Why is it that the smallest things cause so puch pain? For example, papercuts are excruiciating. It is just the slightest sliver, but it cuts like a knife. Actually, I think a knife might be less painful. For the past couple of weeks, I have been having issues with my left eye. I went to the eye doctor because I felt like there was something stuck in my eye and I could not tell if it was a result of my new contact lenses or if something had flown into my eye. It felt like there was a small rock in it, but I could not rub out whatever it was and no amount of eye drops seemed to help. Honestly, one evening, I was eating some chips and a piece broke off and flew towards my face, so I wasn't sure if it had landed in my eye and was the cause of this turmoil, but it was painful!
I told my eye doctor of my chip theory and he laughed at me like I am sure you are, but I just wanted whatever was in my eye out of it. It literally felt like every time I blinked, this foreign object was scraping the surface of my eyeball. Yep, OUCH!!! So, the doctor put some drops in, flipped my eye lid, pulled out some tweezers and went to work; this was not fun, but I was willing to go through it to stop the pain I was experiencing. Finally, the doctor said, "You have oil pockets in your eyelids, they are like tiny pimples on the inside of your eyelid. Usually, I can pop them, but they won't pop." He sent me away with instructions on how to get them to pop on their own and a new set of contacts. After a few days of following my doctor's orders, I felt some relief. But, last night, out of nowhere, the evil eyelid pimples struck again! It reminded me of my sins! What?!? I know, but hear me out. People constantly, yours truly, try to catergorize sins. Little white lies (not sure if the big ones are black or not, but you get my point). Yesterday, I caught myself gossipping, but it was like I could not stop myself. I reasoned that everything I was saying was accurate, but I knew it was still wrong. Big sins, little, sins, public sins, private sins, and my favorite the, "God knows my heart sins"; we try to categorize sin to make ourselves feel better, but we never think of how it makes God feel. Just like a paper cut can sometimes hurt as bad a slicing your hand with a kitchen knife, your gossiping grieves God just as much as starting a false and malicious rumor. Just like my eye pimples hurt as bad or worse than being poked in the eye with a sharp object, my "little lies" hurt God as much as a murder! And, letting those little things fester can make you miserable. I don't know about you, friend, but I have spent so much of my life focused on how others sin worse than I do. It has made me angry and miserable at times, and has even ruined a few relationships. Rather than categorizing sin or comparing our sins with others, we need to just ask God to show us the things in our lives that break His heart and focus on allowing Him to forgive and heal us in those areas. Not so that we can browbeat our brothers and sisters who aren't there yet, but just so that we can be closer to Him; more like Him. I don't ever want God to think of me as a little pain in the eye. Do you? Ms. EV
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Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you had a problem, but you knew the solution was unlikely to happen? I have. In fact, I struggled with something just this week that fit into that category. I say all the time that God wants to hear all of our problems, big or small. Even if others might not think it an issue, if you are His and it is an issue to you, it is an issue to Him. So, I started praying about this problem. Stop being nosey; I am not going to say what the problem was (I keep SOME things to myself...LOL).
I knew what a great solution to the problem would be. I knew it was highly unlikely to get the outcome I envisioned, but God is able to do the impossible. So, I kept praying...the same prayer...over and over and over again. "Lord, let this happen so that my problem can go away. And, please let it happen soon." Days went by and I thought my head would explode because the problem persisted and I was pretty sure that God was saying "no" to my request for assistance. Then, in the middle of praying the same prayer, "Lord, I just need You...," I paused. And, then I thought about it. That was the perfect place to stop. Instead of telling God how to fix my problem, I just needed to say, "Lord, I need You!" After praying that prayer, I started to feel some relief from the situation, but it still lingered. I knew that God was on it, so I added to the prayer, "Dear God, just be You for me." I thought I knew the solution to the problem; an improbable solution, but one that would change the circumstances surrounding me. God is showing me that my circumstances don't need to change. I just need to trust Him to change me and how I view the circumstance and how I view what He is capable of doing. He knows everything. And, He knows everything we need. So, I continue to pray and I invite you to pray, "Lord, I just need You. Dear God, just be You." Ms. EV So, yesterday, I was recounting the story of how my car would not start and I left off at the part where my best friend had kind of calmed me down and my uncle was on the way to help (If you need a refresher, scroll down to Part I or click over the Ms. Ev's Blog to see the beginning). Anyway, in between the phone call to my uncle and the text from my bestie, the devil went to WORK! It is so funny, but when you are single, EVERY issue seems to always come back to, "and I wouldn't be in this situation if I had a man!" So, I sat in the car and stewed until my uncle called and said he was in the parking lot.
