When I used to give talks, I always made sure that I had my papers with me just in case I forgot what I was going to say. One day, I was standing before a crowd speaking, and, in the middle of my speech, I lost my place on my notes. I went off on a tangent and started fiddling with my papers and they got all mixed up. I almost panicked. I began to reshuffle the papers, and then, my heart spoke to God to just help me say what needed to be said at that moment. I got back on track without anyone noticing what happened at the podium and I said a lot of things that were spoken to me by the Holy Spirit.
I know that if I had stuck with my notes I would not have been able to express the words that God intended for me to speak that day. It reminds me of the story of the lame man who came to see Christ. He could not get through the doors with his crutched because of the crowd, so he was lowered through the roof by his friends to see Jesus and be healed. That’s how badly he wanted to meet Jesus. How much do you want what God has in store for you? If he takes away the opportunity to use the person or thing that has been your crutch, will you panic or trust Him to get you where He needs you to be? We should take some time to consider that the thing or person who is holding us up may also be the thing or person who is holding us back from what God has in store for us. What are you leaning on? Who is holding you up? Do you have any crutches that you are trusting more than God? Ms. EV
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A few months ago, the marquis outside of my church read, “My way is the Highway – God.” I loved that sign. His ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts. As the school year winds down, I have a lot of responsibilities for end-of-the-year activities. Yesterday, a friend tried to help me and to recruit others to help me with my tasks, but I quickly asked him to just let me do it my way. As I was thinking about that conversation, it hit me like a ton of bricks: this must be what God is saying when I try to take over and help Him out with my Life. I like to do things my way. I am a pretty efficient person and I do not like to waste time or to have to explain why I am doing something the way I am doing it. Clearly, if I approach an assignment in a certain manner, it is because I have determined the best way to do it. (At this moment, I hear a spiritual, “DUH!”).
Talk about made in His image. I feel the same way about people stepping on my toes as God feels about me trying to step on His. I know how to delegate and I know that I cannot make it through this life without the help of others. That is not what I am getting at here. What I am saying is that when I devise a plan that is what is best, I would like for other people to follow it or get out of the way. That is what God wants us to do. He knows what is best and he does NOT need our help. So, when I make it to Heaven, I don’t want to sound like Sinatra, and say, “I did it my way!” I want God to be able to say, “Although, it took her a while to figure it out, she did it MY way.” Ms. EV Being an introvert means that I am only outspoken when I am extremely passionate about something. Other than that, I am loud when I am in performance mode and when I am around the people with whom I am the most comfortable. Alternatively, I am quiet most of the time. I spend most of my time by myself, so it would be weird if I talked a lot. I am quiet when I am processing or thinking about something. I am quiet when I know that what I say will cause a confrontation because I hate confrontation (unless it is something about which I am extremely passionate). Most of what I say is in my head though, and although, other people cannot hear it, God knows exactly what I am saying.
The other day, I was reading a devotional and came across this verse in Exodus, “God will fight the battle for you. And you? You keep your mouths shut!” Exodus 14:14 (MSG). It was a slap in the face, but the good kind; the kind that wakes you up. It was akin to one of my favorite prayers, Lord, keep Your arm around my shoulder…and Your hand over my mouth. Our words are very powerful, and I try to choose mine wisely, but I know that I am guilty of using my tongue as a sword. I used to be quite proud of having that as a talent. I loved the fact that I never had to actually put my hands on people because I could do much more damage with my words. I know that is a flawed mindset, but it was my defense mechanism. Now, that I have become more careful with my words, I still find destructive speech goes on in my head. Sometimes, it is directed at other people. Sometimes, it is directed at me. And sometimes, though I am not proud to admit it, it is directed at God. When I read that verse, it reminded me that no matter what is going on in my life, God has the final say. He can and will fight all of my battles and win. My job is to shut my mouth, whether that means not saying something out loud or quieting the negative voices in my head. The verse was directed towards the most quintessential whiners in all of history: the post-Egypt, pre-Promised Land Israelites. Despite all of the times God had delivered them, they still complained every time even a hint of adversity appeared. Now, before we get all high and mighty and condemn their whining ways, let us remember, well at least I know I need to remember, that we do the same exact thing. God rescues us over and over again, even sometimes when we create the calamity, and yet, we have doubt when a new storm arises. So, this verse reminds us, while God is fighting, we just need to be quiet, listen to Him and let Him handle it. Remember, we have two ears and one mouth for a reason. Ms. EV Today is Memorial Day. So, first I have to thank the countless service men and women who have sacrificed their time and their lives for my freedom. I also want to thank their families for supporting them as they fight for America. This morning, I was celebrating a different sort of memorial. I was minding my own business, preparing food for later and cleaning the kitchen when several thoughts starting coming to mind. They were divisive, destructive, counterproductive thoughts, so I knew exactly who was doing the whispering, Satan.
