I was scrolling through my Facebook news feed yesterday reading through all of the New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day sentiments. I saw one post that said, My “New Year’s Solution (not resolution),” and I thought, “Well, I don’t know who originated this, but that was exactly my approach to last year.”
I am not big on resolutions because they are usually broken by the end of January. You know the ones: I am going to quit smoking, quit drinking, I am giving up on this man or that woman, I am going to start exercising more, start eating healthy, start reading my Bible everyday. We make these grand statements of improvement as resolutions and basically set ourselves up for failure. I know there are some people that keep every single resolution every year, so just assume I am not talking to you. Last New Year’s Eve, I had planned to go out with a friend, but she called and said she wanted to stay in for the night. So, I looked for things to do because I was determined not to ring in the New Year alone. I scrolled through the internet, Facebook, Twitter, trying to come up with some event that was not too expensive, too far away, and would not make me feel too awkward because I would be alone. Eventually, I realized that I would be spending the night alone. I laid in the middle of the floor and cried to God, “How long is it going to be like this?” And, when it felt like I had run out of tears, I cleaned up my face and started journaling. It was something that had helped me through some other rough patches in my life and 2011 was a rough, and I mean rough, year. In fact, 2009-2011 had been really bad and I just wanted to move forward. So, I said, “God, what are the real problem areas of my life?” I know I could eat healthier, exercise more, complain less, and that would fix some external things, but deep down, I needed to know how I ended up in the middle of the floor bawling my eyes out on New Year’s Eve, so I didn’t ever end up doing that again. So, I wrote down what was truly making me miserable last year: grief, hurt, bitterness, fear, trying to control everything. But, that was just one step of the process. You see, at the beginning of the year, we are really good at identifying the problem, but we need solutions. So, for everything that was causing pain in my life, I thought of a solution. I thought of something with which to replace it. I made little notes for my bathroom mirror, so that when I lost touch of my solutions I would have reminders each day. It sounds corny, but it works. Last night, I was home alone again after church. It was an awesome service full of love for God and each other. But, you know when I hit the door, the devil hit me with the, “That was nice, but now what? You’re still alone; just you and the cat ringing in the New Year. Have fun with that.” It affected me for about a nanosecond until I thought about all of the love and support I had received and I thought about how much better this year has been than the three preceding years combined. Why? Because everyday, I have been working on solutions. So, at 11:55, I turned off the television, I picked up my guitar and I played one of two new songs that God blessed me with just yesterday. I played and sang in the New Year. First, I sang my new song, Soul Satisfaction, and then, Amazing Grace. I sent my “Happy New Year!” messages, answered a few back, said my prayers and went to bed at peace. There is nothing wrong with making changes in the new year. I pray that the first solution you consider is Jesus Christ. If you are not saved, He will truly change your life when you surrender. If you are saved, He will truly change your life if you surrender. (Yes, I meant to say the same thing twice). If you don’t know what the solutions are, God will help you find them if you ask. What is going on internally that is causing external bad habits? Because, until you find the solution to the spiritual or emotional mysteries in your life, any physical changes you make may last for awhile, but will eventually be in vain. It is my prayer that you have a 2013 that allows you to experience the fullness of God because He is the ultimate New Year’s solution! Ms. EV
0 Comments
