I am a professional sleeper. I have been taking naps pretty consistently since high school and anyone who knows me knows that a nap is a part of my daily routine. As a matter of fact, earlier today, a colleague told me that my former students asked him to post notes online and he was unsure of how to do it. They replied, “Ms. [EV] knows how to do it!” To which, he responded, “That’s because she takes naps!” I am not really sure what my napping habit has to do with my computer talents, but it shows that even my colleagues know that I am no stranger to dozing off each afternoon.
I enjoy naps because I find them to be refreshing. On a workday, I get up very early, so by the middle of the day, I am very tired. My family and closest friends know that, generally, I cannot be reached between 4PM and 6PM. I put my phone on silent, put my sleep mask on to block out the light, get cozy on the couch or in my bed, and I zone out. Sometimes I fall completely asleep and other times I just lay there and recharge. But, once I wake up, I can think more clearly again, I am in a good mood, and I can accomplish whatever other tasks lie ahead. On days when I do not get a nap, I am either cranky or deliriously silly, so let’s just say I am not at my best. As much as I appreciate naps, I have an even greater appreciation for the fact that I serve a God who never dozes off. Psalm 121 says that God never sleeps or slumbers. He doesn’t even “get in a couple of winks” here and there. He is constantly and consistently holding the world in the palm of His hands. I am so grateful that He does not feel the need to shut me out everyday for a couple of hours, so that He can recharge. Instead, He is there for me every, single time I need Him. Just pause for a moment and think of how awesome that is! I love my family and my friends, but there are some times, no matter how much they love me, that they just cannot be there for me. I am sure that others have experienced this. Maybe, late at night, you feel a sudden attack of sadness. Or, perhaps, early in the morning, you start having a bout with anxiety. Sometimes we cannot call others because it is too late or too early. Sometimes, we cannot call others because they just will not understand the issue. In those times, and at all times, it is a blessing to know that we can call on the name of Jesus. These moments are the moments when I realize that God should be my first resort and not my last resort. I realize that I need to depend on Him and trust in Him because, though He can use others as a resource in my life, He is the Source of my life. So, I am glad that He does not sleep, nor does He slumber. I am ecstatic that He is not just an on-time God, but an all-the-time God. Because He never dozes off, I can rest in peace on this side of Heaven. Resting in the midst of tests, trials and storms is a form of worship. It shows God that you truly believe He can handle every situation that is presented in this life. So, go ahead and take a nap, or, if you are not a nap person, at least get a full night of sleep; God is awake, alert, and able to take care of you. Ms. EV
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Even though growing up, all I ever dreamed of was becoming an attorney, I very quickly realized that it was not the career for me. Because my life had been so geared toward that goal, it was then that I really had to start listening to God’s promptings. And, I was not always great at listening. Nonetheless, when you are faced with the fact that you no longer have the one consistent desire that you have had for most of your life, the best and safest place to turn is to God. So, I prayed. Lord, show me the right career. Lord, give me the financial stability and freedom that I need. Lord, bless me with a family of my own.