He arrived and went to work to figure out why the car wouldn't start. I had a suspicion that it was the battery, and my mom told me to have him check the water in the battery as well. So, he checked and the water was nearly non-existent. He hooked up the jumper cables and sent me inside to get some water to fill the battery. The water cost about twice as much as I had put in the bucket, so I thought, "Okay, I am going to have to spend some extra to remind me to listen to the urge to give when it comes. Got it. Lesson learned." My uncle put the water in, waited a bit and had me start the car. I turned the key and it started. We tried again and it started again. I was very hopeful, except the car was still hooked to the jumper cables. So, he took the cables off, I said I prayer, I turned the key, and "click"...nothing happened. I tried to hold back tears as my uncle tried to reassure me that it would be okay. I sat in the car trying to figure out what I was going to have to give up to be able to fit a new battery in my budget while we tried to let the jumper cables do their thing. We tried again, but the car wouldn't start; the battery was dead. We went into the store, again, thank God I broke down somewhere where they sell car batteries. We looked for the battery I needed. It came in three types, Value, Zoom and Maxx. I was hoping to find a Value one because it wouldn't damage my budget too much. The only one we could find was the Maxx (the most expensive one). Again, I sucked back tears, as I thought about my earlier disobedience and how I was solely responsible for this. I also lamented over the fact that if I had a husband or a boyfriend, he would have reminded me to put water in the first battery, so it wouldn't die. When, we reached the cash register, I pulled out my debit card reluctantly and before I could swipe it, my uncle picked up the tab, which really made tears come to my eyes, but in a good way. I told him that I could pay for it, I didn't want to, but I had the money, but he replied that he just wanted to see me smile and he as glad to be a blessing and he said, "Now, you can put this in your praise bucket." I thought, "What an awesome uncle and what an awesome bit of wisdom!" He never once made me feel like I was inconveniencing him or bugging him. His demeanor was as if I was doing him a favor. So, I learned a lot. First, I learned that when I do something for someone else, I need to be more gracious about it. Second, I learned that sometimes we are going to feel down, but God can hook us up to friends and family that will get us going just like jumper cables. I also learned, because I clearly heard God speak this to my heart, that God was not going to punish me over not giving up $0.36; He definitely let me know that I had not listened, but I was more blessed than punished. Finally, I learned that we should store our blessings in our praise bucket. That way, when we have a down day (or maybe I'm the only person who isn't happy-go-lucky all the time), we can pull something out of out praise bucket and get to shouting! What's in your bucket? Ms. EV Yesterday, I had the day off, and I was very tempted to stay in the house all day and veg out. But, after a quick pep talk, I decided that since I had a few errands to run, I would make a day of it. I would take myself out to eat at a new place and walk around a shopping center. Perhaps, even get a new phone to replace my rapidly dying, malfunctioning one. I knew I needed to get up, make myself pretty and get out of my house. I had gotten out of the habit of doing so and more into the habit of being a hermit. I could tell that while I don’t particular mind being a hermit most times, it was starting to lead me into a sullen and somber state that tends to happen to me about this time of year.
I set off on my journey, looking cute I might add, and I went to a new restaurant. I had nearly forgotten what it was like to eat alone in public. I had built up a certain confidence in the practice of eating alone, but I hadn’t done it in so long that I began to panic. But, I made it through lunch with the help of my best friend who participated in a conversation by text. I made three stops in that shopping center (this will be important later), and then, I headed to my last stop. I went to look at phones, but the line was too long, so I left the store. On the way out, there was a Salvation Army bell ringer. I thought I should put something in the bucket, but realized I had $0.31 on me and decided to keep walking. I got in my car, turned the key and nothing happened. I prayed, turned the key again, still nothing. I called my mom, who is out of town, to see if she or my dad could offer some advice. They told me to call my uncle and see if he could help. I tried to reach him, but my phone wouldn’t let me dial the number and my aunt wasn’t answering. I started to panic. I surmised it was the battery and I probably needed a jump start, but I didn’t have jumper cables and I was not comfortable asking a complete stranger for help. So, I tried my phone again. The next number it let me dial was my nephew, but he couldn’t come help me, so I decided to try to call my roadside assistance plan. I texted my best friend to update her on my situation, opining that I should have opted to stay in for the day. She quickly calmed me by saying that what I was experiencing could happen to anyone and I should just be thankful that it happened there and at that time, where I could get some help. She was right. While I was reading her text, I thought of a way to try to reach my uncle. I went into the store and called him and he was willing to come and help me. On my way out of the store, I dug into my pocket, took the $0.31 out and dropped it in the bucket. I didn’t want to take any chances that being disobedient to the urge to give it the first time had caused my current trouble. As I sat and waited for my uncle to come to the store, I thought about what my friend said. I had made several stops during my trip. Most of them were not as close to my house as this last stop. Had I been further in town, my uncle might not have been able to reach me. Had I stayed home, and tried to start the car this morning when it was time for work and it didn’t start, it would have caused far more trouble. Sometimes, we just have to examine our perspective on a situation and find the places where God clearly shows His hand, so that we can give Him praise. There is more to this story. Tune in to Ms. EV’s blog tomorrow, for part two. Ms. EV God, my shepherd! I don't need a thing. Psalm 23:1 (MSG) – I woke up this morning replaying my entire relationship with my ex-boyfriend. I don’t know why that was on my mind. We met six years ago and broke up four years ago. We haven’t even spoken in over six months. And yet, there it was in my head; the entire span of our relationship from romantic beginning to sad demise.
