Last year, around this time, I went to an audition. Only a handful of people knew at the time where I was going because I learned from the story of Joseph that sometimes it’s best to keep your dreams within your circle of trust. Now that it is over and has been over for quite some time and the first episode has aired, I can reveal that the audition was for the show, Sunday Best.
I had been encouraged by several people to step out and audition for this type of opportunity, so I prayed about it and God did not tell me not to do it. Looking back, I am not sure if He told me to do it, but I am sure that there was not a “No” involved. I may have mentioned this before, but I do not like to go to auditions or job interviews because there is always the looming possibility of rejection. At least in my theatre days, I knew what the audition process would entail. In this particular instance, I had no idea what to expect. I sat in the freezing cold in a lawn chair for eleven hours, surrounded by strangers. I tried to sleep, but the audition, the anticipation and the anxiety of being in the midst of so many unfamiliar faces kept me awake the entire time. When the line finally started moving, I was excited, but weary. I signed an agreement saying that I would not reveal the process, so I will honor that and just tell about my experience. I got less than half a minute to sing. I got complimented by the judges on my enthusiasm. And, then I was sent on my way. It was a very humbling experience when that door closed. Last night, I watched the first episode, and I just had to thank God. First of all, I was proud of myself for watching the show because I had vowed as I left that day that I would not. Of course, that was the hurt feelings speaking at the time and part of growing in Christ is having joy for others when they reach their goals. I was also grateful that God gave me the ability to show Him how much His gift means to me. I was glad I did not stick have to around for the rest of the process because I was dead tired (and maybe a little delirious). And, after watching the auditions last night, I realized that even if I had made it to the final round to sing for Yolanda, Donnie and Kim, they would have cut me, which would have been even more heartbreaking. They told at least two prospects that their voices were better suited for theater. I know they would have said the same about me because the only formal vocal training I have comes from being in theatrical productions. I think that most of us have heard that when God closes a door, He opens a window. Sometimes we need doors slammed in our faces because that is the only way God can keep us on the right track, and then, we can live out God’s purposes for our lives. If I had been on the show, I do not know how far I would have made it on the show. Sure, it would have been nice for people across the country to hear me sing; however, because God gave me this talent, as long as I perform for the audience of One, I am using His gift for His glory. If I had been on the show, I still would not know what my voice sounds like. I know that sounds weird because, obviously, I know what my voice sounds like, but would not have been able to sing the music that I write. I would have been emulating other artists and my true voice would still be undiscovered. It was only through recording some of my songs that I was able to finally hear my sound. Speaking of recording, if I had been on the show, I would not be recording music right now. Even if I had won the whole thing, I would be signed to a label that would have control of my sound and my image. I believe that God wanted to be sure that He, and He alone, had dominion over my sound, my image and my life. God has allowed me to have an experience that made rejection less terrifying. He has allowed me the opportunity to shine in a room full of people in a way that I would never have imagined, given my introverted nature. Closed doors are blessings, too. Whether the door is closed on a career, a relationship or a dream, it has closed for a reason and God knows what is best. Never give up on your dreams because of a closed door. Instead, reflect on what you learned when the door slammed as you crawl out of the window and keep pressing toward the mark. Ms. EV
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For the foreseeable future, Ms. EV's Blog will feature music from Toni LaShaun Music. Today's song is Soul Satisfaction. I wrote this song after listening to a sermon by my uncle. I started thinking about how I had often looked to everything and everyone else for satisfaction, rather than turning to God. I have not recorded the song yet, but I plan to feature it on my upcoming CD because it is a great testimony of my journey as I fell in love with Jesus. These are the lyrics: Soul Satisfaction Copyright © 2012 Toni Wortherly Come to the Water that won’t run dry Drink in all His love; it will satisfy If you’re thirsting and yearning from deep within If you go through the motions feeling unfulfilled Come and Drink Come and Drink Him In He is the sole satisfaction for the soul He can take all your broken pieces and make them whole There’s no greater peace, no greater joy, No greater love to find God alone will meet your needs He satisfies… He satisfies Come get your fill of the Living Bread Those who dine at His table will leave well-fed If you’re starving and weary, in Him, you can rest Accept His invitation and receive His best Come and Dine Come and Dine with Him He is the sole satisfaction for the soul He can take all your broken pieces and make them whole There’s no greater peace, no greater joy, No greater love to find God alone will meet your needs He satisfies… He satisfies Oh Lord, You alone will satisfy... Oh Lord, You alone will satisfy me He is the sole satisfaction for the soul He can take all your broken pieces and make them whole There’s no greater peace, no greater joy, No greater love to find God alone will meet your needs He satisfies… He satisfies Do you have an Android phone? Download the TLWMusic App HERE!!!