Each and everyday, I would pray to God for what I wanted. There is nothing wrong with asking God for your desires. He encourages us to ask, to seek, and to knock. I truly believe that my current career is where God wants me to be. However, the road is not always easy. Every year, as with almost every other industry, the game is changed. There are more and different demands, sometimes with less incentive and one really has to examine the true motivation behind the work. Last year, in the midst of anger, I made a decision to give up a source of income. Before I notified my superiors of my decision, I prayed and sought after God because I have learned not to make rash decisions out of anger and not to make any decision before I pray about it. Though I made the decision, it took two months of praying and listening before I announced the decision. And, I feel that I listened and it was the right thing to do. Still, the enemy wants to cause confusion and second guessing. As I said, this particular venture was a source of income; not a significant amount of income, but something extra. I realized that the time I was spending on this job could be spent pursuing the passions that God has placed in me, which would lead to a more joyful and peaceful existence created by a blissful balance of work and play. I started to record music, continued to write, and took on some catering and coordinating jobs, which are all things that I love to do. But, the things that I love to do aren’t replacing the little extra that I was making. I thought that there would be another opportunity that would not take up much time, but provide me with extra income; however that does not seem to be a possibility anymore. So, the devil wants me to start questioning whether or not I made the right decision. And, I give him credit because he is good at his job. He knows to throw in, “Now, you’re not just a lonely spinster, but you’re going to lose what little luxury you could afford. The only thing that made being alone bearable was that you could afford to treat yourself.” I will admit that I was letting him win. Then, I went and grabbed some of my notes that I keep around the house when I need inspiration. The first two things I read didn’t seem to speak to the current issue, but then I saw a quote that I copied from my dad’s “Courageous” calendar. It said, “I used to ask God for all kinds of things; now, I just ask for God and He takes care of all things.” The beauty of being His child is that I know He will provide. I do not need to seek the provision; I only need to seek the face of the Provider. I know I listened. Even though, I thought I was making a decision because of hurt feelings, when it came down to it, I believe that God allowed things to become uncomfortable, so that I would free myself up to be used by Him. I know that God is faithful and He knows my every need and He has NEVER failed me. So, I choose to ask for more of Him, to seek Him, and to knock at His door, knowing He will take care of ALL things! Ms. EV Have you ever noticed that some of the smartest people in the world have n o common sense? My honors students would flat out tell me that sometimes. And, I know that when I was younger, although book smarts came to me easily, street smarts were not my forte. I was very naïve and somewhat gullible, but I could make honor roll, so I figured that I would be alright in this world. It wasn’t until I got older that I realized that it doesn’t matter if you get degree after degree from and Ivy League school or the school of hard knocks, true wisdom does not come from books or experience.
Please do not misinterpret what I am saying because there is no one more pro-education than I am. I am a teacher and I continued my education until I reached my goal of obtaining a law degree. But, more than anything you learn in school, at work, or at home, our lives are shaped by the lessons we learn. And, all of the education in the world cannot prevent us from acting like fools. Sadly, as beneficial as an education can be, some people educate themselves out of believing in God. Whether, you are a really book smart person who lacks some common sense or you possess common sense, but not a lot of education or expertise, thank God for the great equalizer: wisdom. Wisdom is not common sense; wisdom is God-sense. Wisdom doesn’t come from degrees or experience; wisdom comes from knowing, understanding and reverently fearing the Lord. When God asked Solomon to make any request, Solomon asked for wisdom to rule the people. Because of this unselfish request, God blessed Solomon with everything that he would ever need. Solomon was known as a great ruler and a fair judge all over the world, unfortunately, while he used his wisdom to help others, he did not use wisdom in staying faithful to God. Perhaps, that is why some of Ecclesiastes seems so depressing. I know that in my life, when I have realized that I was operating out of what made sense to me rather than seeking God’s wisdom, those realizations carried daunting and depressing weight. If we will always seek God’s wisdom, we will never be led astray. When we do not know what we should do, there is no harm in waiting on an answer from God; there is no harm in the desire to act with His wisdom. How can the Father of time run out of time? He will never run out of time or knowledge, yet we sometimes try to box God into the limits of our time and knowledge. We will never be smarter than God. However, no matter what level of education, experience, or common sense we have, if we seek after the wisdom of God, our lives can be lived on a whole other level. Ms. EV Today’s Vacation Bible School verse is, “Praise the name of God forever and ever, for He has all wisdom and power” (Daniel 2:20 NLT). The lesson for today is the account of Daniel being thrown into the lions’ den. If you are unfamiliar with the story, the text is in Daniel 6. So, as I listened to the song I will teach later and looked at the theme for the day, “Amazing! God’s Power Over Circumstances,” I thought, “Do I really believe that God has control over every circumstance?” Yesterday, I wrote about God having control over everything and nothing being too hard for Him; however, if we really believe this, then we should never lose any sleep over our problems.
