I have often heard and been asked why women like "bad boys," or, why women never want the "nice guys." I don't think that women love bad boys or dislike nice guys. Personally, I don't want a "yes" man always trying to say and do the right thing. But, I also don't want someone who disrespects me and dismisses me. For me, I like someone who can compliment me and challenge me there has to be a balance. I wrote a lot about letting men take the lead, but it is very hard to follow someone who lets you walk all over them.  

Please do not take this offensively, but a man needs to be somewhere between a Pomeranian and a Pit bull. I am not saying that men are dogs; I have several men in my life who I love and respect and I do not subscribe to the belief that all men are dogs. In any case, Pomeranians are a sweet, people-pleasing breed, whereas, Pit bulls are naturally aggressive and can be trained to protect. Both are fiercely loyal to their people, which is the basis of a good relationship; however, in waiting for the leader of my home, I would be more inclined to submit to someone who knows how to not only be adorable and pleasant, but also knows when to be aggressive and protect.  

Nice guys don’t have to finish last if they have a balance of sweet and swag. The aforementioned men in my life that I love and respect show these qualities towards their wives. They are just a quick to send flowers as they are the stand up for the things in which they believe. They are confident, but not cocky. Their wives feel respected and protected. That is what I want. I am positive that there are other women who feel the same way. It is nice to get my way, but if I am headed in the wrong direction, I want to know that my mate is not going to stand by and puff up my ego while I walk off of a cliff. Women do like to be treated like queens, but by someone who can stand up and be king. Just like guys will date the promiscuous girl, but marry the pure one; there are women that will date a wimp, but will marry the warrior. Ms. EV

I had to repost this because I needed a reminder about why I don't do this after I saw a lovely ribeye that I cannot afford on my television screen. Enjoy!

Yesterday, I was approached by a young man as I was leaving from picking up lunch. And, when I say young, I mean he was “I could have taught him a few years back” young. He wanted to “take me to dinner some time.” Just the other day, I was telling a friend of mine that I can’t see going on a date with someone I am not attracted to and she replied that she would love to have someone else pay for dinner, which is fine…for her.

I love to eat. Food is one of my passions. I watch shows about food that I would never try because I am super finicky and over the summer, I learn to cook and bake new delicacies. When I was younger, I could not see doing much of anything by myself, especially eating dinner in a restaurant. But, as I have grown older and remained single, I realized that if I did not learn how to eat by myself, I would miss out on new eateries. So, I have developed a way of eating alone with which I am comfortable.

When I was in my twenties, did not have much money, and was looking to have fun, if he was willing to pay, I was willing to share a meal with him. Now, I am older and for me, dating someone is about getting to know someone with whom I could share my life, not just a meal. I know that not everyone I date will be husband material for me, but as I said in my blog, Superficial or Super-Specific, I know the basic attributes of the man for whom I am waiting. So, if a person does not possess those attributes, I do not want to waste my time or his money. My last and most significant relationships started with a dinner date, but before there was dinner, there was attraction. I am still single so obviously they did not turn out the way I had envisioned, but it was a step in the right direction.

Everyone has their own methods of getting by as a single person, and I do not knock anything that is not clearly spelled out in Biblical principles. For me, every time I go to dinner by myself, it reminds me of how God has helped me to overcome a fear that I had. It shows me how much God has blessed me because I am able to treat myself. I am not so independent that I would not allow to whom I am attracted to woo me. However, I am not going to settle and go on a date just for dinner. Ms. EV

Growing up with siblings, it is inevitable that at some point, one or more siblings will have what one or more other siblings want. The items can be anything from toys to candy to clothes to money. Now, if you are the sibling who wants the commodity, you face the dreaded task of having to bargain with your sibling for said commodity. You know the drill, “I’ll do your chores for a week,” “I won’t bother you while you’re on the phone with your friends,” or “I won’t tell mom and dad that you were…when they thought you were…;” seems like it’s all about leverage with siblings. But, sometimes you have nothing with which to barter, and you are just hoping that your sibling will let you have or borrow whatever it is that you need. If you are the sibling with the hot commodity, you are in a fantastic situation. You can choose the payoff for the prized item. And, if there are multiple items from which to choose, you get to pick which one to let your sibling have or borrow.

