I watch way too much television. Once I get back to work and get busy, I am sure that will change. Anyway, on one show I was watching, a guy met a girl at the beginning of the show, and by the end of the show, they were kissing. Isn’t TV romance great? After all, it totally mirrors what happens in real life…NOT! I just recently stopped consistently watching soap operas (I say “consistently” because I do like to catch up on some of my grandmama’s stories every once in a while; soaps was a part of our bond). I started watching soap operas when I was about three years old. Although the relationships were rarely long-lasting, in the beginning they were always so romantic. Watching these shows gave me a very skewed idea of what romance should look like.
I wanted someone to come into my life, shower me with gifts, take me to exotic places and then, ask me to marry him by our third episode together because that is how it happens on television. Looking back I realize that my last two substantial relationships are the result of my fantasy relationship vision. My ex-husband did not take me to exotic places, but he did ask me to marry him on our third date. My last guy took me to elegant places and talked about marriage on our first date; he just never got around to asking. So, here I am still single and this television romance is still eluding me. Nonetheless, everyday of my life, I am involved in the greatest romance of all! No, there are no luxurious gifts like jewelry, clothing, pricey electronic gadgets; instead, the lover of my soul gave the most expensive gift ever given: His life. And, I did nothing to deserve the gift. He just loved me so much that He sacrificed Himself in order to offer me the gist of salvation. I have been on trips to exotic places, but my best trips have been the journey that I have taken with Jesus. When I have veered off onto the wrong course, He has placed me back onto the correct path. The journey has been rough at times, but it has always been worth it. And, before I even started my relationship with Christ, He had already proposed. He asked for my heart and my hand; I just had to accept. I am pretty sure that relationships like the ones we see on television are few and far between. And, if you watch as much television as I do, you know that they are not always as glamorous as they seem to be. They usually end fairly quickly or involve lots of infidelity and scheming. But, a real, true relationship with Jesus Christ is better than anything television and movie producers could put on screen. His love does not end at the end of the season or when the credits roll; it endures for all time. Ms. EV
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The other day, I had a marvelous time with one of my dearest friends. She wants me to get married almost as much, if not more, than I do. So, I was sharing with her some of the issues that I have been having and some of my future plans to kickstart my social life. As our discussion went on, I talked to her about two different old flames who I have had contact with in recent months and one person with whom someone tried to play matchmaker. My friend, who has no problem telling me when she thinks that I am wrong (those are the best kinds of friends), did not quite understand why I was not open to some of the options for interaction that had been proposed to me. And, her inquisition caused me to express this position, “I am saying ‘no’ now to avoid saying ‘yes’ later.”
Whenever someone hears that it has been six years since I have been on a real date, they are utterly shocked. I mean, I am gorgeous, intelligent, talented, knowledgeable about sports, and, of course, humble. (That was a joke; stay with me). But honestly, I do believe that I am quite the choice catch for the right suitor. I think that all single people should believe that about themselves. If you do not think you will make a great mate, then perhaps, you have no business going out on dates. But, Ms. EV, isn’t dating just for fun? Maybe for you it is, but I want to get married. So, when I date, it has a purpose that goes beyond companionship or the need for a free meal or movie. I have learned, with God’s help, how to have fun with me because if I cannot have fun with me, then how could I expect someone else to? When I date, it is because I see that the person has the potential to be my forever guy. He fits the general mold and I will accept a date with him to find out if he fits the nooks and crannies. Where am I going with this? Well, it’s not that I have not been asked on a date in