There are moments every day, sometimes multiple times a day, when I am reminded to be thankful that God is not like us. Well, I will take you out of the equation, God is not like me -- PRAISE HIM!!! When it comes to issues like insecurity, forgiveness, and generosity, my efforts pale in comparison to all that God does for me. And, here is the kicker, God keeps me safe, forgives me and is generous, not to mention everything else He is to me, and this one right here DOES NOT deserve any of it. Right now, I am specifically grateful that God does not have to deal with the issue of perception becoming reality.
Has anyone ever heard that saying, "Your perception is your reality"? I have and I have come to know what it means in many situations. It goes something like this, and I am speaking from my own experiences, so please do not think that I am trying to interpret your reality. You have a conversation with two people about the same issue, and it seems like they are talking about completely different instances. Or, you personally have a conversation with someone, and you both walk away thinking that the converstion had different outcomes. In my observation, when we communicate, we hear what the other person says, but we listen to our perception of what that person said and how we think they feel behind what they said. Here is another situation that I know I do all of the time. You have an issue with someone and you want to do the right, Christian thing to do and talk with them about the issue, but before you talk to them, you have the conversation in your head, anticipating what they might say, so by the time you actually talk to them, you are fired up about the statements they made in your imaginary conversation. If you have not been in any of these situations, maybe you have been on the other end. Have you ever had someone close to you be mad at you for what you deem is "no reason"? Have you ever found that people who barely know you seem to not be able to stand you and you have no idea why? All of these situations stem from perception versus reality. For example, many people I work with and go to church with have felt that I am mean, arrogant, self-absorbed, standoffish, antisocial because they have no idea that I am intensely introverted (I am not hiding behind it; it is who I am and anyone who has a problem with my personality should talk to the One who crafted it). Anyway, I have learned that I need to explain my nature to people because no matter how I try to combat what they perceive me to be, that version of me has become their reality. I would submit that if you have a problem in a relationship, with anyone --friends, family, spouse, significant other-- it my stem from your perception of the other person or their perception of you. When God looks at us, He only sees the reality of what we say, do and think. He does not perceive us to be anything that we are not. He can see our next thought, word and action before it even happens. And, I am grateful that even though He is omniscient, He still loves me. We should strive to be more like that in our relationships with each other. I admit that it is difficult, but it could save some of your most precious connections. Ms. EV
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I am not a big fan of chores. One of the drawbacks to living alone is that there is no one with whom to share the chores. It is not that I am not a clean person; I just have a little touch of OCD, so when I start cleaning, I do not finish for a few hours because I cannot stop until everything is shiny and perfect. My absolute least favorite chore is taking out the trash. I live in a condo and we do not have individual garbage cans that get rolled out to the end of the driveway and emptied. We have a trash compactor, which is not super close to my unit. This means that after I bag up the stinky, smelly garbage (because it really doesn’t matter what you put in it; it is always gross), I have to load it up in my car and drive it to the compactor. Then, I have to endure the lovely scent of all of the neighborhood’s waste as I chuck my bags in to the compactor. I have a pretty significant list of desires for my dream man and one of them is that I never have to ask him to take out the trash or have take it out myself; then, I will know it is true love.
This morning, as I was packing up my garbage, I thought, “I hate doing this.” Then, my mind wanted to engage in this extended diatribe about how if I had a man, I wouldn’t have to take out the garbage and life would be so great. And, just as I started down that road, I felt something whiz past my nose. I could barely see it, but it kept buzzing around my head. It was a fruit fly. For anyone who doesn’t know, these tiny insects are very annoying, and unlike regular flies, they are hard to see and too small for a flyswatter. This is what happens when you live in Florida, or I am guessing anywhere hot, and you are dealing with trash outside; these little buggers are everywhere. They love garbage almost as much as I hate it. Nonetheless, that little pest changed my thinking. I still hate taking out the garbage and want a man to do it (reverse chauvinism, I know), but I realized that getting rid of the trash, literally and figuratively is a necessary task. Think about what happens when you let garbage into your thought process. “You’re fat.” “You’re ugly.” “You’re stupid.” “You’re unlovable.” It is one thing to bag those thoughts up and put them in the garage of your mind until you have time to stop by the dumpster. But, as those thoughts fester in that hot, sweltering garage, the fruit flies start swarming. So, you still hear the negativity buzzing all around you. You have to completely discard the rubbish in order to be free from its effects. In my compactor it gets smashed, then hauled off and dumped. The same thing has to happen with any kind of junk in our lives. Beyond our thought lives, there is some refuse we need to clear in relationships (well, some relationships are refuse), in our finances, and in our habits. We cannot just bag it up and store it until we have time to deal with it; pack it up, dump it, and do not go back looking for it. Stop calling it, texting it, spending money it, spending time with it. Get rid of it; ALL of it! Taking out the trash in our lives allows us to have a cleaner, fresher outlook. It gives God the opportunity to fill those newly emptied spaces. As much as it is not my favorite chore, there is a quantifiable benefit. Ms. EV I am not really a girly girl. I do not wear makeup, unless I am going to be in a show. I do not really wear or like to buy jewelry. And, because of my above average height, and back and knee issues, I am not a big fan of wearing high heels, but I know how to look good when I walk out of the door. I do have a couple of beauty rituals that show my girly side, like the occasional mani/pedi and facial. I think every girl has her own individual beauty regimen (and some guys do too, but that’s a conversation for another day). I remember, back in the day, when my BFF and I would get ready to go out, there would always be some part of our beauty ritual or some part of our outfit that was uncomfortable, and maybe even, a little painful. But, her mantra, that I adopted, was, “Beauty knows no pain.”