It is the beginning of the holiday season, in which I start to feel lonely. My team will play his team next weekend. And, this is the time of year when we made our relationship official all those years ago. Okay, I am starting to see why that relationship was in my head. In that relationship, I started off on solid footing, dependent on God and not focused at all on my ex, who we’ll just call Coach. But, very shortly after our first date, I fell and I fell hard. I slowly became more needy and dependent on Coach and too independent towards God. True to form, God let me do things my way. And, as I reflected this morning, I do not even understand why Coach was able to sweep me off my feet. I guess at that point in my life. I, once again, felt that I needed something that was not present in my life. I felt that Coach could fulfill that need, and I longed for him to fill that need. That longing started to overshadow my longing for Christ. Ultimately, the relationship ended, and I was devastated, but God took me back, as always. Now, I am totally dependent on Him, and I don’t need a thing as the verse says. God, my shepherd, has already given me everything I need, and, He can fulfill my desires, as well. I would like to say that I will never put myself in that situation again, and I pray that this is true. God is my keeper, my source, not Coach or any other person who comes into my life. With Him, I don’t need a thing. Ms. EV I am just waking up from a mid-morning/afternoon nap after a night of Black Thriday shopping (I saw Thriday because it no longer starts on Friday, now it starts on Thanksgiving Day and continues through Friday morning). Now, I come from a family of deal hunters; not extreme couponers or extreme cheapskates, but deal hunters. I believe the reason my siblings and I always felt so well off growing up (even though we had no idea what my parents salaries were) is because my mother is so incredible at money management. She knows how to be sure that bills are paid and that we have all of our needs and most of our wants. She is...THE BARGAIN HUNTER.
So, every day after Thanksgiving since I don't even know when, we spread out the sales papers and plot our route of savings. I like to get all or as much of my Christmas shopping done as possible, and then, see if there is something on sale for such a good deal that I just must have it in my life. I am, however, as a result of many flawed spending habits in my past, pretty frugal, though, so I will only spend on myself if it is REALLY worth it. We layer up our clothes, and head out to stores in search of great deals. This year, for the first time in forever, I got everything I was looking to get and it was a great feeling. After the first leg of our shopping trip, I got another great feeling. We all went back to my parents' house to rest up for round two of our shopping trip. I just reflected on how great it felt to have most of my family under one roof for the night. With a nephew that's about to go to college next year, and just the business of life, it was nice to be surrounded by my family and I had to stop and thank God for that. But, as I woke up this afternoon, I realized, I got an even better deal. I got the deal of a lifetime when Jesus chose me. When He knocked on the door of my heart, and I answered, that was the best deal ever because honestly, without Jesus, I cannot even imagine what my life would be like. There are times now that I know that He is the only reason I still go on and survive. There are some things I don't share with everyone with which I struggle, and in the darkest of times, He is my hope for my future. And, get this, even though I will only purchase a deal if it is of great value or I really need it, God didn't look at me that way. Without Him, my life was worthless, but He still died for me. He definitely doesn't need me because He's God, but He still wanted me and chased after me. The best part is that even though, I stumble, I fall, and I fail, He doesn't return me or exchange me. He keeps me and He holds me and He loves me like no other, which is saying a lot because I come from a family filled with love and it still doesn't match the love that God shows me. Talk about an awesome deal. Ms. EV I love Walter Hawkins' music. It is timeless and relevant and pure true gospel music. One of my favorite songs of his is, "Be Grateful," I love to hear it and I love to sing it. This week I am reminded of the lyrics:
God has not promised me sunshine That's not the way it's going to be But a little rain mixed with God's sunshine A little pain makes me appreciate the good times. Being saved doesn't mean that there are no more problems. God's peace doesn't come from the absence of trouble, but from being safe in His Presence. The song reminds us to not just call on God in hard times and praise Him in good times, but to maintain a relationship filled with worship and adoration at all times. Further, the song reminds me that there are people who are facing issues much worse than mine: Be grateful because there's someone else that's worse off than you Be grateful because there's someone else who'd love to be in your shoes. I know of several people going through horrible personal tragedies right now. It doesn't mean that God loves them less than He loves me. It also doesn't mean that God cares more about their huge issues than my little issues. The Bible says, "Cast all you cares on Him; for He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7. It doesn't say that God can only handle big issues. If you are a child of God and a problem bothers you; you can know it bothers God and He wants you to come to Him for a resolution. I often feel bad for taking my "small stuff" to God and then hearing that someone is going through literal hell on Earth. But, my mother reminds me that Gods wants us to give Him ALL of our burdens. The struggles of others remind us of all the good in our lives and give us an opportunity to serve our brothers and sisters through prayer and compassion. My favorite line of the song is the last one because it sums everything up with encouragement: Be grateful for it will be alright Whatever the situation, God has it under control. Even if you cannot think of a worse situation than yours, imagine if you had to go through it without God. Give thanks for having Him in your life. For, it will be alright. Ms. EV I woke up this morning, after enjoying sleeping in, and decided to try to beat the crowds and get all of the ingredients for my bake-a-thon (shameless plug: If you want to order holiday treats visit my Catering page). Anyway, I decided that I should look decent because you never know who you are going to run into during the holidays. This is the time of year when people have the day off or they are in town visiting relatives, so you just never know.
I was pulling into a parking space and I noticed this very nice looking guy, walking with a little girl who was probably about five or six years old. As he got closer, I realized it was someone with whom I went to high school and on whom I had a very, very BIG crush. He, like many others in my high school days, did not give me the time of day, but that was okay because he didn't really give any girls the time of day in high school. When we were in college, we kept in touch as friends, but after a couple of years we lost touch. I have seen him sporadically since I moved back home, but he's happily married with children, so he's most definitely off limits. Today, was the first time I have seen him in years, and there he was holding his little girl's hand and taking her to get her nails done. (Everyone say it with me, "Awwwwwwwwww!!!) I wanted to think, "I am so happy for him that he is a great dad," or something remotely spiritual, but all I could think was, "Why didn't he ever want me? Then, it might be my little girl going to get her nails done." I don't know this man's situation; I haven't spoken to him in over five years. But, in that moment, in my mind, his life was perfect and I just couldn't understand why I don't get to have what his wife has, which I think is the exact definition of coveting. Yes, I was delighted to enjoy my day off when I left my house, feeling blessed beyond measure, but when I saw him standing there, I just felt drained. Suddenly, all I could think of was everything I do not have. However, less than ten minutes later I was reminded of what I do have when I ran into someone who had a real reason to be sad. I am blessed with some pretty awesome people in my life; my family, my friends, my fellow church members. I am blessed with a home and enough of everything: money, food, clothes, shoes. If I need it, I have it. Are there things that feel like they are missing? At times, absolutely yes; especially, when I think carnally. But, when I reflect on God's promises, I can confidently say that I have everything I need for this season of my life. And, I am truly thankful for that! Ms. EV I do my best to try to be aware of where my weaknesses are. I know that I am not perfect and that I have shortcomings. Some are obvious and others are less blunt, so I often ask God to show me the areas of my life in which I am failing Him. One of those areas is in dealing with adverse people. Mary Southerland of Girlfriends in God calls them sandpaper people. Don't get me wrong, I am a nice person. I have been told that I am compassionate, genuine, and loving. But, when it comes to the people who seem to exist only to unnerve me, sometimes I fall short in the area of Christian love.
