Have you ever wondered what God sounds like? We definitely can communicate with Him, but sometimes, I admit, that I do too much talking and not enough listening. When I do try to be still, be quiet, and listen, my head often gets clouded with my own thoughts. Sometimes I find it difficult to determine which thoughts are my own, random ones and which are God speaking something into my heart.
Because God created me, He knows what I voices will break through and make me sure that He is speaking. And, I would venture to say that it is the same for you. When I was younger, and I was about to make a bad decision, I would hear my dad's voice telling me not to do whatever I was contemplating doing. You have to understand that my father has a booming and beautiful voice. He speaks with authority; we call him Mufasa. His voice calls for a reverent fear, so when I heard that voice in my head or in real life, it gave me pause about whatever situation was brewing. I am not saying that I always listened, but I could distinctly tell that God was trying to get my attention. As I have gotten older though, God has used my love for music to speak to me. One day, after hearing a couple of my songs, my mom said, "How do you come up with these?" I said, "Well, sometimes I am sitting around and words pop into my head, so I write them down, put them in a rhyme scheme, and then, the melodies kind of appear. Other times, I have a melody in my head, so, now that I have a guitar, I pluck out the melody and keep playing it until the words start forming." Either way, it is a very therapeutic exercise. The latter way happened with Worth Dying For and it happened again a couple of weeks ago. I was sitting in my house and a melody was stuck in my head. At first, I thought it was a song I had heard, so I was trying to figure out what song it was, which can be a frustrating process. I got a message from a friend asking me how my music was going and I told her that I was at a stand still and was not really sure what to do. Then, the melody kept playing in my head, so I turned the television off and picked up my guitar. I strummed the chords over and over and just hummed until I felt this amazing peace in my spirit. And suddenly the humming turned into words, "'Cause, as far as I know, this is how it's supposed to be...This is where I'm supposed to be... ." I sent a message back to my friend letting her know that God had asnwered the question with a song. An amazing song, that, in His timing, I will record and perform, or that will just serve as a reminder for me when I have questions about my life. And, to top it off, as I sit this week and was beginning to feel the blues about another area of my life that seems to be in a holding pattern, God showed me this in His Word: "And don’t be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God’s place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life" (1 Corinthians 7:17 MSG, emphasis added). So then, all I could do was sing: I'm not going to cry No more tears falling from my eyes And I'll tell you why 'Cause as far as I know this is how it's supposed to be I'm not going to sigh No more complaints from me And I'll tell you why 'Cause as far as I know I'm right where I'm supposed to be... God still speaks. He speaks to the quiet places that no one knows about but you and Him. Allow Him to calm your mind, and settle your spirit, and give you peace that passes all understanding. Yes, we make mistakes, but God does not, so if you feel like you are in a holding pattern, perhaps God has you exactly where He needs you to be. If things have suddenly been shaken up in your life, consider that it is because God has you right where you're supposed to be. Ask Him. He will answer. Ms. EV
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I went to a homeowners' meeting last night for my condo association. All I wanted to know was if we were switching cable companies and how to get whichever neighbor is running a nightclub in their house to turn their bass down. I did not expect to hear that there is structural damage to all or most of our buildings due to shotty construction. I also did not expect to hear that our already outrageously high association dues might have to go up to cover the costs of some of the necessary repairs. And I didn't expect to hear that I would not be able to sell my condo any time soon. The new board blamed the old board. The old board members shot back at them. There was quite a ruckus. It was not at all what I expected. There literally was no good news at this meeting.
