This weekend, my sorority’s chapter celebrated its 20th anniversary with a reunion. It was a great opportunity for me to visit my old college campus and reminisce with old friends while making some new acquaintances. I had a great time, though, at first, I was a little disoriented. The school has grown and changed so much; I hardly recognized it. There were new buildings everywhere and I couldn’t seem to find the old familiar spots that I had once known. I guess I should have probably visited the campus more than twice in the past fifteen years. Once I got my bearings, though, I had a fantastic time. I felt nineteen again! When my line sisters and friends started showing up, it was as if we all fell back into our old roles and time had stood still.
As I was leaving, I passed by my old townhouse and some old hangouts, and I just had to thank God. Now, this isn’t going to be one of those times when I spill all of my business, but let’s just say God is a keeper. And, boy did He keep me. He kept me from death, danger, and destruction. As I drove off that campus and down the street and recalled some of the absolutely stupid things I did as a college student, I couldn’t help but praise Him for second chances (and third ones and fourth ones and twenty-fifth ones). It’s not that being saved gives us a license to sin and do crazy things. There are always consequences. I feel as if I still deal with some consequences for choices I made in my past. But, and thank God, that with my God, there is always a ‘but,’ God can and will deliver you when you are willing to take His hand and follow His lead. I am grateful for the old school me because she taught the present me a lot of valuable lessons. I pray that by being open and honest with the next generation, I can help them avoid some of my mistakes, but, even if they don’t, I can at least show them how God will turn your life around. Ms. EV
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Before I ever even met him, I was not his biggest fan. That is what happens when you upset someone in my family. I think I can handle people messing with me much better than I can handle people messing with those closest to me. I thought of what I would say when I got the opportunity. I wanted to be sure he knew that his behavior was unacceptable and would not be tolerated, but I also needed to remain professional. So, the opportunity finally arose for me to speak my peace. And, as much as my flesh wanted to be snarky and rude, I found that all I could do was to be cordial.
It was almost as if I was having an out-of-body experience. Here I was looking at myself sitting across from someone having a pleasant conversation after four days of imagining that I would tear him apart verbally the first chance I got. Even my friends could not believe what they were witnessing. If this had happened last year, oh wait, something very similar did happen last year. And though I did not resort to tongue lashing, I made it abundantly clear to the person and anyone who was listening that I am not someone you want to cross. I was angry. At one point in that situation, I was angered to tears. And, every time I saw the person who upset one of my boys, I was seething with wrath. Well, this time, I did not want it to get to that point. So, I prayed. I was still angry. I prayed some more. I was still angry. I was still angry when this guy sat down near me. In my head, I had my speech all ready. But then, the spirit took over. It was definitely a “where I am weak, He is strong” moment because I felt totally powerless as I smiled (genuinely), extended my hand, and introduced myself. One of my friends, who did a double-take as she passed by and observed the interaction, asked me what happened. I said, “I don’t want to be angry anymore; I did that last year.” She told me that is called growth. I said, “Well, if you’re not growing then what is the point?” I am not proud of my mistakes, but I talk about them to show that as I grow closer to God, He makes me a better person. As I seek more of Him, He makes me more like Him. When you accept Christ as your Savior, you become a new creature. Yes, you are going to Heaven, but if God does not take you there immediately, how will you live on this Earth? Will you keep the status quo? Or will you allow God to help you grow? Though what Christ gave we can never repay; we can still choose to grow and obey. Ms. EV Last week, I read a devotion that talked about the woman with the issue of blood who was healed by Jesus. The devotion posed the question about what readers thought happened to the woman after she met Jesus. In response, I said that I think it may have taken her some time to live freely in her new, healed and whole condition. This woman suffered for twelve years. She was seen as unclean. No one could help her; people took advantage of her. She just wanted to get her secret blessing by touching Jesus’ hem and go on with her life. Then, Jesus called her out and reassured her that He knew her plight and that she was now whole. I am confident that she was grateful and I am sure she told her testimony to anyone who would listen; it is just that I know in my life that there have been many times when God has delivered me from afflictions--emotional, spiritual, physical and financial--yet, it takes a little while to adjust to the new found freedom.