I think some of my messages lately may have been slightly miscontrued. Being single during the holidays can, well how shall I put this delicately, suck; however, as a friend of mine tweeted yesterday desperation and settling are not the answer. Just because I don't want to spend Christmas Eve or New Years Eve alone, it doesn't mean that I am going to jump on the first man who shows any interest in me. I still have a list that I refuse to deviate from (If you want to see my list, check out Superficial or Super-Specific) because my God is able and I am not THAT single. (SN: Just because someone fits this list in general it does not mean that he is the one because there has to be attraction, i.e, my list says nothing about age, but I cannot date someone who is closer to my dad's age than mine. I tried; I didn't work. Remember, to each his or her own; we all have our quirks)
I know a couple of my blogs may have mistakenly indicated that I am prime for the picking, but I have been doing this whole holidays alone thing for way too long to just give up and "take what I can get" at this point. I just want other singletons to know that I understand what you are going through and you are not, by any means, alone, especially if you have a relationship with Christ. The last thing you want to do right now is to get into a relationship with someone for the sake of making it through the holidays, even though you know that person is not the person for whom you have been waiting. Sure, it's tempting if you notice that someone new is flirting with you and you know you could probably get whatever you want from that person from now until February 14th, but temptation is how we all ended up in the state we are in today, remember Eve (and Adam). So, resist the urge to call or text your ex and see if you can make things work. He (or she) is your ex for a reason. Do not accept dates with people who you would normally NEVER date because now, all of a sudden, he or she just might be the one. Just remember this mantra...I'm not THAT single! Trust me, you can do this. The first holiday season after my last breakup, I got a cat. I was so focused on that little booger that I couldn't even think of being alone. The next year, I was dealing with the death of two dear friends, so I was just feeling grateful for being alive. The following year, I threw myself into baking and candy-making and my grandmama was in the nursing home, so she was my focus. And, I am glad that I focused on her because by the next holiday season, which was last year, she was no longer with us. It was particularly hard because my grandmama's birthday is on Christmas Day. I never thought I would make it through that day, but it turned out to be one of the best Christmases I have ever had. So, before you answer that text, make that phone call, accept that date, start flirting back, think to yourself, "After I get over the holiday blues, will I still want to be involved with this person?" If your answer is "yes," then go for it, but if your answer is "no," then boldly declare, "I AM NOT THAT SINGLE!" and keep it moving. Maybe you don't have an issue with getting through this time of year, thank God for that, but still trust Him to send you the mate for whom you have been waiting and do not settle for less thinking, "Well, this is probably as good as it's going to get." Remember, God can do exceedingly, abundantly above all you can ask or think. I know for me, that is a tall (and I do mean tall) order, but I am willing to wait on it. Any time that you feel loneliness pressing down on you. Press in to God. When you need to be held, ask Him to hold you and request that He will let you physically feel His arms wrapped around you. I have done it and it works. Do not let people diminish your feelings by telling you that you are never alone because while that it true and God is with you, the Bible never says that you will not feel lonely. Jesus even felt lonely when his family and friends could not understand what He was going through. You will make it; I am a living witness. Some years have been easier than others, but I have always made it through stronger better and wise enough to know that unless, God sends me the one I requested, I am not THAT single. Ms. EV Have you ever heard, "Little Christmas Tree," by the Jackson 5? It is a fabulously depressing song, and I love it! If you are new to this blog, you should be aware that I love really, really sad and depressing music because when I hear it, it makes me feel better about my life. I like the blues, Old Toni Braxton music like, Un-Break My Heart, How Could an Angel Break My Heart, you probably get the gist. So, a couple of winter breaks ago after getting tired of hearing how excited people were about Christmas music (in November), I decided to compile some of my favorite Christmas music; the music to which I could relate. The result is a CD with about twelve or thirteen of the saddest songs you have ever heard and "Little Christmas Tree" is on it.