I love to write! And, even though it may seem like it’s easy for me to share my writing because I blog and share my music, my writings are like my babies. Every time I share something, it is an act of obedience because, trust me, I do not share everything. Last year, I was asking God what to do with my music. I felt led to enter a couple of songwriting contests. Not to sound prideful, but I think my songs are great, and I needed to know how they stacked up against other writers. I needed to know what was working and what improvements could be made. So, I entered two songs in two different contests.
Each contest noted that it would provide a critique of the song. That was the scary part. I wanted brutal honesty because I want to learn and grow, but I did not want to hear anything I didn’t want to hear (you know what I mean). Well, last month, I got the results of the first contest. My song made the first two cuts. Of “hundreds of entries,” my song was among the top 45. When I looked at the critique, I could understand what the evaluator was saying and I will use the comments to help when I write more music. This week, I found out that my second entry did not even get honorable mention. I got the evaluation today and it was not very helpful. I was pretty bummed. Again, everything I write comes from my heart; so, to have someone give negative feedback would be like calling someone’s baby ugly. It just hurts. After I saw the critique, I went to lunch. I was waiting for my order, and I heard a student from my school say to me, “Oh my gosh, I just have to tell you this…,” so I looked up and saw her face beaming. I had no idea what was coming next. She continued, “I listened to all of your songs, and I love them! I especially love ‘Little Sister’!” For the second day in a row, someone complimented my music out of the blue. And, what made it even better was that Little Sister was the song that did not fare so well in the contest. One of the comments was, “An objective listener would not understand the vague lyrics.” But, this little girl understood the lyrics. But, wait, it gets better. This little girl has one of the most phenomenal singing voices that I have ever heard. She is a gifted and talented musician! And, God sent her to me less than an hour after I read the evaluation of my song. I am pretty sure I skipped out of the restaurant and to my car. I said this yesterday, but it can be repeated, God knows when we need encouragement. I am not, by any means, being proud and boastful, nor do I think I am all that. I know that God can make me so much better and that there is work to do. But, in getting two completely unsolicited compliments, it lets me know I am on the right track. It helps me to know that I need to keep pressing forward. There may be people who don’t like or understand what you are doing when you are on the path that God desires for you, but what they think of you is merely a matter of opinion. Listen to God. Obey Him. He will promote you at the right time and He will keep you encouraged along the way! Ms. EV I apologize for the late hour of this post. Please understand that in my life, my priorities are God, then family, and then everything else, so I just got home from supporting my "kids" at a track meet. I tried to post something while I was there, but ended up sending a blank blog :/ So here goes the real post; it is a re-post, but deals with attitudes just like yesterday.
