I will always regret my decision to forego my plans of remaining pure for marriage and begin a physically intimate relationship that I was not emotionally, mentally, or spiritually ready to handle. The chasm that was opened by that one decision led to years of feeling empty and searching for a man to fill a void, using whatever tactics I deemed to be necessary. This led to my marriage to the wrong person at the wrong time and my subsequent divorce. Then, after a brief fit a rebellion after my divorce, I thought I had a handle on the situation. I made a deliberate choice of abstinence. And, I was confident in my decision. I was seeing life more clearly and enjoying my relationship with Christ more fully until I met someone who talked about marriage and children on the first date.
After establishing a relationship with him that I thought was bound to last forever, I turned my back on the promises I had made to God and I resumed old habits. Looking back, I think I fought so hard for that relationship because I did not want my defiance to be in vain. It was as if I felt like if we got married, then everything we did before we got married didn’t count anymore. But, we didn’t get married. And, I was crushed once again by the very same weight of guilt and shame that God tries to keep us from experiencing when He says to wait until marriage.
Many times we view sex as a “little” sin; it is, according to our rationalizations a victimless crime, so to speak. The last four years of abstinence were not the result of a dry spell. I have not dated anyone or been in a relationship, but that does not mean that I have not had the opportunity to make a poor decision. I mean, no offense, but I am kind of hot and if I wanted it, I could get it. As many times as I have messed up, I feel that I finally understand why God makes this command. He is not trying to hold something beautiful back from us. If you will wait on Him to send you the right person, once you are married, you will get to experience the true beauty of a physically intimate relationship. I am not going to say that it is an easy choice, but it is the right one. And, thank God, when I am struggling, He gives me encouragement through Scripture that helps me stay the course:
“There's more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, "The two become one." Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never "become one." There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for "becoming one" with another. Or didn't you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don't you see that you can't live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.” 1 Corinthians 6:16-20 (The Message)
Choose to obey God. That is never the wrong choice. Ms. EV