It is funny how life comes full circle...I wrote this a little over two years ago and its truth shouts even louder today! God knew I would need these words and that I would need to reread these words. I pray that they are a blessing to you as well...
Give ear to my words, O LORD, consider my sighing. Listen to my cry for help, my King and my God, for to you I pray. Psalm 5:1-2 Today, I have peace about it, but three days ago, I was in distress because I realized that the puzzle I saw coming together was truly a figment of my imagination. I thought he was the missing piece, but the words he so prophetically spoke to me three and a half years ago rang true. “I like things easy.” He had said it before, but I ignored it, thinking that I meant enough to him to change his mind, but I never did change his mind. I never changed who he was, he never changed who he was, and God never changed who he was, so now, I have peace because I know he’s not for me. To him, “I like things easy” –simple and plain—to him that meant that I would make his life easy by allowing him to drop in and out of my life as he pleased. I would make his life easy by being at his every beck and call whenever he decided to beck or call. And, I did that for him because I thought it was a good way to show him that I love him, but did he ever show me that he loved me? He said it…once. It was, it seemed, his convenient way of holding on to my attention, which I feel he sensed was waning. I fell for it and I waited. I waited on God to make him the man I needed, but he’s not that man. I know believe he will never be that man. That man will love me as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25). He will esteem me higher than himself. That man will not expect me to compromise my values. That man will make my life “easy.” And that man will be loved truly and deeply. I know this because I have loved men who did none of those things. How much more then could I love someone who actually shows me that he loves me rather than just telling me he loves me when he feels me slipping away. My kindness will no longer be taken advantage of; my true friendship will no longer be unrequited. I know who I am and whose I am, and as a child of royalty, I deserve the best my King has to offer, so I am not willing to settle simply because the pangs of loneliness eat away at me in the midnight hour, and sometimes, in the midday hour. I am not willing to settle because it seems that my chance for a family of my own is fading. I am not willing to make another person’s priorities my own if that person is not willing to make the same sacrifice for me. Like Christ loved the church means willing to sacrifice your life. I can honestly say that no man who has ever claimed to love me has come close to exemplifying this quality, so is it possible? I am convinced that every Word of God is true and he tells me that with men, things are impossible, but with God, all things are possible (Matthew 19:26). So, I am not willing to settle even if it means that I face singleness and loneliness, even if people keep asking me why I am not in a relationship, even if I cry or become sad at times. I have given up too much of myself and gained little in return. That is not the way God intended love to be, so I am confident that He knows what I need, and He will give me the desires of my heart. I do not know when or how, but I know that settling does more harm than good and makes my path more crooked than straight.
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This is an affirmation that I wrote early one morning after studying John 4. May it inspire and encourage you...
The kind of love that God has shown me through Christ is the kind of love that I deserve from a man of God. I do not have to sacrifice my body, or give in to lustful pleasures to please a man because Jesus already sacrificed His body. He ignored His pain, His needs, and His desires in order to give me a better future. So, the man who loves me like Christ loved the church should be willing to ignore his so-called needs until we are married, in order to ensure that we both have a better future together. And, I do not have to compromise because I am God's child. I do not have to be someone that I am not to get another person to love me because Jesus loves me just as I am. I am not perfect, and I never will be on this side of Heaven. But, I am unique, and God gave me my character and personality. God has not asked me to be perfect. He has asked me to show love through obedience. Even though, God knows I am not perfect, I am still a part of His family, and when He sees me through Jesus' eyes, washed in Jesus' blood, He sees perfection. I still struggle to be all that God wants me to be through the imperfect circumstances of life; yet God shows me that He still loves me even in the hardest times. So, the man who loves me like Christ loves the church should accept me for who I am as long as I am living for God, in obedience to His Will and working for His Kingdom. If he does not, then it is not love, not God-love. When I lean and trust solely in God and stop looking around at others and start looking up, I am satisfied in the joy of my salvation. I have to stop looking at what I am not and focus on who I am; the person that God made me to be. I have to stop looking at what I do not have and start praising for what I do have. You cannot worship in sprit and in truth when you are living a lie. The truth is that I am worthy of more than I have given myself credit for, but I did not comprehend my worth until I met a Man who knew everything about me. I will no longet thirst for a man to fill my needs. I have met the Living Water, and He has quenched my thirst. Ms. EV Sixteen years ago, I was sitting in my dorm room alone. My roommate was gone and I was homesick. My best friend from home and I were not on speaking terms. My best friend at college was out with her other friends. I tried to call my mom and dad, but they didn’t pick up. I tried to call my boyfriend, but he didn’t answer. I have never felt so alone in my life. That night, I thought that since everyone who was important to me was too busy for me, their lives would be better without me. The devil really had me thinking about taking my own life for a split second. Then, I moved on to a plan of taking enough medicine to cause a panic and get the attention I craved. It was a stupid plan that probably would have killed me, but I heard a song in my spirit that reminded me of the Friend who sticks closer than a brother. The Friend who never leaves my side. The Friend who always answers when I call.
