Well, since I talked about driving yesterday, I may as well stick with that theme today. There are a lot of lessons to be learned while you are driving. For example, my mom and I were headed out the other day and I was driving. We had to make a left turn out of her neighborhood. This left turn is not an easy turn to make because it seems that traffic is always flowing steadily past the neighborhood, leaving little to no room to get on to the main road. As we approached the exit of the neighborhood, my phone beeped, so when I got to the stop sign, I checked to see who it was and if I needed to return the message while I was safely stopped. The only issue was that when I looked down at my phone, I did not realize that the coast was clear to make that left turn, and, by the time I looked up, there were cars everywhere. My mom looked at me and said, “You missed your opportunity.”
We sat at the stop sign for what seemed to be a very long time, but were probably about five more minutes, waiting until the coast was clear again for a left turn. And, though we reached our destination in plenty of time, my mom’s words were stuck in my head, “You missed your opportunity.” This time, I missed it because I was distracted by my phone. But, because I only live a few minutes away from my parents’ house, there are many times when I am sitting at that intersection, needing to make that left turn, and I miss the chance to make it for another reason, like the fact that I am afraid of making left turns that are not at a light. So, it got me thinking, “How many times do we miss opportunities because we are too preoccupied or too petrified to see our opening?” These missed opportunities can occur in our dreams and goals, our relationships, and in sharing Christ. I once heard my pastor say, “Whatever breaks your focus becomes your master.” We can be on a path to greatness, but if we allow distractions into our lives, they can cause us to miss opportunities. Distractions come in many forms. Our thoughts can be distracting, which is why the Bible tells us to take our thoughts captive (2 Corinthians 10:5). I don’t know about anyone else, but I know that my mind is capable of coming up with all sorts of scenarios that are much worse than anything that would ever really happen. And, when I give in to those thoughts of self-pity, self-doubt, self-centeredness (notice a theme here), it does not take long before I have talked myself out of pursuing a dream or goal. Other people can be distracting. Either we focus on what others are doing and become envious of their successes, rather than being steadfast on the path that God has given us or we become so focused on other people’s issues that we stop pursuing on the dreams God has placed in our hearts. Sometimes, we are too focused on what others are telling us we should do instead of listening to God’s voice alone. The minute we take our eyes off of the end goal because of negative thoughts or negative interactions with people, we miss our opportunity. Fear is another reason we miss our opportunities. Fear is only as powerful as we allow it to be. I have missed plenty of opportunities because of fear. Looking back, as a child of God, fear has no place in my life because it is not something that God intends for His children to have (2 Timothy 1:7). When I was engaged to my ex-husband, my mom, who was and is much wiser than I am, implored me to reconsider my decision. Rather than listen to her and take that opportunity to take control of my destiny, I let fear rule. I feared that if I did not get married then, I would never get married. At that point in my life, being single forever was a fate worse than death and I could not allow that to happen. Though my marriage was short-lived, I stayed married longer than I should have because I feared what others might say or think about me. I let fear win and I missed the chance to go to law school a year earlier, and to have the entire experience as an unmarried person. I am positive that I missed some opportunities to build friendships and fully engage in my learning experience during that time because of a decision based on fear. Are there times when you have realized that you missed your opportunity? I recently had someone with whom I wanted to be in a relationship a long time ago make a comment about missing his chance with me. But, it is not just about relationships. How many times do we miss the chance to use our gifts because we are distracted? How many times do we miss the opportunity to pray for someone or tell someone about Christ because we are afraid of being dubbed a “Jesus freak?” We have to pay closer attention to God’s urging and make that turn when the coast is clear; knowing that He is not going to cause us to turn too quickly and get into an accident. However, when we miss the opportunity, He will let us sit and wait and think about it. The good news is that God is a loving God, and whatever He has for you is for you. So, even though I missed my first opportunity, I eventually made the left turn and reached my destination. In the same way, God will allow us to get to the prize that He has for us, if we will stay focused and fearless. Ms. EV
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I have a serious problem. I have been suffering with it for about eighteen years. I should probably consult my doctor and have her order some x-rays because I am sure that my right foot is made of lead. Or, at least that is what I am told. (If you don’t get the joke, keep reading, let it marinate, and it will come to you). For as long as I can remember, I have been driving, “with the flow of traffic.” I have even picked on my dad because he so vigilantly obeys the rules of the road. In fairness, I have only ever driven a Corolla and a Sentra. If you have ever driven those cars, then you know that you only know you are speeding if you are looking at the speedometer because the ride is so smooth.
