Well, we’re still here. I guess the Mayan calendar wasn’t right. In any case, I wanted to get back to my Lonely Christmas CD. There is a song that I had to have on the CD that I first heard in the movie, Home Alone, but I am sure that it is older than that. The song is “Nobody Ought to Be Alone on Christmas.”
I have spent every Christmas, except one, with my family. I do not necessarily spend the entire day with them, but at some point, we are all in one location. I didn’t realize how necessary this was until the one Christmas that I was not with them. It was my ex-husband’s and my first Christmas together. Now, you’re probably thinking, “I thought you said you were alone.” There was someone physically present with me that day, but understand that within four months after that Christmas, our minor problems became major. Six months after that Christmas, we separated. Eight months after that Christmas, our divorce was final. So, you aren’t not alone just because you’re with someone (Oh man, that’s some wisdom right there). Anyway, I was so miserable that Christmas that I visited my family a few days later for my dad’s birthday and New Years. I have to say that is the most alone I have ever felt on a Christmas day, including at this point in my life, when I literally spend a part of the day alone. I know how sad it can be, so I want to encourage everyone that if you know someone who is going to be alone next Tuesday that believes in Christmas, give them a call and invite them over. My parents are really good at this. They were in the Navy and different families took care of them when they couldn’t be with their families, so they always adopt some single people or people who don’t have family in town on holidays. I must admit that I did not always understand it. And, of course, I am always hoping they will invite someone over who might be a match for their very single daughter (LOL), but that hasn’t happened yet. Now, as I am truly single again, I understand why they do it because nobody ought to be all alone on Christmas. So, make an effort to help out your single or family-less friends this holiday season, so everyone can focus on the joy of the Savior’s birth and not how lonely they are here on earth. Ms. EV
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Today's weather reminded me of this post from a few months ago, I needed to read this one again...
I love rain. Well, I love rain if I am inside of a building and I don’t have outside plans. A good steady rain is like the perfect sleep symphony. You hear the raindrops tapping against the windows in a perfect rhythm that could only be God’s design. The sky darkens to a grayish shade. I am hard-pressed to stay awake in an overcast setting with that melodic sound. While rain, in actuality, feels harmless, and maybe even relaxing, again when you are inside, a storm brings up a whole other set of feelings. When you add thunder and lightning, tornado warnings, and power outages to the rain, it is not so great anymore. When I looked at the weather this morning, it described Tropical Storm Debby as a stalled storm. The meteorologists are not sure how long this storm will hover over our area. All they know is that it is unpredictable and slow-moving. When I read that, I thought, “That sounds like some of the storms in my life: unpredictable and slow-moving.” When the rain first started yesterday, we were inside, so it was the perfect soundtrack to a nap. Before most storms, it seems like everything is alright. During the periods in our lives where the rain is still peaceful, we should take the opportunities that God gives us to rest. I am not saying sleep all day; however tempting that might be, but rest in Him. We should read His Word, listen to His voice and meditate on what God has for us, so that when the storm comes, and it will come, we are prepared for it. Being well-rested is key to surviving a storm because you never know how long it will take to ride through the storm. After the peaceful rain came the lightning and thunder. Have you ever watched lightning? I think lightning is beautiful…from faraway of course. It just seems to form these cracks in the sky and then there is a bright light through the darkness that exposes everything around for a brief second. In our spiritual storms, when the lightning comes, we start to crack open and be exposed. Those insecurities and indiscretions in our lives are exposed, even if only for a brief moment. There is enough of this amazing light to show the parts of us that we did not even realize were hidden. The lightning reveals enough to trigger the thunder. Sometimes it sounds like loud shouting and sometimes like quiet rumblings. In either case, it is like all of the voices that vie for our attention. Some are louder than others. Can we drown out the negative long enough to hear the positive? Can we silence the know-it-alls long enough to listen to the One who knows it all? Following the lightning and thunder, we were subject to a tornado warning. If only we would heed the tornado warnings in our spiritual storms. You know, that feeling in the pit of your belly that tells you that everything is about to spin completely out of control. There are actions we can take during the warning to protect ourselves from the harmful effects of a tornado, but once we get caught up in a whirlwind of disobedience or deception or despicable behavior, it is too late to minimize the damage and destruction. Usually in these storms, whether it is heavy rain, tornado or hurricane, there is a power outage. I cannot stand a power outage. It is during those times that you realize just how much you rely on being plugged into a power source. Sure many items can run on batteries, but if the battery runs out before the power comes back on, those items are useless. The same thing happens in a spiritual storm. Perhaps, we feel plugged in to God’s power until we are tossed around a bit. Then, like Job, we are wondering where God has gone. He has not gone anywhere, and the good news is that we