My niece wants to be a teacher like her mother and I. The difference is that she knows she would like to be a teacher now. Her mother and I both had other careers, aspirations, and experiences prior to teaching. I think both us still have dreams that go beyond teaching. But, my niece is pretty determined that this is what she wants to do, so today, she shadowed me. She watched me in my class. Now, I am very, very frank and candid with my older nephews and niece, I keep it real, so I did not sugarcoat anything that I did in class today. There was no show; it was all real. I needed to confront my students on some behaviors that were displeasing to me. Normally, this would not occur in front of an audience, but it had to be done now because it is the middle of the last quarter and there is only a short amount of time to correct bad behavior. So, after my correcting yesterday, I knew that I had to approach the issue with sensitivity and grace. You know the saying, “You can attract more flies with honey than with vinegar?” Well, I really don’t know why anyone wants to catch flies, but that’s not the point. The point is that in this particular moment, the attention of my students was the fly. I could have laid into them; I had plenty of ammunition. Instead, I took a soft, but stern approach. And, although, they didn’t say much to me, word travelled back around that my approach was appreciated. Time will tell if my audience was indeed moved to action, but when I asked my niece what she learned. She replied, “That your kids need to do their work,” Then, I asked her for her honest opinion on how I handled the situation and she said I handled it well. That meant more to me than any reaction from my students. As a Christian, it is not always easy to find the balance between nice and mean. I think I’ve written about it several times in the last couple of weeks because it is an area I am working on personally. My desire is for others to see Christ in me, but that does not mean that I am to be disrespected because I show grace and mercy. This entire situation was a great lesson in how we treat God. He gives us opportunity after opportunity to follow His Will, and yet, many times, we disrespect Him and take His kindness for granted. So, I understand why, in the Old Testament, God took people out in those situations because initially that’s how I felt. But, I am so glad that He sent Jesus and sees us through Jesus’ eyes, with grace and mercy. I hope I get the results I desire, but I will not be a salty light or spread venomous vinegar around to get my “flies.” I will listen to the Holy Spirit’s guidance, and behave accordingly. Ms. EV I went back to work today after a busy, yet restful week and a half break. One of my favorite parts about being off from work is sleeping in until I felt like getting out of bed. I love my job; I just wish I could make my own hours! Everyone who knows me knows that I am NOT a morning person. However, because my job requires me to actually communicate with other human beings by 7:30am, I have made adjustments to try to be somewhat personable.
So, this morning, when my alarm went off at 6:15am, I was determined to make it a great day. God has been so good to me and I needed to reflect that as I returned to work. I thought of something I have heard former pro football player, Deion “Prime Time” Sanders say, “Look good, feel good; feel good, play good; play good, pay good.” While I knew that my outward appearance would have no actual effect on the amount of my paycheck (if it did, I would be a LOT richer…LOL), I took Sanders’ motto in a more figurative sense. According to several compliments today, apparently I did, in fact, look good. I was careful to pick out clothing that would give me confidence and to make sure my hair was acting right (anyone with thick. naturally curly hair knows what I’m talking about). I did not do these things because I was trying to impress anyone; I did them because I needed to motivate myself to leave the house. When I looked in the mirror before I left, I liked what I saw and it gave me a little pep in my step. It made the early hour I left the house a little more bearable. And, while, as I said, looking good won’t increase my paycheck, going to work with a great, let’s-do-this attitude led to a pretty fantastic day. My job felt more rewarding today. All it took was a little attitude adjustment. Maybe, for you, it’s not an outward change that will give you a spring in your step. Maybe it’s just a good night’s sleep. Or, maybe it is taking the time to truly realize that God’s got this. Whatever it is, try to discover that little adjustment that will make your day a little brighter. The more positive you are, the greater impact you have on those around you. Ms. EV I am by no means a handy person. “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, and if it is broke, work around it,” is my motto. I usually have to be told that I need to fix something, for example, my dad tells me when my tires are low and my neighbor told me when I needed to oil my garage door. It’s not that I can’t fix things. When you have been single for as long as I have, you learn. It’s just that sometimes, I just don’t find it important to fix things.
