Week Twenty Four
One Day I Stopped Asking
…but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
Quote from Pray While You’re Prey:
“…if [we] will just talk to You, everything will be alright in Your time.”
It seems like I have been thinking about not being single from the day I hit preschool. I still remember my first little crush at the daycare center. We chased each other around the playground, giggled and laughed with each other all day. I just always felt like I was not meant to be alone. In middle school and high school, I was just plain boy crazy. I prayed and prayed that God would send me a boyfriend. I was so boy crazy that, looking back, I am glad that I was nerdy and unattractive because if I had gotten the attention I so desperately craved from a guy, I probably would have given him anything he wanted in return. Fortunately, I was nearly an adult when I made the choice to disobey God and give away my virginity. That decision caused some pain and anguish, but not nearly as much as it would have if it had happened earlier in my life.
While that decision was a bad one and it strained my relationship with God, I, eventually, got on the right track. I knew that I wanted to be married. So, I prayed and prayed that God would send me a husband. And, I thought He did. After all, I met my ex-husband at church. Nevertheless, I realized that my decision to marry him was a huge mistake. I was not waiting on the Lord so much as I was just waiting on someone to be willing to marry me.
After my marriage, I slipped backwards a bit, but eventually found myself back in a place of obedience. I still wanted to be married; forever married. So, I kept asking and asking. And, I met someone with whom I thought I would spend the rest of my life. Then, I prayed and prayed to God to let him be the one. I asked God, correction, I begged God to let him ask me to marry him. That never happened and the relationship ended. I was crushed. At that point, I just wanted God to make the hurt go away. So, I started talking to Him and I started listening to Him. And, I am not sure when it happened, but one day, I stopped asking.
It had been part of my prayers for so long, “And, Lord, please send me a boyfriend…a husband…someone to love me like you love me.” I had felt like once I had a mate, my life would be complete, but after spending time just communing with God, I finally realized that, with Him, my life is already complete. I didn’t have to ask anymore. All I had to do was waiting. And, in my waiting, He would strengthen me. Yes, there would be times when singleness would test my limits, but not to the point of disobeying God and trying to get Him to do my will.
I learned to stop asking for what I wanted for me and what God wanted from me, so that I could get what I wanted. I started asking Him what He wants for me. And, I learned how to wait. I do not always like waiting, but I have been waiting for so long, and I have been blessed so heartily in the midst of my waiting, that it seems silly not to continue. We must know and trust that God knows and wants what is best for us. I still ask God for things, even occasionally for a mate, but it is no longer my number one prayer. And, I have certainly learned to wait for His answers to all prayers.
Thank You, God for the wisdom to know
that You know what and who is best for me.
Please forgive me for trying to answer my own prayers
rather than waiting on You.
Lord, please help me to remember to ask
that Your Will be done in my life, not mine.
In Jesus’ Name,
*Scripture quotations are from the New International Version ©1984, unless otherwise indicated.