I got a lot of fantastic and encouraging comments last week while I was showcasing my music at One Spark. But, the comment that had the most impact, and was spoken by more than one person was, "It's about time!" The context was different each time that the words were spoken, but, even though it sounds a bit like a dig, it was always encouragement.
For some, the statement meant that they were excited that I had finally gotten up off of God's gifts and started to do something with it. I have been singing since I was a teenager and writing since my late teens/early twenties. When I got out of college, I tried to do a couple of demos with some pop/R & B songs I had written. It did not work out. A little while later, I was invited to a gospel music conference where I one of my favorite gospel artists of all time and worked with another very successful gospel artist. I made a lot of contacts, but I still did not advance in my singer/songwriter career. A few years after that, my computer crashed. I lost all of my music, plays, poems, except for the hard copies of the music I had taken to the gospel conference. Since I didn't feel like my book was successful, and I had lost most of my hard work, I felt like God was telling me that this was not what He had for me. I quit. And, for about two years, the music stopped. Then, my grandmother passed away and I was in a pretty deep depression. At my lowest point, I thought about how disappointed she would be if I let grief take me out. So, one night, I decided that I no longer had any excuses. I always said that no one would listen to my songs because they had no accompaniment, so I bought a guitar. I used money as an excuse for not recording, so I saved up money to record one song at a time. I used the fact that I could not get signed or published as an excuse, so I started this blog for my writing, and I copyright and publish my own music for now. It's about time! It's about time I stopped letting excuses keep me from walking in the gifts that God has given me. It's about time that I took advantage of opportunities to spread the Gospel through music and writing. It's about time I started believing that my God is able to do just what needs to be done in my life for His purpose and glory. It's about time! Ms. EV
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I am a professional sleeper. I have been taking naps pretty consistently since high school and anyone who knows me knows that a nap is a part of my daily routine. As a matter of fact, earlier today, a colleague told me that my former students asked him to post notes online and he was unsure of how to do it. They replied, “Ms. [EV] knows how to do it!” To which, he responded, “That’s because she takes naps!” I am not really sure what my napping habit has to do with my computer talents, but it shows that even my colleagues know that I am no stranger to dozing off each afternoon.
I enjoy naps because I find them to be refreshing. On a workday, I get up very early, so by the middle of the day, I am very tired. My family and closest friends know that, generally, I cannot be reached between 4PM and 6PM. I put my phone on silent, put my sleep mask on to block out the light, get cozy on the couch or in my bed, and I zone out. Sometimes I fall completely asleep and other times I just lay there and recharge. But, once I wake up, I can think more clearly again, I am in a good mood, and I can accomplish whatever other tasks lie ahead. On days when I do not get a nap, I am either cranky or deliriously silly, so let’s just say I am not at my best. As much as I appreciate naps, I have an even greater appreciation for the fact that I serve a God who never dozes off. Psalm 121 says that God never sleeps or slumbers. He doesn’t even “get in a couple of winks” here and there. He is constantly and consistently holding the world in the palm of His hands. I am so grateful that He does not feel the need to shut me out everyday for a couple of hours, so that He can recharge. Instead, He is there for me every, single time I need Him. Just pause for a moment and think of how awesome that is! I love my family and my friends, but there are some times, no matter how much they love me, that they just cannot be there for me. I am sure that others have experienced this. Maybe, late at night, you feel a sudden attack of sadness. Or, perhaps, early in the morning, you start having a bout with anxiety. Sometimes we cannot call others because it is too late or too early. Sometimes, we cannot call others because they just will not understand the issue. In those times, and at all times, it is a blessing to know that we can call on the name of Jesus. These moments are the moments when I realize that God should be my first resort and not my last resort. I realize that I need to depend on Him and trust in Him because, though He can use others as a resource in my life, He is the Source of my life. So, I am glad that He does not sleep, nor does He slumber. I am ecstatic that He is not just an on-time God, but an all-the-time God. Because He never dozes off, I can rest in peace on this side of Heaven. Resting in the midst of tests, trials and storms is a form of worship. It shows God that you truly believe He can handle every situation that is presented in this life. So, go ahead and take a nap, or, if you are not a nap person, at least get a full night of sleep; God is awake, alert, and able to take care of you. Ms. EV God is truly showing me that He is in control. I think today has truly been a day when I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, I have to put my complete faith and trust in Him. I am sitting outside and the weather is gloomy, but I know that even rain comes, even if I have to pack it in and can't be out here because of weather, God's Will will be done. It would be nice to get a piece of the crowdfund that is large enough to do what I desire to do, but, more than that, I want to do what God would have me do. This experience has confirmed that this is the season for my music and I am thankful that I listened this time and am being obedient. God is my Source. There is nothing else to it. He knows exactly what I need. He knows what He wants for my life. He knows how to get it to me. I will follow where He leads
Sorry to leave you hanging yesterday. I was having SO MUCH FUN!!! One Spark is an amazing experience. I am grateful to God for this opportunity to come out of my shell and spread the love of Christ. I will be performing today on a VERY big stage, but I know my God is bigger than anything! If you're in Jacksonville, come see me at the Riverwalk. If you're not able, your prayers are welcomed! Ms. EV
A few months back, I saw a post from a friend about a possible opportunity for my music ministry. At first, I thought that I should not go for it because I was tired of feeling rejected and I could not take one more 'no.' But, the Spirit convicted me for my negative thoughts and convinced me to give it a shot. I filled out a profile. I waited and waited to hear if I was accepted. And, finally, on the last day, in almost the last hour, after a somewhat desperate plea, I got an e-mail saying that I had been accepted as a Creator in the One Spark festival.