six years. Though the requests are few and far between, there have been requests for my company. And, I should clarify that I was in a relationship for two of those six years, and pining for that relationship for at least another year after the break up, so it has really been three years that I have been open to a relationship. So, why not say ‘yes’ to every person that asks to take me out and weed through the good, the bad and the ugly? Again, that might work for other people, but I know myself. When I went on my last first date six years ago, I was attracted to my ex (or I would not have gone out with him), but, at dinner, I did not really see how the relationship could work because he lived in another state and worked in another country for half of the year. But, he seemed to be so into me that I could not help but agree to meet up again before he left town. The only problem is that he didn’t call when he said he would (if you know me, you know that this seriously irks me), so I was confused. When he did call, I should have said what I had told other people for years, “Not calling when you say you are going to call is a deal breaker.” Instead, I took the call, got charmed all over again, and agreed to explore what could develop between us. I cannot tell you how many times in that relationship I did not get a phone call that I was told was coming or a visit that I was promised, which is why we broke up. And, during that time, I had eyes for no other person, so I have no idea how many opportunities I missed to be with someone who could have been my soulmate. So, now here I am with some opportunities to date or hang out with people that I know do not qualify for marriage according to my standards (which are mine and I am entitled to them, so don’t tell me I am too picky). Why say 'no' when there might be potential there or why not just go for practice, so I know how to date other guys? Here’s why, and this strictly applies to me. I know that if I go out with someone and he treats me well and wants a future with me, I am prone to settling. Sure, I may not be willing to settle on the first date, but as time goes on, I may find the gentleman to be truly endearing and agree to a serious relationship, although not really the person with whom I envision a relationship. Every serious relationship I have been in has followed this pattern, including my marriage. And, I have heard that doing the same thing and expecting different results is what causes insanity. So, now, I have chosen to say ‘no thanks’ when someone has a trait that I know I will not appreciate in the long term (I may even become resentful about the trait--I am a work in progress) to avoid settling and saying ‘yes’ to a relationship with that person later out of the sense or need to be in a relationship. God knows what I want in a relationship and what I need. Each of us has our own individual journey. You may be capable of going on a date and then cutting that person out of your life if they are not your match (I wish I had that ability), but have some other issue that you need to take to God. Maybe it is not a date you need to say ‘no’ to now to avoid saying ‘yes’ later to something that is not what is best for your life. Maybe you are dealing with a career decision or friendships. Whatever the case may be, we have to know our personal boundaries and limits. We have to work with God to find out what will truly be satisfying for the long term and what will simply fill a temporary ache. I am trusting that when it is time to say ‘yes,’ God through the prompting of the Holy Spirit will give me that wisdom. I look forward to that day, and until then, I will wait for His best. Ms. EV Well, since I talked about driving yesterday, I may as well stick with that theme today. There are a lot of lessons to be learned while you are driving. For example, my mom and I were headed out the other day and I was driving. We had to make a left turn out of her neighborhood. This left turn is not an easy turn to make because it seems that traffic is always flowing steadily past the neighborhood, leaving little to no room to get on to the main road. As we approached the exit of the neighborhood, my phone beeped, so when I got to the stop sign, I checked to see who it was and if I needed to return the message while I was safely stopped. The only issue was that when I looked down at my phone, I did not realize that the coast was clear to make that left turn, and, by the time I looked up, there were cars everywhere. My mom looked at me and said, “You missed your opportunity.”