can plug into Him anytime we want to, even in the midst of a storm. He is waiting for us to reach out to Him. We know that in life there will be storms. There will be tests and trials that come to make us stronger and more prepared to face the next challenge. Nonetheless, the storms in our lives maybe unpredictable and slow-moving like this tropical storm we are experiencing right now. Coach and I broke up almost four years ago. At the time, I thought we would get back together when we had a chance to calm down. We did not, and I have not been on a date since our last date (some of which has to do with my elevated values, but I do not get asked a lot). Four years ago, I did not think that I would still be very single and not even close to having a family of my own. Four years ago, if I had known where I would be right now, I probably would have broken down even more than I did. So, thank God, I did not know because that version of me would not have been able to handle the news that I would not be married and have a baby by 35. However, over four years, my relationship with Christ, through this stalled storm, has grown closer than ever. I have come to understand that God truly knows what is best for me and He will keep me in the midst of the storm. Though it may not feel like it, all storms can bring a blessing, even when they are stalled storms. Just hold on to faith, rest in God, explore what He exposes, listen to His voice, heed His warnings, and plug in to His power. Your stalled storm has nothing on your Savior. Ms. EV I think some of my messages lately may have been slightly miscontrued. Being single during the holidays can, well how shall I put this delicately, suck; however, as a friend of mine tweeted yesterday desperation and settling are not the answer. Just because I don't want to spend Christmas Eve or New Years Eve alone, it doesn't mean that I am going to jump on the first man who shows any interest in me. I still have a list that I refuse to deviate from (If you want to see my list, check out Superficial or Super-Specific) because my God is able and I am not THAT single. (SN: Just because someone fits this list in general it does not mean that he is the one because there has to be attraction, i.e, my list says nothing about age, but I cannot date someone who is closer to my dad's age than mine. I tried; I didn't work. Remember, to each his or her own; we all have our quirks)
I know a couple of my blogs may have mistakenly indicated that I am prime for the picking, but I have been doing this whole holidays alone thing for way too long to just give up and "take what I can get" at this point. I just want other singletons to know that I understand what you are going through and you are not, by any means, alone, especially if you have a relationship with Christ. The last thing you want to do right now is to get into a relationship with someone for the sake of making it through the holidays, even though you know that person is not the person for whom you have been waiting. Sure, it's tempting if you notice that someone new is flirting with you and you know you could probably get whatever you want from that person from now until February 14th, but temptation is how we all ended up in the state we are in today, remember Eve (and Adam). So, resist the urge to call or text your ex and see if you can make things work. He (or she) is your ex for a reason. Do not accept dates with people who you would normally NEVER date because now, all of a sudden, he or she just might be the one. Just remember this mantra...I'm not THAT single! Trust me, you can do this. The first holiday season after my last breakup, I got a cat. I was so focused on that little booger that I couldn't even think of being alone. The next year, I was dealing with the death of two dear friends, so I was just feeling grateful for being alive. The following year, I threw myself into baking and candy-making and my grandmama was in the nursing home, so she was my focus. And, I am glad that I focused on her because by the next holiday season, which was last year, she was no longer with us. It was particularly hard because my grandmama's birthday is on Christmas Day. I never thought I would make it through that day, but it turned out to be one of the best Christmases I have ever had. So, before you answer that text, make that phone call, accept that date, start flirting back, think to yourself, "After I get over the holiday blues, will I still want to be involved with this person?" If your answer is "yes," then go for it, but if your answer is "no," then boldly declare, "I AM NOT THAT SINGLE!" and keep it moving. Maybe you don't have an issue with getting through this time of year, thank God for that, but still trust Him to send you the mate for whom you have been waiting and do not settle for less thinking, "Well, this is probably as good as it's going to get." Remember, God can do exceedingly, abundantly above all you can ask or think. I know for me, that is a tall (and I do mean tall) order, but I am willing to wait on it. Any time that you feel loneliness pressing down on you. Press in to God. When you need to be held, ask Him to hold you and request that He will let you physically feel His arms wrapped around you. I have done it and it works. Do not let people diminish your feelings by telling you that you are never alone because while that it true and God is with you, the Bible never says that you will not feel lonely. Jesus even felt lonely when his family and friends could not understand what He was going through. You will make it; I am a living witness. Some years have been easier than others, but I have always made it through stronger better and wise enough to know that unless, God sends me the one I requested, I am not THAT single. Ms. EV It is funny how life comes full circle...I wrote this a little over two years ago and its truth shouts even louder today! God knew I would need these words and that I would need to reread these words. I pray that they are a blessing to you as well...