Aside from thinking, "Now there's an hour and a half that I will never get back," I was also grateful that the God I serve is awesome. Even in the midst of such negativity, I left with a grin on my face because I am confident, that no matter what happens, God is on my side. I believe that He will keep me safe. I believe that He will either make it unnecessary for me to think about selling my place or make it possible for it to be sold or rented out if, for whatever reason (prayerfully marriage), I have to move out of my home. I have faith that if the dues go up, God will provide me with additional income to cover it or more wisdom over my current income to cover it. The bottom line is that, although sometimes we are hit with bad or unexpected news and it may seem that others are constantly approaching us with doom and gloom scenarios, nothing is suprising to God. We may be unprepared for what we face, but He is never unprepared. Our job is to have faith that He will come through for us in our time of need. Even if it gets to the, "Lord, if You had been here..." stage like it did with Martha and Mary, we have to know that God can work miracles, even when it seems all hope is lost. I know it's easy for me to say this because my issue, this time, was pretty benign, but we must have this faith even in the face of broken relationships, financial crises, bad health diagnoses, and spiritual turmoil. When I want to see one of God's greatest miracles, I don't need to flip through the pages of the Bible to find it; all I have to do is look in the mirror. I am living proof everyday that God is a miracle worker. So, don't let doom and gloom hinder your faith. Others may panic thinking that the sky is falling, but if the heavens are in fact coming down, that will just bring us closer to God. In the face of doom and gloom, remember that God is dependable and glorious! Ms. EV God is still speaking to me this week. Today, His provision was through Scripture, support, and a supplement. The Scripture is Romans 4:3-5 (MSG):
“What we read in Scripture is, “Abraham entered into what God was doing for him, and that was the turning point. He trusted God to set him right instead of trying to be right on his own.4-5 If you’re a hard worker and do a good job, you deserve your pay; we don’t call your wages a gift. But if you see that the job is too big for you, that it’s something only God can do, and you trust him to do it—you could never do it for yourself no matter how hard and long you worked—well, that trusting-him-to-do-it is what gets you set right with God, by God. Sheer gift.” “Trusting Him to do it is what sets you right with God…,” those words stood out to me as if God was whispering in my ear, “You cannot do this on Your own, just trust me.” Within hours of this revelation, several prayers were answered. They were answered in such rapid succession that I was overwhelmed. I was just trying to take in all that God was doing in a matter of moments. I was getting answers to prayers that I have been praying for months. I was overrun with God’s wisdom and so thankful. I am a huge believer in “be still and know that I am God,” but that doesn’t make it easy to wait for answers. But we don’t show our faith by jumping up and trying to make things happen for ourselves. We show our faith when we wait for God to work it out because we know that the job is too big for us. That is what sets us right with God. Upon receiving the support and supplement, I was tempted to move forward in my own direction. I was tempted to take the easy path, but that was a path that I had control over. So, I prayed for wisdom to do what was right with God’s blessing. And, for the first time in a long time, I received an immediate answer and I obeyed. I took the step of faith that I believe God was asking me to take and I am trusting that He will lead me in the right direction. I would be more specific, but, honestly, I don’t feel led to give the specifics right now. Just know that God hears you. He knows what you desire and what you need. And, when you trust Him to do the things that you know you cannot do and obey His Word and His promptings, He will provide. Being an introvert means that I am only outspoken when I am extremely passionate about something. Other than that, I am loud when I am in performance mode and when I am around the people with whom I am the most comfortable. Alternatively, I am quiet most of the time. I spend most of my time by myself, so it would be weird if I talked a lot. I am quiet when I am processing or thinking about something. I am quiet when I know that what I say will cause a confrontation because I hate confrontation (unless it is something about which I am extremely passionate). Most of what I say is in my head though, and although, other people cannot hear it, God knows exactly what I am saying.
