In one of my latest writings, I came up with several new definitions of what it means to be a single servant of the true and living God. S_____ IN G_____ L_____ E_____... And, since we're only one week from Single Awareness Day (a/k/a Valentines Day) let’s take a look at some of these new definitions over the next few days:
Sensational IN God’s Loving Eyes – Psalm 139:14 I am “fearfully and wonderfully made.” No one can deny the beauty that created within me when He made me His own. As a single woman, I must be confident that God does not make mistakes and does not make junk. I am His child, His heir, and, as such, I am gifted with His amazing grace and undeserved mercies. I must also never let anyone make me feel that I am a social outcast or that I am unlovable because if the great I AM can love me with everything He knows about me, then I deserve respect from anyone who did not create the heavens and the earth. Sharing IN my Gifts for the Lord’s Exaltation – I Corinthians 12 God has gifted me with different talents and being single allows me to share those gifts with others for His glory. God has given me the ability to teach, and I not only teach as a profession, but in my church. My singleness allows me the time to truly share in the lives of my students and support them in their efforts. God has also given me the abilities to write and sing. With my writing, I have been able to encourage young women, who are facing issues with which I have already tangled. I am also able to give young men insight into issues that Christian women face. For both audiences, the main lesson is that God cares for you and that no matter what you face in relationships, if God is in the forefront, you will be victorious and He will receive the glory. The gift of music has been one that has truly connected me to God. Each time I sing a worship song, it is a personal serenade from me to God. The beautiful thing is to see others uplifted by the moments when I am pouring out my heart to God in song. Ms. EV
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I was reading through some past journal entries the other day and I ran across this little mini-poem:
“It may be me one day, but right now it is not; I have to keep my focus on what I have got.” I cannot remember what prompted that little message of encouragement. It could have been anything. Perhaps, I read a devotional on thankfulness. Maybe I saw an article about a wedding. It is possible that I saw someone who is very wealthy on television. There is no telling what my eyes or ears witnessed that caused me to stop immediately and affirm my gratitude and contentment with my life. And, the other day when I read it, I thought, “Thank God for what I don’t have, too.” Do you ever think about all of the things that you don’t have? I am not speaking of the wants and desires that you wish you had; I am talking about all of the things that you don’t want and you don’t have. Or, how about all of the things that you should have, but you don’t have? We may never know the depths or breadth or lengths of God’s love and mercy. But, as we look around the world at the tragedies that are suffered, it ought to cause us to throw our hands up in praise if we are not afflicted with that type of calamity. When we look over our past mistakes, and we realize that we have escaped some of the worst possible scenarios for our lives with consequences that are not nearly as awful as they could be, we ought to fall to our knees and thank God for His mercy. These mirrors of mercy can appear on any level of our lives. On a spiritual level, children of God can be thankful that we do not have to go through someone else to get to God. We can come boldly before His throne of grace asking anything we need in Jesus’ name because Jesus took our place on the cross (Hebrews 4:16; John 14:13). We should be thankful that we do not have nail-scarred hands and feet or a pierced side, which is the least that we deserve for our sins. On an emotional level, we can praise Him when we do not have any more tears to cry over someone who has caused us pain, whether it is a spouse, a loved one, a family member, a co-worker, or a friend. It is such a blessing when we get to the day when we do not have any more emotion to give to that situation and we can finally move on with our lives. On a romantic level, thank God for that person that He did not allow you to be with or to stay with who would have done more damage to your life than good. On a physical level, we should appreciate that we do not have all of the ailments that we could have. Some sickness happens because we live in corruptible bodies. Some sickness happens because we have bad habits or do not properly value our health. In either case, even when we are infirmed with something, we can be grateful that we do not have other conditions and diseases in addition to that one. On a financial level, we ought to be grateful that we do not have to depend on man as our source. Once again, this is not an encouragement to quit your job, but just recognize that no matter what man does, if you belong to God, He has your back--and front and sides. (2 Thessalonians 3:10; Psalm 27:1). Just think about all the debt you could have that you do not have. Whether you are in good standing because you used Godly wisdom in economic evaluations or because God has spared you from the most severe outcomes associated with your financial foolishness, you should shout, “Hallelujah”(especially in this economy). I believe that there are many times when we are trying our best to be content with what we do have that we can identify the gifts of grace, but we also should be thanking God for His mercy; for the circumstances with which we do not have to grapple. What makes it difficult to recognize these blessings is that we truly do not know all of the situations from which God has protected us, which is a blessing in and of itself. Nevertheless, the next time you find yourself feeling pitiful because of what you do not have, turn the pity party inpraise party for what you do not have by the mercy of God. Remember, (and I cannot think of the exact quote or who said it) it is better to be able to desire what you do not have than to have what you do not desire. Ms. EV I figured that since I have already written about driving for two days, I would continue with that theme today. Today, however, I am not talking about the rules of the literal road, but the rules on the proverbial road of life. What drives us? What is transporting us toward our goals? What is motivating us in our relationships with people? What is getting us to a deeper love and understanding of our Master? Are we purpose-driven or profit-driven? Is it wrong to be both?
