Yesterday, I was approached by a young man as I was leaving from picking up lunch. And, when I say young, I mean he was “I could have taught him a few years back” young. He wanted to “take me to dinner some time.” Just the other day, I was telling a friend of mine that I can’t see going on a date with someone I am not attracted to and she replied that she would love to have someone else pay for dinner, which is fine…for her.
I love to eat. Food is one of my passions. I watch shows about food that I would never try because I am super finicky and over the summer, I learn to cook and bake new delicacies. When I was younger, I could not see doing much of anything by myself, especially eating dinner in a restaurant. But, as I have grown older and remained single, I realized that if I did not learn how to eat by myself, I would miss out on new eateries. So, I have developed a way of eating alone with which I am comfortable. When I was in my twenties, did not have much money, and was looking to have fun, if he was willing to pay, I was willing to share a meal with him. Now, I am older and for me, dating someone is about getting to know someone with whom I could share my life, not just a meal. I know that not everyone I date will be husband material for me, but as I said last week in my blog, Superficial or Super-Specific, I know the basic attributes of the man for whom I am waiting. So, if a person does not possess those attributes, I do not want to waste my time or his money. My last and most significant relationships started with a dinner date, but before there was dinner, there was attraction. I am still single so obviously they did not turn out the way I had envisioned, but it was a step in the right direction. Everyone has their own methods of getting by as a single person, and I do not knock anything that is not clearly spelled out in Biblical principles. For me, every time I go to dinner by myself, it reminds me of how God has helped me to overcome a fear that I had. It shows me how much God has blessed me because I am able to treat myself. I am not so independent that I would not allow to whom I am attracted to woo me. However, I am not going to settle and go on a date just for dinner. Ms. EV
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I watch television; probably more than I should. I watch both scripted and "non-scripted" (reality) television. Last night, my best friend asked me if I was watching a certian show that we both watch. I had plans to watch it later, but her issue with the show was so urgent that she stayed up to wait until I finished watching so that we could discuss how we felt about the topic of the show. The show seemed as if it was going to address the very serious issue of celibacy and how abstinence can help one regain focus so as to not fall into the wrong types of relationships. While I did not expect that the show would address the fact that abstinence for unmarried people is an act of obedience to God, I did expect the show to treat it more seriously.
Instead, just before the last commercial break, one character stated that the women who were committed to celibacy were not having relationship issues because of sex, but because they were flawed. He continued to say that if oneof the women wanted her boyfriend to marry her, then she should just ask him instead of waiting for him to ask. And, that's when I heard the sound of car brakes in my head...SCREEEEEEECH! Hold on just one cotton-picking minute! A woman should ask what? That is a lie from the pits of hell. This was the part that my best friend wanted to get my reaction about. And she asked me to address it here, so I am. Let me say this loud and clear, NO WOMAN HAS ANY BUSINESS ASKING A MAN TO MARRY HER! That is most certainly not what God intended. The Bible says the HE who finds a WIFE finds a good thing (Proverbs 18:22). I am all for empowerment and enrichment. I believe that women can have big dreams and achieve goals just as well as men, but there are some circumstances of life in which we, women, need to know how to stay in our own lane. This is one of them. God designed the household, so that the man could lead. Now, if he is leading you down a path that is clearly not Godly, then your first allegiance is to God, but if he is Godly, let him lead. One of the other shows I watch is Dancing with the Stars. In the episode last night, one of the female professional dancers said that the greatest thing about her partner was that he had learned how to lead her. Once, he was able to do that, she was able to dance more freely and they scored higher scores and did more challenging dances, and now they are in the finals. It is the same thing in life. One of the lessons that I learned from my marriage is that there is a natural order of things. if you treat a man like a man, he will act like a man. If you treat a man like a baby, he will act like a baby. On the radio ths morning, a question was posed to listeners about whether or not men look for women who have the same attributes as their mothers. One caller said that men do want the good attributes from their mothers, but they do not need another mother. I know that society might cast you as a spinster if you are single for too long. I know that you think he is just afraid to ask and he needs a little push. Resist that urge. Do you really want to marry someone who felt pressured into marrying you? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with a man who thought it was cool that you asked him for his hand in marriage? I am sorry, but I am royalty and I don't remember any of the princesses in the fairytales getting down on one knee. What are we going to do next start buying our own engagement rings? I am saying all of this out of love. I don't write anything in this blog that is not a reminder or a checkpoint for myself. Yes, we are strong. Yes, we are invincible. Yes, we are women. Nevertheless, God created specific roles for mankind, and one of his mandates for relationships is that if you are equally yoked with a Godly man, you should let him lead (See Ephesians). If you are single, let God lead (See the Bible) . Remember that obedience is better than sacrifice (1 Samuel 15:22). Living and loving God's way will lead to relationships beyond anything you can imagine. God's way involves abstinence for the singles and submission for married (men & women, see Ephesians). So, know your role and let him lead, so you can dance freely. Ms. EV Last week, I read a tweet from Kirk Franklin that basically said you that you are walking in God’s purpose for your life when you get to a point that you can no longer move forward with Him. That statement really had an impact on me because for a lot of my life, I have been searching for God’s purpose for me. I have often asked Him, “What is Your plan for my life?” I know all too well what the consequences are for not following His path. Sometimes, I find that I am extremely timid in taking steps forward because I want to be completely sure that I am in God’s Will.
Music is a passion that I know God has placed in my heart. And I know that using the vocal treasure that God has given me is pleasing to Him. I sing on a small praise team and I am the only soprano. I also suffer from seasonal allergies, so there have been many occasions where I had to lead a song or sing a part in a harmony, but I wake up on Sunday morning with no voice. At that point, what comes out of my mouth is truly up to God. I cannot count the number of miraculous Sunday morning healings that I have experienced. Sometimes, I can sing well at church and as soon as service is over, I am hoarse again. Of my own power, I cannot sing melodies and harmonies through an allergy-attacked throat, but God can make it happen. At the beginning of this year, I made a goal to learn to play the guitar well enough to put music to the many songs I have written over the years. When I first started trying to learn “Amazing Grace,” it seemed as though it would be nearly impossible. A few weeks later, I could play it with ease. I started improvising. Then, I started putting melodies to my songs. Now, I have played the guitar, albeit nervously, at church on two occasions, which I know was only through God. In fact, my family even had a jam session on Sunday after church that was awesome. The next step in my musical journey is to record, but I still cannot write a musical composition for others to play and I am not sure of how much I will need to invest. Once again, I am at a point, where I cannot work it out of my own power, so I know that I am headed in the right direction. This is not about testing God. God wants us to do the possible and leave the impossible up to Him. Our general purpose is the praise and please God, so in the specific circumstances of our God-given paths, there will be points at which we cannot move forward without Him. The Bible encourages us to “taste and see that the Lord is good” and to “ask…seek…[and] knock.” God is not some distant puppeteer mandating our every move. Christians have free will. But, in having free will, God’s perfect will is that we follow His plan and give Him glory for the blessings He bestows upon us. So, when you hit a roadblock on your life’s path, and you know that you have been prayerfully seeking to do God’s Will, don’t be discouraged; just know it is something that only God can do. Then, wait for your chance to give Him praise! Ms. EV Yesterday was Mother’s Day, a time to celebrate the mothers and mother-figures. I thank God everyday, sometimes several times a day for my mom (and my dad). I love both of my parents and I don’t know why God chose to allow me to be born to these two amazing, Godly people, but I am so grateful that he did. Daddy will get his tribute next month. For now, I just want to take the time to praise God for my mother. My mom is one of my best friends. We talk everyday, except for when she leaves me and goes on cruises, and there is no reception—longest weeks of my life! I think that, other than God, my mom is the only person who knows everything there is to know about me and still loves me.