When my marriage began to crumble, which was almost as quickly as it began, I tried to make it work because I was afraid to look like a failure. I stayed and I tried not because I loved him, not because I made a promise before God and a church full of people, but because I was afraid of what other people would say about me. I had somewhat isolated myself from people who cared deeply for me. I had taken my husband’s side on many issues where I knew he was dead wrong to the detriment of some of my relationships, but I thought I was being a good wife. And, I felt that if I was a good enough wife, eventually, he would change and we would change, and it would become a decent marriage. That was not the case. When I decided that the marriage was over, my ex-brother-in-law told me that I was a sinner and that divorce was a sin for which I could not repent. At the time, I acted as if his words meant nothing to me and I pressed forward with the divorce, and with good reasons, biblically-backed reasons (if you don’t know what that means, look it up in Matthew 5). Even though, I had a way out and I was delivered from one of the worst mistakes of my life, I felt damaged. How could I make being divorced right with God? I went from feeling damaged to acting destructively. No one on the outside world knew because I am a fantastic actress, but I had been broken for so long that I did not think the pieces would ever come back together again, and that is a dangerous place to be mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Eventually, after having my heart broken on more than one occasion, I realized that God had restored me, but I was still living as though I was a reject. No one who is a child of God is a reject. God helped me realize how much He cares for me. He helped me reclaim my title as a holy princess, the daughter of the Almighty King. Then, I was able to fully engage in life. Yes, there have been ups and downs in my life, but I know my value. No matter what situation arises my value to my Father and myself does not change. I am undamaged. Many times when we have been suffering or afflicted for a long time with some situation, whether it is health-related, heart-related or wealth-related, we have a tendency to continue to live as though we are damaged, even though we have been delivered. However, once we realize that we are His and His love starts to flow from within us, so that we can accept who He made us to be, and not give any thought to what others may think of our past, our present, or future, we cannot help but shout of His love from whatever platform we may have. I AM NOT DAMAGED! I AM NOT SHATTERED! I AM NOT UNDERVALUED! I AM DELIVERED! I AM REDEEMED! I AM LOVED! Ms. EV Why is it that short work weeks always seem longer than regular work week? I have had many tasks to fulfill, situations with which to deal and people...well, and then there are the people. I have learned not to worry about those things over which I have no influence and that has greatly reduced my stress. I have learned that some people will never understand me, but that does not mean that I have to be anyone other than who God created me to be. I have learned the beauty of silence and solitude, which is a great feat for the single woman. If it were not for the difficulties, I would not have learned so many lessons. I feel blessed to know that I have grown and am still growing and learning and teaching. Have a fantastic weekend! Ms. EV
Not to sound full of myself, but I am an extremely intelligent person. I am what you would call a Type A personality. I dot all of my I’s and cross all of my T’s and I have a little touch of OCD, which leads to a pursuit of perfectionism in everything I aspire to do. When I take on a task, I go out of my way to make sure that it is done properly and to the best of my ability. It took a while for me to learn that I am not good at everything, but, once I learned, I made sure that I also learned how to delegate to people who know how to do the job the way I would do it if I had the ability.
As you can see, I have no problem giving myself a pat on the back. I like praise for a job well done; who doesn’t? But, honestly, even if no one else acknowledges my good work, I know God sees it and I probably give myself enough props. It’s not that I take credit from God; I know exactly where my help comes from, but sometimes I do start to think that I have arrived. I begin to think that I have everything figured out. It is at those times that God allows someone to come and knock me off my high horse. Earlier this year, it happened in my career, and just yesterday, it happened in one of my new endeavors. You see, I can criticize myself all day long. I am not too shabby at self-analysis and I (and those who love me) know how to tell me that I can do better and improve. But, when someone else brings my shortcomings to my attention, it is hard to swallow. I feel attacked. In times of weakness in my life, the devil was pretty successful at using the criticism of others to help me start to doubt my abilities. But, as I have grown in Christ, I have learned that God respects humility. I have learned that I do not know it all and that God wants me to keep learning and growing. I will continue to do the best that I know to do and strive for perfection, but that does not mean that there is no room for improvement. I will never let doubts and fears throw me off of my God-given path again and I will never stop learning. Ms. EV |
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