I was awakened from my nap by a rather boisterous thunder boom. I groggily sat up in my bed and looked out the window just in time to see a flash of lightning that didn’t look to far from my house. I jumped up and hurried out of the room to make sure that anything that wasn’t plugged into a surge protector was unplugged from the wall, especially my precious laptop that has been charging while I was recharging.
As I sat on my couch, I turned on the new to see the local weatherman, Captain Obvious, telling me there were severe thunderstorms. The lightning was striking what seemed to be inches from my condo and every single thunder clap shook my whole house. So, I did what any sensible thirty-four year-old would do, I called my mommy. She laughed at me and told me that she was eating dinner and it was just a thunderstorm. I played down how scared I actually was in the moment. There are a couple of trees near my window and I started thinking, “What if one of these trees crashes through my window?” It was just me and my cat, Joy Bella, huddled on the couch waiting for the storm to pass. Then, the power went out. It went out in such a way that I was sure lightning had struck my electronics despite the surge protector, so I called my mom again. She assured me that the power would come on again very soon. When I hung up, I had a moment. All I could think was, “This would be a good time to have someone here with me to comfort me.” I mean, I couldn’t leave the house because the weather was so bad. Then, the storm brought cold weather and thoughts of how nice it would be to snuggle up with someone I love. That same thunder and lightning that were scaring the mess out of me would have been romantic in a different circumstance. And, there I was again thinking, “Lord, why don’t you want me to have someone special in my life?” A little while later, I picked up my guitar and started playing some new songs I had written. I soon forgot the lonely feelings. Then, during my quiet time, I read Romans 9 and the last verse really touched my heart, Romans 9:33 (The Message), “If you’re looking for me, you’ll find me on the way, not in the way.” It was as if God was saying, “My Love, I know you are seeking me and I know that sometimes you feel lonely. But I’m here. And, as long as you look for Me, you will find Me. I am not standing in the way of you being in a relationship. I just want you to enjoy our relationship. Enjoy the moments when it is just you and Me. Everything will work out in the best way possible because I love you.” He is not IN the way, but I can find Him ON the way in every moment that I feel scared and alone, or joyful and excited. He is always there, and if you look for Him, you will find Him; not in the way as a stumbling block, but on the way as everything you need. Ms. EV
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Today's weather reminded me of this post from a few months ago, I needed to read this one again...
I love rain. Well, I love rain if I am inside of a building and I don’t have outside plans. A good steady rain is like the perfect sleep symphony. You hear the raindrops tapping against the windows in a perfect rhythm that could only be God’s design. The sky darkens to a grayish shade. I am hard-pressed to stay awake in an overcast setting with that melodic sound. While rain, in actuality, feels harmless, and maybe even relaxing, again when you are inside, a storm brings up a whole other set of feelings. When you add thunder and lightning, tornado warnings, and power outages to the rain, it is not so great anymore. When I looked at the weather this morning, it described Tropical Storm Debby as a stalled storm. The meteorologists are not sure how long this storm will hover over our area. All they know is that it is unpredictable and slow-moving. When I read that, I thought, “That sounds like some of the storms in my life: unpredictable and slow-moving.” When the rain first started yesterday, we were inside, so it was the perfect soundtrack to a nap. Before most storms, it seems like everything is alright. During the periods in our lives where the rain is still peaceful, we should take the opportunities that God gives us to rest. I am not saying sleep all day; however tempting that might be, but rest in Him. We should read His Word, listen to His voice and meditate on what God has for us, so that when the storm comes, and it will come, we are prepared for it. Being well-rested is key to surviving a storm because you never know how long it will take to ride through the storm. After the peaceful rain came the lightning and thunder. Have you ever watched lightning? I think lightning is beautiful…from faraway of course. It just seems to form these cracks in the sky and then there is a bright light through the darkness that exposes everything around for a brief second. In our spiritual storms, when the lightning comes, we start to crack