The sadness I felt could have resulted in a couple of things. I could have thrown a huge pity party celebrating my non-achievements and biggest failures. Or, I could use it as a moment to figure out where I went off course. I chose the latter, although, I was tempted by the former because I am the world’s greatest pity party planner. I have heard my pastor preach that we can compare looking in the past with driving. When you are driving, you have a rearview mirror and side-view mirrors. Those mirrors are helpful for figuring out if it is safe to change lanes, or if you’re lost, you can look in the rearview mirror to see what you’ve past and it gives you a sense of where you need to go or if you need to turn around. Nevertheless, we must notice that the rearview mirrors, and side-view mirrors, while helpful, are never larger than the front windshield. So, while we may glance back or to the side, our focus needs to remain on what is ahead of us.
That is what I learned when I looked at those prayers. During the time I wrote them, I was so busy looking back at the loss of my “dream” relationship and looking around at what others had that I lost sight of my dreams and goals. I began to pursue a career that, though rewarding, took me further and further away from what I truly love to do. Then, even after I grew so close to God, I focused on a relationship that felt like what I had been waiting for, but ended up leading me into disobedience. I focused so much on my ex and took on his dreams and goals as my own, that I let go of my dreams. And, though I was troubled by that, and the devil wanted me to feel defeated, I chose to be appreciative of the fact that God has allowed me to see another day, so that I can get back on track. God has a plan for each one of our lives, and our success is not as much about reaching our destination as it is about what we learned along the way. I know that I got off track and I could probably already be in the midst of something greater. I know that I settled for good when God still had His best for me, but I learned, and now, I am stronger, wiser and better suited to be who God desires for me to be. It would be really hard to drive, if we only looked in the rearview mirror, but a glance back can help guide us to what is ahead and I praise God in advance for wherever He is taking me. Ms. EV
PS: Another good piece of advice I heard from my pastor: we have to stop saying that God is our co-pilot; God should be in the driver’s seat!