I cannot tell you how many times I have read Proverbs 31, and thought, “How could this author have known who my mom would be?” Everything that you can think of when you think of a good mother – nurturing, supportive, selfless, generous – is possessed by her. She hasn’t had a “job” for over fifteen years, but she is one of the hardest working people I know. She is a personification on the love of Christ to me. She sacrifices willingly, she listens carefully, and she chastises lovingly. She and my father have taught us how to make the most of what we have. She has shown me how to be a loving and compassionate wife, and one day, if God wills, I hope to be at least half as awesome a mother as she is to us. She also reminds me of Ruth. When she was younger, she took the chance of leaving everything she knew to have a better life. If she had not done that, she would not have met my father and I would not be writing this. She reminds me of Esther. She stands up for her children. My mother is a beautiful and quiet person, but do NOT mess with her husband, parents, children, grandchildren or siblings. On our recent trip to Atlanta, there was a situation where she felt that people were being disrespectful to me. I tried to ignore it, but not my mommy. Have you ever seen a mama bear when her cubs are threatened? I did that day. And, I thank God for her because she will stand up for me when I cannot or am too timid to do so for myself. Growing up, everybody thought I would be like my dad and I do have some traits that are clearly his, but the closer my mother and I grow, I realize I am becoming more and more like her each day. I have two wonderful parents who have some fantastic qualities that I love having and want to instill in my progeny. I have known many people who have strained relationships with their parents, or do not even know one or both of their parents. I have known many people who had parents that may have been supportive, but for all the wrong reasons. I have known many people whose parents do not know Christ. So, there is never really a time when I am grasping for something to praise God for because all I have to do is think of my mommy and daddy and what a blessing they truly are to me. Ms. EV The school year is winding down, and I am so excited for summer break. That excitement makes it harder and harder to drag myself out of bed in the morning and make it to work. But I do. So, as it is the end of the year, there are massive amounts of tests being taken by our students. My students have a test on Monday and technically, I could not come to work on Monday and no one would even know. It is a very tempting thought, but alas, even though I am sure many people would not think anything of it, I cannot in good conscience skip work or even come in late, even if it would be undetected by my superiors. You see, my real Superior is God. And, no matter what my earthly bosses see or know, He knows everything that I do.
In Colossians 3, we are instructed to everything as unto the Lord. Does this mean that I am punctual for work everyday and always give my best? Not necessarily, but I do try to be the best employee I can be, the best church member I can be, the best daughter I can be and the best friend I can be. Not because of the way people treat me or because of who will know, but because of God's love for me. I may miss the mark at times, but my intention is to try my best to be a good representative for Christ. And, it is easier to be good when all eyes are on you, but, "Character is what you do when no one is looking" (H. Jackson Brown). Of course, as a child of God, we know that there is never a moment when NO ONE is watching because God never sleeps or slumbers and He knows all that we do, say and think (that last one is scary). So, though no one would know if I was missing on Monday, I will be here, I will work, and I will do my duty not only as a teacher, but as a child of the Most High King. Now, I just have to work on my speeding problem... Ms. EV When I wrote Pray While You’re Prey, one of the sections focused on knowing exactly what you are looking for in a potential suitor. A lot has changed since then, but the potential mate that I desire has not. We often hear that men are more visual and women are more emotional, but when people hear the traits I look for in a mate, they are sometimes critical of my list. I have even been called superficial. “But what if you miss out on your soul mate because of your list?” they ask. I truly appreciate the concern. Yet, it’s funny to me that when a man lists physical attributes he likes, no one bats an eye. Furthermore, this list is not random and most of it has nothing to do with physical attributes; it is a well-thought-out list from years of experience.