The other day, I was reading a devotional and came across this verse in Exodus, “God will fight the battle for you. And you? You keep your mouths shut!” Exodus 14:14 (MSG). It was a slap in the face, but the good kind; the kind that wakes you up. It was akin to one of my favorite prayers, Lord, keep Your arm around my shoulder…and Your hand over my mouth. Our words are very powerful, and I try to choose mine wisely, but I know that I am guilty of using my tongue as a sword. I used to be quite proud of having that as a talent. I loved the fact that I never had to actually put my hands on people because I could do much more damage with my words. I know that is a flawed mindset, but it was my defense mechanism. Now, that I have become more careful with my words, I still find destructive speech goes on in my head. Sometimes, it is directed at other people. Sometimes, it is directed at me. And sometimes, though I am not proud to admit it, it is directed at God. When I read that verse, it reminded me that no matter what is going on in my life, God has the final say. He can and will fight all of my battles and win. My job is to shut my mouth, whether that means not saying something out loud or quieting the negative voices in my head. The verse was directed towards the most quintessential whiners in all of history: the post-Egypt, pre-Promised Land Israelites. Despite all of the times God had delivered them, they still complained every time even a hint of adversity appeared. Now, before we get all high and mighty and condemn their whining ways, let us remember, well at least I know I need to remember, that we do the same exact thing. God rescues us over and over again, even sometimes when we create the calamity, and yet, we have doubt when a new storm arises. So, this verse reminds us, while God is fighting, we just need to be quiet, listen to Him and let Him handle it. Remember, we have two ears and one mouth for a reason. Ms. EV As I was scrolling through Facebook statuses, I saw that one friend posted about pushing through adversity. Then, a few hours later, I noticed some posts from my oldest nephew about being disappointed and working harder, essentially pushing through rather than giving up. Though, I don’t know the situation my friend referred to and I do know the situation that my nephew referred to, both messages were inspiring. When, I combine that with the last few chapters of Acts that I have been reading and look at Paul’s perseverance through persecution, I am motivated to push through rather than lay down (even though laying down seems so much easier to do right now).
Many times in life we work very hard towards a goal and are then met with some sort of adversity. For example, I have been writing music for about eighteen years. This past summer, I decided, after a lot of pushing and prodding by others and prayers, to record some of my original music and make my first single available for sale online. I had gotten so much positive feedback about the message, the quality of my voice and the gifts that God with which God has blessed me, so I expected that “Worth Dying For” would touch hearts worldwide. I also expected that I would be able to raise the money to complete my debut CD. And, I had hoped that it would open doors for me to write music for other artists or have the opportunity to pay back my parents and record more music. Well, my Kickstarter project was not successful and I figured that it just was not the route that God had designed for me with my music. Then, when I got my first sales report two months after “Worth Dying For” was released internationally for sale through Amazon and iTunes, I discovered that ten copies of the song had been purchased (and I knew who had purchased four of the ten). No, that was not a typo…ten copies. I was crushed. Once again, I felt like I had listened to God’s prompting to go after my dream, yet the result felt like I had failed again. So, I decided to take a step back and just wait for God to show me what to do next. I am still in that waiting place and every day has not been pretty, but days like today, when communicates to me in so many ways and through so many people, I know that He is looking out for me and that He has my best interests in mind. Through my friend, God has assured me that I am not alone in facing adversity and that I need to keep pressing through it. Through my nephew, God has taught me to evaluate what I am doing and step up my game. I need to continue to work hard, but still have fun and just expect God’s best for me. Through Paul in Acts, God is teaching me that though I may face trials, though I may feel trapped or held captive, there is a purpose and a plan behind every trial. I am not giving up, but I am looking up…to the God with whom anything is possible. Ms. EV Earlier today, I could not find my mailbox key. I was on my way home and I thought, “I should check my mail because I haven’t checked it in a week.” (I don’t really get much mail, so I only usually check it once a week unless I’m expecting something). I parked the car, reached for the mailbox key in its normal spot and it was not there. I searched all over the place for the key. I cleaned out my car, looked all over the house, and no key. I thought about how I could get another one, but then I was discouraged about how long that could take and what it might possibly cost to replace the key. I prayed and asked God to help me find the key.