Anyone who knows me knows that I love to sleep. And, I thought I was the sleep champion until I got my cat, Joy Bella. When I first brought her home, having never taken care of a pet on my own and knowing nothing about cats in particular, I was concerned that she seemed to sleep almost all day. At first, I thought maybe it was because she was a baby. Have you ever watched baby’s sleep? They are so peaceful; they do not have a care in the world. They sleep until they have had enough rest, not tossing or turning, not begging their mind to stop racing. Hence, the phrase, “sleep like a baby.” That is the kind of rest God wants us to find in Him. He wants us to be so assured that He has all wisdom and power, that when we are overcome by exhaustion, we can enjoy peaceful rest rather than become so tired that it is difficult for us to be used for His glory. After a few days, Joy’s sleeping habits continued to concern me, though so, I did some research on cats. I found out that they sleep for about three-quarters of the day, in little spurts (hence, the term “cat nap”) and mostly during the day. I observed Joy Bella, and found that she could fall asleep anywhere. Sure, she has her favorite chair and window perch, but if something or someone (me) is in her way, she simply finds another place to rest and peacefully goes to sleep. The television can be on, music can be blasting, I can be on the phone; it does not matter. When Joy wants rest; she gets it. And, I wish I could be more like that. I wish that I could find rest no matter where I am and no matter what circumstances are going on in my life. I am definitely better at this than I used to be. When I first got divorced, I had a lot of anxiety about being alone again, not to mention I was in law school, which brought on its own set of issues. One day, I realized that I had not slept for more than two hours each night. I went to bed, but I knew when each hour passed because I was looking at the clock. I spoke to a doctor who let me know that I was suffering from insomnia, which I later found out was a symptom of a larger issue; I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. The good news is that I got treatment, I recovered, and then I got rest. But, it was embarrassing for me, as a Christian, to have let fear and worry overcome me so much. It did not end there; I was better, but every once in a while, I find myself back in the grip of anxiety. And, my problems are nothing like what Daniel was facing. Daniel did nothing wrong. All he did was stand up for God and live in obedience to His command. As a result, Daniel was revered and prosperous, which caused him to have some haters. The haters set Daniel up and forced the king to have to throw him into the lions’ den. Now, I mentioned I have a cat, when she playfully scratches me or bites me, it hurts! So, imagine what actual lions could do. This was a serious circumstance! But, Daniel trusted that God knew what He was doing and rather than staying up all night fearing what the lion would do to him, Daniel fell asleep on lion pillows. Most of the time our problems do not involve possibly being torn limb from limb, but I know that when it is your circumstance, no matter how insignificant it seems to others, it is huge to you. Let me encourage you, there is no problem too large or too small for God. When you are facing an unfavorable situation, do what Daniel did. Turn your problems into pillows. Ask God to work it out. Trust that He will work it out. Then, get some rest. Rest is an act of worship. It is us showing God that come what may, we need not lose sleep because we know that He never sleeps or slumbers and that He has all wisdom and power. Grab hold of your lion pillows and get your cat nap on because God has it all under control. Ms. EV The other day, I had a marvelous time with one of my dearest friends. She wants me to get married almost as much, if not more, than I do. So, I was sharing with her some of the issues that I have been having and some of my future plans to kickstart my social life. As our discussion went on, I talked to her about two different old flames who I have had contact with in recent months and one person with whom someone tried to play matchmaker. My friend, who has no problem telling me when she thinks that I am wrong (those are the best kinds of friends), did not quite understand why I was not open to some of the options for interaction that had been proposed to me. And, her inquisition caused me to express this position, “I am saying ‘no’ now to avoid saying ‘yes’ later.”