When I was 20, I had a list; it had 50 items on it. With my ex-husband, I settled on two of those things. Notice that I said ex-husband. It wasn’t the two things I compromised on that broke us up, but if I had stuck firmly to the list, perhaps, I would not have dated or married him. I was very proud of myself when at 25, the list was pared down to seven things. I like alliteration, in case you can’t tell, so they are called my Seven S’s for my Suitors (Note that 7 is the number of spiritual perfection, just saying): 1. Saved 2. Sanctified 3. Smart 4. Secure 5. Stable 6. Supportive 7. Sexy So, the first two go together, and they are both necessary. A lot of people are saved and going to heaven. That is a good start, and for me, it is a necessity. You must be a Christian; not a spiritual person, but an "I am not ashamed of the Gospel of Jesus Christ" Christian. I have a real relationship with Christ, I go to church regularly, and I understand my role in stewardship, so I need to be with someone who, in addition to being saved, understands that we have to be set apart for God. Sanctification is a process. The person that I am is changed daily, sometimes hourly, with each interaction with God; He is making me more holy. Any soulmate of mine would need to understand that as we grow in Christ, we may change, but it will only be for the better. Number 3 is very important to me because I am intelligent; I am not bragging, I just am. I am not saying you have to be an astrophysicist, but it is nice to have someone with whom I can match wits. I also think that you have to be smart to be funny and I love a great sense of humor. Laughter is a huge part of my upbringing and I plan to raise my children in a world filled with laughter. I understand that intellect does not always come from education, so that is not what I mean. I know plenty of people who have professional degrees and are not the brightest bulbs in the box. And, I know some with no degree who are among the wisest people I know. However, I have had experiences where a person felt intimidated by my level of education and it often leads to the opposite of Number 4. Security is very important for both parties in a relationship. Being confident in yourself can thwart many relationship issues. Trust me, I have been the jealous girl; it is not cute. And though, it is kind of hot, when your man notices someone else noticing you; it is super creepy when the guy becomes overly possessive. This leads to Number 5, when I say stable, I mean in every way possible, but specifically, mentally, emotionally and financially. I have dealt with the other side of all of these and it is not pretty. I had to learn the hard way that I cannot fix someone who is broken mentally and emotionally. There is no amount of care or nurturing I can give that will save that person. He has to rely on God to mend his brokenness. And, when it comes to finances, I am by no means a gold digger, but I also wouldn’t mind not having to work and being able to focus on my dreams. The truth of the matter is that I, with God’s help am able to support myself financially, and I am accustomed to a certain lifestyle that I do not think I should have to abandon. Jesus said life MORE abundantly. So, as I told my aunt, I have the cake, so when I am in a relationship, I want the icing, whether that comes in a two-income household or in my husband providing for the family while I pursue my other goals and dreams, which leads to Number 6. I know that God has awesome assignments for all of His children. I love using my talents to worship Him. So, I desire a mate who understands my dreams and supports them. I come from literally the most supportive family on Earth. It is what I am used to and I cannot see myself giving that up for a relationship. I also am a very supportive person, sometimes to a fault, and I have been in relationships where support is not reciprocated; it leads to resentment and can destroy a relationship. Other than the first two, this list is not in an order or importance, I want it all. Number 7 is always the controversial one. First of all, take a deep breath and get over the fact that the church girl said the word “sexy.” It means different things to different people, but I am talking about looks. The only issue I have had with looks is that I admittedly have a “pretty boy” problem. Nonetheless, I know this about myself, so I have learned how not to let looks overshadow glaring red flags. That being said, I still believe that physical attraction is important. What I find attractive may not match others. I have no specifications on race, but in nearly every other category I have a type and one of my non-negotiables on looks is height because if you know me, you know that I am 70 inches tall. I get chastised for this requirement all the time, but it is my right to want to feel dainty and protected by my mate. Read that however you wish to read it. My list is not anyone else’s list. Even dating websites tell me I am too particular. But, that’s okay, you see, I know Someone who can do the impossible, so I feel pretty secure in having a list. And, I encourage people, especially women, to know what they want whether it is three things or seventy things; if you don’t stand for something, you just might fall for anything. So, am I being superficial or just super-specific? I would love to know your thoughts. Do you have a list? Share it if you feel comfortable doing so; I would love to start a dialogue on this on my Facebook page. Whatever you do, and whomever you love, make sure you love God first and He will take care of the rest. Ms. EV 1 John 3: 18-22 (The Message) My dear children, let's not just talk about love; let's practice real love. This is the only way we'll know we're living truly, living in God's reality. It's also the way to shut down debilitating self-criticism, even when there is something to it. For God is greater than our worried hearts and knows more about us than we do ourselves. And friends, once that's taken care of and we're no longer accusing or condemning ourselves, we're bold and free before God! We're able to stretch our hands out and receive what we asked for because we're doing what he said, doing what pleases Him.
