Who’s Chasing Whom?
He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.
Quote from Pray While You’re Prey:
“I am the hunted. I should be sought after. As a single
Christian woman, I am PREY.”
Seven years ago, after re-reading Proverbs 18:22, I had the revelation that God’s intention was not for me to be constantly seeking the attention and affection of a man. He did not want my time to be consumed with husband-hunting. The only thing I should be desperately seeking for on any given day is more of God. This is not just a word that He spoke to me. He wants us all to live in the natural order of His creation, which means that women should not ever be chasing after men.
So, after many years of setting traps for men, I hung up my hunting gear. I would sit back and wait for “him,” whoever he is. I would not be calling someone unless I was returning a previous call. I would not be initiating any kind of contact for that matter. I would not seek out attention. I would be obedient and let him do all of the finding.
About a year after this declaration, someone found me. I stuck to my guns. He approached me, he called me, and he planned our first date. Everything was going fantastically. Until the day after the first date, when he didn’t call after he said he would. So, I called because I thought maybe he had lost my number. When we officially started dating, I made most of the contact and most of the plans, despite my best efforts to wait on him. I had quickly slipped back into chase mode. And, it should come as no surprise that we broke up.
In spite of the good times that we had, the relationship was draining because I was always pursuing and not allowing him the opportunity to pursue me. I was giving a lot of effort and not allowing him the chance to put forth effort. I had disrupted the natural order of relationships. As a result, I am single. In relationships prior to this one, the biblical implications of who should find whom had not really sunk in, but I went into this relationship knowing the right thing to do and still choosing my own way. That is always a recipe for disaster.
This is not about being coy or playing hard to get. This is about being obedient to God. And, when you know better, you must do better because God will not bless disobedience. For the brief time that I was letting him find me, it was exhilarating, but exhilarating quickly turned into exhausting when I stopped listening to God.
God wants us to be in healthy relationships and to be married if that is our desire. God wants our first allegiance to be to Him; however, He is loving and kind and He understands the innate need that many of us have to be with a companion. God created us in such a way that men enjoy pursuit and women enjoy being pursued. Although it may seem like men enjoy being hunted or women enjoy the role of huntress, the Bible clearly states that the man should do the finding. We must obey God’s Word to enjoy the single life and to have great relationships when it is our time.
Thank You, God for giving me an understanding of Your Word.
Please forgive me for not following Your will in my relationships.
Lord, please help me to play the role that You intended for me to have
while single, dating and once I am married.
In Jesus’ Name,
*Scripture quotations are from the New International Version ©1984, unless otherwise indicated.