About two years ago, the main light in my kitchen blew out. My mom told me to ask my dad to come fix it, but he is very busy and I did not want to be a bother, so I worked around it. I have a light over my sink and one over my stove that provided enough illumination for me to accomplish what I needed to do in the kitchen. I am really only in there when I am baking. So, two years or so passed by and the overhead light never got fixed. While I was on break from work, I decided that I would give my home a thorough cleaning and fix some things like all of the lights that had blown out. So, I went to the store and got lights for my garage door opener, my bathroom and my kitchen. (I know I let a lot of lights go out, but it was not an important fix to me; now the garbage disposal, that was an important fix!) After changing the light bulbs, I tested out my work. I flicked the light on in my kitchen and I realized that I really needed to mop the floor. I flicked the light on in the garage and I found my missing set of car keys. I flicked the light on in the bathroom and I thought a “Hallelujah” chorus was about to break out. I really wasn’t aware of how dark it was until I got these new light bulbs. I had a similar experience when I was fifteen and discovered that my vision had declined. I will never forget the day I got my first pair of glasses. We got home and it was dark. I looked up at the sky and asked, “Have there always been this many stars?” I didn’t know I was blind until I got glasses. I had just adjusted to certain things being blurry. What I realized is that, sometimes, we allow our lives to become broken and dark. And, instead of fixing the real issues, we make adjustments. Rather than seeking God, we seek out people. Rather than forgiving, we just find new friends. Rather than dealing with grief, we just learn to live in depression. We allow ourselves to be blind to certain circumstances in our lives because we are afraid to truly face them. We do not seek out light because we have gotten so used to living in the dark. That is not the life that God wants for us. He wants us to live and walk in His beautiful light. Then, He wants us to spread the light of His love to everyone He sends our way for His glory. If you are living in the dark, it is time to bring some light into your life. It may not be easy to face your shortcomings or painful situations, but take it all to the Lord and allow Him to be the bearer of your burdens and bring the light into the dark places. He will change your life! Ms. EV Friday FUSION will be back next week, but because we are celebrating Resurrection Day this Sunday, I felt it apropos to re-post this blog on Good Friday. If you live in the Jacksonville area and you are looking for a church to attend on Sunday, check out New Friendship in Atlantic Beach. If you are not in Jacksonville, a house of worship is only a Google search or a browse through Facebook away. So, read this and then, make plans to Celebrate Jesus!!!
Good Friday is a celebration of hope and expectancy. That may sound weird considering that it is when Jesus was crucified, but if we understand that this was all by God's design, we can have peace and joy about that Friday. Can you imagine what it was like on that fateful day? Just a week earlier people were praising Jesus. And, those same people that cried, “Hosanna,” were now yelling, “Crucify Him!” One of His own disciples sold Him of thirty pieces of silver. Can you fathom knowing that one of your best friends would betray you and still showing him or her love? Jesus even asked the Father to take the burden of our sins away from Him if possible, but was willing to do the will of God no matter what. Peter, my boy Peter, cut off the ear of the soldier that grabbed Jesus, and then, denied him three times before daybreak. And, as the sky turned dark, Jesus cried out, “Father, why have you forsaken Me?” Then, He took His last breath and died…for me. Can you imagine the despair? Because after He died, and the earth shook and the tombs were open, some finally realized that Jesus was who He said He was and that they had killed the Son of God. Can you picture the grief of those who believed all along? The Savior, their Savior, was dead. He was to be buried in a borrowed tomb. He was their hope, their peace, their joy. And though, He spoke of rising from the dead, if these humans were anything like me, in that moment they felt a deep despair. They probably felt that all hope was lost. And then, they rolled the stone away on Sunday morning and He was not there. At first, they thought someone had stolen Jesus’ body, but the angel reminded them that Jesus had foretold this miracle of Resurrection. In our lives, our Friday nights are those times when everything goes dark. Friday nights are those times when we think that God has forgotten about us. Friday nights are those times when we need our faith the most because it seems like everything we believe is being tested. But, if we can hold on until Sunday morning, then our miracle can happen. If we can trust God, then our healing can happen. If we can be patient and faithful, then our deliverance can happen. It may not be literally three days. It could be weeks or months or years, but if we can just wait until our Sunday comes, everything will be as He planned. And, no matter how dark it looks right now, Sunday’s on the way! Ms. EV On Friday night, they crucified the Lord at Calvary, but He said, “Don’t fret because in three days, I’m gonna raise again. You’re gonna see…So, when problems try to bury you (six feet deep) and make it hard for you to pray, they may seem like that Friday night, but Sunday’s on the way. - Take 6 You know something needs to be said when you think it, write it down, share it with no one else, and then, you hear a person who you know is in tune with the Holy Spirit speak on it. That is exactly what happened with this blog. I wrote the concept early this week after having read the Scriptures about Judas several times. I thought about what must have been going through this disciple’s heart and mind when he decided to rat out Jesus for thirty pieces of silver. I was blessed with some insight about Judas to which I had never really paid attention.