So, in this scenario, if the sibling receiving the item would prefer to have a different item, but has no leverage, the phrase, “Beggars can’t be choosers,” is often used. What this means is that, because one is in a needy position, he or she should be content with whatever item is acquired. After all, he or she is the one in need with nothing to offer in return. How then does someone with nothing to offer have the audacity to make demands about a loan or a gift? Having been in this situation with family members, friends, and students, I understand what it is like to offer assistance to someone who is in need only to have them tell me that they want something more or different. So, I get why people use this phrase in certain contexts. However, this idiom should never be used toward or by someone who is waiting on God for a blessing.

It occurs to me, as I expand my visibility in the dating world, that I have a very specific “someone” for whom I am waiting. If you pinned me down, I could make a list, but honestly, I just know if someone will be a good fit for my quirks. I actually am glad that I have a lot of idiosyncrasies. It narrows down the amount of people I have to wade through to get to the right one. I am beginning to think that there may actually only be one person who can fit the mold. And, that is fine by me because: a) I only need one person to fit the mold; and b) I will know that this person is sent by God because it is really difficult to be the person I desire to have in my life.

I am 34 years old. I am divorced and I have no children and a ticking biological bomb (yes, I meant to say bomb and not clock). I would love to have someone with whom I could go to dinner or cuddle on the couch or go to karaoke or sporting events. But I am not a beggar, and therefore, I can be a chooser. I once was a beggar. I was a desperate girl who just wanted to be in a relationship, so I compromised. I compromised who I was, what I wanted in life, what I deserved and what I believed in on more than one occasion for the sake of not being alone. But, at this point in my life, I have been alone for so long, that it would just seem silly to start making compromises now.

I hear this all the time, “I’m not saying lower your standards; I’m just saying be more open. You never know where love will come from.” Um, actually, I do know where love comes from; it comes from God. He is the same God that I talk to all day every day; the same God that knows me inside and out and know that I am weird--er, um unique. God knows exactly what I want and what I need. I don’t think I hear Him saying, “Girl, sending you a man that fulfills all of your desires is just too hard for Me. Can you ease up a bit?” Rather, I think God is saying, “I made you who you are and I know you. You will know who to choose because you will know that I sent him because he will be the perfect one for you.”

My best friend says, “Every pot has its lid.” And, I cannot help but think of my parents, who have been together for thirty-nine years. They are so different from each other, but they understand each other’s quirks and they are each other’s best friend. They don’t try to change each other. Okay, well my dad tries to get my mom to try weird food, but he would never leave her because she is not like him and vice versa. I am not a beggar, and beloved of God, neither are you. So, wait for what you want. Being a chooser does not make you uppity, suddity, bourgeois, or ungrateful. It makes you a human being who knows what he or she wants and trusts God to deliver on His promises. Now, run and tell that! Ms. EV

As Christians, the Bible is our operating manual for daily living; however, at times, it seems that there are some areas in life that are not covered by the Bible. Some might argue that there are gray areas and that everything is not in black and white. Others might say that everything you need to know is contained within God’s Word. Other than Pray While You’re Prey, the Bible is the only book that I have read from cover to cover more than once. I do not always read it in the same order or in the same manner, but it is chocked full of great wisdom and guidance for living.

The Bible is very clear about some issues. For example, it very clearly states that premarital sex is prohibited (1 Corinthians 6:13; 18). But, what about dating? A few years ago, I got into a pretty heated debate about what the Bible says about dating. My opponent’s position was that Christians should never date casually and that all other socializing with the opposite sex should be done in a group setting. My position, at the time, was, “Show me where it says that in the Bible!”

The only courtships that have given me some insight into what a Christian relationship should look like before marriage are Jacob and Rachel, Ruth and Boaz, David and Bathsheba, and Mary and Joseph. I learned from Jacob and Rachel that a man should be willing to labor and wait for me for however long it takes. I learned from Ruth and Boaz that a man should be kind and willing to provide for a woman and that a single woman should not be waiting for a man to take care of her, but willing to work. From David and Bathsheba, I learned the dangers of tempting a man and falling into a lustful relationship. And, from Mary and Joseph, I learned that if you trust in God first, you can face any relationship crisis together.