Last night, a scene on television caught me off guard. It brought a very real situation in my life to the small screen. It spoke my fear right back to me. I have to give the devil a little credit because I did not see that one coming. So, naturally, I tried to contact my best friend. Then, I tried to call my mom, but got no answer. This time, I didn’t get any crazy ideas. I decided to change the channel and then, turn the television off, so that I could rationally think through the situation. You would think that I would learn to go to God first and let Him comfort me. After all, when I look at the odds that are stacked against me for several of the things that I desire in my life, He is the only one who can perform the miracles I need. So, maybe it’s not so bad when no one answers the phone. It gives me time to go to God. (And, soon after I made the choice to look to Him and we sorted things out, my bestie texted me back). He just wants us to seek Him first. Haha, Satan, not this time buddy! Ms. EV I was reading a study about one of many women in the Bible and in the last paragraph, it said that she was an example of consecrated spinsterhood. Having just come off of a conversation about whether God wanted me all for Himself or would ever send me a husband (he didn’t send the first one; I did that all by myself), that description, “consecrated spinsterhood” struck me. I mean, let’s face it, one of my biggest fears in life has been becoming a spinster--an old, single, childless, spinster. But, this description shed new light on spinsterhood. I don’t know of too many people who think of it as special, set apart, appointed by God. By no means have I “seen the light” and now know this is the life for me. I still want a husband and a family, but if that is not what God wants for me, I know that the desire will fade as I dedicate my life to His purpose. So, if I must be a spinster, let me be a consecrated spinster. Ms. EV
So, as of tomorrow, you will have made it through what I call, "the rough part," between November and today when there are numerous occasions that remind us of our singleness. Here are my last two new definitions of SINGLE and my personal list of things to enjoy about being single (you may have different things, but it's a good reminder that all is not lost...). This too shall pass. I was not always in such a good place and I still have some bad days, but knowing that God is in control and I am exactly where I need to be, keep my head up and I hope it will do the Satisfied IN Giving the Lord my Energy – Psalm 37:4 God is a jealous God. I have read the entire Bible and one of the things that shouts out loud and clear is that God wants to be my focus. He wants my heart, my mind, my soul and my time. At first glance, that might sound overly-possessive, but I am His creation. The earth and everything in it belongs to Him, so He should be my first priority in life. That does not mean that I cannot love another person, or my family, my job or my church, but I cannot put any of those things before my God. I need to be satisfied with Him alone. Once, I am satisfied with Him, everything that He adds to my life is just icing on the cake. Supplicating IN God’s Listening Ears – Philippians 4:6-7 And, how does God know what I want and need? He is listening. God hears my prayers, both spoken and unspoken. He reads my heart. I have been in and around human relationships my whole life and there is no one who knows your every desire like God does. A relationship is meaningless without communication, and unlike with another human being, I know God listens to every word, every whisper and every thought. I know this because he has given me peace just like His Word said He would. At eighteen years old, loneliness nearly killed me. Now, I know I am never alone. I am able to embrace my singleness and trust God with my life rather than try to work things out on my own. And, I thank God for that. It comes from taking all my cares, anxieties, and burdens to Him, praising Him and thanking Him for what He has planned for me.
We're in the home stretch...if you can make it through the next 24 to 36 hours, it's all downhill from here ;o)...here are some more definitions of SINGLE to keep you going...
Sanctified IN my Gracious Lord’s Evaluation – 1 John 1:9 God is faithful to forgive me and purify me. When I confess my sins to God and ask for His forgiveness, I am clean is His sight. He wipes the slate clean. That is difficult to understand because of the grudges that people continue to hold against each other. It is even more complex when I think of how hard it is for me to exonerate myself. One of the worst decisions that I ever made was to get married, and I carried the guilt of divorce with me for nearly ten years. But, if I believe the Bible, and I do, God absolutely forgives me. God is not fickle as we humans can be. God does not want us to wallow in guilt. He wants us to learn from our mistakes, and follow His path. He shows this throughout the Bible. (See the stories of David and Peter, if you need examples) Supported IN God’s Lifting Encouragement – Jeremiah 29:11 At this point, I probably sound like I am all gumdrops and candy canes with a sickeningly sweet disposition all the time. This is just not the case. In fact, most people who know me would cackle at that very idea. I am a real person, not a God-robot. I have good days and bad days. I have ups and downs. Just because I can be content with being single does not mean that it does not bother me at times. I do not like being the odd-numbered wheel when I’m out with friends, but I have friends. I do not enjoy taking out the trash or maintaining my own car, but I can. And, when those things bother me, I am encouraged to know that God has a plan for my life. He does not want me to fail. I am a vessel for God’s glory, so my failure would not be a good testimony. God’s plans are not my plans. They are better plans; in fact, they are the best plans for my life. When I reflect upon that thought, I am lifted and encouraged, knowing that I am supported by God. Here are two definitions of SINGLE, for those who may have gone to Wal-Mart this week and started hyperventilating. It will be okay, I promise...