We sat at the stop sign for what seemed to be a very long time, but were probably about five more minutes, waiting until the coast was clear again for a left turn. And, though we reached our destination in plenty of time, my mom’s words were stuck in my head, “You missed your opportunity.” This time, I missed it because I was distracted by my phone. But, because I only live a few minutes away from my parents’ house, there are many times when I am sitting at that intersection, needing to make that left turn, and I miss the chance to make it for another reason, like the fact that I am afraid of making left turns that are not at a light. So, it got me thinking, “How many times do we miss opportunities because we are too preoccupied or too petrified to see our opening?” These missed opportunities can occur in our dreams and goals, our relationships, and in sharing Christ. I once heard my pastor say, “Whatever breaks your focus becomes your master.” We can be on a path to greatness, but if we allow distractions into our lives, they can cause us to miss opportunities. Distractions come in many forms. Our thoughts can be distracting, which is why the Bible tells us to take our thoughts captive (2 Corinthians 10:5). I don’t know about anyone else, but I know that my mind is capable of coming up with all sorts of scenarios that are much worse than anything that would ever really happen. And, when I give in to those thoughts of self-pity, self-doubt, self-centeredness (notice a theme here), it does not take long before I have talked myself out of pursuing a dream or goal. Other people can be distracting. Either we focus on what others are doing and become envious of their successes, rather than being steadfast on the path that God has given us or we become so focused on other people’s issues that we stop pursuing on the dreams God has placed in our hearts. Sometimes, we are too focused on what others are telling us we should do instead of listening to God’s voice alone. The minute we take our eyes off of the end goal because of negative thoughts or negative interactions with people, we miss our opportunity. Fear is another reason we miss our opportunities. Fear is only as powerful as we allow it to be. I have missed plenty of opportunities because of fear. Looking back, as a child of God, fear has no place in my life because it is not something that God intends for His children to have (2 Timothy 1:7). When I was engaged to my ex-husband, my mom, who was and is much wiser than I am, implored me to reconsider my decision. Rather than listen to her and take that opportunity to take control of my destiny, I let fear rule. I feared that if I did not get married then, I would never get married. At that point in my life, being single forever was a fate worse than death and I could not allow that to happen. Though my marriage was short-lived, I stayed married longer than I should have because I feared what others might say or think about me. I let fear win and I missed the chance to go to law school a year earlier, and to have the entire experience as an unmarried person. I am positive that I missed some opportunities to build friendships and fully engage in my learning experience during that time because of a decision based on fear. Are there times when you have realized that you missed your opportunity? I recently had someone with whom I wanted to be in a relationship a long time ago make a comment about missing his chance with me. But, it is not just about relationships. How many times do we miss the chance to use our gifts because we are distracted? How many times do we miss the opportunity to pray for someone or tell someone about Christ because we are afraid of being dubbed a “Jesus freak?” We have to pay closer attention to God’s urging and make that turn when the coast is clear; knowing that He is not going to cause us to turn too quickly and get into an accident. However, when we miss the opportunity, He will let us sit and wait and think about it. The good news is that God is a loving God, and whatever He has for you is for you. So, even though I missed my first opportunity, I eventually made the left turn and reached my destination. In the same way, God will allow us to get to the prize that He has for us, if we will stay focused and fearless. Ms. EV Okay, so it usually isn’t so grammatically correct, it usually goes more like, “God don’t like ugly.” You know, when someone is not giving you your way, “God don’t like ugly.” When someone who has been rude gets their just desserts, “God don’t like ugly.” When you were a little kid, being a brat and your parent warned you, “God don’t like ugly.” But, the other day, I was reading about Leah in the Bible, and I started to question whether or not this statement, “God don’t like ugly,” that we throw around as gospel is really true.
I have no idea what Leah looked like as there were no cameras or sketch artists back then. All I know is that every time I hear about Leah, she just wasn’t as attractive as Rachel (at least, not to Jacob). And, she must not have been to her father either, as Laban, under darkness of night, passed her off as her sister, Rachel to Jacob. I’m not sure what Leah thought of it whether she was grateful to her father for helping her get a man or whether she felt deeply insecure that her father had to trick a man into marrying her. Imagine waking up from your honeymoon night, and your new husband says, “Seriously, Laban! What the heck? I didn’t want this one! I want the pretty one! I’ll work another seven years for Rachel.” Okay, so maybe I took a little creative license there, but you get the gist. Amazingly, and this is not a man-bashing statement just the truth of what actually happened, Jacob loved Rachel so much more, but had no problem having babies with her sister, Leah. Many people would say, “Well, that’s just how they did things back then.” True enough, but notice how Leah kept having Jacob’s