A few years ago, I felt very deeply hurt by someone extremely close to me. As a result, I limited my contact and conversation with the person to try to ease my pain. It did not mean that I did not forgive the person or that I did not love the person, but it seemed to me to be too painful to let the person get as close to me as we once were. What started as me protecting myself became a grudge. Instead of just being cautious, eventually, I became callous; doing my best to exclude this person from as much of my life as possible. I felt completely justified at the time.
Then, while attending a workshop, I heard the question, “Have you ever been hurt or felt betrayed by someone you love?” I was quick to identify with the notion. The overseer of the exercise went on to ask questions like, “Do you still love that person?” and, “Does that person still love you?” and, “How would you react if something happened to that person and you never saw them again? What would be the last interaction that you had with them?” At this point, I started crying my eyes out because, as much as I could point to the pain of feeling hurt by this person, just the thought of anything happening to this person presented a much deeper and more catastrophic type of pain. I began to think if I could live with myself, look myself in the mirror, and know that this person’s last thought of me might be one of me being filled with contempt rather than compassion. I knew I could not begin the road to rebuilding the relationship without God’s guidance and help. And, though we are not nearly as close as we used to be, I know that my love is obvious. I know that if we don’t have a tomorrow together, I have made it known how much I care. And, that is really all we are in control of when it comes to others. Some people are hard to love, but we love them anyway. When we put it in perspective, we should be able to say, “If God can love someone like me, then I should be able to love anybody.” And when we love, we have to love past hurt feelings and feelings of betrayal. That is not an easy thing to do, but God is able to guide us through it. I know because He did it for me. Many times, when we are hurt by those we love, we tend to think that time will heal the wounds, but we are not promised any amount of time on this side of Heaven to make things right. Think about the grudges you hold against the people you love. Think about how you treat them as a result of the pain they imposed. And, even though, you feel justified in punishing them or protecting yourself from experience that type of pain again, think about this: what if you don’t get to fix it? What if there is never another opportunity to say, “You know what, I feel like you were wrong when you did this…. It hurt me. It hurt me, especially because I love you and I know you love me.” Or, vice versa, what if you are the person in the wrong? Think about how it would feel to know that all you had to say was, “I apologize and I love you,” but pride got in the way and now, you will never get the chance. This is not really about the reaction of the other person. This is about you. Can you live with yourself if that person leaves this earth and thinks that you hate them (whether they are right or not)? Can you live with yourself if the last impression that person has of you is you treating them cruelly? I knew I could not do it. So, I asked God to help me move past anger and resentment. I sought God to help me forgive because He is the author of forgiveness. He pulled me through it and He would do the same thing for you. Don’t put yourself in a situation where you don’t get a chance to fix it. Make the choice today to repair what is broken and I promise it will feel like a thousand tons of weight is lifted from your shoulders. Forgiveness and love are the way to go; if not, there would have been no need for Jesus to die on a cross to save you and me. Ms. EV
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Ray Charles had a song called, "Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word." I am not sure that is the case. It seems that when people do wrong, they have no problem saying, "Sorry." The problem lies in actually truly meaning it. I think it was in Sunday school a couple of weeks ago that a comennt was made about apologies that really stuck with me: "There is a difference between apologizing and repenting. Both of them mean you regret what you did, but repentance means you will change." This is not the exact statement, but it is the gist of it.