I first heard this song when I was a little girl because it was on my parents' Motown Christmas album. I didn't really pay attention to the words, I just liked belting out the words, "This is the season of LOVE...But, I'm as sad as I can BEEEEEEEE!!!" Please don't call the men in the white jackets on me. Back then, it was about the moving melody, and as I got older and started experiencing some sad and lonely Christmases after break ups and divorce and more break ups, belting out that haunting melody became therapeutic. The song talks about this little, lonely Christmas tree and it speaks to those of us who go to bed alone at night on Christmas Eve and wake up alone on Christmas morning. And, I realize that's sad (Google the words, it gets worse), but it makes me feel happy because before and after I go to bed alone and wake up alone, I spend time with a fanstastic family. I get to see the joy in my nephews' and niece's eyes when they open presents that I gave them. I get to dine on fantastic food with my family. It's sometimes hard seeing everyone be all lovey-dovey, but at least I'm not that little Christmas tree. I mean, according to Michael, "No one seemed to care, they just walked away and left it standing there!" I, on the other hand, have people who care about me; who won't just walk away and leave me standing there. And, even at the times when they are not with me, in the lonely hours, I have a relationship with the one, true God, who never leaves my side, so I am never alone. And, my friend, you are not alone either. God thought so much of you that the Christ, for whom we celebrate Christmas (though, I think some people forget this part), was sent to save you. He has a plan for you. You may not understand His plan, but it is the best plan. And yes, it might include more lonely Christmases than you ever thought you would have, but guess what, you have made it through everyone of them. Don't wait on Santa to bring you the things you think will fulfill you. Trust that God knows exactly what you need, so you don't always get what you want. Whew, I know I needed that! I don't know about anyone else, but I am grateful that even though I feel like that Little Christmas Tree sometimes, I know that not every Christmas will be that way because God has proved to me that He is so much more loving than that! And, when I do have my own family, with whom to celebrate Christmas, I pray that I do not ever forget to be grateful for God's sacrifice, grace and mercy. I truly believe that what I experience now will lead to even greater experiences ahead. Even when it feels like no one cares, God cares and so do I. Ms. EV I realized last night, after having a bit of an emotional break, that I really need to focus on not disliking the holiday season. As a Christian, this should be a joyous time of celebration. However, when the twenty-fifth commercial about a man buying his wife or girlfriend jewelry came on while I was trying to watch football, I had had ENOUGH! I exclaimed, "I can't wait until January 1st!" To which my niece replied, "Why?" I retorted, "Because then I won't have to see these stupid commercials anymore! It's like we went straight from political ads to jewelry campaign! Okay...you love her...we get it!" Like, I said, emotional break.
You see, every year right around Thanksgiving, I start to really feel the sadness of singleness. I have a great family, but it seems that everyone in my family who desires to be in a relationship is in a relationship and/or they have children on whom to focus their attention. And, every year, I tell myself that it could be worse. I could be dealing with illness or loss or some terrible tragedy and I am really blessed. But, there is something about the lack of sunlight and the addition of holiday stuff that pushes me into a holiday depression. For me, my goal every year is to make it from the end of November to February 15th without completely breaking down or losing my mind. Because right after Christmas, there is New Years Eve, three weeks later there is my birthday, and then, Valentines Day. Talk about rapid succession lonely times. I am surrounded by people and most, if not all of them, are loving and caring. Yet, this is still a time when I struggle. No matter how many people are around, I don't have MY person or MY children. And, at the end of the day on these special occasions, I leave alone. And, I know God is with me. Trust me, I remind myself of that all of the time. I would love to be the person that can say that the fact that God is everpresent is comforting to me in these times, but I would be lying if I didn't admit that being lonely on the holidays, not having a special someone, kind of sucks. So, what do the lonely do at Christmas? Well, I have found in recent years that if I focus on others and bringing them joy, it generally brings a smile to my face. If I don't think of it as a holiday, but celebrate Christ and the season of giving, it brings some comfort. Still, waking up and opening presents with my cat on Christmas morning is kind of saddening, but I focus on the fact that I did wake up and that my cat is healthy and she knows how to wipe any tears I may shed. Nevertheless, everytime I make it through this season, it is a blessing because there are so many who lack any kind of comfort and just cannot deal with the loneliness, so I thank God for that. Ms. EV |
About Ms. EVWhen you have elevated values, it is not about being snobby; it is about living victoriously! Archives
March 2016
Categories
All
Copyright Notice© Toni L. Wortherly and Ms. EV's Blog, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Toni Wortherly and Ms. EV's Blog with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
![]() Ms. EV's Blog by Toni L. Wortherly is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. |