I am not a big fan of pain, let’s just get that straight. I am not advocating that people physically hurt themselves for beauty’s sake, but to each her own. We all have our own beauty rituals. However, this mantra is more about sacrifice. Back then, it was dealing with the prospects of pinning up hair tightly to get it to look perfect, or wearing a shoe that was going to hurt after five minutes, but makes the calves look phenomenal. It is about pushing past the pain to let the beauty shine through. Yesterday, as I was getting a facial, I thought about this old mantra. If you have never had a facial, I find them to be the most underrated beauty treatment available. It starts with a steaming and cleansing of the face and neck area. Then, gentle exfoliation with a light brush. Then, your eyes are covered and out comes the large magnifying glass, bright light and little silver tools. The process is called extraction, and it consists of removing all of the stuff under your skin that you cannot see with the naked eye and removing dead skin that is still on your face. As I was lying there yesterday, during this process, I momentarily wondered why I was voluntarily putting myself through the pain, even paying for it. I subsequently remembered what my face looks and feels like after each facial. It feels clean, light and fresh, maybe even a little unburdened. And, after the extraction comes a relaxing massage. There is a point to all of this. I have sometimes heard people say that there is no pain in love. I find love to be the ultimate expression of beauty in this world. While I do not believe that one should take abuse, physical, mental or emotional, from someone who claims to love them, I do believe that in love, the ultimate expression of beauty, there will be pain. When a person truly loves, it oftentimes starts out as refreshing and relaxing, but when it comes time to get past the surface, there are some sacrifices that need to be made. And, many times, those sacrifices are painful. Sometimes it means putting those who you love before your own desires. Sometimes it means giving up things and people that you feel you need. Sometimes, the person you love does something that would never bother you if another person did it, but because you love them, it hurts. I am not speaking of casual love; I am talking about real, deep relationships with God, family, spouses and true friends. Sacrifice and pain are not pleasant or fun. And, again, I am not talking about a person who maliciously tries to harm you. I mean those times in love when you have to make a choice that is uncomfortable, but is what is best for the relationship. If you can push past the discomfort, you can reveal true beauty; something even more satisfying than what you had before. For anyone who is still doubting that there is pain in love, look only to our Savior. His sacrifice, the ultimate sacrifice, was beautiful. Jesus had to push past the pain to reconnect us with God. None of us will ever feel the type of pain He felt or give as much as He gave. Still, I am grateful that the beauty of His love knew no pain that day. It is not that it was not painful, but that He endured the pain for you and for me. That is true love and beauty and because of His sacrifice, we can enjoy more beautiful, fresh, new, unburdened relationships with God and others. Ms. EV Have you ever indulged in a gluttonous amount of chocolate or another of your favorite sweet delicacies? I have, okay well, I do, on occasion, partake of more than my fair share of confections. Many times, when you eat a lot of sugar, you get this high, a rush of energy. You feel jubilant; like you can accomplish anything for a few minutes, or maybe hours, while you are feeling the rush, but then, after the rush, comes the crash. Your overly excited, oddly energetic behavior dwindles into lethargy. You feel fatigue that is much greater than anything you felt before your sugar high.