In college, my friends and I went on a trip and in our haste to get there, the driver (not me) sped through a construction zone and we got pulled over. I felt horrible because the ticket was going to be very expensive. So, I put on the performance of my life with tears, fake illness, the works, and we got out with a warning. After college, I got four speeding tickets over about a yearlong time period. I tried the tears on three of the four occasions, but it didn’t work. I had to go to driver’s school to get the points off of my license. Then, on my bar application, I had to put the details of my traffic violations, and once that was submitted, if I got another ticket, I would have to pay to amend the application. So, I changed my ways. I kept speeding, but I was much more observant about where the police officers were hiding. And, that worked until a few nights ago. I was on my way home from a hallelujah good time at an open mic night, and I drove past a police officer with someone pulled over and continued on my way home, as always, driving with the flow of traffic. Then, I saw a car pull up fairly close behind me and the lights came on with just enough siren to get my attention. I thought, “Surely he is not pulling me over for speeding. Maybe my taillight was not properly fixed or something.” My heart started racing and my palms started sweating. I rolled down the window to find a very stern looking police officer, who probably thought I was much younger than I am because my eyes started tearing as soon as he began to explain to me why he pulled me over, which was speeding and not giving enough space for the officer on the side of the road. He took my license and I started praying because I truly did not know the rule that I broke and I had not paid attention to my speed, so I was not speeding purposely. I got a very firm talking to and a warning, praise God, because who wants a $300-$400 ticket. I was still shaking the entire 2 blocks to my house (yes, I was that close to home). I thought, “Lord, I am thankful that you softened this officer’s heart.” Then, I began to wonder why he let me off with a warning. Maybe it was because he saw my God Belongs In My City t-shirt. Maybe it was the tears. Then, the fleshly side of me voiced the opinion that he didn’t have any proof of exactly how fast I was going because he hadn’t actually clocked me. Nevertheless, when it comes down to it, I didn’t approach the situation with the attitude that he needed to show my evidence of my wrongdoing. Instead, I had a sincerely contrite heart and the officer, and God, showed me mercy. So, what is the point of all of this? This incident taught me a lesson about my attitude towards rules. In this world, we have laws and rules, but more important than that, God gives His children boundaries. Our attitude towards those boundaries can determine how prosperous our lives are. (By the way, if we follow all of God’s commands, there will be no problem keeping man’s laws). Our attitude about rules stems from how we look at rules. I will take the traffic laws, for example, I usually see the speed limit as a flexible guideline. Sure, it says limit, but as long as you are driving safely and not harming anyone else, what is the big deal with breaking the rules. This is the same attitude with which people approach premarital sex, overindulgence in food and drink and many other sins. When God tells us not to engage in these activities, it is for our spiritual, emotional, mental and physical well-being. He is not calling us to adapt His commands to our own lifestyle. Sometimes, I look at the rules of the road as frustrating annoyances. I do not just get in my car to drive around. I have places to go and people to see and anything that slows my pace is annoying. Does this sound familiar at all? Why do I have to yield to other drivers? Or slow down at a yellow light? Or drive ten miles an hour so that other people can rubberneck at an accident? Many times I just wish I had a teleporter to get me from one place to another. At times, we view God’s boundaries as frustrating annoyances, too. It is as if we think God is holding out on us. And that is literally the oldest trick in the book. It is the same philosophy that the serpent used to deceive Eve in the garden. God is not going to keep anything good from us. He already has given and still continues to give us more than we deserve. All He asks for is that we show our love through obedience. God’s boundaries are not flexible guidelines or frustrating annoyances, they are fervent protection. As my uncle, Rev. Paige, said yesterday in his sermon, “God loves us too much to allow us to sin successfully.” If our attitude about rules becomes one of gratitude for protection from dangers seen and unseen, then we will gain a whole new perspective on how much God loves us. I work with children, they beg for boundaries, not literally, of course, but it is very obvious that they thrive on knowing that I will give them guidelines to lead them in the right direction. We need boundaries to show us the right direction for our best lives. And the sooner, we embrace an attitude of thankfulness that God cares enough to lead us in the right direction, the sooner we will fully enjoy our life’s journey. Ms. EV A couple of weeks ago, I realized that it had been four years; four years since I chose man over God and tried to win back the man I thought was the love of my life with the only weapon I felt I had: my body. That encounter launched a much deeper warfare than the one I thought I was fighting. God is very clear that if you are not married, you are not to engage in sexual activity. But, I don’t know if we truly understand the consequences of an act of sexual defiance as a single person. It is not just about not getting pregnant or not contracting a disease, this is about our spiritual well-being.