I know this is an issue because yesterday I mentioned to my mother that I may need to work on my people skills. I was in a situation where I found myself getting very frustrated with someone who asked me for help, and then, did not want to listen to me when I tried to give help. I have a feeling that my frustration was very obvious because, just like I do not have the ability to hide pain, I also have very little ability to hide the exact emotion I am feeling. Even though I was talking to my mother about the issue, I have a sneaking suspiscion that God overheard our convo (just in case you are wondering, I do realize that God hears everything). This morning, when I got to work I saw a person who not only annoys me, but goes out of his way to annoy me. I would prefer to have this person pretend that I am invisible because everything that comes out of his mouth is obnoxious. I have tried to ignore him. I have even tried, as recently as a few days ago, to be nice to him. But, there he was this morning as I arrived at work, pre-Coke Zero, to make another snide remark. I don't even know what I retorted, but I do know that it was accompanied by the yuck face and a possible eye roll. A couple of hours later I was reading a devotional and it spoke about making peace with people. OUCH!!! "But, I tried, Lord! I was nice to that dude the other day. I even smiled a genuine, not forced, smile. Surely, You can't mean him; he doesn't even recognize when I am trying to be peaceful." Even in the midst of my heart plea, I was wrong. And, I am still not really sure how to fix it. I don't want to brush off the obnoxious comments because I don't want this person to think that it's okay. Ignoring him is not going to fix it. Reacting adversly doesn't fix it either because even though I have had words with this guy and my friends have told him he is a jerk to me, he continues to act foolishly. Though I don't know what to do about this particular person, I am confident that God has the answer and He will guide me to it. Nonetheless, the issue is bigger than this one person. I don't want anyone to view God in a bad light because of how I treat other people, so I have to watch my actions and attitude towards others, especially obnoxious others. I figure if God can put up with the way I act and the things I say, I can learn to love in spite of. It is a process and I am sure I am not the only one who has to deal with those people. One thing is for sure, if you ever start thinking you have it all together and you ask God to point out your flaws, He will make them clear to you. The question then becomes what are you going to do about it. I have a few days to figure that out before I have to deal with this particular person again. But, in general, we have to keep love and peace in the forefront of our hearts and minds because some people are just too willing to let the devil use them to try to trip us up. Don't let the devil win! Ms. EV Yesterday, I was walking up the stairs to Sunday school and my knee buckled. I went to reach for the railing and I pulled something in my neck and back. The pain was excruciating! I could not turn my head. I could not breathe too deeply. I was miserable. And, everybody knew it. I barely heard the lesson in Sunday school, but I did pick up a few nuggets of wisdom, like, "We don't face adversity because we did something wrong," and "When you have a problem, you should shake it off and not hold on to it and complain and whine." So, I tried to pull it together because I knew I had to sing. And, I didn't want to affect others' worship experience because I was in pain. Still, as I told my family, I was not born with the ability to hide pain, so everyone knew there was something wrong.
The first song was one that I don't like to sing because I always feel like I am lying when I sing it. It says, "I don't mind waiting on You, Lord." And while I will wait on the Lord to move my life in His direction, in His time and according to His will, I am not sure that I always do so with an, "I don't mind" attitude. It's more of an, "I know that being impatient leads to bad things, so I don't have any choice, but to wait" attitude. The sermon subject was, "Wait on the Lord," so I started to sense that God was speaking to me through the lessons. The problem was that, even though, I had taken some ibuprofen to try to kill the pain from my earlier incident, it was NOT working. So, throughout the sermon, I was desperately trying to listen, but my pain would not lessen. Eventually, I got frustrated, and instead of writing sermon notes, I began to ask God questions, like, "How long am I going to be waiting?" Waiting for what you ask: for my physical pain to end, for my loneliness to end, for my dreams to start coming true. I wanted to clap and praise with everyone else, but I was so bogged down with physical and emotional pain that all I could do was cry. Then, I felt guilty because on a scale of one to ten, my problems are a negative twelve, when I look at what others are facing. Why am I such a baby? Why do I have such a low tolerance for pain? Why am I so spoiled? Am I like the children of Israel? Am I making my journey longer than it has to be because I whine? The devil is good, isn't he? That dude had me so distracted and I played right into his hands for a minute. Upon reflection, though, I realized that I have started to make great progress on my music this weekend. And, I still haven't been approached by a guy in a long time, but I am able to use my experiences to help others. My neck still hurts, but it's nothing I cannot handle, and through that injury, I saw how much my family really loves me. So, I guess this is what the prophet Isaiah meant by "run and not get weary...walk and never faint." I truly felt like I was down for the count yesterday. My issues are teeny-tiny, but when combined and over time, sometimes they seem overwhelming. That's when God steps in with those eagles' wings to help us continue to soar. I am still waiting. I know there will be a grand testimony after this because there are great testimonies all up and through this. To God be the glory! Ms. EV |
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