Give ear to my words, O LORD, consider my sighing. Listen to my cry for help, my King and my God, for to you I pray. Psalm 5:1-2 Today, I have peace about it, but three days ago, I was in distress because I realized that the puzzle I saw coming together was truly a figment of my imagination. I thought he was the missing piece, but the words he so prophetically spoke to me three and a half years ago rang true. “I like things easy.” He had said it before, but I ignored it, thinking that I meant enough to him to change his mind, but I never did change his mind. I never changed who he was, he never changed who he was, and God never changed who he was, so now, I have peace because I know he’s not for me. To him, “I like things easy” –simple and plain—to him that meant that I would make his life easy by allowing him to drop in and out of my life as he pleased. I would make his life easy by being at his every beck and call whenever he decided to beck or call. And, I did that for him because I thought it was a good way to show him that I love him, but did he ever show me that he loved me? He said it…once. It was, it seemed, his convenient way of holding on to my attention, which I feel he sensed was waning. I fell for it and I waited. I waited on God to make him the man I needed, but he’s not that man. I know believe he will never be that man. That man will love me as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25). He will esteem me higher than himself. That man will not expect me to compromise my values. That man will make my life “easy.” And that man will be loved truly and deeply. I know this because I have loved men who did none of those things. How much more then could I love someone who actually shows me that he loves me rather than just telling me he loves me when he feels me slipping away. My kindness will no longer be taken advantage of; my true friendship will no longer be unrequited. I know who I am and whose I am, and as a child of royalty, I deserve the best my King has to offer, so I am not willing to settle simply because the pangs of loneliness eat away at me in the midnight hour, and sometimes, in the midday hour. I am not willing to settle because it seems that my chance for a family of my own is fading. I am not willing to make another person’s priorities my own if that person is not willing to make the same sacrifice for me. Like Christ loved the church means willing to sacrifice your life. I can honestly say that no man who has ever claimed to love me has come close to exemplifying this quality, so is it possible? I am convinced that every Word of God is true and he tells me that with men, things are impossible, but with God, all things are possible (Matthew 19:26). So, I am not willing to settle even if it means that I face singleness and loneliness, even if people keep asking me why I am not in a relationship, even if I cry or become sad at times. I have given up too much of myself and gained little in return. That is not the way God intended love to be, so I am confident that He knows what I need, and He will give me the desires of my heart. I do not know when or how, but I know that settling does more harm than good and makes my path more crooked than straight. Ms. EV I was challenged by a Girlfriends in God devotional in my inbox and here is my response. I hope that it can bless and encourage you about the storms in your life. Check out Girlfriends in God when you have a chance .