I have been getting high lately, but not on sugar (or any illicit substance; stay with me). I have been getting high on the sweetness of God. I noticed the other day that I was smiling, genuinely, very early in the morning. I even had a little skip in my step. I was grinning from the inside, early in the morning. It was enough joy to scare those who know that I am not a morning person. And, Sunday night, after a performance, I felt like I was floating on air. I was on the mountaintop. This is not a feeling that just started this week; I have been feeling true, pure, unadulterated joy for quite some time now. I am not sure when it started. Just as I am not sure what triggered the crash from my high last night, but I crashed. The night before I could not contain my grin from within, and then, last night, like a punch to the gut, I found myself with my face buried in a tear-soaked pillow. I tried to watch the television to distract me, but eventually, it just became background noise to the howls of the lonely monster. The same woman who felt invincible the day before felt lost and confused. I could not understand what happened to my happy place. How did I go from so high to so low so quickly? I started thinking about people that I had no business giving any thought. I started to replay all of my coulda-shoulda-woulda’s in my head. I started questioning if I am really pursuing the right dreams or if I am just using them to distract me from the fact that I am lonely. I cried and I prayed and I prayed and I cried. It sucked! I thought, “Today, being single really sucks! It would take one phone call to make this feeling go away.” But, the damage from that one phone call would most definitely outlast the temporary ache I was feeling. I needed to press through the pain. And, I did. I woke up this morning smiling from the inside, well, at least until after I brushed my teeth, and then I smiled on the outside as well. Every day in the life of a Christian is not sunshine and roses. There are some hard times. But, as it says in 2 Corinthians, “These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever” (2 Corinthians 4:16-18 MSG). My crash last night actually reaffirmed that I am on the right track; I am doing what God would have me to do because it was obvious that the enemy was feeling threatened and he knew right where to attack me. But, a God-high, is nothing like a sugar high. There may be ups and downs, but when God picks you up; you stay up, even when you do not feel up. You might feel like you are crashing; you might feel fatigued, woozy, or punched in the gut. Just know that if you hold on to God’s hand and trust that He knows and He cares when you feel like you are crashing, you can get through it. I am a witness; I got down, but He did not let me hit the floor. Now, I am high again. Ms. EV I still remember the first boy that ever made my heart flutter. I was at La Petite Academy and we would chase each other all over the playground; across the monkey bars, up and down the slide and into the sandbox. As a matter of fact, to this day I can remember and picture a boy for whom I pined during each and every year that I was in school. By high school, I can start naming two or three crushes per year. I made good grades, was very involved in school, but I was the epitome of BOY-CRAZY. I just knew that, even though my life was good, it would be so much better with a boy in it! I did not actually have a boyfriend until I was a senior in high school (looking back that was a good thing because Lord knows what kind of trouble I would have found).
When my first relationship ended, I picked up right where I left off…you guessed it…BOY-CRAZY! And then, I decided that it was time to settle down at the ripe old age of twenty-one. When my ex-husband and I fell apart, I entered immediately into another ill-advised and unhealthy relationship, but when that one was over…come on, say it with me…BOY-CRAZY!!! Then, one day, I realized that the hole was still there. That’s when I started seriously talking to God about the issue. I stopped praying, “Lord, send me a man!” and started praying, “Lord, show me how to be satisfied with You.” So, I was in a really good place when I wrote Pray. And, earlier this year, I had to look at myself and ask, “How did I get so far away from that?” If it only took one relationship to knock me down from that place, then no wonder I am still single. How can God trust me? I know He has forgiven me. But, I have to forgive me and never fall into this boy-crazy trap again. I am learning even more the second time around after another big break-up and almost four years or being single and abstinent. I do not even know if I can trust me to carry out what God wants for me while I am in a relationship. Can I handle it without falling back into this same pit again? Can I not make the same mistakes of timetables and giving up me again? Am I ready? I thought I was ready again until I looked at where I was and how far I slipped backwards. It’s very scary. However, I find encouragement in the boy-crazy women that came before me: Rahab and the woman at the well. Okay, Rahab was a harlot. She will not get any judgment from me. I have been called and have called myself worse. Nonetheless, when faced with a life-threatening decision of whether to protect God’s spies or turn them over to the authorities, she chose God. Despite her despicable reputation and the dire repercussions, Rahab showed faith in God. And, as a result, she is in the lineage of Christ, as the mother of Boaz (of Ruth and Boaz fame). God used that boy-crazy foreigner to help deliver Jericho to His people and she asked for