If you are not in the Jacksonville area, you may not have heard of this festival. If you are in the Jacksonville area, you may not have heard about it. Slowly, but surely the buzz is building. Signs are up around town. The news is reporting on this unique festival that is slated to be the best thing to happen to Jacksonville since the Super Bowl...and I am a part of it! One Spark brings together creators of art, music, science, technology and allows them to present their creations and compete for a portion of a $250,000 guaranteed fund. I am currently halfway finished with my first CD and I am attending the GMA's IMMERSE conference in May, so just one or two percent of the vote is what I would need to continue to pursue the passion that God placed in my heart. One Spark starts tomorrow and ends on Sunday, so I am not sure if I will be able to blog during the event, but I will do my best to keep all my loyal readers updated whenever I get the chance. I am very excited about this opportunity and God has already shown me that I cannot imagine the doors He will open for my music ministry, so I am giddy with anticipation about what other opportunities may spring forth from this festival. Please pray for me and with me that God's will be done, for awesome weather (as I will be outside), a clear throat for all of my singing opportunities, the safety and security of all Creators, Venues, Sponsors, Volunteers and Attendees, and that I will let go, have fun, and let God! If you are in the Jacksonville area and you want to support me, I will be at the Riverwalk, on the corner of Newnan and Coastline, in a green tent. My project is Toni LaShaun Christian Music. More information is available on the Toni LaShaun Music website. Whether you support me in prayer or in person, thank Yolanda Adams has a song called, “It’s Gon’ Be Nice,” and I love the message of the song. It is a song to encourage everyone that, though, things might seem crazy, when God gets through with the situation, it will be VERY nice. Enduring hard times is one of the hardest things to do in life. As I write, I am thinking, “How do you tell someone who is going through the worst of circumstances, to ‘hang in there,’ when they feel like their world is crashing in on them.”
I know that I am prone to panic. So, it doesn’t even have to be a dire situation for me to freak right on out, although, I am getting better about that as I continue to grow. But, I feel that, for some of us, it’s hard to think past the present. It is difficult to picture that everything will work out. That is why we need to commune with God. That is why we need to read the Bible. We need to seek God’s Kingdom and His face because, when we can’t look past our own present, we can look in the past and see what the Lord has done. Maybe we cannot think of something that He has done for us (though there is plenty) because we are to frustrated, flustered, or furious to recall the moments when He pulled us through our problems. So, we have the Word of God to remind us of His goodness. We have a Spirit that dwells within us to remind us of His grace. So, as Yolanda says in the song: “I don’t have the right to give up I don’t have the right to give in You’re gonna see me through So, I’m gonna put my trust in You!” When we trust Him, God works out situations in ways that we would never ever imagine. I have a sticky note on my mirror that says, “God’s got this!” It is a reminder that no matter what the day may be, it is not anything that my God cannot handle and turn around for my good. We may not be able to see it, but I am a living witness that it’s gon’ be nice! Ms. EV Friday FUSION features music from me, singer/songwriter, Toni LaShaun Wortherly. Today's feature is lyrics only, as it will be recorded at a later date, but it sums up the experiences I have had while chasing after my dreams. The song is called FEARLESS! I wrote this song, as I do most of my songs in response to a sermon. I have spent much of my life letting fear of the unknown dictate what I do and how I do it. After hearing the sermon, I thought about how God is the ULTIMATE protector, provider and comforter, so I have nothing to fear, not even fear itself! Fearless Copyright © 2013 Toni L. Wortherly God has not given me The spirit of fear I don’t need to be concerned About what man does to me I may have some troubled times I may shed some tears But, I can look any storm in the eye and say: I am FEARLESS God is on my side I am FEARLESS In Him, I will abide I am FEARLESS Knowing God is in control I am FEARLESS No one can harm my soul I’m FEARLESS Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh…I’m FEARLESS Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh…I’m FEARLESS In God I trust And I will not be afraid To take a step forward To leap out on faith I may not understand The path to my dreams But, I can look any storm in the eye and say: I am FEARLESS God is on my side I am FEARLESS In Him, I will abide I am FEARLESS Knowing God is in control I am FEARLESS No one can harm my soul I’m FEARLESS Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh…I’m FEARLESS Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh…I’m FEARLESS With God as my light, whom shall I fear? With God as my strength, whom shall I fear? Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh…I’m FEARLESS Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh…I’m FEARLESS Do You Have an Android Phone? Download the Toni LaShaun Music App!