I will always regret my decision to forego my plans of remaining pure for marriage and begin a physically intimate relationship that I was not emotionally, mentally, or spiritually ready to handle. The chasm that was opened by that one decision led to years of feeling empty and searching for a man to fill a void, using whatever tactics I deemed to be necessary. This led to my marriage to the wrong person at the wrong time and my subsequent divorce. Then, after a brief fit a rebellion after my divorce, I thought I had a handle on the situation. I made a deliberate choice of abstinence. And, I was confident in my decision. I was seeing life more clearly and enjoying my relationship with Christ more fully until I met someone who talked about marriage and children on the first date. After establishing a relationship with him that I thought was bound to last forever, I turned my back on the promises I had made to God and I resumed old habits. Looking back, I think I fought so hard for that relationship because I did not want my defiance to be in vain. It was as if I felt like if we got married, then everything we did before we got married didn’t count anymore. But, we didn’t get married. And, I was crushed once again by the very same weight of guilt and shame that God tries to keep us from experiencing when He says to wait until marriage. Many times we view sex as a “little” sin; it is, according to our rationalizations a victimless crime, so to speak. The last four years of abstinence were not the result of a dry spell. I have not dated anyone or been in a relationship, but that does not mean that I have not had the opportunity to make a poor decision. I mean, no offense, but I am kind of hot and if I wanted it, I could get it. As many times as I have messed up, I feel that I finally understand why God makes this command. He is not trying to hold something beautiful back from us. If you will wait on Him to send you the right person, once you are married, you will get to experience the true beauty of a physically intimate relationship. I am not going to say that it is an easy choice, but it is the right one. And, thank God, when I am struggling, He gives me encouragement through Scripture that helps me stay the course: “There's more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, "The two become one." Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never "become one." There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for "becoming one" with another. Or didn't you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don't you see that you can't live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.” 1 Corinthians 6:16-20 (The Message) Choose to obey God. That is never the wrong choice. Ms. EV I once heard Joyce Meyer pose the question, “If Christianity were a crime, would there be enough evidence to convict you?” Now, last year, those of us who followed the Casey Anthony trial saw just how important evidence is to getting a conviction. Though, the “court of public opinion” had already convicted Ms. Anthony, twelve jurors could not find conclude, based on the evidence presented by prosecutors that she was guilty. Think about it. Does your life give witness to your commitment to Christ? This is not just about who the public sees; this is about who you are when only God is watching.
Sometimes we live our lives as if Sunday is the only day that matters. We live however we want to live Monday through Saturday, but when Sunday rolls around, it is time to get everything right with God. You know the routine. At dusk, you roll over to the person who is not your spouse and tell him or her, “You don’t have to go home, but you have to get the (fill-in-the-blank) out of here! I’m going to church!” That person cannot be in your bed when the sun comes up on Sunday morning because, at times, we act like Sunday is the only day that God can see what we are doing. Once the bed is clear, we try to get some sleep, so we can stay awake in church, and be sure to give our loudest “Amens” and “Hallelujahs.” Then, we get dressed, get in the car, turn from The Beat or I Heart Radio to The Light or PURE Radio, and head to church. At church, we sing we clap our hands, and we take notes on the sermon. We live our Sunday life as holy as possible; no drinking (even though the game is on), no fussing (even if people cannot drive), no cussing (even if it is the only way to express the intensity of what you are saying) because we are remembering the Sabbath and keeping it holy. Maybe this is not your Sunday. For several years it was my Sunday. I felt like I could make up for a week’s worth of living like God didn’t exist with one day of repentant faithfulness. Perhaps, it is not literally Sunday living that you display. But, be very honest with yourself. Do you live as though God is aware of everything that you do 24/7/365? Is there enough evidence in your life to show that you are a Christian? God wants our best every single day. It is no different than what we want from the people who claim to love us. As Destiny’s Child said, “Say my name, say my name, when no one is around you, say baby I love you if you ain’t running game?” Are we trying to run game on God by putting forth a half-hearted public display of love? We would not accept that from our loved ones. Why should He accept it? We are human and we will make mistakes, but that is not an excuse to keep making the same mistakes over and over or to only live as a witness part-time. One time, my best friend and I were boarding a flight to New York. It had been a long morning. The flight was crowded. As we boarded, people kept stopping to put bags in the overhead bins, which was really annoying because they would stop and then the person behind you runs into you because that person is not paying attention. So, at some point, I started mumbling something or other under my breath in frustration. I really do not remember what I said. I honestly do not think that I cursed, but there is a possibility that I did or that the tone of what I said sounded like I did. In any case, a woman who was already seated made a comment about my griping. And so, I looked at her sweetly, and said, “Thank you for pointing that out to me. I really appreciate your candor in helping me walk according to the Word of God and the life that He would have me live.” NOT! (But I wish I had). I actually said, in a very mind-your-business-lady tone, “I didn’t curse!” because that