There are so many types of love. The way I love my fellow man should be agape love, which is unconditional. It is the kind of love that is described in 1 Corinthians 13, a patient, kind, humble love. This is the love that the other types of love are built from. Then, there is philia, the love between family and friends. This is the kind of love that makes you feel loyal to someone. There is also eros, this is love that extends beyond friendship. It is an intimate love, and intense desire that one feels towards another. And then, there is blind love. This kind of love is probably not really love. It is more of an offshoot of lust. It is not necessarily lust for physical contact with someone, but it could just be the lust for being in a relationship.
Blind love is dangerous. When we love someone giving no thought to what type of relationship that person has with Christ, how that person treats us and our loved ones, and the characteristics that he or she display that are clearly not in our best interests, we are setting ourselves up for failure. I have been in that place where I chose blind love and I really felt like I was in love with the person. I saw these people they way I wanted to see them and not for who they really were. You know, there is quote that says, “When someone tells you who they are, believe them!” No, blind love doesn’t believe in that. Blind love believes that one human being can love another human being hard enough to make significant changes that really only God can make. This is the type of love that usually leads to heartbreak and bitterness. Then, it becomes difficult to find a place between blind (and sometimes deaf) love and bitter contempt. When the people you love without abandon hurt you, it is not easy to feel like risking your heart again. As much as love can distort your vision, pain can destroy your vision. And, the distressing result of the contempt end of the spectrum is that it does not always limit itself to the person with whom you attribute the wound. Sometimes, the damage can be so severe that it affects everyone that you have ever loved or trusted. There has to be somewhere in the middle where we are not completely gullible in the face of romance or completely gutted in the face of rejection. Think about how God loves. He loves unconditionally, but there is a difference between unconditional love and blind love. God allows us to make our own choices for which there are consequences. We can be obedient and reap the benefits of being obedient. Or, we can be disobedient and face the results of our actions. God does not turn a blind eye to our faults, nor does He throw them in our faces; He allows us the opportunity to grow in Him. When we turn our backs on Him, He is says, “I’m still here.” He doesn’t walk away, but He doesn’t necessarily give chase or stalk us or hunt us down like we sometimes do to those we claim to love. He says, “I stand at the door and knock.” If we do not answer that is our choice. God does not burst through the door and drag us out kicking and screaming, singing, “And I am tell you…you’re gonna love Me!” He wants us to give a freewill offering of love. That is the difference between unconditional love and blind love. When we enter into a relationship with anyone, they have a place on our love spectrum. We have to ask, “Where is the love?" And, then be honest with the answer. If you are a Christian, you are commanded to love one another, so we should have agape love for everyone, but sometimes that is where it stops. Do not try to force a relationship into philia or eros for the sake of not being lonely. Trying to love someone in a way that is not meant for that relationship can be very damaging not only to the current relationship, but to future relationships. Ms. EV
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Yesterday, I heard that a young lady that I used to babysit got married. After getting over feeling old, I wanted to be excited for her; instead, my heart broke because, as I continued to listen to a description of who she married, I could tell that she had chosen a difficult path. I, being all too familiar with making a similar choice, knew that there was no way anyone would talk her out of the decision because once you dig your heels in and decide that you are going to choose the hard path, it is next to impossible for anyone to convince you otherwise. Hearing her story made me think about all of the times I have chosen to struggle.
Life is filled with enough difficulties that come from this world that there is no need to conjure up an unpleasant test in order to have a testimony. I am not sure where the notion came from that a person has to have been beat up by life in order to be a convincing witness for Christ. It causes me to wonder, when we choose to struggle, to take a path that we know is not ordained by God, to ride on the crooked road as opposed to the straight one, are we challenging ourselves or are we testing God so that we can testify? I do not know anyone’s story but my own. I know that God blessed me to grow up with married, saved, God-fearing parents who took me to church. They loved and supported my siblings and me in every endeavor we attempted. We grew up in beautiful homes in great neighborhoods. We never lacked anything we needed. We attended great schools that had plenty of books and excellent academic, arts and athletic programs. I was blessed with an ability to do very well in school without trying very hard. I was awarded scholarships to school. My life was almost perfect (and I only say almost because nothing is perfect this side of Heaven). I am not saying this to be boastful; all of these things were blessings from God that I know He did not have to give me. There was little to no struggle in my life and I praise God for that. But then in my late teens, I thought I was grown and I started making decisions that made my life harder than it ever had to be. I broke my vow of abstinence until marriage, I chose a college far from home, and then I chose to leave that college for all of the wrong reasons. God had rolled out the red carpet to my destiny, but I chose to struggle. I realize that some people do not struggle by choice. Some people are born into situations that are not ideal. Some people face crises with health and finances that they did not cause. That is not choosing to struggle. I do not claim to know why these struggles happen and how God chooses who faces certain challenges. I do know that there are tests of faith in the situations that are not of our choosing that can lead us into the greatness that God has for us. Let me put this in perspective, with the life of King David. Some struggles David faced were because God wanted to use David for His glory like facing off with Goliath and being chased by Saul. But, there are other struggles that David faced because he put himself in a bad situation like losing a child because of his dalliance with Bathsheba or be chased by Absalom because he had lost control of his children. When I say choosing to struggle, I am speaking of the latter challenges. Was David restored? Absolutely! God still loved David just like He still loves you and me when we make stupid decisions. I believe God when He says that there is nothing too hard for Him (Genesis 18:14). I also know that in context, that statement was made when God was speaking to Sarah about delivering her from barrenness, which was a struggle that she did not choose. We do not have to make life harder for ourselves to make our testimony believable. The most important part of the testimony is that God loves us enough that He gave His Son to die for us. That is true no matter what your life’s story happens to be. God can deliver you if you choose to struggle, but do you really want to live a life that is harder than what He has planned out for you? Ms. EV |
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