In teaching my students about bureaucracies, I asked them if they liked to work in groups. I went on to tell them that, even though, most colleges and jobs assign you to work with groups, that it is very difficult for me to work with other people. I often joke that my kindergarten report card had all E's (for excellent), but the only comment was, "Does not work well with others." For a long time, I thought it was a character flaw. As I grew older, I realized that I am a perfectionist (read, I have OCD with certain things) and I am an introvert. So, it is very difficult for me to delegate or even ask anyone for help.
Fast forward to my current life, in which, I constantly find myself in situations where I have to work with other people. God knows how to make you grow, even when you are perfectly comfortable with your quirkiness. It is still not easy for me to ask for help, though, so it only happens when I really truly cannot complete something on my own. Besides my slight case of OCD and introvertedness, I also do not like rejection. I am still learning how to deal with it. Recently, I asked a group of friends to help me with a venture. Some responded favorably and have been an amazing amount of help. Others ignored me completely. At first, I was hurt. I was especially hurt by those that I had gone out of my way to help. But then, on Sunday, my pastor preached about God opening and closing doors. I realized that it wsa okay that people did not want to help or support me in my endeavors because God has placed the exact, right people. I realized that it does not mean that these people do not care about me or my success, but that God knows who to use to help me and who would be a distraction. God knows who would be my Peter, and who would be my James and John (please look it up, if you don't know what this means). A couple of days after the sermon, I was watching a tv show and there was a person singing one of my favorite songs, "I Can't Make You Love Me" by Bonnie Raitt. I just started singing the chorus over and over. It was a reminder. Those who are going to be in my corner are going to be there. Those who are not, I can't make them want to support me. I can't make them love me or my work. God knows the right people to let in my life at the right time. And, I am thankful that he leaves some people on the other side of the closed door. Trust me, you don't want anyone involved in your endeavors that is going to steal God's glory, whether they mean to or not. So, when God starts having people back away from you, be grateful. He knows what He is doing and He knows what is best for you. That being said, I am so thankful for those who, without being begged, poked or prodded, have continued to support and push me, knowing that it is difficult for me to even ask for suport. Praise God for the closed doors, even when people are involved! Ms. EV A couple of weeks ago, during my annual spring cleaning, I went around the house fixing things that were not functioning properly. This entailed replacing A LOT of lightbulbs. The main light that I fixed was the overhead light in my kitchen. The lightbulb had been out for about two years. It was an easy fix, but I had adapted to it not working, so I just hadn't done it.
I already talked about how much brighter my home is since I replaced the lightbulbs, but I realized something else. I am so used to the work-arounds that I keep forgetting that the light is fixed. I will walk into my kitchen and turn on the light over the stovetop and the light over the sink and completely forget the the overhead light is functioning now. I don't have continue using the other two lights, which really don't give me the amount of light I need, even combined. Sometimes, we do this in other areas of our lives as well. God heals a broken relationship, a sordid past, or whatever other damaged pieces are of our lives, and yet, we continue to walk around as though things are still awry. We continue to rely on our work-arounds rather than being confident in knowing that God had mended our woounds, forgiven us, and set us on a path to live out His plan for us. Maybe it is just habit to fall into our old ways. Or, maybe we don't even go back to the old ways, but we still cannot acknowledge God's gift of grace, so we live under a cloud of doubt and darkness. I think we sometimes don't really believe that we can be fixed. But, as we read in the Bible, the first step to being made whole is the desire to be made whole. Therefore, once you have given your brokenness over to God and He has healed you, you can walk in that light. It's done! You no longer have to depend on the shortcuts and old habits that you used to "get by." Now, you can walk in victory and GET BUSY! Be about God's business for your new, whole, complete life. And, even if you experience a setback, don't forget the fix! Ms. EV Go with the Flow…what does that even mean? We hear people say it all the time “go with the flow” or “roll with the punches,” but how can we do that? Does it mean that we don’t think about what’s coming next? Are we just supposed let life happen? Should we not plan for tomorrow? I don’t know about you, but I’m just not very good at going with the flow. This is where the power of the Holy Spirit has to come in and rule in our lives.
There is no way that, of my own power, I can stop thinking and analyzing and trying to stop catastrophes (big or small) before they start. I am just not wired that way. But, thank God I don’t have to live this life by my own power. I have the Holy Spirit dwelling within, and right about now, I need some Jesus peace; the kind of peace that passes all understanding (even my own). Because I am tired of being tired. How about you? So, pray for me and I’ll pray for you that the peace of God will cover all of the broken pieces of our lives, so we can roll with the punches and go with the flow. Ms. EV |
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