made my behavior not seem as bad. To which, she replied, “Oh! I misheard you. I was admiring your necklace and I thought I heard you saying something, but I love your necklace.” The necklace to which she was referring was one with a cross pendant on it. It matters not what I actually said that day, so stop trying to figure it out. What mattered was that my attitude did not match the profession of faith around my neck. The physical evidence that day of my grumbling had outweighed the circumstantial evidence of my choice in jewelry. God, and everybody else, is watching us all the time. So, it is not even enough to have a public persona that looks guilty of a Christ-led life; we must also have behind the scenes evidence of our faith. Communication is the key to any relationship. Do you talk to God? Do you listen to what He has to say? Do you know what He has already said in His Word? If we say we are Christians, then we must show that we are Christians every day, all the time. It is not easy to commit fully to Christ when it means we have to change some of our habits and routines, but I am positive that suffering a crucifixion was not easy for Christ; yet He did it before we had even accepted Him. We, who proclaim Christ as Lord, should have enough evidence for an open-and-shut case on the charge of Christianity. Ms. EV I love the fact that my nephews and niece are athletes; I am unapologetically unathletic (that’s not really a word, but it was good alliteration), nevertheless, I love watching sports. There are so many life lessons to be gained from what happens on the field, court, course or track. I was watching the older boys play basketball and one of their teammates was defending a player on the other teams. While the referees in this game were a little whistle-happy, this player was giving his opponent way too much space to operate with the ball. I kept saying, “Go get it. Take the ball!” And then, I said, “You can’t just stand back and wait for it to come to you, GO GET IT!” That’s when the light bulb turned on over my head. I mean, I listen to Mary Mary’s, “Go Get It,” all the time; it is one of my get-hype songs, and in that moment, the message was just louder and clearer. The life you want isn’t just going to come and knock on your door and invite itself in; get up and make it happen.
Many times we sit back and watch the devil play with our lives. Sure, we are defending him, but we are giving him way too much space to operate. We sit back just hoping that he makes a mistake or we catch him off guard and we can get back on track. Or, maybe Satan isn’t toying with you; you are just too scared to make a move. You can’t just wait for something good to happen; in the words of Mariah Carey, “Make it happen!” (Can you tell I love music?) My best friend is so good at this and she really inspires me. While most people make excuses about what they can and cannot do, including me, she sets her mind to a goal, and then she does whatever it takes to achieve that goal. She is not reckless, but she is also not one to sit back and dream while not doing anything. The key to her success at fulfilling dreams is that she listens to God and walks in faith. Another person who inspires me to go and get what God has for me is a student at our high school. He had a promising basketball career ahead of him last year until he was struck by a car while riding to school on a scooter. He was put in a medically induced coma and doctors prepared his family for the worst. When he woke up, the medical professionals did not have high hopes for him, but he did and his family did. They did not wait around for a doctor to heal him. His brother helped him rehabilitate. I have seen this young man go from a hospital bed, to a wheelchair, to a walker, to a cane. Now, he can take steps on his own and his goal is to learn to run again. I have no doubt that he will achieve it. I have many friends who are starting their own businesses and they are successful. It did not happen overnight. They each have their own story, but they are all go-getters. And there is no reason that any child of God cannot be a go-getter. You may ask, “What am I supposed to be doing?” Alright, here goes, I am going to let you in on a little secret…I DON’T KNOW. I have no idea what you should be doing. I just figured out what my dreams are and how to press forward no matter what trusting that God will make a way. What are your passions? What makes you upset? What makes you cry? What do you complain about that needs a solution? Those issues that concern you are the places where God can use you (I got that nugget of wisdom from my pastor). God is powerful and faithful; He is also loving enough that He will not enable us. He will not do for us what we can do for ourselves. This is not a quit your job, rent a Winnebago and see the world blog. Let’s not be ridiculous. Just stop saying why you can’t do something and start thinking of ways that you can. If God wills that it becomes your career, then it will happen. Maybe it is not meant to be your career and is only meant for a certain season of your life. Again, I do not know what God has for you. I do know that we, as Christians, must stop sitting on the sidelines waiting for life to come to us. God wants to use you and me in a mighty way for His glory. The blessings already exist In the words of Mary Mary, “It’s Your TIME!” Actually, it is always “your time,” if you are a child of God. The question you have to ponder is, “Are you doing what God has for you to do with your time?” Ms. EV The twenty-eighth chapter of Deuteronomy has sixty-eight verses and is divided into two parts. The first part, the first fourteen verses, talks to the Israelites, God’s chosen people, about the benefits of being obedient to God. The Message Bible says it this way, “If you listen obediently to the Voice of God, your God, and heartily obey all his commandments that I command you today, God, your God, will place you on high, high above all the nations of the world. All these blessings will come down on you and spread out beyond you because you have responded to the Voice of God, your God.” It goes on to list the promises of God that come with obedience, which include being blessed everywhere in everything you do, always being in front and never behind, and being protected from all enemies. Those fourteen verses cover any and every blessing a person could desire. The only requirement is obedience to the voice of God.