Situated IN God’s Learning Experience – Matthew 11:28-30 We often learn lessons and then just want to take off and run with the lessons, which is what I did after Pray While You’re Prey. But not long after, I felt empty again. I submit that I was so focused on fixing other people that I didn’t take the time to find rest for my soul. I was just looking to make some sort of restitution for my past sins, so that God could bless me with the love of my life. Instead, I should have taken the time to rest in Him and be sure that I was ready for a new relationship. Now, I am relearning some of the same lessons, but this time my focus isn’t on finding a new man; it is on sustaining my relationship with Christ and trusting in God’s plan for me. He has me in this place for a reason, which leads to the next definition. Standing still IN Great and Limitless Expectation – Psalm 46:10 One of the hardest things for any human being to do is waiting. Now, if you magnify how hard it is for normal people by about one million, you get how hard it is for me. “Be still and know that I am God…” Sometimes, I read that and think, Has God met me? I mean, He created me, so He knows how hard it is for me to sit still and not try to make things happen. But, here’s the cool thing about God, He gives me the chance to let Him handle it and then, He puts in a situation where I have no choice, but to let Him handle it. I don’t mean that He takes away my free will, but God has a way of making it abundantly clear that if I want things to work out in the best way possible that I have to let Him do His job. And, I have come to learn --usually the hard way --that God always exceeds my expectations when I stop limiting Him to what I want and submit to His will for my life. Here are two more new definitions of SINGLE for those who may be feeling a little tense about a certain commercial holiday that is forthcoming...
Sensational IN God’s Loving Eyes – Psalm 139:14 I am “fearfully and wonderfully made.” No one can deny the beauty that created within me when He made me His own. As a single woman, I must be confident that God does not make mistakes and does not make junk. I am His child, His heir, and, as such, I am gifted with His amazing grace and undeserved mercies. I must also never let anyone make me feel that I am a social outcast or that I am unlovable because if the great I AM can love me with everything He knows about me, then I deserve respect from anyone who did not create the heavens and the earth. Sharing IN my Gifts for the Lord’s Exaltation – I Corinthians 12 God has gifted me with different talents and being single allows me to share those gifts with others for His glory. God has given me the ability to teach, and I not only teach as a profession, but in my church. My singleness allows me the time to truly share in the lives of my students and support them in their efforts. God has also given me the abilities to write and sing. With my writing, I have been able to encourage young women, who are facing issues with which I have already tangled. I am also able to give young men insight into issues that Christian women face. For both audiences, the main lesson is that God cares for you and that no matter what you face in relationships, if God is in the forefront, you will be victorious and He will receive the glory. The gift of music has been one that has truly connected me to God. Each time I sing a worship song, it is a personal serenade from me to God. The beautiful thing is to see others uplifted by the moments when I am pouring out my heart to God in song. Ms. EV In one of my latest writings, I came up with several new definitions of what it means to be a single servant of the true and living God. S_____ IN G_____ L_____ E_____... And, since we're only one week from Single Awareness Day (a/k/a Valentines Day) let’s take a look at some of these new definitions over the next few days:
Sustained IN God’s Liberating Embrace – I have learned, often the hard way, to give up control, because those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength, soar on wings like eagles, run and not grow weary, and walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31. The Bible promises me that. And, my lack of control is liberating. I no longer feel like a victim if I face a setback. Instead, I know that God is setting me up for a comeback. I longer have to feel crushed when others people do not follow my instructions because it’s not me they are sinning against, it is God. What does any of this have to do with being single? Well, for me, God has shown me how liberating giving up control can be because I have tried to manipulate every man that I have ever been involved with and every relationship I have ever had to make things go my way. Giving up control to God while single or in a relationship is freeing. He says, Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10. So, if I am following God’s will, then I know that I am in the situation that is best for me at this point in my life. It probably will not work out the way I would have worked it out, but thank God for that. “So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” John 8:36. I am free. I am free from control, free by corrective communication, free in my circumstances, and free through contentment because I am Sustained IN God’s Liberating Embrace. |
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