babies hoping that he would love her more than her barren sister. That is something that still happens today. We, yes I am including myself, sometimes throw ourselves at men who do not want us, and give them all our goodies (whether we are trying to get pregnant or not), in the hopes that they will fall in love. NEWSFLASH: It didn’t work for Leah and it still doesn’t work. You might get a baby, but that does not guarantee you will get your boo. Back to the, “God don’t like ugly” statement. In The Message Bible, it says, “Leah had pretty eyes, but Rachel was stunningly beautiful.” It sounds like one of those compliments where you are searching for something nice to say. “Oh, your…hair is so cool.” “I really like your…dress.” “You are so…sweet.” Poor Leah, whether she actually was unattractive or not, she had to feel unappealing and we know she was unloved because the Bible says that is why God opened her womb. Now, here is the great part, not only did God open her womb, but He used her wounds, the ugly part of her life; having children for a man that would never love her. Leah had Reuben, Simeon, Levi and Judah. All of those names should sound familiar, but the last one, Judah, which means Praise God, is the line from which Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior came. Outer beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If you ask ten people what beauty is, you will get ten different answers. I know that most of the time when we say, “God don’t like ugly,” we are referring to behavior. But, whether you feel unpleasant on the outside, or you are in a situation that is ugly, even if you cause the situation, God can still make something beautiful out of the situation when you surrender to His Will. God doesn’t like ugly behavior, especially if it is malicious, but He can and will use it for His glory. There are many examples of that throughout the Bible. Ms. EV In my post-Mother’s Day blog, I promised a blog dedicated to my dad for Father’s Day. It really isn’t that difficult to write about how incredible both of my parents are to me. I think that next to my salvation, I am most grateful for the parents with whom God has blessed me. I do not know if there is such a thing as a perfect parent, but mine come pretty close. Now, don’t get me wrong, my dad and I have and do bump heads, as most children do from time to time with their parents, but, regardless of the times we may disagree, my earthly daddy is a true reflection of my Heavenly Daddy. And, that my friends, is a blessing.
First of all, my dad shows me how a woman should be treated. I have not always realized the treasure of having a father who loves my mother, is her best friend, and would do anything for her. Growing up, I thought everybody’s dad loved their mom they way my dad loves my mom. But, as I came to know more about the world, I found that having parents who loved each other deeply is a rare occurrence. I also found that having a father who is unafraid to be the leader of his own household is somewhat scarce. If someone comes into my life that loves me a fraction of how much my dad loves my mom, I will be tremendously blessed. My daddy also taught us how to laugh. Just last night, I left my parents’ house with a sore face from laughing. Most people who meet my dad think that he is really serious. He can be very intense and fiercely passionate about that in which he believes, but he also encourages a sense of humor. There are times when it sounds like we have our own distinct language because we can’t talk with a giggle. My dad is a disciplinarian, for sure, but his chastisement is tempered by the fact that you always know (maybe not in that moment, but eventually), that all he wants is what is best for you and that even in intense situation, he can still make you smile, even when you don’t want to smile. Furthermore, my parents know Christ and introduced us to Christ. Not only that, but they also both show us how to live a Godly life. One of my biggest regrets in life is always taking a long time to listen to my dad on certain issues like saving money. He is always full of great advice because he knows the Godly principles to living a prosperous life. He always wants to fix things, but is willing to let us figure out our own course. My pastor often says that God speaks to us in familiar voices. When I am going down a treacherous road or am about to make a perilous decision, I hear my dad’s voice. Anyone who knows him knows that he has a deep, booming voice (we often refer to him as Mufasa). I have no idea what God actually sounds like, but in my heart, he has my dad’s voice, and it is enough to stop me in my tracks. We sometimes tease dad because it seems like he is this perfect person that never did anything bad as a child or a teenager. We say he doesn’t understand the situation in which we place ourselves because he was always “an angel.” I pretended to be a goody two shoes for a long time, but my dad is the real deal. And, I thank God for it. I am eternally grateful for my dad’s obedience to God and for his unrelenting desire to have everyone else do the same. Often, when we do something of note, dad says, “Hey! You’re a chip off the old block.” Well, in my humble opinion, my dad is a chip straight off of God’s block. He is the best dad a girl could ever want. Ms. EV There are moments every day, sometimes multiple times a day, when I am reminded to be thankful that God is not like us. Well, I will take you out of the equation, God is not like me -- PRAISE HIM!!! When it comes to issues like insecurity, forgiveness, and generosity, my efforts pale in comparison to all that God does for me. And, here is the kicker, God keeps me safe, forgives me and is generous, not to mention everything else He is to me, and this one right here DOES NOT deserve any of it. Right now, I am specifically grateful that God does not have to deal with the issue of perception becoming reality.