The next 54 verses, almost four times as many as the first part, go on to explain God’s promises to Israel if they chose disobedience. This is not a simple, “Do wrong and bad things happen,” kind of explanation. God went to great lengths to elucidate, in specific detail, the potential harm that comes from disobedience. What did the Israelites choose? Well, as my pastor so eloquently put it Sunday, the Israelites were in a “constant cycle of disobedience, discipline, despair and deliverance,” all throughout the Old Testament. Even with over fifty verses of reasons that they should not choose disobedience, they kept finding themselves stuck in these curses. You, like me, are probably saying to yourself, “What were they thinking?” I mean, did they not see that God was serious? How could they not believe the One who delivered them out of Egypt? With all the miracles God had performed, how could they still doubt who He was? Now, before we get all high and mighty, holy-roller, we should take a good look in the mirror before we turn up our noses at the behavior of the Israelites. Those of us who are saved, we are God’s chosen people. Yes, we chose salvation, but before we chose salvation, God loved us enough to choose us to be His children. So, we accepted that invitation and now what? Well, first off, let me say that after having looked through the verses of curses, I am so glad I was born in the age of grace. But, grace does not mean a license to sin. It is not a “Get Out of Jail Free” card. Jesus gave up His life so that we could experience grace, which means that we receive blessings we do not deserve. And, grace’s best friend, mercy, means that we do not get the curses that we do deserve. Yet, many times we, just like the Israelites, live as though God does not exist. We take the blessings for granted. Just because the blessings took up only a quarter of the chapter, it does not mean that they were insignificant. Those blessings covered everything the Israelites would need and God promises His children today that we are already blessed with everything we need. There is no magic formula on how to receive blessings. If you are saved, you already have the blessings you need; just be obedient. But, rather than live in the beauty of those blessings, we focus on what we want and when we want it. It’s not that we cannot have the desires of our hearts, but in order to get them, we need to listen to the voice of God. Sometimes, God leads us in a way that we do not understand, but that does not mean that we should go off on our own and discover our own paths of disobedience. And then, look around all confused and ask God how we ended up in the mess in which we find ourselves. If we choose the curses, we should not be surprised by our circumstances. However, if we choose the blessings, we will never cease to be amazed at how God works in our lives. Ms. EV A few months ago, I mentioned that I went to an audition. Only a handful of people knew at the time where I was going because I learned from the story of Joseph that sometimes it’s best to keep your dreams within your circle of trust. Now that it is over and has been over for quite some time and the first episode has aired, I can reveal that the audition was for the show, Sunday Best.
I had been encouraged by several people to step out and audition for this type of opportunity, so I prayed about it and God did not tell me not to do it. Looking back, I am not sure if He told me to do it, but I am sure that there was not a “No” involved. I may have mentioned this before, but I do not like to go to auditions or job interviews because there is always the looming possibility of rejection. At least in my theatre days, I knew what the audition process would entail. In this particular instance, I had no idea what to expect. I sat in the freezing cold in a lawn chair for eleven hours, surrounded by strangers. I tried to sleep, but the audition, the anticipation and the anxiety of being in the midst of so many unfamiliar faces kept me awake the entire time. When the line finally started moving, I was excited, but weary. I signed an agreement saying that I would not reveal the process, so I will honor that and just tell about my experience. I got less than half a minute to sing. I got complimented by the judges on my enthusiasm. And, then I was sent on my way. It was a very humbling experience when that door closed. Last night, I watched the first episode, and I just had to thank God. First of all, I was proud of myself for watching the show because I had vowed as I left that day that I would not. Of course, that was the hurt feelings speaking at the time and part of growing in Christ is having joy for others when they reach their goals. I was also grateful that God gave me the ability to show Him how much His gift means to me. I was glad I did not stick have to around for the rest of the process because I was dead tired (and maybe a little delirious). And, after watching the auditions last night, I realized that even if I had made it to the final round to sing for Yolanda, Donnie and Kim, they would have cut me, which would have been even more heartbreaking. They told at least two prospects that their voices were better suited for theater. I know they would have said the same about me because the only formal vocal training I have comes from being in theatrical productions. I think that most of us have heard that when God closes a door, He opens a window. Sometimes we need doors slammed in our faces because that is the only way God can keep us on the right track, and then, we can live out God’s purposes for our lives. If I had been on the show, I do not know how far I would have made it on the show. Sure, it would have been nice for people across the country to hear me sing; however, because God gave me this talent, as long as I perform for the audience of One, I am using His gift for His glory. If I had been on the show, I still would not know what my voice sounds like. I know that sounds weird because, obviously, I know what my voice sounds like, but would not have been able to sing the music that I write. I would have been emulating other artists and my true voice would still be undiscovered. It was only through recording some of my songs that I was able to finally hear my sound. Speaking of recording, if I had been on the show, I would not be recording music right now. Even if I had won the whole thing, I would be signed to a label that would have control of my sound and my image. I believe that God wanted to be sure that He, and He alone, had dominion over my sound, my image and my life. God has allowed me to have an experience that made rejection less terrifying. He has allowed me the opportunity to shine in a room full of people in a way that I would never have imagined, given my introverted nature. Closed doors are blessings, too. Whether the door is closed on a career, a relationship or a dream, it has closed for a reason and God knows what is best. Never give up on your dreams because of a closed door. Instead, reflect on what you learned when the door slammed as you crawl out of the window and keep pressing toward the mark. Ms. EV I should be well aware by now that as soon as things start moving in a positive direction, the darts will start being hurled my way. Sometimes it is hard to tell if the negative thoughts originate from my own insecurities or if they are merely a manifestation of the cowardice of an enemy who knows he has no standing. Whatever the source, I still have difficulty dealing with feeling lonely from time to time. So, I am writing this as an encouragement to myself in hopes that it will lift up someone else as well.