salvation of her relatives as well. The woman at the well had five husbands, and one man with whom she had shacked up waiting for her when she met Christ. We would probably say that she was just a smidge boy-crazy. Yet, when she met the Living Water, she was filled and she brought the message to others and they were saved. Sometimes, we might feel that because of a sordid past, God cannot use us. Maybe, like me, you have felt or currently feel used up by those you have allowed into your life. Maybe, like me, you feel that you will disappoint God…again. Here’s the deal, I am not a eunuch, I still have boy-crazy moments (though they are much more infrequent as I age). I want a relationship and to be married and have a family of my own. However, the major relationships and subsequent heartbreaks that I had were not because God sent them and I messed it up; they were the result of being desperate for a man instead of being desperate for God. So, if I wait on Him, and walk in His path, He can give me all that I desire and use me for His glory. How do I know this? The Bible gives proof that God can use a boy-crazy girl. Ms. EV There is an old song that teaches to accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative. At a certain point in my life, I had become so adept that that skill that I only saw my positive characteristics as reality. In a parable, Jesus talked about a Pharisee that did the same thing. He said, “I follow rules…I pay tithes…I am a good person…I…I…I….” We may think the Pharisee was being ridiculous, but we do the same thing. We pick out everything that we are doing right, no matter what we are doing wrong, and believe that God should be satisfied with our good works and ignore our lapses of faith. We measure ourselves against others, of whom we are quick to see the faults and flaws. We figure, as long as we are not like these “bad people” and our good deeds outweigh the bad, then we are fine. God should be pleased with us and not hold our “little” day-to-day sins against (and that’s if we even recognize that we are sinning).
We need to be more like the publican in the story. This dude was a sinner and he knew it. He was not proud of it. He was humbled by the situation and he feared God. My dad always says, “Every time you purposely disobey God, you are saying to Him, ‘I don’t believe You are real.’” If we truly reverence God, we will acknowledge, rather than ignore sins. The publican knew that it was only by God’s grace and mercy that he was able to live. The Pharisee’s “prayer,” or rather listing of qualifications for a blessing, fell on deaf ears, but the publican’s prayer was heard. God sees and knows all. He does not need to be reminded of how good we think we are. He appreciates it when we live in reality, admit our shortcomings, and know that we are not perfect and that we need His love, His grace and His mercy. If you feel the need to accentuate the positive, tell someone in your life all of the things that you love about him or her, but don’t puff yourself up before God. Ms. EV I don’t think I’ve ever been more excited for the last day of school! (Not even when I was graduating). This year has been rough! For those of you who don’t know, I am a teacher. Anyway, as I was clearing out my inboxes, I realized that at the beginning of this year, I was so unhappy that I was trying to find another job. Then, the tragedies started and seemed to come one right after another. The year was just marred with disappointment and sadness. And through it all, I held on to the fact that God still sits on the throne and is in control, but that doesn’t mean that it was not hard.
The result of the valley was that it caused me to look within and to cling ever closer to God. I had been in a relationship rut so to speak where I had lost the freshness of my intimacy with Christ and our time together had become more routine than real. As I drew closer to Him, things started to turn around. It was not all mountain tops, but, in the valleys, I knew to look to the hills where from which my help would come. Now, I am renewed, refreshed, revived and ready for what God has in store for my life. He has literally put new songs on my heart, given me new insight and new focus. And, I made it with Him. We made it! Sometimes, it seems as if the struggle will never end, but if you can just be still, you can come through the other side with Jesus as your Friend and Guide. Ms. EV God is not man, one given to lies, and not a son of man changing his mind. Does he speak and not do what he says? Does he promise and not come through? Numbers 23:19 (MSG)
For much of my life, I was known as a worry wart. Not the kind of worrying normal people do, but I had a paralyzing sense of fear over the smallest details. In my mind, little problems turned into catastrophes in a nanosecond. For example, if there was thunder, I thought the sky was falling. If I felt sick, I thought it was an incurable disease. When I was a senior in high school and had not ever had a real boyfriend, I thought no one would ever love me or want to marry me. When I was younger, I thought everyone thought this way. About ten years ago, my anxiety had such a tight grip on me that I suffered from insomnia and paranoia. I finally decided, with the help of some of my inner circle, that it could not be normal, and I sought help. After some therapy, I was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder. I was so conflicted about this diagnosis because, as a Christian, we are not to have fear or anxiety or worry. But remember, those of us who are saved, are in this world, but not of this world. As long as we are a part of this world, we