Challenge: Read 1 Peter 4:12-13 "Do not be surprised at the painful things you are now suffering. These things are testing your faith." (ICB) In your own words, describe the testing you are going through today in your life. How is it testing and strengthening your faith? Response: My main tests are being single and childless. I never thought that I would survive four years of singleness. But, I reached four years last June and I am thankful because God proved to me that, with Him, I can survive. I will be alright. I thought the depression of being alone might kill me when I was younger. It was that thought that twisted my mind into thinking that getting married very young was a good idea. If I took the opportunity then to get married, I wouldn’t have to ever be alone again. But, because I didn’t listen to God, I experienced an even more painful loneliness. I experienced feeling alone while in a relationship, a marriage. The heartache is even more brutal when you are alone and attached at the same time. Morally, it is wrong to seek comfort in another person while you are married, so you either have to continue to battle loneliness and become a young divorcee (which was the ultimate failure in my book at the time) or commit adultery. I did the latter. I am not proud of it and it led to even more pain because not only was I being rejected by my husband, the man who I sought for comfort also rejected me because he lost respect for me. How could either of them respect me when I didn’t even respect myself? All of this was the result of me not wanting to be alone. Nevertheless, praise God that I realized that I am never alone. The loneliness that made me cry to myself to sleep at times is the very thing that pushes me into the arms of the Master. When I was younger, I didn’t want children. As a child, I didn’t get along with other children, and I felt my time was better spent on achieving my goals. So, when I had a pregnancy scare at eighteen, I prayed, “God, I would rather not be pregnant now and never have children, than to be a teen mother.” Unmarried, teenage mothers were looked down upon. I was one of the people looking down upon them, and now, I was the one who might be in their shoes. At eighteen, it seemed like a harmless prayer because I didn’t want kids and I never thought that I would. When I got married, for the few months that we were happy, I could see myself having my husband’s babies and we weren’t trying to get pregnant, but we weren’t not trying either. I am grateful that I didn’t have his child and I know that there were a lot of prayers from people who loved me and saw what I could not see that help that to happen. I have had several health issues that are threats to my fertility and every year when I see the doctor, I get a little nudge that I might want to think about when I am going to start a family because I am running out time before I am high risk. But I am not even dating anyone, let alone married. And, I do not want children by myself. I want a family. I want a husband and then children, which is what I wanted when I was younger, but I went about it in all kinds of wrong ways. That subconscious prayer haunts me and tests me every time I start feeling my maternal instincts. Did God listen to that prayer or did He realize I was being ridiculous? I have asked for forgiveness and I have to believe that He has forgiven me for the sin and the request. So, now I wait on a husband on a child. Whether it happens or not, He is still God. He still knows what is best for me. I believe that my desire to love children has helped me grow into a better aunt and a patient teacher. And, should I have children, I have learned lessons from watching other parents for such a long time, that though I am sure I will still make mistakes, maybe they will be few. I have asked God to take the desires to be married and have children away from me several times. I say, “God, if it’s never going to happen, I am fine with that plan for my life, but please take the desires away.” They haven’t gone anywhere, so these trials are testing and strengthening my faith. I have to believe that God’s Word is true when it says that if I delight in Him, He will give me the desires of my heart. The more time I am without a husband and children who may break my focus, the more time I can dedicate to God; the more I can learn to delight myself in Him constantly and consistently, so that my family will be an addition to my abundant life not a substitution for God’s presence in my life. Challenge: Read 2 Corinthians 6:6 (NLT) "We have proved ourselves by our purity, our understanding, our patience, our kindness, our sincere love, and the power of the Holy Spirit." This verse lists the qualities God wants to create in us through storms that come our way. Which ones are present in your life? Which ones is He trying to produce in you today? Are you willing to let Him do so? Response: The qualities that these storms have produces in my life are purity. I am not inclined to mess up on that again. I have made the mistake enough times to know that God does not bless disobedience. I have developed an understanding of who God is, how God loves and what God wants from His children. I very much feel the power of the Holy Spirit working in my life and being a Comforter and a Guide. I have grown more patient, but I can still grow in that area. I am a kind-hearted person, I have learned how to be softer and gentler, but I do still have a short fuse that contradicts with what is actually in my heart. I am willing to let God continue the work that He has started and I know that He will finish. His Word tells me so. I know that when He knows I am ready, He will move me forward to the next step in my life. Ms. EV Have you ever heard, "Little Christmas Tree," by the Jackson 5? It is a fabulously depressing song, and I love it! If you are new to this blog, you should be aware that I love really, really sad and depressing music because when I hear it, it makes me feel better about my life. I like the blues, Old Toni Braxton music like, Un-Break My Heart, How Could an Angel Break My Heart, you probably get the gist. So, a couple of winter breaks ago after getting tired of hearing how excited people were about Christmas music (in November), I decided to compile some of my favorite Christmas music; the music to which I could relate. The result is a CD with about twelve or thirteen of the saddest songs you have ever heard and "Little Christmas Tree" is on it.