Nevertheless, I still do not see any verses that cover the “Rules of Dating for Christian Singles.” It would be very helpful if it were like the Ten Commandments; a step-by-step list of do’s and don’ts. So, what do we do if there is truly a gray area that is not specifically addressed in the Bible, like going out with a friend of the opposite sex that you have no intention of marrying, or what career to pursue or any other daily life challenge that does not have a black-and-white answer? And, I really mean no specific answer; this is not about poking loopholes in the Word or taking things out of context to fit our own agendas. This is about wanting to live a Godly life and not being disobedient.

What I have learned in the time since this argument is that God’s Word is called the Living Word for a reason. If we have a question about how the Bible addresses an issue, the best person to ask is not a pastor or a doctor of divinity, it is God. That is one of the most awesome characteristics of God, we can ask Him questions and He will answer. It is not generally like an answer in the movies, where a thundering voice breaks through the sky. For me, it is usually a still, small voice from within urging me to pursue a particular course or I read the Bible and I see the answer I need in a verse that I have read several times. The words of the verse do not change, but what it means to me at that moment in time does.

So, what about dating? Well, based on my own tendency to turn what should just be a friendship into a fantasy relationship, I choose not to casually date (see Dating). Nonetheless, each of us has to ask God for ourselves what His best plan is for us. If everything was clearly listed out in the Bible, we might put more faith in the book than in the Author. Again, I am not saying that the Bible is up for interpretation, some things are very much in black-and-white, but when it comes to our daily living in modern times, we need to seek God’s guidance, which will NEVER contradict His Word. Then, it is just a matter of whether we follow where He leads us or not. Ms. EV

How will the introverted girl who does not enjoy talking to strangers ever meet someone? That is the million dollar question! Let’s get something straight: I am not a hermit. I have a social life, not a super active one, but I do not stay in my house waiting for someone to come, knock on my door and sweep me off my feet. I give many men the opportunity to find me. I go to work (not that I would date anyone there), church, sporting events (cannot wait for football season to start), I play trivia on occasion, and I take myself out to dinner. Nonetheless, I have been encouraged by others to step out of my comfort zone, so to that end, with a little shot of courage and a Living Social deal, I decided to try speed dating. Boy, when I step out I step way out!

Why speed dating instead of online dating? I have heard some positive feedback about online dating, but I have heard more negative feedback, so it is not something with which I am comfortable, but to each his or her own. Not to mention, every time I fill out one of those surveys on matching sites, it tells me I am too specific. Sorry if I know what I want; I have had plenty of alone time to figure it out. Also, like many of my male counterparts, I am a visual person and if a person is sitting in front of me, there is no mystery as to whether or not they are embellishing the truth about their outer appearance. I know it sounds superficial, but I am a human being and one of the many things I desire in a mate is that I am physically attracted to him. I also liked the idea of speed dating because it’s only six minutes per person, and then, if you don’t want to, you never have to speak to that person again. You also get to meet several people all in one setting instead of meeting one person at a time.

So, I arrived with no expectations and a sick feeling in the pit of my belly. The first bell rang, we were given our instructions, and then I met thirteen different men. And, when I say different, they were very different. I knew that only about half of them had a remote chance because that is how many appeared to be taller than me. However, the others were helpful in allowing me the opportunity learn how to talk to strangers, show off my sense of humor, and learn how to be cordial even when I want to run. Of the ones that met the height requirement, one was too old, three were not attractive for various reasons (i.e. not wanting kids, smoking, recently divorced and noncommittal), and that left three. I had great conversations with all three, which was a good start. As the process ended, I tried to reflect on what I learned.

First, I learned that I cannot be anyone other than who I am and there is nothing wrong with that. Next, I learned that even as the years go by, there are some things on which I am not willing to compromise and there is nothing wrong with that (see Superficial or Super Specific). I also learned that even though I took the initiative to attend the event, I still want to be pursued, so if someone wants to really get to know me, he will have to make the first move. Most importantly, I learned that I have to trust that God is not going to keep anything that is good for me from me.