are subject to the trouble of this world, which includes illness – even mental illness. But, praise God that He created doctors, therapists, and medicine. There is no shame in seeking help. It does not make you less of a Christian. That is something that the devil would have you believe, so that you can stay sick. I knew that there was an issue, so I followed the treatment plan of my doctor, and I got the issue under control. I have been fine for years, but just this week, I started to feel that old familiar feeling of paralyzing, worrisome thoughts. Only this time, I knew that it was irrational and it was nothing but the devil trying to distract me and throw me off my path. How do I know this? Because the anxieties that were, and still are, going through my head are blatant lies. And, I know that there is nothing to even be concerned with because God, my Father, cannot and does not lie. And, God, my Father, has told me that I have nothing to worry about or fear. And, God, my Father, has told me that He will never let anything happen to me that I cannot handle. And, God, my Father, told me that He will never leave me or forsake me. So, anytime thoughts cloud my mind about having a desperate need or being devastated or abandoned, I know they are lies and God does not lie. Ms. EV Do you ever get tired of doing what feels like thankless work? Maybe that’s just me. Maybe I am the only one who would really like to hear “thank you” when I work hard for something or someone. (Honestly, I did not realize how much I longed for it until it happened to me today). It’s not that I work for the “thank you;” I will do the work, regardless, and do it to the best of my ability. I have to say, though, that when I get the “thank you,” it does feel great. So, if I feel this way, I know that God must feel it, too. He is always there for us; guiding our paths and fixing our problems, but how often do we take the time to say, “Thank You.” Maybe it is that we feel like God is doing what He is supposed to do. I mean, for many of us, when we do what we are supposed to do, it is rare that we get any appreciation. It is only when we do something spectacular or when we make someone else’s life a little easier, that we usually get thanks, so are we treating God that way? Do we believe that He only deserves praise when a miracle occurs? If so, I’ve got news for you, a miracle occurs every time you take a breath.
The Bible says, “In everything, give thanks.” That means that we are not only to appreciate God for the good times, but for the tough times, as well. Think about it. God loves us when we are doing His Will and when we go astray, so how can our thanksgiving towards Him be conditional? In times of joy, it is easy to see the reasons to thank God, but sometimes we are so caught up in the success, that we forget to thank Him. In times of struggle, it is often hard to see the reasons to thank God, and we are so caught up in sorrow, that we forget to thank Him. Nevertheless, there is a reason to thank Him in every season, every day, and every moment. Beyond God’s incredible sacrifice for our souls (which means He owes us nothing), He still continues to bless us everyday. So, when you find it hard to be grateful, think of how you feel when you are underappreciated, and give God the praise that is due Him. Ms. EV Three days ago, one of my students was killed in an accident. I lost a student, but more than that, parents lost their oldest son, students lost a classmate and friend, a swim team lost a teammate and promising competitor. This is uncharted water for me. I have dealt with loss, much more in the last three years than I care to recount. But, this is a child; a student in my class. We have grieved losses and accidents and tragedies of people around us, but it has never been this close. Every time I close my eyes, I see that child’s face. He was somebody’s baby and I cannot imagine the depth of sorrow his parents are feeling.
All weekend long, I tried to figure out how I would handle today. We are in the midst of final exams. The students I teach are in a very small, close knit group. I had no idea what to say or to do. My father prayed with me. My mother, pastor, and friends prayed for me. I prayed for the parents, the students, the other teacher. I arrived at the school with a knot in my stomach and a lump in my throat. When I saw my students, I told them the truth. I do not know what to say or do, but I will do anything you need me to do right now. If you need to talk, I will listen. If you need to leave, I will understand. If you need to do things normally, I will do that. I wanted God to speak to me the perfect way to handle the situation and He did, through these children. As I looked around, I noticed that they were all dressed in purple, the school color, as a sign of solidarity. They were calm and collected. There were a couple that looked distressed, but they all decided to take their final exam. The Bible speaks of having the faith of a child, and today I saw it. Through the demeanor of these children, God told me to stay strong and be of good courage. He will never put me in a situation that I am not equipped to handle. In the face of the storms of life, we have to know that God is bigger than the storm, and that, as the preacher spoke yesterday, He does not have to stop the storm or even take us out of it, to bring us peace. These children have shown me what it means to have the faith of a child. I will trust God. Please keep this family, our students and faculty, and this young man’s friends in prayer, as we deal with this tragedy. Ms. EV |
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