I quickly said, “Satan, why you always gotta bring up old stuff!” Then, I realized, that’s all he has to work with right now. The issues that he is bringing up have been prayed about, fought out and buried. And, because I have not given him anything new to pester me about, he has to try to knock me off track with old problems. But, don’t you know that once God has delivered you from a battle and the victory is won, you never have to succumb to the pull of guilt or shame from that issue again. When you allow God to step in and fight for you, the victory is won. You can shovel the dirt on top of the defeated problem or problems and you can celebrate. Like today, when we take the time out to celebrate the lives and the sacrifice of those who fought for freedom, we should take the time each day to celebrate God’s sacrifice for our freedom and to remember the battles He has already won. Do not give Satan any leverage. If a problem is dead and buried, leave it there. Celebrate the victory. As long as we live in this world, there will be another problem waiting around the corner. The good news is that God can handle that one, too; especially if you don’t weaken your fight by dwelling on past missteps and mistakes. It’s one thing for Satan to bring up old stuff to use in attack; it is a whole other story when we continue to dwell in a place from which we have been delivered. Ms. EV Today's blog is in response to a challenge from the Girlfriends in God devotional for today: Counting the Ways of Love.
Dear God: I want to take the time to tell You how much I love You. First, I love You for your sacrifice. There is no pain worse than when a child dies; yet, You loved us all so much that You willingly gave Your Son to pay the debts that we can never repay. I love that You are a forgiving God. We continually choose paths that are contrary to Your Will; nonetheless, when we come to You acknowledging the errors of our ways and willing to turn our lives around, You forget the past and move us forward. I also love You for Your grace. There is no telling where I would be without Your grace. And, I understand that grace is not a license to sin; it is the gift of Your riches and blessings that I do not deserve. Furthermore, I love that You are a merciful God. There are countless actions that I have undertaken that I know should have had more dire consequences, but You spared me. There were still consequences for my actions; however, I know that it could have been much worse were it not for Your mercy. God, I want to thank You for my family. I get to experience different family dynamics all of the time, so I know how blessed I am. Thank You for saved parents who helped me to know You. Thank You for a close-knit, supportive family that is not perfect and has its differences, but when push comes to shove, we are there for each other. Moreover, I thank You for my health. I have not always had a perfectly clean bill of health; nevertheless, there has not been one ailment that has been debilitating. I still have the use of all of my senses, my limbs, and my brain, and I think sometimes we take being able to breathe for granted, so I thank You for each breath. I also want to thank You for the gifts that You have given me. I have not always used them in the way that I know You intended for them to be used, yet, You did not take them from me. Instead, You gave me the opportunity to discover how I could use them for You. Lord, I thank You for being God. I have tried to be in control of everything and it is not easy, so I am glad that I do not have to be. I am so grateful to be awakened each morning by the sun that You created peeking over the horizon. I am thankful that You will never leave me or forsake me. Even though, I battled with a fear of loneliness, You and I came out victorious. Thank You for delivering me from the dark corners of anxiety in my mind, from self-doubt, and from low self-esteem. Lord, I thank You for eternity and for a heavenly home. I thank You because I know that no matter what happens in my life and on this earth, this is not my home and physical death is not the end. Father, You are awesome and amazing and I do not deserve Your love, but I am so glad that You give it freely. Thank You. Ms. EV Why do people say, “When all else fails, try God?” I was listening to the radio and I heard a song that said something to the effect of, “When everything you have tried has failed, try God.” I mean, if you do not know God, I can understand this logic. For someone who doesn’t know God, complete and utter failure may drive her to her knees in repentance and confession. However, for a Christian (and this was a gospel song), God should be the first option, not the last resort.