open and be exposed. Those insecurities and indiscretions in our lives are exposed, even if only for a brief moment. There is enough of this amazing light to show the parts of us that we did not even realize were hidden. The lightning reveals enough to trigger the thunder. Sometimes it sounds like loud shouting and sometimes like quiet rumblings. In either case, it is like all of the voices that vie for our attention. Some are louder than others. Can we drown out the negative long enough to hear the positive? Can we silence the know-it-alls long enough to listen to the One who knows it all? Following the lightning and thunder, we were subject to a tornado warning. If only we would heed the tornado warnings in our spiritual storms. You know, that feeling in the pit of your belly that tells you that everything is about to spin completely out of control. There are actions we can take during the warning to protect ourselves from the harmful effects of a tornado, but once we get caught up in a whirlwind of disobedience or deception or despicable behavior, it is too late to minimize the damage and destruction. Usually in these storms, whether it is heavy rain, tornado or hurricane, there is a power outage. I cannot stand a power outage. It is during those times that you realize just how much you rely on being plugged into a power source. Sure many items can run on batteries, but if the battery runs out before the power comes back on, those items are useless. The same thing happens in a spiritual storm. Perhaps, we feel plugged in to God’s power until we are tossed around a bit. Then, like Job, we are wondering where God has gone. He has not gone anywhere, and the good news is that we can plug into Him anytime we want to, even in the midst of a storm. He is waiting for us to reach out to Him. We know that in life there will be storms. There will be tests and trials that come to make us stronger and more prepared to face the next challenge. Nonetheless, the storms in our lives maybe unpredictable and slow-moving like this tropical storm we are experiencing right now. Coach and I broke up almost four years ago. At the time, I thought we would get back together when we had a chance to calm down. We did not, and I have not been on a date since our last date (some of which has to do with my elevated values, but I do not get asked a lot). Four years ago, I did not think that I would still be very single and not even close to having a family of my own. Four years ago, if I had known where I would be right now, I probably would have broken down even more than I did. So, thank God, I did not know because that version of me would not have been able to handle the news that I would not be married and have a baby by 35. However, over four years, my relationship with Christ, through this stalled storm, has grown closer than ever. I have come to understand that God truly knows what is best for me and He will keep me in the midst of the storm. Though it may not feel like it, all storms can bring a blessing, even when they are stalled storms. Just hold on to faith, rest in God, explore what He exposes, listen to His voice, heed His warnings, and plug in to His power. Your stalled storm has nothing on your Savior. Ms. EV I was challenged by a Girlfriends in God devotional in my inbox and here is my response. I hope that it can bless and encourage you about the storms in your life. Check out Girlfriends in God when you have a chance .
Challenge: Read 1 Peter 4:12-13 "Do not be surprised at the painful things you are now suffering. These things are testing your faith." (ICB) In your own words, describe the testing you are going through today in your life. How is it testing and strengthening your faith? Response: My main tests are being single and childless. I never thought that I would survive four years of singleness. But, I reached four years last June and I am thankful because God proved to me that, with Him, I can survive. I will be alright. I thought the depression of being alone might kill me when I was younger. It was that thought that twisted my mind into thinking that getting married very young was a good idea. If I took the opportunity then to get married, I wouldn’t have to ever be alone again. But, because I didn’t listen to God, I experienced an even more painful loneliness. I experienced feeling alone while in a relationship, a marriage. The heartache is even more brutal when you are alone and attached at the same time. Morally, it is wrong to seek comfort in another person while you are married, so you either have to continue to battle loneliness and become a young divorcee (which was the ultimate failure in my book at the time) or commit adultery. I did the latter. I am not proud of it and it led to even more pain because not only was I being rejected by my husband, the man who I sought for comfort also rejected me because he lost respect for me. How could