Let’s start with the end of Judas. He killed himself. He realized what an awful thing he had done or he realized that he had been caught and he could not bear the shame, so he ended his life and he will burn eternally in hell; not because he committed suicide (not a debate I am going to get into today), but for the reason others go to hell. As my pastor explained, Judas never accepted Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior; he was not saved by faith or any other means. This revelation was shocking to me because Judas walked with Christ and they were friends; he was a disciple, a follower of Christ. Then, I began to think of all the people who come to church, but are not saved. They are around Jesus and His Holy Word, but they do so because of a ritual, or what they can get from Jesus, not because of a loving relationship with the one, true, living God. I admit this is something that I was taught, but having studied the Scriptures, I see no reason not to believe, as my pastor explained, that Judas hung out with Jesus because he thought Jesus would overthrow the Roman government and he wanted to be on the right side on earth. His thoughts were not about eternity. His suicide was an act of remorse, not repentance. Just thought I would share that with you; hope my pastor does not mind. So, what about the beginning of the betrayal? In the Bible, it says that Judas allowed Satan to use him. We should not be shocked by this. Each and every day, I allow Satan to use me in some way; whether it is too watch television instead of studying God’s Word or to fall asleep instead of communicating heartily with God. If we truly examine our lives, we will all find places in our lives where Satan knows he can enter in and distract us. The sad part is that those distractions are usually wrapped up in doing something with good intentions, especially for those of us who Satan knows will not say ‘yes’ to pure, unadulterated evil. He is a tricky fellow. So, after Judas allowed Satan to use him, he went to the Pharisees and offered to give up Jesus for thirty pieces of silver. In Exodus 21:32, it says that if a servant is accidentally killed by an ox, the owner of the ox should stone the ox and pay the owner of the slave thirty shekels of silver. So, basically, Judas felt that Jesus was worth no more than a slave! Let that sink in for a moment. (SN: I learned this from my pastor, too. The man has a wealth of knowledge. If you are in the Jacksonville area and searching for a church home, come check us out at New Friendship) Okay, now before we get all high and mighty about what Judas should or should not have done, let’s take a look in our spiritual mirrors and ask ourselves, “What’s Your Price?” Really be honest. We condemn Judas all the time, but sell Jesus out each and every day of our loves. Instead of cheerful giving to our local church, we buy more “things.” Instead of listening to the leading of the Holy Spirit, God’s gift to us, we choose to do things “our way” (because that always works out well -- insert sarcasm). We may not literally be handing Jesus over to Pharisees, but we might as well be, every, single time we choose the people, things and issues of this world over him. So, what is your price to betray Jesus? Might I suggest that we all work on that price being so high that no one can pay it? Can you picture the nail-scarred hands and feet of Jesus Christ and imagine what it cost Him to save you? That’s how high our price should be. Ms. EV As I continue to reread what Jesus went through in the days before His crucifixion, I see His “trials” before Pilate and Herod. I graduated from law school nearly ten years ago and I practiced law for a few years. Despite what many people think about attorneys, I do not love litigation. In fact, I made it a mission of mine to not ever be involved in criminal litigation and to avoid civil litigation as much as possible. Why? I do not care for confrontation.