I understand that I might sound preachy, but I promise that I am writing this to remind myself. There have been many times in my life that I have been faced with a situation and I tried to handle it myself. This sometimes resulted in victories that helped me to believe that I can make it on my own, which is a dangerous mindset for a child of God. Other times, I have tried to handle situations on my own and it resulted in utter failure, which led me to cry out to God to help me fix the mess I made. I am not saying that we should not attempt to do things that we are capable of accomplishing. I am just reminding myself and you that rather than forgetting about God until we need Him, we need to factor Him in to every part of our lives. God wants us to depend on Him and turn to Him before there is some catastrophe that we cannot overcome alone. And, when someone comes to us with a problem, rather than feeling defeated and thinking, “The only thing I can do is pray,” we should victoriously claim, “The best thing I can do for you is to pray” (not my original thought, I think it was Oswald Chambers). So, rather than saying, “When all else fails, try God,” we should say, “God never fails, I will choose His way.” Ms. EV People sometimes think I am a grumpy person. I try not to be, but I know that I can have a very challenging personality. This is in part because I am an introvert and many times I am thinking about the issues in my life, having discourse with God or myself in my head, working through situations constantly. So, as the internal reflection takes place, the external result is that it looks like I am sad, annoyed, worried, or just plain mad. (I have never been able to hide what I am thinking; my face gives me away every time). During that time, I need to work through whatever it is that is going on in my head before I can interact with people fully. Therefore, if someone interrupts my process, they might see behaviors that would incline them to label me as aloof, arrogant, or antisocial. At least, those are the ones people have said to my face.
I am giving this explanation because lately there has been a shift in my focus. Rather than focusing on what I do not have or have not done, I am trying my best, with God’s help, to pursue my dreams. Not the ones that I thought I would do to get everyone’s attention, affection, and acclamation, but the ones that God gave me for His glory. Focusing on writing and singing for the glory of the Lord is taking up so much of my reflective process that I do not have time to focus on the instability of my career or the fact that I do not have the family I envisioned I would have at this point in my life. And, people are noticing a shift in my personality. It is somewhat embarrassing when people are scared because you are smiling. But, like the old song says, “Something on the inside is working on the outside; I feel a change in my life.” Am I perpetually joyful now as I pursue my dreams? Joyful, probably; happy-go-lucky and walking on rainbows, not so much. But, I am learning what the psalmist in Psalm 37 meant when he wrote, “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” I thought it meant pray, go to church and pay your tithes and you will get what you want. It means become so wrapped up in God that His desires for your life become yours. I still do not have a clue what God wants me to do as a writer and a singer, but, with each open door (and closed door), I am excited about the possibilities. God places dreams in our hearts; we can ignore them and pursue what we think we want or we can live the life He has planned for us. I promise when you do the former, you will always feel like something is missing. You may even project what you feel is missing on to other areas of your life: relationships, career, finances, etc. However, when you keep the dream alive, when you know in your spirit that you are living in God’s Will for your life, the concern, the worry, the emptiness dissipates and contentment sets in and you can ride the waves and go with the flow. Ms. EV In many of my songs, I find myself writing about the times when I have strayed away from God. Though my reasons for falling off track have varied—overconfidence, independence, rebellion, anger—one thing remains constant; God does not let me stay there in the wilderness. In the New Testament, several parables explain that God sent Jesus to seek and save the lost. There is one about the one lost sheep out of one hundred, the woman and one lost coin out of ten coins, and the lost son all in Luke 15. The theme of the message is that God notices when one of His children goes missing, He will do what is necessary for the situation, to get that child back. I am a living witness of the intensity of this kind of love.
