I have been getting high lately, but not on sugar (or any illicit substance; stay with me). I have been getting high on the sweetness of God. I noticed the other day that I was smiling, genuinely, very early in the morning. I even had a little skip in my step. I was grinning from the inside, early in the morning. It was enough joy to scare those who know that I am not a morning person. And, Sunday night, after a performance, I felt like I was floating on air. I was on the mountaintop. This is not a feeling that just started this week; I have been feeling true, pure, unadulterated joy for quite some time now. I am not sure when it started. Just as I am not sure what triggered the crash from my high last night, but I crashed.
The night before I could not contain my grin from within, and then, last night, like a punch to the gut, I found myself with my face buried in a tear-soaked pillow. I tried to watch the television to distract me, but eventually, it just became background noise to the howls of the lonely monster. The same woman who felt invincible the day before felt lost and confused. I could not understand what happened to my happy place. How did I go from so high to so low so quickly? I started thinking about people that I had no business giving any thought. I started to replay all of my coulda-shoulda-woulda’s in my head. I started questioning if I am really pursuing the right dreams or if I am just using them to distract me from the fact that I am lonely. I cried and I prayed and I prayed and I cried. It sucked! I thought, “Today, being single really sucks! It would take one phone call to make this feeling go away.” But, the damage from that one phone call would most definitely outlast the temporary ache I was feeling. I needed to press through the pain.
And, I did. I woke up this morning smiling from the inside, well, at least until after I brushed my teeth, and then I smiled on the outside as well. Every day in the life of a Christian is not sunshine and roses. There are some hard times. But, as it says in 2 Corinthians, “These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever” (2 Corinthians 4:16-18 MSG). My crash last night actually reaffirmed that I am on the right track; I am doing what God would have me to do because it was obvious that the enemy was feeling threatened and he knew right where to attack me. But, a God-high, is nothing like a sugar high. There may be ups and downs, but when God picks you up; you stay up, even when you do not feel up. You might feel like you are crashing; you might feel fatigued, woozy, or punched in the gut. Just know that if you hold on to God’s hand and trust that He knows and He cares when you feel like you are crashing, you can get through it. I am a witness; I got down, but He did not let me hit the floor. Now, I am high again. Ms. EV