either of them respect me when I didn’t even respect myself? All of this was the result of me not wanting to be alone. Nevertheless, praise God that I realized that I am never alone. The loneliness that made me cry to myself to sleep at times is the very thing that pushes me into the arms of the Master. When I was younger, I didn’t want children. As a child, I didn’t get along with other children, and I felt my time was better spent on achieving my goals. So, when I had a pregnancy scare at eighteen, I prayed, “God, I would rather not be pregnant now and never have children, than to be a teen mother.” Unmarried, teenage mothers were looked down upon. I was one of the people looking down upon them, and now, I was the one who might be in their shoes. At eighteen, it seemed like a harmless prayer because I didn’t want kids and I never thought that I would. When I got married, for the few months that we were happy, I could see myself having my husband’s babies and we weren’t trying to get pregnant, but we weren’t not trying either. I am grateful that I didn’t have his child and I know that there were a lot of prayers from people who loved me and saw what I could not see that help that to happen. I have had several health issues that are threats to my fertility and every year when I see the doctor, I get a little nudge that I might want to think about when I am going to start a family because I am running out time before I am high risk. But I am not even dating anyone, let alone married. And, I do not want children by myself. I want a family. I want a husband and then children, which is what I wanted when I was younger, but I went about it in all kinds of wrong ways. That subconscious prayer haunts me and tests me every time I start feeling my maternal instincts. Did God listen to that prayer or did He realize I was being ridiculous? I have asked for forgiveness and I have to believe that He has forgiven me for the sin and the request. So, now I wait on a husband on a child. Whether it happens or not, He is still God. He still knows what is best for me. I believe that my desire to love children has helped me grow into a better aunt and a patient teacher. And, should I have children, I have learned lessons from watching other parents for such a long time, that though I am sure I will still make mistakes, maybe they will be few. I have asked God to take the desires to be married and have children away from me several times. I say, “God, if it’s never going to happen, I am fine with that plan for my life, but please take the desires away.” They haven’t gone anywhere, so these trials are testing and strengthening my faith. I have to believe that God’s Word is true when it says that if I delight in Him, He will give me the desires of my heart. The more time I am without a husband and children who may break my focus, the more time I can dedicate to God; the more I can learn to delight myself in Him constantly and consistently, so that my family will be an addition to my abundant life not a substitution for God’s presence in my life. Challenge: Read 2 Corinthians 6:6 (NLT) "We have proved ourselves by our purity, our understanding, our patience, our kindness, our sincere love, and the power of the Holy Spirit." This verse lists the qualities God wants to create in us through storms that come our way. Which ones are present in your life? Which ones is He trying to produce in you today? Are you willing to let Him do so? Response: The qualities that these storms have produces in my life are purity. I am not inclined to mess up on that again. I have made the mistake enough times to know that God does not bless disobedience. I have developed an understanding of who God is, how God loves and what God wants from His children. I very much feel the power of the Holy Spirit working in my life and being a Comforter and a Guide. I have grown more patient, but I can still grow in that area. I am a kind-hearted person, I have learned how to be softer and gentler, but I do still have a short fuse that contradicts with what is actually in my heart. I am willing to let God continue the work that He has started and I know that He will finish. His Word tells me so. I know that when He knows I am ready, He will move me forward to the next step in my life. Ms. EV I love rain. Well, I love rain if I am inside of a building and I don’t have outside plans. A good steady rain is like the perfect sleep symphony. You hear the raindrops tapping against the windows in a perfect rhythm that could only be God’s design. The sky darkens to a grayish shade. I am hard-pressed to stay awake in an overcast setting with that melodic sound. While rain, in actuality, feels harmless, and maybe even relaxing, again when you are inside, a storm brings up a whole other set of feelings. When you add thunder and lightning, tornado warnings, and power outages to the rain, it is not so great anymore.