Whenever someone hears that it has been six years since I have been on a real date, they are utterly shocked. I mean, I am gorgeous, intelligent, talented, knowledgeable about sports, and, of course, humble. (That was a joke; stay with me). But honestly, I do believe that I am quite the choice catch for the right suitor. I think that all single people should believe that about themselves. If you do not think you will make a great mate, then perhaps, you have no business going out on dates. But, Ms. EV, isn’t dating just for fun? Maybe for you it is, but I want to get married. So, when I date, it has a purpose that goes beyond companionship or the need for a free meal or movie. I have learned, with God’s help, how to have fun with me because if I cannot have fun with me, then how could I expect someone else to? When I date, it is because I see that the person has the potential to be my forever guy. He fits the general mold and I will accept a date with him to find out if he fits the nooks and crannies. Where am I going with this? Well, it’s not that I have not been asked on a date in six years. Though the requests are few and far between, there have been requests for my company. And, I should clarify that I was in a relationship for two of those six years, and pining for that relationship for at least another year after the break up, so it has really been three years that I have been open to a relationship. So, why not say ‘yes’ to every person that asks to take me out and weed through the good, the bad and the ugly? Again, that might work for other people, but I know myself. When I went on my last first date six years ago, I was attracted to my ex (or I would not have gone out with him), but, at dinner, I did not really see how the relationship could work because he lived in another state and worked in another country for half of the year. But, he seemed to be so into me that I could not help but agree to meet up again before he left town. The only problem is that he didn’t call when he said he would (if you know me, you know that this seriously irks me), so I was confused. When he did call, I should have said what I had told other people for years, “Not calling when you say you are going to call is a deal breaker.” Instead, I took the call, got charmed all over again, and agreed to explore what could develop between us. I cannot tell you how many times in that relationship I did not get a phone call that I was told was coming or a visit that I was promised, which is why we broke up. And, during that time, I had eyes for no other person, so I have no idea how many opportunities I missed to be with someone who could have been my soulmate. So, now here I am with some opportunities to date or hang out with people that I know do not qualify for marriage according to my standards (which are mine and I am entitled to them, so don’t tell me I am too picky). Why say 'no' when there might be potential there or why not just go for practice, so I know how to date other guys? Here’s why, and this strictly applies to me. I know that if I go out with someone and he treats me well and wants a future with me, I am prone to settling. Sure, I may not be willing to settle on the first date, but as time goes on, I may find the gentleman to be truly endearing and agree to a serious relationship, although not really the person with whom I envision a relationship. Every serious relationship I have been in has followed this pattern, including my marriage. And, I have heard that doing the same thing and expecting different results is what causes insanity. So, now, I have chosen to say ‘no thanks’ when someone has a trait that I know I will not appreciate in the long term (I may even become resentful about the trait--I am a work in progress) to avoid settling and saying ‘yes’ to a relationship with that person later out of the sense or need to be in a relationship. God knows what I want in a relationship and what I need. Each of us has our own individual journey. You may be capable of going on a date and then cutting that person out of your life if they are not your match (I wish I had that ability), but have some other issue that you need to take to God. Maybe it is not a date you need to say ‘no’ to now to avoid saying ‘yes’ later to something that is not what is best for your life. Maybe you are dealing with a career decision or friendships. Whatever the case may be, we have to know our personal boundaries and limits. We have to work with God to find out what will truly be satisfying for the long term and what will simply fill a temporary ache. I am trusting that when it is time to say ‘yes,’ God through the prompting of the Holy Spirit will give me that wisdom. I look forward to that day, and until then, I will wait for His best. Ms. EV I love rain. Well, I love rain if I am inside of a building and I don’t have outside plans. A good steady rain is like the perfect sleep symphony. You hear the raindrops tapping against the windows in a perfect rhythm that could only be God’s design. The sky darkens to a grayish shade. I am hard-pressed to stay awake in an overcast setting with that melodic sound. While rain, in actuality, feels harmless, and maybe even relaxing, again when you are inside, a storm brings up a whole other set of feelings. When you add thunder and lightning, tornado warnings, and power outages to the rain, it is not so great anymore.