I absolutely believe that I was meant to publish Pray While You’re Prey seven years ago. The book is my testimony, and, to this day, people tell me that it is helpful to them as they walk the single, Christian journey. While I am confident in publishing the book, I am pretty sure that the way that I handled publishing the book was not the way God would have chosen. With a manuscript that got rave reviews and just enough legal know-how to be dangerous, I very quickly took God’s plan and ran down my own path with it. I tried to get a publisher for the book. I sent out query letter after query letter and got rejection after rejection, so I felt that it was in my best interest to self-publish. I did all of the research of the costs of printing and publishing, gathered a team that was willing to invest time, talent and treasure and I was off to the races. Even with the help of others, I still needed more funding, so I got a small business credit card that had zero percent interest for the first six or twelve months or something, and then, of course had a huge interest rate if the balance was not paid in that time frame. (I should probably mention that at that point in my life, I was two years into my dad’s credit reconstruction/financial responsibility plan from all of the bad financial mistakes I had made in college and law school.) So, here I was with this fantastic testimony in manuscript form and a credit card, so that I could act immediately on my dream. At the time, I felt that by putting the printing and marketing costs (keep in mind that there was no social media) of the books on credit, I was showing God that I was “all in” on this vision. I was ready and willing to take on any challenge. In hindsight, I realize that I just was not willing to wait on Him to provide a better plan for what I wanted to do. So, I had a book release event, got my book in stores and did book signings. I was even on the radio promoting the book. But, as the time started to wind down to the high interest rate on the credit card, my motivation shifted from conveying a message of hope and encouragement to getting that cash money honey. I did not handle the moderate success that I had with the book very well. I expected people to come out in droves to my book signings and invite me to speak all over the country. And of course, once Oprah got a hold of the book, it would be in her book club, and I would be RICH…hahahahahaha! And, I wonder why God only shares pieces of information with me and not the whole picture! There is nothing wrong with believing that God will prosper you in His purpose for your life, but when you replace His plans with your own, you cannot expect the same results that you would have gotten if you had listened to Him. So, now I am at the halfway point of recording my first CD. People keep asking me what my next step will be and I keep asking God the same question because I never want to veer off onto my own path again. I had to stop and ask myself why I am even recording. The fact is that I have always had a desire to record music. The only other careers I envisioned besides attorney were educator and recording artist/producer. I do not feel like I came to those conclusions on my own because God has blessed me with the talents to match. I know that with music and writing of any kind that I do, the most important aspects are the lyrics and the message. Music is a universal language and I believe it to be one of my gifts for Kingdom-building. I would love for writing and music to be my careers; nevertheless, it is about God’s will and God’s timing. Right now, I am a teacher and I love teaching, but I did not intend to be a high school teacher forever, so is it wrong to want to make a career out of my gifts? Let me give you a hint, that question was rhetorical. I do not believe that it is wrong to pursue the passion that God has placed in you. But, we have to take the time to be brutally honest with ourselves and know whether we are driven by moving on God’s mission or driven by making that good money. When I felt that I was no longer going to make any money from my books, I quit because, at the time, I was profit-driven. All that mattered was the bottom line and that was wrong. Imagine if all that mattered to God was the bottom line. What if all He cared about was your salvation and after that you were on your own? Thankfully, He is a gracious and merciful God that does not just want us to be saved, but also cares about the quality of our lives. When it comes to dreams, goals, relationships, and loving God, we should be driven by purpose first and foremost. It is okay to be profit-driven if the gain is God’s glory revealed or souls snatched from the devil’s grip. God created us to praise and please Him, so that is what we are called to do and it is not about what we can personally gain. If God’s purpose in giving talents is for it to become a career, then that is what it will be. However, even if is it not meant to be a career, we should not going to stop using the talent for His glory. Many times we look at the provision, the people, and the purpose God blesses us with and we only want them for the benefits associated with them. If you throw away a blessing because you don’t feel that you are getting enough out of the deal, then you are strictly profit-driven. And, by profits, I do not mean strictly monetary harvests. So, as you move in the vision that God has for your life, be sure to note whether you are purpose-driven or profit-driven. Ms. EV A few months ago, I mentioned that I went to an audition. Only a handful of people knew at the time where I was going because I learned from the story of Joseph that sometimes it’s best to keep your dreams within your circle of trust. Now that it is over and has been over for quite some time and the first episode has aired, I can reveal that the audition was for the show, Sunday Best.