One thing I know for sure is that I am not alone. I am assured of that fact by God’s Word. Nonetheless, it would be nice to have someone to whom or with whom I could come home. Most of the time when I think this, it is because I have had a rough day and need a little sympathy. But, even in the good times, well, especially in the good times, it would be nice to have someone with whom I could celebrate. I am not in any way diminishing the comfort and peace that God gives me or the spiritual pats on the back that I can feel from within my soul. However, God Himself said, “It is not good for man to be alone.” And, I am pretty sure He meant that for women, too. I just have to thank God because this is no longer a daily struggle (Oh, who am I kidding…an hourly struggle). There are a limited number of times when I feel sucker-punched by the lonelies. There are even less times when it results in tears. So, as much as I am sure my old nemesis wants me to have a full on Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam “All Cried Out” moment, I know that I just need to go to my Daddy and sit at His feet and let Him console me. No one will ever fill the empty spaces of my life like He can. And, when the time is right, He will send me someone to come home to. Ms. EV I was up to my eyeballs in chocolate over the last couple of days for a catering job that required a cake with chocolate frosting. I needed melted chocolate for the frosting recipe, so I read the directions. Melting chocolate, for anyone who does not know, is an art form. You have to have exactly the right temperature and you cannot leave the chocolate by itself to melt. It must be stirred at exactly the right time, but not too much or it won’t break down properly. Well, it was late at night and I did not want to be up until the wee hours of the morning, so I saw on the side of the package that you could microwave the chocolate to melt it. Perfect! I read the instructions, got the microwave-safe bowl, put the chocolate bars in, set the timer, and pushed the START button.
About half way into the cooking time, which was calculated correctly, I smelled something burning. I looked and saw smoke billowing in the microwave. Tears started to fill up in my eyes because, if this chocolate was ruined, money would have been wasted, not to mention I was going to have to go to the store late at night and get more chocolate. I took a deep breath and looked timidly in the bowl to find that one block of chocolate had burned to a crisp. There it sat black a charcoal, but it was right on the top, so I was able to scoop it out and use the beautifully melted chocolate beneath it. It only took about half the time the box had instructed for this chocolate to melt. So, I made the frosting, and taste-tested it, of course, and it was divine. As I was spreading the frosting though, I found a little chunk of the burned chocolate, so I pickup that up and tasted it, too. YUCK!!! It was bitter. I was glad to have found it because I did not want any of the guests to each it, as it would have ruined the whole cake, which was delicious. So, why am I giving a thesis on chocolate? I love chocolate, especially dark chocolate, mainly because of all the antioxidants and health benefits. Yeah right! Chocolate tastes good and it makes me feel better when I am down, which is why I was shocked to discover how bitter it becomes when it is not handled properly. We are the same way. Each of us has our own set of instructions. God knows exactly the right temperature to let things heat up in our lives. He never leaves us alone when the heat is on us. He knows exactly when to stir things up in our lives, so that He can properly break down the parts of our lives that we need to be rid of and use us in our best form for His glory. Instead, we want what we want when we want it. Well, at least I do. I do not like it when situations turn up the heat on my life, especially, if I have to endure the heat for too long, and I definitely am a creature of habit who does not like for things to be stirred up around me. So, what do I do, I (and probably you) look for shortcuts. How can I get the result that I want without going through as much trouble? We look for the path of least resistance. And, sometimes that path seems to work, giving us a false sense of security about who is really in control. Other times, we rush our lives and take a turn that God never wanted us to take, which may leave us feeling burned and useless. We try to move forward from the hurt (sometimes caused by our own actions). But, when we try to clean up the mess, we can only remove what we can see on the surface. And sure, everything looks fine and is going well until we get spread a little too thin. Then, you can start to see the little chunks of mess that are left behind. If we don’t remove them, they will affect our whole entire being; our spiritual, mental and emotional health. Because these little leftover pieces of pain are bitter, and I don’t know if you have ever had something bitter, but it does not take much too ruin your pallet for whatever is coming next. So, rather than enjoy the assignment, relationship, or blessing God has for us, we are still reeling from when we tried to take a quicker route to what we desire. The bottom line is that we have to trust God. We have to live out His process because He knows so much more than we will ever know about our future. I don't know about you but I don't want any little chunks of chocolate bitterness in my life. I kept thinking to myself that I followed the instructions and I made the right calculations, so I did not understand why it did not work out. All I can surmise from that it that there is a good way to do things and there is a right way to do things. A lot of people feel that if they are good they will be blessed and go to Heaven. And, while they may be respected and get what they want on this side of Heaven, there is more to salvation and living for God than just being good. The right way to live and be saved, the only way to Heaven is to admit you are a sinner, believe in the risen Savior, Jesus Christ and confess Him as your Lord. So, being good may get you the results you want temporarily, but being right with God, will get you those results and so much more eternally. Ms. EV True Freedom