I first heard this song when I was a little girl because it was on my parents' Motown Christmas album. I didn't really pay attention to the words, I just liked belting out the words, "This is the season of LOVE...But, I'm as sad as I can BEEEEEEEE!!!" Please don't call the men in the white jackets on me. Back then, it was about the moving melody, and as I got older and started experiencing some sad and lonely Christmases after break ups and divorce and more break ups, belting out that haunting melody became therapeutic. The song talks about this little, lonely Christmas tree and it speaks to those of us who go to bed alone at night on Christmas Eve and wake up alone on Christmas morning. And, I realize that's sad (Google the words, it gets worse), but it makes me feel happy because before and after I go to bed alone and wake up alone, I spend time with a fanstastic family. I get to see the joy in my nephews' and niece's eyes when they open presents that I gave them. I get to dine on fantastic food with my family. It's sometimes hard seeing everyone be all lovey-dovey, but at least I'm not that little Christmas tree. I mean, according to Michael, "No one seemed to care, they just walked away and left it standing there!" I, on the other hand, have people who care about me; who won't just walk away and leave me standing there. And, even at the times when they are not with me, in the lonely hours, I have a relationship with the one, true God, who never leaves my side, so I am never alone. And, my friend, you are not alone either. God thought so much of you that the Christ, for whom we celebrate Christmas (though, I think some people forget this part), was sent to save you. He has a plan for you. You may not understand His plan, but it is the best plan. And yes, it might include more lonely Christmases than you ever thought you would have, but guess what, you have made it through everyone of them. Don't wait on Santa to bring you the things you think will fulfill you. Trust that God knows exactly what you need, so you don't always get what you want. Whew, I know I needed that! I don't know about anyone else, but I am grateful that even though I feel like that Little Christmas Tree sometimes, I know that not every Christmas will be that way because God has proved to me that He is so much more loving than that! And, when I do have my own family, with whom to celebrate Christmas, I pray that I do not ever forget to be grateful for God's sacrifice, grace and mercy. I truly believe that what I experience now will lead to even greater experiences ahead. Even when it feels like no one cares, God cares and so do I. Ms. EV I should be well aware by now that as soon as things start moving in a positive direction, the darts will start being hurled my way. Sometimes it is hard to tell if the negative thoughts originate from my own insecurities or if they are merely a manifestation of the cowardice of an enemy who knows he has no standing. Whatever the source, I still have difficulty dealing with feeling lonely from time to time. So, I am writing this as an encouragement to myself in hopes that it will lift up someone else as well.
One thing I know for sure is that I am not alone. I am assured of that fact by God’s Word. Nonetheless, it would be nice to have someone to whom or with whom I could come home. Most of the time when I think this, it is because I have had a rough day and need a little sympathy. But, even in the good times, well, especially in the good times, it would be nice to have someone with whom I could celebrate. I am not in any way diminishing the comfort and peace that God gives me or the spiritual pats on the back that I can feel from within my soul. However, God Himself said, “It is not good for man to be alone.” And, I am pretty sure He meant that for women, too. I just have to thank God because this is no longer a daily struggle (Oh, who am I kidding…an hourly struggle). There are a limited number of times when I feel sucker-punched by the lonelies. There are even less times when it results in tears. So, as much as I am sure my old nemesis wants me to have a full on Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam “All Cried Out” moment, I know that I just need to go to my Daddy and sit at His feet and let Him console me. No one will ever fill the empty spaces of my life like He can. And, when the time is right, He will send me someone to come home to. Ms. EV I realized last night, after having a bit of an emotional break, that I really need to focus on not disliking the holiday season. As a Christian, this should be a joyous time of celebration. However, when the twenty-fifth commercial about a man buying his wife or girlfriend jewelry came on while I was trying to watch football, I had had ENOUGH! I exclaimed, "I can't wait until January 1st!" To which my niece replied, "Why?" I retorted, "Because then I won't have to see these stupid commercials anymore! It's like we went straight from political ads to jewelry campaign! Okay...you love her...we get it!" Like, I said, emotional break.
