meant wondering mindlessly and aimlessly, but that’s what I did for a while, thinking it is what You wanted me to do. I keep thinking there is some formula, but I’m just going through the motions and waiting for you to change my life instead of being grateful for everyday and every moment of wisdom. I live for attention and acknowledgment, but praise and honor belong to You, not me. I know I cannot thrive without You because it involves facing my own insecurities, other people and Satan (although, I don’t think Satan can hold a candle to what I can do to my own self-image and self-esteem). I need You. I know that You are in my heart and You have been since I accepted You in my life. But, I have been acknowledging You and yet, living like You’re not there for way too long.
This reflection actually inspired my song, "Living Like You're Not There." As I prepare to go into another school year, I think at times, I need to go back and reflect on the lessons I have learned so that I can be prepared for what may come. I certainly do not want to go back (see William McDowell, I Won't Go Back), but I will look back to press forward, stop striving and start thriving! Ms. EV