I love this country! As a the daughter of two Navy veterans and a government teacher, though I know we have out flaws, I cannot think of a better place to live on this side of Heaven than the land of the free and the home of the brave. I am grateful for everyone who has ever fought for the freedom that we have here in America. However, on this day when we celebrate independence, freedom and liberty, I am reminded that true freedom comes from knowing and loving God. The Bible says, that “where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty!” So, enjoy this Independence Day! I pray that you are surrounded by family, friends and love, but don’t forget from whence true freedom comes. As I go to celebrate with my family, I will leave you with an excerpt on the value of freedom from my essay, Am I Going to be Single Forever: Sustained IN God’s Liberating Embrace – i. Liberated from Control – Have you ever tried to control every situation and person in your life? I have. And, I did it with the best of intentions because outside of God’s way, I consider my way of handling life to be the next best thing. Honestly, if more people would listen to my advice and more situations would work out my way, the world would be a better place. I only want what is best for everyone (especially me), but alas, being right all the time can be exhausting. Even worse, realizing that no matter how right you are (or think you are) that people are going to do what they feel like doing can be heartbreaking. So, I have decided to leave the whole “control” thing up to the Expert. Ecclesiastes 7:13-14 says, “Accept the way God does things, for who can straighten what he has made crooked? Enjoy prosperity while you can, but when hard times strike, realize that both come from God. Remember that nothing is certain in this life.” It’s not that I’m going to walk around like some mindless zombie everyday and just let life happen to me, but I am going to do my best to live everyday in God’s will. I am going to let Him handle all of the people and circumstances of my life. I am surrendering. I am throwing in the towel. God has shown me that if I give every area of my life to Him, He will take care of me. Matthew 6:33 states, “But seek first His kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Everything that I need is provided to me by God. Yes, I go to work, but God provided me with that job and with the common sense to budget my money well. But God also provides me with the intangibles like peace and joy, even in times when it seems I should have none. I have learned, often the hard way, to give up control, because those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength, soar on wings like eagles, run and not grow weary, and walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31. The Bible promises me that. And, my lack of control is liberating. I no longer feel like a victim if I face a setback. Instead, I know that God is setting me up for a comeback. I longer have to feel crushed when others people do not follow my instructions because it’s not me they are sinning against, it is God. What does any of this have to do with being single? Well, for me, God has shown me how liberating giving up control can be because I have tried to manipulate every man that I have ever been involved with and every relationship I have ever had to make things go my way. I am writing a book on being single forever, so you can see how well that has worked out for me. Giving up control to God while single or in a relationship is freeing. He says, Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10. So, if I am following God’s will, then I know that I am in the situation that is best for me at this point in my life. It probably will not work out the way I would have worked it out, but thank God for that. ii. Liberated by Communication and Correction – Why aren’t we all robots? We could be robots and God could have his master controller to make us do whatever He wants us to do. If we would just follow His instruction, there would be no sickness, no pain, no murder, no divorce, no abuse, no war, and the list goes on and on. It would be a perfect world. I personally desire this sometimes. Rather than watch me make mistakes, I wish God would just not allow me to venture outside of His will. That is not how God works though. God is a loving Father, not a maniacal overlord. For those of us who are His children, He communicates His will, not His suggestion, but His will, a.k.a. the right way to live our lives. Then, when we make a mistake, He allows us to experience the consequences, but He does not cut us off. He still embraces us and if we repent, He forgives us every time. So why does it sometimes feel like I am hemmed up by all of my past mistakes? Aren’t my mistakes in relationships and dating the reason I am single now? I honestly do not know why I am single, but I do know that God loves me and would not use my singleness to remind me of every mistake I have ever made. He does not have to do that because I am so adept at beating myself up and placing myself in emotional bondage. Forgiveness of sin is not a license to continue to sin, but the Bible says, “… where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.” 