It would be nice to write that I had this adventure and I met the man of my dreams, and we are experiencing this beautiful romantic courtship that I am sure will lead to marital bliss and a family of my own. But, the fact that I cannot say that does not mean that this was not a successful venture. I sat in a room full of strangers and had conversations; a few of them were uncomfortable, but most of them were fun. That is a victory for me. I did not have my security blanket people to help me (although my BFF was available by text in case of emergency), and I did not break out into hives or start hyperventilating. That was a success. I have no idea how or when I will meet my future husband, but I am so glad that I already know my Present Help (Psalm 46:1). With each day, we grow closer and I am confident that no matter what happens in my love life, I already have the Love of my life. Ms. EV

The other day, I had a marvelous time with one of my dearest friends. She wants me to get married almost as much, if not more, than I do. So, I was sharing with her some of the issues that I have been having and some of my future plans to kickstart my social life. As our discussion went on, I talked to her about two different old flames who I have had contact with in recent months and one person with whom someone tried to play matchmaker. My friend, who has no problem telling me when she thinks that I am wrong (those are the best kinds of friends), did not quite understand why I was not open to some of the options for interaction that had been proposed to me. And, her inquisition caused me to express this position, “I am saying ‘no’ now to avoid saying ‘yes’ later.”

Whenever someone hears that it has been six years since I have been on a real date, they are utterly shocked. I mean, I am gorgeous, intelligent, talented, knowledgeable about sports, and, of course, humble. (That was a joke; stay with me). But honestly, I do believe that I am quite the choice catch for the right suitor. I think that all single people should believe that about themselves. If you do not think you will make a great mate, then perhaps, you have no business going out on dates. But, Ms. EV, isn’t dating just for fun? Maybe for you it is, but I want to get married. So, when I date, it has a purpose that goes beyond companionship or the need for a free meal or movie. I have learned, with God’s help, how to have fun with me because if I cannot have fun with me, then how could I expect someone else to? When I date, it is because I see that the person has the potential to be my forever guy. He fits the general mold and I will accept a date with him to find out if he fits the nooks and crannies.

Where am I going with this? Well, it’s not that I have not been asked on a date in six years. Though the requests are few and far between, there have been requests for my company. And, I should clarify that I was in a relationship for two of those six years, and pining for that relationship for at least another year after the break up, so it has really been three years that I have been open to a relationship. So, why not say ‘yes’ to every person that asks to take me out and weed through the good, the bad and the ugly? Again, that might work for other people, but I know myself. When I went on my last first date six years ago, I was attracted to my ex (or I would not have gone out with him), but, at dinner, I did not really see how the relationship could work because he lived in another state and worked in another country for half of the year. But, he seemed to be so into me that I could not help but agree to meet up again before he left town. The only problem is that he didn’t call when he said he would (if you know me, you know that this seriously irks me), so I was confused. When he did call, I should have said what I had told other people for years, “Not calling when you say you are going to call is a deal breaker.” Instead, I took the call, got charmed all over again, and agreed to explore what could develop between us. I cannot tell you how many times in that relationship I did not get a phone call that I was told was coming or a visit that I was promised, which is why we broke up. And, during that time, I had eyes for no other person, so I have no idea how many opportunities I missed to be with someone who could have been my soulmate.

So, now here I am with some opportunities to date or hang out with people that I know do not qualify for marriage according to my standards (which are mine and I am entitled to them, so don’t tell me I am too picky). Why say 'no' when there might be potential there or why not just go for practice, so I know how to date other guys? Here’s why, and this strictly applies to me. I know that if I go out with someone and he treats me well and wants a future with me, I am prone to settling. Sure, I may not be willing to settle on the first date, but as time goes on, I may find the gentleman to be truly endearing and agree to a serious relationship, although not really the person with whom I envision a relationship. Every serious relationship I have been in has followed this pattern, including my marriage. And, I have heard that doing the same thing and expecting different results is what causes insanity. So, now, I have chosen to say ‘no thanks’ when someone has a trait that I know I will not appreciate in the long term (I may even become resentful about the trait--I am a work in progress) to avoid settling and saying ‘yes’ to a relationship with that person later out of the sense or need to be in a relationship.