People ask me all the time why I stopped practicing law. The simple answer is that it made me sick. No, it really physically made me ill every time I walked in the courthouse and knew that I would either be standing before a judge or another attorney who would fire off questions at either my client or me. It made me queasy to even think about the level of confrontation that I would face in court and that how I handled the confrontation could change a person’s life forever. This is not to say that I never argue. My siblings and my exes will definitely tell you that I am fully capable of carrying on an argument. My problem is that long after the argument is over, I replay it in my mind. I go over everything I said, everything my opponent said, what I should have said, and what I will say the next time. So, I generally choose to argue over things that are more trivial, like sports or fashion, so that I do not drive myself absolutely batty. I have learned in my life, though, that there is a time to defend and a time for silence. I learned that from Jesus. In two so-called trials, Jesus uttered but a few words. To Pilate, He answered the question, ‘Are You the King of the Jews?’ with the reply, ‘You said that.’ In front of Herod, the Pharisees screamed accusations and Jesus did not say a word. Jesus knew that His purpose was to die for a sin-sick world. He knew that He was facing certain death. Bickering back and forth with the kings and His accusers was not going to change God’s plan. Sometimes, we get so caught up in how many opportunities we miss to say something that we do not even consider how many opportunities we miss to be silent so that God can move forward with His plans. I am not speaking of denying your faith, but simply allowing the Holy Spirit to guide you about what to say and when to say it. I know I have missed plenty of opportunities to shut up and I have caused more damage to the Kingdom of God by “defending myself and my beliefs” than I would have if I had just been quiet and walked in love. It is nearly impossible to have an argument with only one participant. It is not a matter of being weak or getting walked on, but a matter of trusting that God will tell you when it is your time to speak on the issue. If we remember, like Jesus, that all of our battles belong to the Lord, then perhaps, we will learn that there are times when silence is golden. Ms. EV After the Last Supper, Jesus went up into the mountains to pray. He took some of His disciples and instructed them to pray that they would not fall into temptation. After giving this command, Jesus went up the mountain a little further to be by Himself and pray to His Father. His prayer was not, “I am ready to face whatever is coming my way. Bring it on! Let’s do this!” He humbly sought His Father’s face and prayed, “Father, if You are willing, please remove this cup from me; nevertheless not My Will, but Yours be done.”
Though none of us will ever face anything nearly as horrid as what Jesus was getting ready to face when He prayed this prayer, we do come to a point when we know we are going to face hard times. Perhaps, the doctor gives us a diagnosis that we were not expecting. Maybe our boss gives us some grave news about the future of our careers. It could be that a spouse or loved one decides he or she no longer wishes to be a part of our lives. Jesus teaches us that it is acceptable to not want these things to happen in His prayer. He asked His Daddy if it was at all possible that His future could take a different route. I truly believe that there is nothing wrong with saying, “Lord, Father, if You are willing, please don’t make me suffer like this.” The part that we forget is that second part of the prayer, “Nevertheless, not My will, but Yours be done.” I know I like to forget it at times. When situations are not going the way I want them to go, I can be quick to ask God to change the situation into one I am with which I am more comfortable. Who chooses suffering? Well, Jesus did. In saying, “Not My will, but Yours,” Jesus chose to trust that whatever suffering God allowed would work out for the greater good of all. As human beings it is our nature to focus on the temporal pain or suffering that we will face and to forget about the bigger picture of what could happen. We might suffer from a disease, but through our suffering a cure or treatment may be found that benefits others. We could be let go from a job, but perhaps, it gives us the push and the opportunity we need to focus on the job ministry into which God has called us. Our loved ones may leave, but our testimony about how God worked through the situation could save another family. His Will is for our good. Yes, pain and suffering may be involved, but there will be victory on the other side. After this prayer, Jesus gained strength from the presence of an angel from heaven. Yet, He was still in agony; Jesus prayed so hard that His sweat fell like blood to the ground. It is not strange if you are agonized by your burdens, but you must cast your burdens and cares on the Lord. He may not take them away from you, but He will make a way for you. Just pray, “Not my will, Father, but Yours.” Ms. EV |
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