Sometimes, God will fervently seek after us in the wilderness until we are found like with the lost sheep. Other times, God has waits for us to clean up our lives and seek Him out like the woman with the lost coin. Still, there are times, when God has to let us hit rock bottom, and be broken, so that He can mend us when we come back to Him in desperation like the prodigal son. No matter what method He uses in finding us; He will not lose His children. This kind of love is not just found in the New Testament. In Isaiah 43, God says, “Don't be afraid, I've redeemed you. I've called your name. You're Mine. …I'd sell off the whole world to get you back, trade the creation just for you.” (Isaiah 43:1, 4 MSG). That is a deep declaration of love. Once you are His, He will not let you go. You might snatch away from His hand like a rambunctious toddler does to her mother in a department store. But, just like that mother, who searches through racks of clothing and has the whole store on high alert until she recovers her mischievous offspring, God will be there looking for you, waiting for you, reaching out His hand when you come back to Him. And, just like that mom, He will hold your hand, just a little tighter once you are found. Ms. EV Back in the day, before it skipped five years and got weird, I watched the show Desperate Housewives. It followed the paths of four friends who lived on the same street and were all experiencing varying degrees of marital dysfunction. It, and many other shows like it, portrays issues that might cause one to consider never getting married; they make the institutions of marriage and family seem like some cruel joke. I know that each family faces its own set of difficulties, but it does not stop me from wanting a family of my own.
This morning on the radio, the topic of the day was, “When I graduated from high school, I thought I would be a _____________, but I ended up being a ___________.” So, of course, I talked back to the radio. When I graduated from high school I thought I would be a high-powered attorney, wife and mother to three or four children, but I ended up being a divorced high school teacher with a very spoiled cat. The good news is that I have recently discovered that, despite my life not being how I envisioned that it would be, I am no longer desperately seeking the things that are out of my control. There was a time when I wanted a husband and children so badly that I married the wrong person because I feared he would be the last one to ever ask. There was a time when I was willing to compromise my morals and do what I knew was wrong in the sight of God just to feel loved because I felt I had to give in to temptation to keep a man in my life. There was a time when I was willing to look past what I desire in a mate for the sake of going on a date because I did not know if I would ever date again. But now, I am so filled with Love from the inside that the desperation has dissipated. I am willing to wait for the person that I have asked God to provide for me. I am willing to live alone, sleep alone, and eat alone because I know that God has me right where I need to be. I also know from reading the Bible that God never refused to provide, for people who followed His Word, after a famine was over. Does it hurt some nights? Absolutely; it hurts some days, too, but I know my role in how I got where I am, so I know it could be much worse and I praise God for His mercy. Desperation can lead to life-changing decisions, and not in a good way. It can lead to infidelity, violence, promiscuity. It can lead to behaviors that have hazardous results. Desperate is not cute on a woman (or a man). The only thing any of us should be desperate for is more of God; more time in His presence and more intimacy with Him. Ms. EV I have often heard and been asked why women like "bad boys," or, why women never want the "nice guys." I don't think that women love bad boys or dislike nice guys. Personally, I don't want a "yes" man always trying to say and do the right thing. But, I also don't want someone who disrespects me and dismisses me. For me, I like someone who can compliment me and challenge me there has to be a balance. I wrote the other day about letting men take the lead, but it is very hard to follow someone who lets you walk all over them.
Please do not take this offensively, but a man needs to be somewhere between a Pomeranian and a Pit bull. I am not saying that men are dogs; I have several men in my life who I love and respect and I do not subscribe to the belief that all men are dogs. In any case, Pomeranians are a sweet, people-pleasing breed, whereas, Pit bulls are naturally aggressive and can be trained to protect. Both are fiercely loyal to their people, which is the basis of a good relationship; however, in waiting for the leader of my home, I would be more inclined to submit to someone who knows how to not only be adorable and pleasant, but also knows when to be aggressive and protect. Nice guys don’t have to finish last if they have a balance of sweet and swag. The aforementioned men in my life that I love and respect show these qualities towards their wives. They are just a quick to send flowers as they are the stand up for the things in which they believe. They are confident, but not cocky. Their wives feel respected and protected. That is what I want. I am positive that there are other women who feel the same way. It is nice to get my way, but if I am headed in the wrong direction, I want to know that my mate is not going to stand by and puff up my ego while I walk off of a cliff. Women do like to be treated like queens, but by someone who can stand up and be king. Just like guys will date the promiscuous girl, but marry the pure one; there are women that will date a wimp, but will marry the warrior. Ms. EV |
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