When I looked at the weather this morning, it described Tropical Storm Debby as a stalled storm. The meteorologists are not sure how long this storm will hover over our area. All they know is that it is unpredictable and slow-moving. When I read that, I thought, “That sounds like some of the storms in my life: unpredictable and slow-moving.” When the rain first started yesterday, we were inside, so it was the perfect soundtrack to a nap. Before most storms, it seems like everything is alright. During the periods in our lives where the rain is still peaceful, we should take the opportunities that God gives us to rest. I am not saying sleep all day; however tempting that might be, but rest in Him. We should read His Word, listen to His voice and meditate on what God has for us, so that when the storm comes, and it will come, we are prepared for it. Being well-rested is key to surviving a storm because you never know how long it will take to ride through the storm. After the peaceful rain came the lightning and thunder. Have you ever watched lightning? I think lightning is beautiful…from faraway of course. It just seems to form these cracks in the sky and then there is a bright light through the darkness that exposes everything around for a brief second. In our spiritual storms, when the lightning comes, we start to crack open and be exposed. Those insecurities and indiscretions in our lives are exposed, even if only for a brief moment. There is enough of this amazing light to show the parts of us that we did not even realize were hidden. The lightning reveals enough to trigger the thunder. Sometimes it sounds like loud shouting and sometimes like quiet rumblings. In either case, it is like all of the voices that vie for our attention. Some are louder than others. Can we drown out the negative long enough to hear the positive? Can we silence the know-it-alls long enough to listen to the One who knows it all? Following the lightning and thunder, we were subject to a tornado warning. If only we would heed the tornado warnings in our spiritual storms. You know, that feeling in the pit of your belly that tells you that everything is about to spin completely out of control. There are actions we can take during the warning to protect ourselves from the harmful effects of a tornado, but once we get caught up in a whirlwind of disobedience or deception or despicable behavior, it is too late to minimize the damage and destruction. Usually in these storms, where it is heavy rain, tornado or hurricane, there is a power outage. I cannot stand a power outage. It is during those times that you realize just how much you rely on being plugged into a power source. Sure many items can run on batteries, but if the battery runs out before the power comes back on, those items are useless. The same thing happens in a spiritual storm. Perhaps, we feel plugged in to God’s power until we are tossed around a bit. Then, like Job, we are wondering where God has gone. He has not gone anywhere, and the good news is that we can plug into Him anytime we want to, even in the midst of a storm. He is waiting for us to reach out to Him. We know that in life there will be storms. There will be tests and trials that come to make us stronger and more prepared to face the next challenge. Nonetheless, the storms in our lives maybe unpredictable and slow-moving like this tropical storm we are experiencing right now. Coach and I broke up almost four years ago. At the time, I thought we would get back together when we had a chance to calm down. We did not, and I have not been on a date since our last date (some of which has to do with my elevated values, but I do not get asked a lot). Four years ago, I did not think that I would still be very single and not even close to having a family of my own. Four years ago, if I had known where I would be right now, I probably would have broken down even more than I did. So, thank God, I did not know because that version of me would not have been able to handle the news that I would not be married and have a baby by 35. However, over four years, my relationship with Christ, through this stalled storm, has grown closer than ever. I have come to understand that God truly knows what is best for me and He will keep me in the midst of the storm. Though it may not feel like it, all storms can bring a blessing, even when they are stalled storms. Just hold on to faith, rest in God, explore what He exposes, listen to His voice, heed His warnings, and plug in to His power. Your stalled storm has nothing on your Savior. Ms. EV I don’t think I’ve ever been more excited for the last day of school! (Not even when I was graduating). This year has been rough! For those of you who don’t know, I am a teacher. Anyway, as I was clearing out my inboxes, I realized that at the beginning of this year, I was so unhappy that I was trying to find another job. Then, the tragedies started and seemed to come one right after another. The year was just marred with disappointment and sadness. And through it all, I held on to the fact that God still sits on the throne and is in control, but that doesn’t mean that it was not hard.