I had been encouraged by several people to step out and audition for this type of opportunity, so I prayed about it and God did not tell me not to do it. Looking back, I am not sure if He told me to do it, but I am sure that there was not a “No” involved. I may have mentioned this before, but I do not like to go to auditions or job interviews because there is always the looming possibility of rejection. At least in my theatre days, I knew what the audition process would entail. In this particular instance, I had no idea what to expect. I sat in the freezing cold in a lawn chair for eleven hours, surrounded by strangers. I tried to sleep, but the audition, the anticipation and the anxiety of being in the midst of so many unfamiliar faces kept me awake the entire time. When the line finally started moving, I was excited, but weary. I signed an agreement saying that I would not reveal the process, so I will honor that and just tell about my experience. I got less than half a minute to sing. I got complimented by the judges on my enthusiasm. And, then I was sent on my way. It was a very humbling experience when that door closed. Last night, I watched the first episode, and I just had to thank God. First of all, I was proud of myself for watching the show because I had vowed as I left that day that I would not. Of course, that was the hurt feelings speaking at the time and part of growing in Christ is having joy for others when they reach their goals. I was also grateful that God gave me the ability to show Him how much His gift means to me. I was glad I did not stick have to around for the rest of the process because I was dead tired (and maybe a little delirious). And, after watching the auditions last night, I realized that even if I had made it to the final round to sing for Yolanda, Donnie and Kim, they would have cut me, which would have been even more heartbreaking. They told at least two prospects that their voices were better suited for theater. I know they would have said the same about me because the only formal vocal training I have comes from being in theatrical productions. I think that most of us have heard that when God closes a door, He opens a window. Sometimes we need doors slammed in our faces because that is the only way God can keep us on the right track, and then, we can live out God’s purposes for our lives. If I had been on the show, I do not know how far I would have made it on the show. Sure, it would have been nice for people across the country to hear me sing; however, because God gave me this talent, as long as I perform for the audience of One, I am using His gift for His glory. If I had been on the show, I still would not know what my voice sounds like. I know that sounds weird because, obviously, I know what my voice sounds like, but would not have been able to sing the music that I write. I would have been emulating other artists and my true voice would still be undiscovered. It was only through recording some of my songs that I was able to finally hear my sound. Speaking of recording, if I had been on the show, I would not be recording music right now. Even if I had won the whole thing, I would be signed to a label that would have control of my sound and my image. I believe that God wanted to be sure that He, and He alone, had dominion over my sound, my image and my life. God has allowed me to have an experience that made rejection less terrifying. He has allowed me the opportunity to shine in a room full of people in a way that I would never have imagined, given my introverted nature. Closed doors are blessings, too. Whether the door is closed on a career, a relationship or a dream, it has closed for a reason and God knows what is best. Never give up on your dreams because of a closed door. Instead, reflect on what you learned when the door slammed as you crawl out of the window and keep pressing toward the mark. Ms. EV When I wrote and published Pray While You’re Prey, I thought it would be the key to my success. I figured it would bring me financial freedom, forever-lasting fame, and foster feelings of affection from suitors worldwide. I had a few visions of grandeur; don’t judge me. It was always my intention to keep God first and foremost in my endeavor, but somewhere along the line, I started making decisions and asking God about them afterward, which is very obviously not the right way to go. At the time, however, I did not see that I was leaving God out of the very gift He had bestowed upon me. I felt as if He wanted to use my testimony and the talent He had given to me for writing and public speaking to reach the masses, so that is what I aimed to do.