Has anyone ever heard that saying, "Your perception is your reality"? I have and I have come to know what it means in many situations. It goes something like this, and I am speaking from my own experiences, so please do not think that I am trying to interpret your reality. You have a conversation with two people about the same issue, and it seems like they are talking about completely different instances. Or, you personally have a conversation with someone, and you both walk away thinking that the converstion had different outcomes. In my observation, when we communicate, we hear what the other person says, but we listen to our perception of what that person said and how we think they feel behind what they said. Here is another situation that I know I do all of the time. You have an issue with someone and you want to do the right, Christian thing to do and talk with them about the issue, but before you talk to them, you have the conversation in your head, anticipating what they might say, so by the time you actually talk to them, you are fired up about the statements they made in your imaginary conversation. If you have not been in any of these situations, maybe you have been on the other end. Have you ever had someone close to you be mad at you for what you deem is "no reason"? Have you ever found that people who barely know you seem to not be able to stand you and you have no idea why? All of these situations stem from perception versus reality. For example, many people I work with and go to church with have felt that I am mean, arrogant, self-absorbed, standoffish, antisocial because they have no idea that I am intensely introverted (I am not hiding behind it; it is who I am and anyone who has a problem with my personality should talk to the One who crafted it). Anyway, I have learned that I need to explain my nature to people because no matter how I try to combat what they perceive me to be, that version of me has become their reality. I would submit that if you have a problem in a relationship, with anyone --friends, family, spouse, significant other-- it my stem from your perception of the other person or their perception of you. When God looks at us, He only sees the reality of what we say, do and think. He does not perceive us to be anything that we are not. He can see our next thought, word and action before it even happens. And, I am grateful that even though He is omniscient, He still loves me. We should strive to be more like that in our relationships with each other. I admit that it is difficult, but it could save some of your most precious connections. Ms. EV I am not a big fan of chores. One of the drawbacks to living alone is that there is no one with whom to share the chores. It is not that I am not a clean person; I just have a little touch of OCD, so when I start cleaning, I do not finish for a few hours because I cannot stop until everything is shiny and perfect. My absolute least favorite chore is taking out the trash. I live in a condo and we do not have individual garbage cans that get rolled out to the end of the driveway and emptied. We have a trash compactor, which is not super close to my unit. This means that after I bag up the stinky, smelly garbage (because it really doesn’t matter what you put in it; it is always gross), I have to load it up in my car and drive it to the compactor. Then, I have to endure the lovely scent of all of the neighborhood’s waste as I chuck my bags in to the compactor. I have a pretty significant list of desires for my dream man and one of them is that I never have to ask him to take out the trash or have take it out myself; then, I will know it is true love.