When I looked at the weather this morning, it described Tropical Storm Debby as a stalled storm. The meteorologists are not sure how long this storm will hover over our area. All they know is that it is unpredictable and slow-moving. When I read that, I thought, “That sounds like some of the storms in my life: unpredictable and slow-moving.” When the rain first started yesterday, we were inside, so it was the perfect soundtrack to a nap. Before most storms, it seems like everything is alright. During the periods in our lives where the rain is still peaceful, we should take the opportunities that God gives us to rest. I am not saying sleep all day; however tempting that might be, but rest in Him. We should read His Word, listen to His voice and meditate on what God has for us, so that when the storm comes, and it will come, we are prepared for it. Being well-rested is key to surviving a storm because you never know how long it will take to ride through the storm. After the peaceful rain came the lightning and thunder. Have you ever watched lightning? I think lightning is beautiful…from faraway of course. It just seems to form these cracks in the sky and then there is a bright light through the darkness that exposes everything around for a brief second. In our spiritual storms, when the lightning comes, we start to crack open and be exposed. Those insecurities and indiscretions in our lives are exposed, even if only for a brief moment. There is enough of this amazing light to show the parts of us that we did not even realize were hidden. The lightning reveals enough to trigger the thunder. Sometimes it sounds like loud shouting and sometimes like quiet rumblings. In either case, it is like all of the voices that vie for our attention. Some are louder than others. Can we drown out the negative long enough to hear the positive? Can we silence the know-it-alls long enough to listen to the One who knows it all? Following the lightning and thunder, we were subject to a tornado warning. If only we would heed the tornado warnings in our spiritual storms. You know, that feeling in the pit of your belly that tells you that everything is about to spin completely out of control. There are actions we can take during the warning to protect ourselves from the harmful effects of a tornado, but once we get caught up in a whirlwind of disobedience or deception or despicable behavior, it is too late to minimize the damage and destruction. Usually in these storms, where it is heavy rain, tornado or hurricane, there is a power outage. I cannot stand a power outage. It is during those times that you realize just how much you rely on being plugged into a power source. Sure many items can run on batteries, but if the battery runs out before the power comes back on, those items are useless. The same thing happens in a spiritual storm. Perhaps, we feel plugged in to God’s power until we are tossed around a bit. Then, like Job, we are wondering where God has gone. He has not gone anywhere, and the good news is that we can plug into Him anytime we want to, even in the midst of a storm. He is waiting for us to reach out to Him. We know that in life there will be storms. There will be tests and trials that come to make us stronger and more prepared to face the next challenge. Nonetheless, the storms in our lives maybe unpredictable and slow-moving like this tropical storm we are experiencing right now. Coach and I broke up almost four years ago. At the time, I thought we would get back together when we had a chance to calm down. We did not, and I have not been on a date since our last date (some of which has to do with my elevated values, but I do not get asked a lot). Four years ago, I did not think that I would still be very single and not even close to having a family of my own. Four years ago, if I had known where I would be right now, I probably would have broken down even more than I did. So, thank God, I did not know because that version of me would not have been able to handle the news that I would not be married and have a baby by 35. However, over four years, my relationship with Christ, through this stalled storm, has grown closer than ever. I have come to understand that God truly knows what is best for me and He will keep me in the midst of the storm. Though it may not feel like it, all storms can bring a blessing, even when they are stalled storms. Just hold on to faith, rest in God, explore what He exposes, listen to His voice, heed His warnings, and plug in to His power. Your stalled storm has nothing on your Savior. Ms. EV I was challenged yet again by a Girlfriends in God devotional in my inbox today and here is my response. I hope that it can bless and encourage you about the storms in your life. Check out Girlfriends in God when you have a chance .