Frustrated, I came upstairs and decided to just get on with my routine, eat my snack, check my e-mail and take a nap. I figured the key would turn up somewhere. While I was getting my snack, I felt the urge to look in a basket that I keep on my refrigerator. In the bottom on the basket was a mailbox key. It was not the one I was looking for, but it was a mailbox key. Now, I can check my mail, and maybe just maybe, I will find a big, fat check in there. So, what is the point of all of this? For weeks, I have been fighting a dark loneliness that I could not seem to find my way out of. I tried to do several things to take my mind off of sadness and nothing worked. I would think that I was close to the end of the trial and feel knocked right back into the midst of it. I was getting frustrated and angry because I could not seem to pull myself out of this place. But, this week, I got back into my routine, and little by little, I started feeling better. Just like with the mailbox key, when I prayed and stopped looking all around, I found the other key. Well, this week, I stopped looking all around to find joy and just settled back into my life. I still don’t have what I have been waiting for, as I am still alone; nevertheless, I am filled with the things that work just as well if not better: peace and joy. So, I AM BACK! Thank You, Jesus! Ms. EV I have a ring that says, “If God brings you to it…He will bring you through it.” I thoroughly believe that. We live in a world that is not our home. It is a world that is sinful by nature, so life is not always easy. On this side of heaven, there will be disappointment, depression, disease and even, death. This doesn’t mean that God is any less in control. And when those situations come into our lives, it is just another opportunity for God to show His awesome power and His abundant love.
For example, last year, my grandmother, who was one of my best friends, passed away. I sat with her and talked with her while she was sick for months, hoping and praying for a miracle, but God did what was best for her and eased her pain. My pain from that loss was unlike anything I had ever gone through. So much so, that I didn’t think that I would ever heal. Then one day, a few months later, I woke up and no longer felt the hurt that had been pulling me down. I still have times of mourning, but God brought me through the rough part. Then, there are other times when I have to wonder if God brought me to “it” or if I got there on my own. I have been analyzing decisions left and right lately on every issue under the sun. There are times that I know I made a good, God-led choice initially, and then veered onto my own path and there are times that I just left God out completely. So, when we bring ourselves to it, will God still bring us through it? I believe He will because He knew the path we would take before we took it. It may not be the path He chose for us, but He has a way of working everything out because He sees all and He knows all and best of all, He loves His children. So, if God brings me to it, He will bring me through it and if I bring me to it, He can still bring me through it. Satan would have us dwell on everything we made crooked, but God wants us to watch Him make it straight. We just have to truly want to live and walk in His path. Ms. EV People sometimes think I am a grumpy person. I try not to be, but I know that I can have a very challenging personality. This is in part because I am an introvert and many times I am thinking about the issues in my life, having discourse with God or myself in my head, working through situations constantly. So, as the internal reflection takes place, the external result is that it looks like I am sad, annoyed, worried, or just plain mad. (I have never been able to hide what I am thinking; my face gives me away every time). During that time, I need to work through whatever it is that is going on in my head before I can interact with people fully. Therefore, if someone interrupts my process, they might see behaviors that would incline them to label me as aloof, arrogant, or antisocial. At least, those are the ones people have said to my face.