After writing Monday’s and yesterday’s blogs, I read these verses as part of another devotional and it was another example of how God speaks to us and how His Word is living and vital. These verses tie together my thoughts from Monday and Tuesday. These verses address loving yourself and being free to do God’s Will (worship and spreading the Gospel). Many people live their lives thinking that others are holding them down or keeping them back from love, from their dreams, from financial freedom, or whatever particular goals they have in mind. In reality, not knowing who we are in Christ, not loving and valuing ourselves is what holds us back. For some people, past hurt caused by others has led to us devaluing ourselves, but when it comes down to it the only person who can truly hold you back is you. The verses say that practicing real love, the love that Christ displayed and God expects, is the only way to live in God’s reality. It is the only way to experience the abundant life God has planned for us. In order to practice that kind of love, we must not only love God, but we need to give ourselves a break. Loving ourselves and knowing our place in God’s Kingdom will quickly shut down the voices that say, “You’re not good enough,” or “You’re not smart enough,” or “You’re not pretty enough.” I love the way The Message Bible says it; this is “debilitating, self-criticism.” It literally paralyzes us and prevents us from being who God intends for us to be. But, once you move past the past, you can be free to live a life full of love; you can walk in God’s purpose for your life. You can practice His two great commands. First, you can love Him with everything you have. I have heard it said how can you love a God that you haven’t seen, but have hatred for your sisters and brothers? But, I will take it a step further. How can you love a God you have never seen when you cannot love the person you see in the mirror everyday? You can’t show love until you know love. God is love and if He loves you enough to die for you, then you can cut yourself a little slack; not a license to live any kind of way amount of slack, but respect yourself and believe God when He says that you are His. Once, you do you are free to worship in Spirit and Truth, and there is great power in that kind of praise. Then, after you learn to truly worship Him, you can love others as you love yourself by sharing the Gospel. I am not sure that I have been in love with anyone other than my family and Christ. Nevertheless, I have thought that I was in love and been around people in love. So, I know that when you fall deeply for someone, you can’t help but tell everyone how that person has impacted your life. That is the same attitude that we should have about sharing God’s Word. It is not about quoting Scriptures; it is about the exuberant expressions of a lovesick, blood-bought, grace-receiving child of God. God commands us to love others, but you cannot possibly love someone truly if you hide God from that person. This is what pleases Him; living a life of love. So, forgive yourself, know your value, and live in love. Ms. EV Sharing the Faith - No matter who you are, you can share your faith in Jesus. Take the Woman at the Well as an example. Once she met Jesus, she couldn't help, but spread the Gospel.