This morning, as I was packing up my garbage, I thought, “I hate doing this.” Then, my mind wanted to engage in this extended diatribe about how if I had a man, I wouldn’t have to take out the garbage and life would be so great. And, just as I started down that road, I felt something whiz past my nose. I could barely see it, but it kept buzzing around my head. It was a fruit fly. For anyone who doesn’t know, these tiny insects are very annoying, and unlike regular flies, they are hard to see and too small for a flyswatter. This is what happens when you live in Florida, or I am guessing anywhere hot, and you are dealing with trash outside; these little buggers are everywhere. They love garbage almost as much as I hate it. Nonetheless, that little pest changed my thinking. I still hate taking out the garbage and want a man to do it (reverse chauvinism, I know), but I realized that getting rid of the trash, literally and figuratively is a necessary task. Think about what happens when you let garbage into your thought process. “You’re fat.” “You’re ugly.” “You’re stupid.” “You’re unlovable.” It is one thing to bag those thoughts up and put them in the garage of your mind until you have time to stop by the dumpster. But, as those thoughts fester in that hot, sweltering garage, the fruit flies start swarming. So, you still hear the negativity buzzing all around you. You have to completely discard the rubbish in order to be free from its effects. In my compactor it gets smashed, then hauled off and dumped. The same thing has to happen with any kind of junk in our lives. Beyond our thought lives, there is some refuse we need to clear in relationships (well, some relationships are refuse), in our finances, and in our habits. We cannot just bag it up and store it until we have time to deal with it; pack it up, dump it, and do not go back looking for it. Stop calling it, texting it, spending money it, spending time with it. Get rid of it; ALL of it! Taking out the trash in our lives allows us to have a cleaner, fresher outlook. It gives God the opportunity to fill those newly emptied spaces. As much as it is not my favorite chore, there is a quantifiable benefit. Ms. EV Back in the day, before it skipped five years and got weird, I watched the show Desperate Housewives. It followed the paths of four friends who lived on the same street and were all experiencing varying degrees of marital dysfunction. It, and many other shows like it, portrays issues that might cause one to consider never getting married; they make the institutions of marriage and family seem like some cruel joke. I know that each family faces its own set of difficulties, but it does not stop me from wanting a family of my own.
This morning on the radio, the topic of the day was, “When I graduated from high school, I thought I would be a _____________, but I ended up being a ___________.” So, of course, I talked back to the radio. When I graduated from high school I thought I would be a high-powered attorney, wife and mother to three or four children, but I ended up being a divorced high school teacher with a very spoiled cat. The good news is that I have recently discovered that, despite my life not being how I envisioned that it would be, I am no longer desperately seeking the things that are out of my control. There was a time when I wanted a husband and children so badly that I married the wrong person because I feared he would be the last one to ever ask. There was a time when I was willing to compromise my morals and do what I knew was wrong in the sight of God just to feel loved because I felt I had to give in to temptation to keep a man in my life. There was a time when I was willing to look past what I desire in a mate for the sake of going on a date because I did not know if I would ever date again. But now, I am so filled with Love from the inside that the desperation has dissipated. I am willing to wait for the person that I have asked God to provide for me. I am willing to live alone, sleep alone, and eat alone because I know that God has me right where I need to be. I also know from reading the Bible that God never refused to provide, for people who followed His Word, after a famine was over. Does it hurt some nights? Absolutely; it hurts some days, too, but I know my role in how I got where I am, so I know it could be much worse and I praise God for His mercy. Desperation can lead to life-changing decisions, and not in a good way. It can lead to infidelity, violence, promiscuity. It can lead to behaviors that have hazardous results. Desperate is not cute on a woman (or a man). The only thing any of us should be desperate for is more of God; more time in His presence and more intimacy with Him. Ms. EV Yesterday, I was approached by a young man as I was leaving from picking up lunch. And, when I say young, I mean he was “I could have taught him a few years back” young. He wanted to “take me to dinner some time.” Just the other day, I was telling a friend of mine that I can’t see going on a date with someone I am not attracted to and she replied that she would love to have someone else pay for dinner, which is fine…for her.