I am giving this explanation because lately there has been a shift in my focus. Rather than focusing on what I do not have or have not done, I am trying my best, with God’s help, to pursue my dreams. Not the ones that I thought I would do to get everyone’s attention, affection, and acclamation, but the ones that God gave me for His glory. Focusing on writing and singing for the glory of the Lord is taking up so much of my reflective process that I do not have time to focus on the instability of my career or the fact that I do not have the family I envisioned I would have at this point in my life. And, people are noticing a shift in my personality. It is somewhat embarrassing when people are scared because you are smiling. But, like the old song says, “Something on the inside is working on the outside; I feel a change in my life.” Am I perpetually joyful now as I pursue my dreams? Joyful, probably; happy-go-lucky and walking on rainbows, not so much. But, I am learning what the psalmist in Psalm 37 meant when he wrote, “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” I thought it meant pray, go to church and pay your tithes and you will get what you want. It means become so wrapped up in God that His desires for your life become yours. I still do not have a clue what God wants me to do as a writer and a singer, but, with each open door (and closed door), I am excited about the possibilities. God places dreams in our hearts; we can ignore them and pursue what we think we want or we can live the life He has planned for us. I promise when you do the former, you will always feel like something is missing. You may even project what you feel is missing on to other areas of your life: relationships, career, finances, etc. However, when you keep the dream alive, when you know in your spirit that you are living in God’s Will for your life, the concern, the worry, the emptiness dissipates and contentment sets in and you can ride the waves and go with the flow. Ms. EV There are days like today when I want to write, but I cannot think of what to say, so I go back to some things that I have not yet shared (hard to believe there are such things, right). In any case, this is a reflection brought about by a devotional from Girlfriends in God back in the very beginning of this year. The subject was about Psalm 46:10, "Be still and know I am God." Here are the questions that readers were given to ponder and my responses. I started responding to questions and at times ended up communicating with directly with God about them. I invite you to answer these questions for yourself. For me, they brought some clarity about where I was in that moment and how to move forward.
How good are you at "be still and know that I am God?" I know that God is God and I know that He controls everything in the Universe. I know that He made the Earth and everything in it. I know that He made Heaven and Earth, land and water, moon sun and stars, beasts on the earth, fowl of the air, fish in the waters, every plant, every molecule, every human being in His image. Maybe the fact that I am made in Your image is why I feel like I need to control everything, which leads to me not being still in situations. You, God, know all and see all, and I have the desire to do the same. Maybe that’s why it’s hard for me to be still and let things just play out. But, that’s not really showing faith. That’s not showing that I know You have your best plans for my life. I have to sit back and let You be You. I have plenty of evidence that I cannot and will not do a better job than You of controlling my life or the way that others think and act. When I think ‘be still,’ I used to think lazy, sit around, take a nap, take a load off, and I am not too shabby at those things. But, when I see ‘cease striving,’ that means something much different. Cease striving means stop trying to figure out what my purpose is and who I am supposed to be. It means stop trying to stockpile accomplishments and impress people. It means to rest in the life that You have given me right now and wait (I do not like that Word and You know it) for the next natural--or rather supernatural--progression. I wake up everyday with this desire to change my life, my world, my job, my home, my friends, so much so, that I don’t enjoy anything around me. And, that is not a testimony to how good You have been to me. And, that is a travesty because You have been more than good to me. You have been so amazing. And, I adore You and I am sorry for taking who You have been to me and what You have done for me for granted because it doesn’t look the way I think it should look. Have you ever felt God say those words to you? I feel that You are saying them to me right now. Stop striving. Stop surviving. Start thriving. Take a step back and enjoy where I am and stop trying to get to the next place. Stop listening to the voice (even if it is my own) that says I am supposed to be something or do something different. Life is not a to-do list, filled by accomplishing one goal after another; it is a journey with one goal, and that is to praise and please You. Being still: Easy? Hard? What do you think stands in the way? It is certainly easy to say and think I will be still while I am sitting in my house, in my pajamas basking in Your Glory. If and when I face the world later on, I do not know if I can stay in this place of peace and calm. As I said, I have a desire to feel ‘in control’ that is in direct conflict with my need to give up control. I mean I know giving up control doesn’t meant wondering mindlessly and aimlessly, but that’s what I did for a while, thinking