2 Corinthians 3:17. So, as a saved woman, I know that the Spirit dwells within me and He brings liberty and freedom into my life. God gives us the Holy Spirit to illuminate His Word and show us the right path, but He also gives us the freedom to choose to take that path. It feels much better to know that I chose to take the correct path, rather than being forced to take the correct path, but there is also liberty if I choose the wrong path. The shed blood of Jesus guarantees me freedom from sin; it does not mean I will not sin, but that once my sin is forgiven, I am not in bondage to sin. The bondage, the guilt, and the shame are of my own doing. However, God’s loving communication through the Holy Spirit corrects me and gives me the liberty and the freedom to make the right choices in similar situation and learn from past mistakes. iii. Liberated in my Current Circumstance – Why are you still single? When are you getting married? Don’t you think you should start a family soon? I am often in awe of what some people assume is there business. My single status, for example, seems to fascinate and intrigue people. “Don’t you want to get married,” they say. I have come up with several clever retorts to these statements. · Of course, I want to get married, but the state psychiatric hospital won’t clear me for that level of human interaction. · I can’t seem to meet someone because they only let me out of the watchtower for work and church. · Every time I meet someone, they can’t seem to get over the fact that I turn into a wildebeest after midnight. Of course my mother does not let me use any of these replies, but I do have a standard, acceptable answer that I find to be true: “God has not sent me a husband yet.” And, it really is just that simple. I have learned, after several attempts at “independence,” that God’s way is truly the best way. I have also learned that when I trust Him with any circumstance, He works it into something beyond my wildest imagination. So, I am waiting on God. I believe that I am right where God desires for me to be right now. And, I have peace about it. Isaiah says, “You will keep in perfect peace [her] whose mind is steadfast, because [she] trusts in you.” Isaiah 26:3. God is far more trustworthy than I am, so if He has not changed my circumstance it is because His will for my life in this moment is that I am single. There was a time in my life, not so long ago, that when someone asked the aforementioned questions, I would break down and cry. I felt that people were just trying to be cruel and I couldn’t understand why God, who I know loves me, would allow such inconsiderate discourse. Did people really believe that it was acceptable to pry into my personal life like this? Did people really feel that it was not rude or inconsiderate to treat me like a second-class citizen? I am a smart, attractive woman and if I wanted to marry anyone, I could, but I’ve been there and done that and I have the divorce decree to prove it. I do not just desire to be married. I desire to live the life that God wills and desires for me to have. One day, a woman said to me, “So, now that you have a cat, does that make you an old maid?” I laughed. My mom heard the comment and was braced for a full-blown breakdown, which I was entitled to, but there was no such reaction. I just laughed and left the room. I did pray that the woman would realize that her comment was not appropriate, but I knew that she meant no harm. And, just like that, I had peace about my circumstance. Now, when people ask me about my non-marital status, I do not cry or pout or leave the room. I have been set free from the chains of societal expectations. The only expectations that matter are those that God has for me. iv. Liberated through Contentment – If I truly believe that God is who He says He is, how can I not accept where I know He has placed me? This is my life right now. This may be my life forever. A single woman with people constantly looking at me with their scrutinizing eyes trying to figure out what is wrong with me. Why wouldn’t others do that? I do it. I have spent so much of my life trying to change who I am to make a relationship work. I often called “bettering myself.” For what? Or rather, for who? I became so caught up in trying to be the person that I thought everyone else in my life wanted me to be that, at a certain point, I had no idea who I was. The only one worth changing for is God. That is the only relationship I need to concern myself with perfecting. Knowing that as I press into Him and seek to be more like Him, He will take care of my every need is liberating. I can just live my life, whatever that happens to consist of, at any given moment and trust that God will take care of me. In doing so, I bring Him glory. Complaining doesn’t bring Him glory, nor does it make me feel any better, but contentment with faith and trust that I am God’s heir and He has my best interests in mind is pleasing to Him and encouraging to others. “So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” John 8:36. I am free. I am free from control, free by corrective communication, free in my circumstances, and free through contentment because I am Sustained IN God’s Liberating Embrace. |
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