“Out of 100 men, one will read the Bible, the other 99 will read the Christian.” ― D.L. Moody John 4:28-30 (The Message): The woman took the hint and left. In her confusion she left her water pot. Back in the village she told the people, "Come see a man who knew all about the things I did, who knows me inside and out. Do you think this could be the Messiah?" And they went out to see for themselves. … 39-42 - Many of the Samaritans from that village committed themselves to him because of the woman's witness: "He knew all about the things I did. He knows me inside and out!" They asked him to stay on, so Jesus stayed two days. A lot more people entrusted their lives to him when they heard what he had to say. They said to the woman, "We're no longer taking this on your say-so. We've heard it for ourselves and know it for sure. He's the Savior of the world!" This Woman was the Wrong Kind of Person She was a woman and a Samaritan. Yet, she did not take on the defeatist attitude that many adopt that says, "I’m a minority; nothing I do can ever be as good." She had a bad relationship track record, but she did not say, "I’m divorced (or single) how can I speak about love?" She took what she knew and she shared it with others. This Woman had the Wrong Kind of Past She was a sexually immoral person. Think of the kind of names would we call this woman today -- maybe not out loud--but what would people think of her? Are you too worried about people to focusing on who you were or do you want them to know who you are? My pastor always says, "Satan deals in your past, God deals in your future." and, "When Satan starts attacking your past, it’s because he’s running out of ammunition." Plus, this woman was not the first of her kind. God used others just like her. Remember, Rahab the prostitute, she saved her whole family by helping the Israelite spies in Jericho. (Joshua 2) and she became part of the lineage of Jesus. This doesn’t mean that you should not value your body as a gift, and save yourself for marriage, but it does mean that, even if you have made mistakes, all it takes is one decision to change your life and grow in God, and He can use you for amazing miracles. This Woman had the Right Kind of Persuasion - Know your value. You don’t have to hide your life to give a testimony - It’s not about how many Scriptures you know; it’s about how much of the goodness of God you know. God can use anybody. He used Pharaoh to get Israel out of Egypt; He used Saul to help David to the throne; He used Satan himself to get Job to a higher place of praise, and no matter what you have done, you have got nothing on Satan, so let God use you. Your testimony can simply be, "Come see a man who knows everything about me, and He loves me, He saved me, and He keeps me from falling. I have done a lot that I’m not proud of, but when I think of all the things I didn’t do, places I didn’t go, and people I didn’t encounter because of God’s grace, all I can say is: Amazing Grace shall always be my song of praise For it was grace that bought my liberty I do not know just how He came to love me so He looked beyond my faults and saw my needs I shall forever life mine eyes to Calvary To view the cross where Jesus died for me How marvelous the grace that caught my falling soul He looked beyond my faults and saw my needs. If this Samaritan woman can lead others to Christ, why should be so ashamed of ourselves that we cannot share our faith with others? Or is it that we are not ashamed of ourselves, but ashamed of the Gospel? Ms. EV Last night, I was playing my guitar, finishing up a couple of songs that I wrote this week, and in the midst of playing, words came to my mind that I had to write. The song is called, “Worth Dying For,” and it explores the way that God shows His love for us. People who are in love or in close relationships might say to their loved ones, “I would die for you.” But, in reality, not many people are put in a situation where they have to prove that statement. Jesus, however, did prove to us that we were worth dying for when He accepted His role as our kinsman redeemer. Jesus shows us through the sacrifice of His life on the cross, that He believed we were worthy to be saved. His death and resurrection allowed us to have the opportunity to become joint heirs in the Kingdom of God. He is the most precious gift of all time. There is nothing that we can do or could have done to save ourselves from the power of sin, the punishment of sin, and eventually, the presence of sin. Jesus paid it all for me and for you.
Not only does Jesus show us that we are worth dying for, He proves that we are worth fighting for, as well. Once we accept Christ in our lives, things tend to get more difficult rather than more effortless. While we cannot lose our salvation, the quality of our lives on Earth depends upon the winner of our daily battle between flesh and Spirit. Before salvation or even in the early stages of salvation before conviction, life is easier because we tend not to worry about repercussions or about how our actions will affect others, or how our actions might break God’s heart. Once we are saved and in tune with the Holy Spirit though, it is no longer acceptable to live outside of God’s Will and tough choices have to be made about our relationships, careers, dreams and goals. The good news is that we don’t go into battle alone. As a matter of fact, our battles belong to the Lord, if we will let Him fight, He will show us that we are worth fighting for. Every time we get a second chance by grace, God is saying, “You’re worth it.” Every time we see God’s mercy in action over the consequences of some foolish action, God is saying, “You’re worth it.” I can’t say that I understand it because there are days when I don’t even feel like fighting for myself, but thank God, I know in my heart that I’m worth fighting for and even dying for. So, if someone claims to love you, and if he is a man of God, modeling his love after Christ’s love for the Church, he should be willing to fight for you. I am not talking about a physical fight for your attention or your affection; I mean he should be willing to show you kindness, grace, and mercy. He should be willing to include you and accept you just as you are. He should also be willing to die for you. I do not mean to say that he will jump in front of a train (though he should at least be willing to walk on the street side of the sidewalk); I mean he should be willing to let his selfishness die for your sake. In return, Ephesians says they we, as women, should submit. If he is doing his part, submission should be second nature. When you meet people do you have the attitude that you are worth dying for, worth fighting for, or do you give the best parts of yourself away freely? Know your worth. Ms. EV Nine years ago today, it was the day after my law school graduation. I was preparing to fly to Washington, D.C. for my best friend’s graduation from her master’s program at Howard University. Then, when I returned, I would begin bar prep classes. Today, I am sitting in my old high school as a social studies teacher. My best friend lives in D.C., but is a completely different person. In nearly ten years, my life looks dramatically different from what I envisioned. While I truly value the friendships that I have developed in the period of time, I also have a sense of loss for the friendship that I chose to let go. And, though I do find my career rewarding, it is also very taxing at times. I was asked by a colleague just the other day, “Do you ever think about going back to law?” So, as I reflect on where I was and who I was nine years ago today, a young girl excited about the possibilities for my life, hopeful that I would find my path, confident in my friendships, I cannot help but wonder if I make the right turn?
