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Still Waiting

11/19/2012

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Yesterday, I was walking up the stairs to Sunday school and my knee buckled. I went to reach for the railing and I pulled something in my neck and back. The pain was excruciating! I could not turn my head. I could not breathe too deeply. I was miserable. And, everybody knew it. I barely heard the lesson in Sunday school, but I did pick up a few nuggets of wisdom, like, "We don't face adversity because we did something wrong," and "When you have a problem, you should shake it off and not hold on to it and complain and whine." So, I tried to pull it together because I knew I had to sing. And, I didn't want to affect others' worship experience because I was in pain. Still, as I told my family, I was not born with the ability to hide pain, so everyone knew there was something wrong.

The first song was one that I don't like to sing because I always feel like I am lying when I sing it. It says, "I don't mind waiting on You, Lord." And while I will wait on the Lord to move my life in His direction, in His time and according to His will, I am not sure that I always do so with an, "I don't mind" attitude. It's more of an, "I know that being impatient leads to bad things, so I don't have any choice, but to wait" attitude. The sermon subject was, "Wait on the Lord," so I started to sense that God was speaking to me through the lessons.

The problem was that, even though, I had taken some ibuprofen to try to kill the pain from my earlier incident, it was NOT working. So, throughout the sermon, I was desperately trying to listen, but my pain would not lessen. Eventually, I got frustrated, and instead of writing sermon notes, I began to ask God questions, like, "How long am I going to be waiting?" Waiting for what you ask: for my physical pain to end, for my loneliness to end, for my dreams to start coming true. I wanted to clap and praise with everyone else, but I was so bogged down with physical and emotional pain that all I could do was cry.

Then, I felt guilty because on a scale of one to ten, my problems are a negative twelve, when I look at what others are facing. Why am I such a baby? Why do I have such a low tolerance for pain? Why am I so spoiled? Am I like the children of Israel? Am I making my journey longer than it has to be because I whine? The devil is good, isn't he? That dude had me so distracted and I played right into his hands for a minute. Upon reflection, though, I realized that I have started to make great progress on my music this weekend. And, I still haven't been approached by a guy in a long time, but I am able to use my experiences to help others. My neck still hurts, but it's nothing I cannot handle, and through that injury, I saw how much my family really loves me.

So, I guess this is what the prophet Isaiah meant by "run and not get weary...walk and never faint." I truly felt like I was down for the count yesterday. My issues are teeny-tiny, but when combined and over time, sometimes they seem overwhelming. That's when God steps in with those eagles' wings to help us continue to soar. I am still waiting. I know there will be a grand testimony after this because there are great testimonies all up and through this. To God be the glory! Ms. EV

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    When you have elevated values, it is not about being snobby; it is about living victoriously!

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    © Toni L. Wortherly and Ms. EV's Blog, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Toni Wortherly and Ms. EV's Blog with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. 
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