Last week, someone commited an act, not against me, but against two of my family members, which is probably worse in my books. I felt intense anger towards this person's actions, which led to my realization that my anger issues were no longer in check (see Anger Management from yesterday). After the incident, I overheard the person apologizing, "I'm sorry guys...I should have...my fault." I thought, "Wow! That was big of him." And, once I knew that one of my family members had calmed down and the other one would, I calmed down and I thought that this person would do better when he got the opportunity to do so. I was wrong. After, my bold declaration of learning to deal with my anger, I think the devil took offense to me leaving the dark side that I had visited momentarily. The same person did the same thing again and with a much worse reaction this time from one of my family members. With clinched fists, ready to bark, I formulated just exactly which piece of my mind I was going to give this person. Then, I realized that it was a trap. I took a deep breath. I counted to ten. I walked away, called my mother and just snarled for a few minutes. I know that getting angry was not helping my family member and that, if I did say what was on my mind, it would make things even worse. So, I took another really deep breath because my heart seemed as if it would pound right out of my chest. I counted to ten again. Then, I went back to the rest of my family and resisted the temptation to blow up. When I got home, I saw a teaser on the news for a story and it said, "Could you forgive someone who stole millions of dollars from you? Could you thank them for doing it?" It went on to say that there will be a feature story about a beloved local legend forgiving and thanking someone who violated him. Then, as I talked with my best friend, she advised, that to let out my beef with this person that I should write a letter that I never send, so I can get my thoughts out. I retorted that the letter might find its way to the person if I did that. And then, this morning, after having to walk behind and hear the voice of the person who had commited the offense (and, by the way, he did not apologize this time), another devotion in my inbox about anger. So, in an effort to be obedient and move forward, here is what I have to say, "_____, I forgive you. I do not understand why you do things to hurt people, and seemingly do them on purpose. I do not know what joy you may get from breaking people's spirits or if you even realize what a terrible example you are being to young people who go out of their way to respect you and for whatever reason may even look up to you. What I do know is that I pray for my family, and we love God. I know that He is in total and complete control over our lives, not you. I am sorry that I have given you so much power and I pray that my family does not give you anymore power to make them upset or hurt their feelings. In fact, I want to thank you because I did not know that dangerously high levels of anger still existed within me. That is something that I need to keep in check and I thank God for showing me that through your ignorance. I will not harbor any ill will towards you. I will pray that God has mercy on you and your family, and that no one ever treats you the way that you treat other people. I do not expect you to apologize because I am not sure that you have a conscience, but that is between you and God. When it comes down to it, God has control over all things and whatever is best for my family is what God will see through to fruition. Everyone needs a "Pharaoh" to push them out of their comfort zone and help them to depend solely on the one true, God. So, thank you for helping me refocus on Someone who actually has an impact on my life and my family's life." I'm not sure that "Sorry" is the hardest word. But, "I forgive you," that phrase is a doozy. Nevertheless, if Christ can forgive the very same people who crucified Him, we should all be able to forgive those who offend us and those whom we love. It's definitely not easy, but I am going to keep trying because forgiveness brings freedom and peace. And, couldn't we all use a little more peace in our lives? If you are feeling uptight or angry, try to identify who or what is upsetting you, and choose forgiveness, even if the person you have to forgive is you. Then, go weigh yourself because you are going to feel so much lighter with that burden lifted. Have a great weekend! Ms. EV "Anger is only one letter away from danger...," I keep trying to remind myself of that, and yet, lately I have noticed that my anger has reared its ugly head again. I would be lying if I said that I always have my emotions under control. I am a very emotional person, which is not a bad thing, as long as those emotions are kept in check. And, I feel like God is definitely trying to tell me that I have a problem because I have had a person, who I consider to be very angry and abrasive, tell me that I am intimidating and I have read two devotionals this week about controlling emotions.
I am by no means an angry person. There was a time, a few years ago when I was, though. It was a very scary time. Literally, everything and everyone made me angry. Members of my family, some of my friends, my job, even people at my church seemed to be constantly pushing my buttons. I felt almost powerless to stop it. However, one day after much prayer, I decided I did not want to be angry. I just woke up and realized that all of my anger was useless. It was not changing anyone's behavior and I literally felt like it was killing me. Letting go of that anger gave me such a sense of freedom. I stopped letting other people's actions dictate my happiness, and I thank God for delivering me from it. Now, I find myself starting to experience the same thing. I am not sure what the trigger is, but the anger has been coming back in spurts. Last week, I got so angry that I scared myself. The good news is that I recognize it and I know that I need to come up with a plan to calm myself down when I feel an episode of anger approaching. I didn't do a good job of it last week, but I am doing better this week. So, now when people make me angry, and it happened today, I stop, take a breath, say a prayer, and then deal with the situation. And, I even try to smile afterwards. It's a work in progress, but I don't want to mess up my witness by being an angry Christian, so I am willing to put in the work. Anger is a natural emotion. There are many things that should make us angry, but we have to handle it in a way that it doesn't ruin our credibility. Jesus got angry. If you read the Old Testament, you know that God got angry. But, the important part is how you manage that anger. Handling the situation in the right way will not only help your sanity, but it will also help build up the Kingdom. Ms. EV |
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