The result of the valley was that it caused me to look within and to cling ever closer to God. I had been in a relationship rut so to speak where I had lost the freshness of my intimacy with Christ and our time together had become more routine than real. As I drew closer to Him, things started to turn around. It was not all mountain tops, but, in the valleys, I knew to look to the hills where from which my help would come. Now, I am renewed, refreshed, revived and ready for what God has in store for my life. He has literally put new songs on my heart, given me new insight and new focus. And, I made it with Him. We made it! Sometimes, it seems as if the struggle will never end, but if you can just be still, you can come through the other side with Jesus as your Friend and Guide. Ms. EV When I used to give talks, I always made sure that I had my papers with me just in case I forgot what I was going to say. One day, I was standing before a crowd speaking, and, in the middle of my speech, I lost my place on my notes. I went off on a tangent and started fiddling with my papers and they got all mixed up. I almost panicked. I began to reshuffle the papers, and then, my heart spoke to God to just help me say what needed to be said at that moment. I got back on track without anyone noticing what happened at the podium and I said a lot of things that were spoken to me by the Holy Spirit.
I know that if I had stuck with my notes I would not have been able to express the words that God intended for me to speak that day. It reminds me of the story of the lame man who came to see Christ. He could not get through the doors with his crutched because of the crowd, so he was lowered through the roof by his friends to see Jesus and be healed. That’s how badly he wanted to meet Jesus. How much do you want what God has in store for you? If he takes away the opportunity to use the person or thing that has been your crutch, will you panic or trust Him to get you where He needs you to be? We should take some time to consider that the thing or person who is holding us up may also be the thing or person who is holding us back from what God has in store for us. What are you leaning on? Who is holding you up? Do you have any crutches that you are trusting more than God? Ms. EV Being an introvert means that I am only outspoken when I am extremely passionate about something. Other than that, I am loud when I am in performance mode and when I am around the people with whom I am the most comfortable. Alternatively, I am quiet most of the time. I spend most of my time by myself, so it would be weird if I talked a lot. I am quiet when I am processing or thinking about something. I am quiet when I know that what I say will cause a confrontation because I hate confrontation (unless it is something about which I am extremely passionate). Most of what I say is in my head though, and although, other people cannot hear it, God knows exactly what I am saying.
The other day, I was reading a devotional and came across this verse in Exodus, “God will fight the battle for you. And you? You keep your mouths shut!” Exodus 14:14 (MSG). It was a slap in the face, but the good kind; the kind that wakes you up. It was akin to one of my favorite prayers, Lord, keep Your arm around my shoulder…and Your hand over my mouth. Our words are very powerful, and I try to choose mine wisely, but I know that I am guilty of using my tongue as a sword. I used to be quite proud of having that as a talent. I loved the fact that I never had to actually put my hands on people because I could do much more damage with my words. I know that is a flawed mindset, but it was my defense mechanism. Now, that I have become more careful with my words, I still find destructive speech goes on in my head. Sometimes, it is directed at other people. Sometimes, it is directed at me. And sometimes, though I am not proud to admit it, it is directed at God. When I read that verse, it reminded me that no matter what is going on in my life, God has the final say. He can and will fight all of my battles and win. My job is to shut my mouth, whether that means not saying something out loud or quieting the negative voices in my head. The verse was directed towards the most quintessential whiners in all of history: the post-Egypt, pre-Promised Land Israelites. Despite all of the times God had delivered them, they still complained every time even a hint of adversity appeared. Now, before we get all high and mighty and condemn their whining ways, let us remember, well at least I know I need to remember, that we do the same exact thing. God rescues us over and over again, even sometimes when we create the calamity, and yet, we have doubt when a new storm arises. So, this verse reminds us, while God is fighting, we just need to be quiet, listen to Him and let Him handle it. Remember, we have two ears and one mouth for a reason. Ms. EV Nine years ago today, it was the day after my law school graduation. I was preparing to fly to Washington, D.C. for my best friend’s graduation from her master’s program at Howard University. Then, when I returned, I would begin bar prep classes. Today, I am sitting in my old high school as a social studies teacher. My best friend lives in D.C., but is a completely different person. In nearly ten years, my life looks dramatically different from what I envisioned. While I truly value the friendships that I have developed in the period of time, I also have a sense of loss for the friendship that I chose to let go. And, though I do find my career rewarding, it is also very taxing at times. I was asked by a colleague just the other day, “Do you ever think about going back to law?” So, as I reflect on where I was and who I was nine years ago today, a young girl excited about the possibilities for my life, hopeful that I would find my path, confident in my friendships, I cannot help but wonder if I make the right turn?