I wanted to be a lawyer because Claire Huxtable was a lawyer. Claire was married to a doctor, raised five children, and was well respected. I was eight years old when I made the declaration, and aside from one year of deviation when I wanted to be a fashion designer at age nine (and who didn’t), I stuck to my goal. I didn’t really get that it was television and the real world would be different. I knew I did not want anything to do with criminal law. I made the law my life in high school and college. I think the law is what attracted me to my ex-husband. He had some situations in his life that allowed me to flex my legal muscles. But, when that relationship ended, my life went into a tailspin. I fell out of love with the idea of practicing law. And now, looking back, I don’t know if it was because at the time, I didn’t feel capable of making rational decisions about my life. I am just wondering if my confidence was shaken so bad by one situation that I threw away a lifelong dream. I practiced law for three years, but it brought me little joy and loads of anxiety. The initial draw to teaching was the interaction with the kids and the fact that I had not worked year-round for so many years that I thought I would be unable to adjust. Even on the days when I am frustrated with my job, there is usually at least one present or former student who reminds me of why I do what I do. I am just not sure if I gave practicing law a fair opportunity to provide me with the same experience. For the years that I practiced, I always knew that my law practice would come to an end. I did my best for each and every client, but never gave that career path a chance. Did I make the right turn? In college, I made two very close friends. We talked about being in each other’s weddings, being godmothers to each other’s children. In fact, one was my maid of honor. At the time, I could not imagine the rest of my life without these two people. As I began to grow in Christ, our lives took different directions. I was so terrified of moving backwards that I made myself distant and eventually, lost touch with these two young women. I have since reached out to them, but I feel that the damage done by my attitude is irreparable. The saddest part of the situation is that I have no children of my own, but I know there are at least four children who were meant to be my godchildren and I am not a part of their lives at all. I can pray for them from afar, which is the best I can do for them, but it could have been so much more. I have great friends now, who I am spiritually in sync with and I would not trade for the world. Yet, I still wonder…did I make the right turn? I am not sure if I will get the answer to that question on this side of Heaven. And, I am not complaining about my life because I love my life, my career and the people in my life. In pondering whether or not I made good decisions right now, I am not engaged in an exercise of ‘coulda shoulda woulda,” but I am thanking God that for every turn I made, He worked it out for my good. I am discovering some areas in which I may not have forgiven myself. I can use these past experiences to create less questions in my future when I have a choice to make. I could play the “What If” game incessantly, but that is an exercise in futility because the past already happened and it cannot be changed. I also do not want to project into the future because I think that an irrational vision of the future led to some of my worst decisions. So, I think I will just enjoy WHAT IS knowing that God is in full control and I have every reason to be content and filled with joy simply because He has redeemed me, not to mention all of the other blessings He has bestowed upon me. Did I make the right turn? You can say “yes” with confidence to if your turn turns you towards Christ! Ms. EV |
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