it is what You wanted me to do. I keep thinking there is some formula, but I’m just going through the motions and waiting for you to change my life instead of being grateful for everyday and every moment of wisdom. I live for attention and acknowledgment, but praise and honor belong to You, not me. I know I cannot thrive without You because it involves facing my own insecurities, other people and Satan (although, I don’t think Satan can hold a candle to what I can do to my own self-image and self-esteem). I need You. I know that You are in my heart and You have been since I accepted You in my life. But, I have been acknowledging You and yet, living like You’re not there for way too long. This reflection actually inspired my song, "Living Like You're Not There." As I prepare to go into another school year, I think at times, I need to go back and reflect on the lessons I have learned so that I can be prepared for what may come. I certainly do not want to go back (see William McDowell, I Won't Go Back), but I will look back to press forward, stop striving and start thriving! Ms. EV 'Dear God, my Master, you created earth and sky by your great power—by merely stretching out your arm! There is nothing you can't do.” Jeremiah 32:17 (The Message)
This week is Vacation Bible School at our church, so as I study the lessons and the verses for the week, I am going to use them as the inspiration for this week’s blogs. Today, the portion of the memory verse that speaks the most to me is, “There is nothing You can’t do.” God can do anything; there is nothing too hard for God to handle. God created the heavens and the earth. He separated land from water. He spoke and caused plants of every variety to grow. He set the sun, the moon, and the stars in the sky. He orchestrated day and night, and each season of the year. He filled the oceans and the land with animals. He created man in His own image. He created woman out of man. And, that was just the beginning! So, why do we act as if our issues, our circumstances, our problems are too much for God to handle? Last week, in the blog, In ALL Things, I talked about trusting God in every circumstance in our lives, no matter how insignificant it may seem. But, we also have to trust that there is no situation in our lives that God cannot handle. Even when it seems overwhelming or insurmountable to us, God can work it out if we allow Him to have control. Therein lies the issue: control. Who is really in control of your life? I have to ask myself this question all the time. When doubt starts to creep in and when it feels like God is not moving fast enough, I am tempted to take over and do things my way, as if my problem is too hard for God and He needs my help. For example, it is no secret that I would like to be married and have children. At first, I gave myself until thirty to have however many children, I would have because I did not want to lack the energy necessary for my children’s adolescent years. As thirty passed, I extended the deadline to thirty-five, due to some cautionary words from my doctor. Well, I have to be married to have a baby (I realize that it is not impossible to have a baby without being married, but THIS GIRL needs to be married), so with the countdown to thirty-five looming ominously over my head, I held on to a relationship for way too long. Then, when it was over, I had even less time to date someone, get married and have babies, and the anxiety from constant thoughts about running out of time nearly threw me into a depression. So, I decided to give up on the idea of having a baby. If I no longer wanted to physically have a baby (I could always adopt a child), then the pressure to be in a relationship would decrease. I literally thought I could just snap my fingers, take control of my thoughts, and not want my own family, but the desire only disappeared temporarily. What I had done was place limits on God. I looked at the calendar, and I said, “Oh well, God can’t do this, so I will take control and help Him out by no longer making this request to Him. Now, I can get married whenever, and it will not matter.” I doubted God’s power, even though I have read of Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel, Hannah, Elizabeth; all of whom had their wombs opened by God when it seemed impossible. The solution was not to stop wanting the family I dreamed of; it was to start trusting that NOTHING is too hard for God. I will never purposely put the health of my child at risk, but if God wills for me to have husband and children, who am I to put time restraints on the Father of Time? In life, we will face challenges and obstacles that seem impossible to overcome. Maybe you are not dealing with relationship issues. Perhaps, it is a financial issue, a physical issue, or a spiritual issue. These issues are only impossible for you and I to overcome in our own power. They are not too hard for God; nothing is too hard for Him. Giving God all of the control does not mean that we just exist like amoebas floating through life. It means we make the conscious choice to live out everyday of our lives according to God’s Will, and to allow Him to be God. We do not get to tell God what to do, but we can ask Him for what we desire. And, as we grow closer to Him, our desires line up with His desires for our lives. This helps me to know that if I still desire something, as I sit at His feet, it will come to pass. It may not happen the way I thought it would; nevertheless, no matter what the situation may look like to us, there is NOTHING too hard for God. Ms. EV |
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