Challenge: Read 1 Peter 4:12-13 "Do not be surprised at the painful things you are now suffering. These things are testing your faith." (ICB) In your own words, describe the testing you are going through today in your life. How is it testing and strengthening your faith? Response: My main tests are being single and childless. I never thought that I would survive four years of singleness. But, I am approaching four years this June and I am thankful because God proved to me that, with Him, I can survive. I will be alright. I thought the depression of being alone might kill me when I was younger. It was that thought that twisted my mind into thinking that getting married very young was a good idea. If I took the opportunity then to get married, I wouldn’t have to ever be alone again. But, because I didn’t listen to God, I experienced an even more painful loneliness. I experienced feeling alone while in a relationship, a marriage. The heartache is even more brutal when you are alone and attached at the same time. Morally, it is wrong to seek comfort in another person while you are married, so you either have to continue to battle loneliness and become a young divorcee (which was the ultimate failure in my book at the time) or commit adultery. I did the latter. I am not proud of it and it led to even more pain because not only was I being rejected by my husband, the man who I sought for comfort also rejected me because he lost respect for me. How could either of them respect me when I didn’t even respect myself? All of this was the result of me not wanting to be alone. Nevertheless, praise God that I realized that I am never alone. The loneliness that made me cry to myself to sleep at times is the very thing that pushes me into the arms of the Master. When I was younger, I didn’t want children. As a child, I didn’t get along with other children, and I felt my time was better spent on achieving my goals. So, when I had a pregnancy scare at eighteen, I prayed, “God, I would rather not be pregnant now and never have children, than to be a teen mother.” Unmarried, teenage mothers were looked down upon. I was one of the people looking down upon them, and now, I was the one who might be in their shoes. At eighteen, it seemed like a harmless prayer because I didn’t want kids and I never thought that I would. When I got married, for the few months that we were happy, I could see myself having my husband’s babies and we weren’t trying to get pregnant, but we weren’t not trying either. I am grateful that I didn’t have his child and I know that there were a lot of prayers from people who loved me and saw what I could not see that help that to happen. I have had several health issues that are threats to my fertility and every year when I see the doctor, I get a little nudge that I might want to think about when I am going to start a family because I am running out time before I am high risk. But I am not even dating anyone, let alone married. And, I do not want children by myself. I want a family. I want a husband and then children, which is what I wanted when I was younger, but I went about it in all kinds of wrong ways. That subconscious prayer haunts me and tests me every time I start feeling my maternal instincts. Did God listen to that prayer or did He realize I was being ridiculous? I have asked for forgiveness and I have to believe that He has forgiven me for the sin and the request. So, now I wait on a husband on a child. Whether it happens or not, He is still God. He still knows what is best for me. I believe that my desire to love children has helped me grow into a better aunt and a patient teacher. And, should I have children, I have learned lessons from watching other parents for such a long time, that though I am sure I will still make mistakes, maybe they will be few. I have asked God to take the desires to be married and have children away from me several times. I say, “God, if it’s never going to happen, I am fine with that plan for my life, but please take the desires away.” They haven’t gone anywhere, so these trials are testing and strengthening my faith. I have to believe that God’s Word is true when it says that if I delight in Him, He will give me the desires of my heart. The more time I am without a husband and children who may break my focus, the more time I can dedicate to God; the more I can learn to delight myself in Him constantly and consistently, so that my family will be an addition to my abundant life not a substitution for God’s presence in my life. Challenge: Read 2 Corinthians 6:6 (NLT) "We have proved ourselves by our purity, our understanding, our patience, our kindness, our sincere love, and the power of the Holy Spirit." This verse lists the qualities God wants to create in us through storms that come our way. Which ones are present in your life? Which ones is He trying to produce in you today? Are you willing to let Him do so? Response: The qualities that these storms have produces in my life are purity. I am not inclined to mess up on that again. I have made the mistake enough times to know that God does not bless disobedience. I have developed an understanding of who God is, how God loves and what God wants from His children. I very much feel the power of the Holy Spirit working in my life and being a Comforter and a Guide. I have grown more patient, but I can still grow in that area. I am a kind-hearted person, I have learned how to be softer and gentler, but I do still have a short fuse that contradicts with what is actually in my heart. I am willing to let God continue the work that He has started and I know that He will finish. His Word tells me so. I know that when He knows I am ready, He will move me forward to the next step in my life. Ms. EV |
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