You see, every year right around Thanksgiving, I start to really feel the sadness of singleness. I have a great family, but it seems that everyone in my family who desires to be in a relationship is in a relationship and/or they have children on whom to focus their attention. And, every year, I tell myself that it could be worse. I could be dealing with illness or loss or some terrible tragedy and I am really blessed. But, there is something about the lack of sunlight and the addition of holiday stuff that pushes me into a holiday depression. For me, my goal every year is to make it from the end of November to February 15th without completely breaking down or losing my mind. Because right after Christmas, there is New Years Eve, three weeks later there is my birthday, and then, Valentines Day. Talk about rapid succession lonely times. I am surrounded by people and most, if not all of them, are loving and caring. Yet, this is still a time when I struggle. No matter how many people are around, I don't have MY person or MY children. And, at the end of the day on these special occasions, I leave alone. And, I know God is with me. Trust me, I remind myself of that all of the time. I would love to be the person that can say that the fact that God is everpresent is comforting to me in these times, but I would be lying if I didn't admit that being lonely on the holidays, not having a special someone, kind of sucks. So, what do the lonely do at Christmas? Well, I have found in recent years that if I focus on others and bringing them joy, it generally brings a smile to my face. If I don't think of it as a holiday, but celebrate Christ and the season of giving, it brings some comfort. Still, waking up and opening presents with my cat on Christmas morning is kind of saddening, but I focus on the fact that I did wake up and that my cat is healthy and she knows how to wipe any tears I may shed. Nevertheless, everytime I make it through this season, it is a blessing because there are so many who lack any kind of comfort and just cannot deal with the loneliness, so I thank God for that. Ms. EV God, my shepherd! I don't need a thing. Psalm 23:1 (MSG) – I woke up this morning replaying my entire relationship with my ex-boyfriend. I don’t know why that was on my mind. We met six years ago and broke up four years ago. We haven’t even spoken in over six months. And yet, there it was in my head; the entire span of our relationship from romantic beginning to sad demise.
It is the beginning of the holiday season, in which I start to feel lonely. My team will play his team next weekend. And, this is the time of year when we made our relationship official all those years ago. Okay, I am starting to see why that relationship was in my head. In that relationship, I started off on solid footing, dependent on God and not focused at all on my ex, who we’ll just call Coach. But, very shortly after our first date, I fell and I fell hard. I slowly became more needy and dependent on Coach and too independent towards God. True to form, God let me do things my way. And, as I reflected this morning, I do not even understand why Coach was able to sweep me off my feet. I guess at that point in my life. I, once again, felt that I needed something that was not present in my life. I felt that Coach could fulfill that need, and I longed for him to fill that need. That longing started to overshadow my longing for Christ. Ultimately, the relationship ended, and I was devastated, but God took me back, as always. Now, I am totally dependent on Him, and I don’t need a thing as the verse says. God, my shepherd, has already given me everything I need, and, He can fulfill my desires, as well. I would like to say that I will never put myself in that situation again, and I pray that this is true. God is my keeper, my source, not Coach or any other person who comes into my life. With Him, I don’t need a thing. Ms. EV I had to repost this because I needed a reminder about why I don't do this after I saw a lovely ribeye that I cannot afford on my television screen. Enjoy!
Yesterday, I was approached by a young man as I was leaving from picking up lunch. And, when I say young, I mean he was “I could have taught him a few years back” young. He wanted to “take me to dinner some time.” Just the other day, I was telling a friend of mine that I can’t see going on a date with someone I am not attracted to and she replied that she would love to have someone else pay for dinner, which is fine…for her. I love to eat. Food is one of my passions. I watch shows about food that I would never try because I am super finicky and over the summer, I learn to cook and bake new delicacies. When I was younger, I could not see doing much of anything by myself, especially eating dinner in a restaurant. But, as I have grown older and remained single, I realized that if I did not learn how to eat by myself, I would miss out on new eateries. So, I have developed a way of eating alone with which I am comfortable. When I was in my twenties, did not have much money, and was looking to have fun, if he was willing to pay, I was willing to share a meal with him. Now, I am older and for me, dating someone is about getting to know someone with whom I could share my life, not just a meal. I know that not everyone I date will be husband material for me, but as I said in my blog, Superficial or Super-Specific, I know the basic attributes of the man for whom I am waiting. So, if a person does not possess those attributes, I do not want to waste my time or his money. My last and most significant relationships started with a dinner date, but before there was dinner, there was attraction. I am still single so obviously they did not turn out the way I had envisioned, but it was a step in the right direction. Everyone has their own methods of getting by as a single person, and I do not knock anything that is not clearly spelled out in Biblical principles. For me, every time I go to dinner by myself, it reminds me of how God has helped me to overcome a fear that I had. It shows me how much God has blessed me because I am able to treat myself. I am not so independent that I would not allow to whom I am attracted to woo me. However, I am not going to settle and go on a date just for dinner. Ms. EV |
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