I love to eat. Food is one of my passions. I watch shows about food that I would never try because I am super finicky and over the summer, I learn to cook and bake new delicacies. When I was younger, I could not see doing much of anything by myself, especially eating dinner in a restaurant. But, as I have grown older and remained single, I realized that if I did not learn how to eat by myself, I would miss out on new eateries. So, I have developed a way of eating alone with which I am comfortable. When I was in my twenties, did not have much money, and was looking to have fun, if he was willing to pay, I was willing to share a meal with him. Now, I am older and for me, dating someone is about getting to know someone with whom I could share my life, not just a meal. I know that not everyone I date will be husband material for me, but as I said last week in my blog, Superficial or Super-Specific, I know the basic attributes of the man for whom I am waiting. So, if a person does not possess those attributes, I do not want to waste my time or his money. My last and most significant relationships started with a dinner date, but before there was dinner, there was attraction. I am still single so obviously they did not turn out the way I had envisioned, but it was a step in the right direction. Everyone has their own methods of getting by as a single person, and I do not knock anything that is not clearly spelled out in Biblical principles. For me, every time I go to dinner by myself, it reminds me of how God has helped me to overcome a fear that I had. It shows me how much God has blessed me because I am able to treat myself. I am not so independent that I would not allow to whom I am attracted to woo me. However, I am not going to settle and go on a date just for dinner. Ms. EV I watch television; probably more than I should. I watch both scripted and "non-scripted" (reality) television. Last night, my best friend asked me if I was watching a certian show that we both watch. I had plans to watch it later, but her issue with the show was so urgent that she stayed up to wait until I finished watching so that we could discuss how we felt about the topic of the show. The show seemed as if it was going to address the very serious issue of celibacy and how abstinence can help one regain focus so as to not fall into the wrong types of relationships. While I did not expect that the show would address the fact that abstinence for unmarried people is an act of obedience to God, I did expect the show to treat it more seriously.
Instead, just before the last commercial break, one character stated that the women who were committed to celibacy were not having relationship issues because of sex, but because they were flawed. He continued to say that if oneof the women wanted her boyfriend to marry her, then she should just ask him instead of waiting for him to ask. And, that's when I heard the sound of car brakes in my head...SCREEEEEEECH! Hold on just one cotton-picking minute! A woman should ask what? That is a lie from the pits of hell. This was the part that my best friend wanted to get my reaction about. And she asked me to address it here, so I am. Let me say this loud and clear, NO WOMAN HAS ANY BUSINESS ASKING A MAN TO MARRY HER! That is most certainly not what God intended. The Bible says the HE who finds a WIFE finds a good thing (Proverbs 18:22). I am all for empowerment and enrichment. I believe that women can have big dreams and achieve goals just as well as men, but there are some circumstances of life in which we, women, need to know how to stay in our own lane. This is one of them. God designed the household, so that the man could lead. Now, if he is leading you down a path that is clearly not Godly, then your first allegiance is to God, but if he is Godly, let him lead. One of the other shows I watch is Dancing with the Stars. In the episode last night, one of the female professional dancers said that the greatest thing about her partner was that he had learned how to lead her. Once, he was able to do that, she was able to dance more freely and they scored higher scores and did more challenging dances, and now they are in the finals. It is the same thing in life. One of the lessons that I learned from my marriage is that there is a natural order of things. if you treat a man like a man, he will act like a man. If you treat a man like a baby, he will act like a baby. On the radio ths morning, a question was posed to listeners about whether or not men look for women who have the same attributes as their mothers. One caller said that men do want the good attributes from their mothers, but they do not need another mother. I know that society might cast you as a spinster if you are single for too long. I know that you think he is just afraid to ask and he needs a little push. Resist that urge. Do you really want to marry someone who felt pressured into marrying you? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with a man who thought it was cool that you asked him for his hand in marriage? I am sorry, but I am royalty and I don't remember any of the princesses in the fairytales getting down on one knee. What are we going to do next start buying our own engagement rings? I am saying all of this out of love. I don't write anything in this blog that is not a reminder or a checkpoint for myself. Yes, we are strong. Yes, we are invincible. Yes, we are women. Nevertheless, God created specific roles for mankind, and one of his mandates for relationships is that if you are equally yoked with a Godly man, you should let him lead (See Ephesians). If you are single, let God lead (See the Bible) . Remember that obedience is better than sacrifice (1 Samuel 15:22). Living and loving God's way will lead to relationships beyond anything you can imagine. God's way involves abstinence for the singles and submission for married (men & women, see Ephesians). So, know your role and let him lead, so you can dance freely. Ms. EV |
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