I wanted to be a lawyer because Claire Huxtable was a lawyer. Claire was married to a doctor, raised five children, and was well respected. I was eight years old when I made the declaration, and aside from one year of deviation when I wanted to be a fashion designer at age nine (and who didn’t), I stuck to my goal. I didn’t really get that it was television and the real world would be different. I knew I did not want anything to do with criminal law. I made the law my life in high school and college. I think the law is what attracted me to my ex-husband. He had some situations in his life that allowed me to flex my legal muscles. But, when that relationship ended, my life went into a tailspin. I fell out of love with the idea of practicing law. And now, looking back, I don’t know if it was because at the time, I didn’t feel capable of making rational decisions about my life. I am just wondering if my confidence was shaken so bad by one situation that I threw away a lifelong dream. I practiced law for three years, but it brought me little joy and loads of anxiety. The initial draw to teaching was the interaction with the kids and the fact that I had not worked year-round for so many years that I thought I would be unable to adjust. Even on the days when I am frustrated with my job, there is usually at least one present or former student who reminds me of why I do what I do. I am just not sure if I gave practicing law a fair opportunity to provide me with the same experience. For the years that I practiced, I always knew that my law practice would come to an end. I did my best for each and every client, but never gave that career path a chance. Did I make the right turn? In college, I made two very close friends. We talked about being in each other’s weddings, being godmothers to each other’s children. In fact, one was my maid of honor. At the time, I could not imagine the rest of my life without these two people. As I began to grow in Christ, our lives took different directions. I was so terrified of moving backwards that I made myself distant and eventually, lost touch with these two young women. I have since reached out to them, but I feel that the damage done by my attitude is irreparable. The saddest part of the situation is that I have no children of my own, but I know there are at least four children who were meant to be my godchildren and I am not a part of their lives at all. I can pray for them from afar, which is the best I can do for them, but it could have been so much more. I have great friends now, who I am spiritually in sync with and I would not trade for the world. Yet, I still wonder…did I make the right turn? I am not sure if I will get the answer to that question on this side of Heaven. And, I am not complaining about my life because I love my life, my career and the people in my life. In pondering whether or not I made good decisions right now, I am not engaged in an exercise of ‘coulda shoulda woulda,” but I am thanking God that for every turn I made, He worked it out for my good. I am discovering some areas in which I may not have forgiven myself. I can use these past experiences to create less questions in my future when I have a choice to make. I could play the “What If” game incessantly, but that is an exercise in futility because the past already happened and it cannot be changed. I also do not want to project into the future because I think that an irrational vision of the future led to some of my worst decisions. So, I think I will just enjoy WHAT IS knowing that God is in full control and I have every reason to be content and filled with joy simply because He has redeemed me, not to mention all of the other blessings He has bestowed upon me. Did I make the right turn? You can say “yes” with confidence to if your turn turns you towards Christ! Ms. EV |
About Ms. EVWhen you have elevated values, it is not about being snobby; it is about living victoriously! Archives
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