God knows what I want in a relationship and what I need. Each of us has our own individual journey. You may be capable of going on a date and then cutting that person out of your life if they are not your match (I wish I had that ability), but have some other issue that you need to take to God. Maybe it is not a date you need to say ‘no’ to now to avoid saying ‘yes’ later to something that is not what is best for your life. Maybe you are dealing with a career decision or friendships. Whatever the case may be, we have to know our personal boundaries and limits. We have to work with God to find out what will truly be satisfying for the long term and what will simply fill a temporary ache. I am trusting that when it is time to say ‘yes,’ God through the prompting of the Holy Spirit will give me that wisdom. I look forward to that day, and until then, I will wait for His best. Ms. EV

I have often heard and been asked why women like "bad boys," or, why women never want the "nice guys." I don't think that women love bad boys or dislike nice guys. Personally, I don't want a "yes" man always trying to say and do the right thing. But, I also don't want someone who disrespects me and dismisses me. For me, I like someone who can compliment me and challenge me there has to be a balance. I wrote the other day about letting men take the lead, but it is very hard to follow someone who lets you walk all over them.  

Please do not take this offensively, but a man needs to be somewhere between a Pomeranian and a Pit bull. I am not saying that men are dogs; I have several men in my life who I love and respect and I do not subscribe to the belief that all men are dogs. In any case, Pomeranians are a sweet, people-pleasing breed, whereas, Pit bulls are naturally aggressive and can be trained to protect. Both are fiercely loyal to their people, which is the basis of a good relationship; however, in waiting for the leader of my home, I would be more inclined to submit to someone who knows how to not only be adorable and pleasant, but also knows when to be aggressive and protect.  

Nice guys don’t have to finish last if they have a balance of sweet and swag. The aforementioned men in my life that I love and respect show these qualities towards their wives. They are just a quick to send flowers as they are the stand up for the things in which they believe. They are confident, but not cocky. Their wives feel respected and protected. That is what I want. I am positive that there are other women who feel the same way. It is nice to get my way, but if I am headed in the wrong direction, I want to know that my mate is not going to stand by and puff up my ego while I walk off of a cliff. Women do like to be treated like queens, but by someone who can stand up and be king. Just like guys will date the promiscuous girl, but marry the pure one; there are women that will date a wimp, but will marry the warrior. Ms. EV

Yesterday, I was approached by a young man as I was leaving from picking up lunch. And, when I say young, I mean he was “I could have taught him a few years back” young. He wanted to “take me to dinner some time.” Just the other day, I was telling a friend of mine that I can’t see going on a date with someone I am not attracted to and she replied that she would love to have someone else pay for dinner, which is fine…for her.

I love to eat. Food is one of my passions. I watch shows about food that I would never try because I am super finicky and over the summer, I learn to cook and bake new delicacies. When I was younger, I could not see doing much of anything by myself, especially eating dinner in a restaurant. But, as I have grown older and remained single, I realized that if I did not learn how to eat by myself, I would miss out on new eateries. So, I have developed a way of eating alone with which I am comfortable.

When I was in my twenties, did not have much money, and was looking to have fun, if he was willing to pay, I was willing to share a meal with him. Now, I am older and for me, dating someone is about getting to know someone with whom I could share my life, not just a meal. I know that not everyone I date will be husband material for me, but as I said last week in my blog, Superficial or Super-Specific, I know the basic attributes of the man for whom I am waiting. So, if a person does not possess those attributes, I do not want to waste my time or his money. My last and most significant relationships started with a dinner date, but before there was dinner, there was attraction. I am still single so obviously they did not turn out the way I had envisioned, but it was a step in the right direction.

Everyone has their own methods of getting by as a single person, and I do not knock anything that is not clearly spelled out in Biblical principles. For me, every time I go to dinner by myself, it reminds me of how God has helped me to overcome a fear that I had. It shows me how much God has blessed me because I am able to treat myself. I am not so independent that I would not allow to whom I am attracted to woo me. However, I am not going to settle and go on a date just for dinner. Ms. EV