Because I was caught up in being a commercial success, I never stopped to realize how God used my testimony. I considered what I had done to be a failure. I gave up because the book did not produce my desired results. I did not stop to think or ask if it had produced God’s desired results. People kept asking when I would write another book and what my next project would be, but I did not feel like I could succeed at anything. An unsuccessful marriage, short-lived law career, and not being invited to be in Oprah’s Book Club left me feeling like nothing that I would do would ever matter. Feeling like a failure led to other behaviors for which I am not proud, but thank God that when He has a path for you, He will pick you up and put you back on that path with a better understanding of Who is in control. In an attempt to please other people, I tried to write another book. I followed the same format as the first one. I looked at Scriptures that spoke to me. I wrote an outline. I started writing. I pitched it to publishers and literary agents and got rejection after rejection. I could not understand why God would give me a gift and not let me use it. The truth of the matter is, God gives me plenty of opportunities to use my gifts and talents, but when I do not see their usefulness, I feel like a flop, which is right where the devil wants me. Because the devil knows that my ego is so big that I am unlikely continue on a journey if I am not getting some sort of accolades. But, this is not about me. Have you ever noticed that when you are not doing what God calls you to do you feel miserable? Not only do you feel miserable, but a lot of times, you want everyone around you to be miserable as well? So, I asked, “God, how do you want me to use what you have given me?” He replied, “Just write.” I responded, “But,”--because you know we like to throw those “buts” in there when God gives us an assignment; am I right, Moses--“Lord, nobody wants to read or hear what I have to say. It seems like a waste of time and effort.” He said, “I want to see what you have to say. Does anything else matter?” That was the problem. Everyone else’s opinion mattered more to me than what God desired. When the psalmist wrote, “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” I thought, “Yes, please. Lord, I love you. So, I’ll take a Christian male about six-foot-six, a writing and singing career, and a mansion with maid service, for the win!” That is so not what that verse means. That verse means that when you get in sync with God, His desires for you become you desires. You start to understand that regardless of the outcomes you see in front of you, there is a greater plan at work; the Master’s Plan. He doesn’t need your help, but He will use it if you are a willing vessel. So, I started writing as I was instructed. I honestly didn’t think that I would have something to say, but nearly every day, there is something on my heart to say. At times, that old, ugly monster of discouragement tries to bring me down by saying, “No one reads what you write, no one listens to your music, and no one cares, so why are you doing this?” My response, “Because my Daddy said so.” And, the Lord knows that I need encouragement, so every once in awhile, He lets me see His gifts to me reach someone that I do not know or did not think was paying attention. But it is not about me getting attention; it is about me giving God glory. It is about letting others know how He has surrounded me with loving people and life-changing experiences. If you know what your gift is, just use it to His glory because nothing else matters. If you do not know what your gift is, just ask God to enlighten you. He wants to use us as vessels for His greater works, but we can only be used when He is the center of our focus. Ms. EV I have been having a great time recording and promoting Worth Dying For and planning the rest of the project, Relationship Advice. I finally feel like I am doing what God would have me to do with the gifts of writing and singing that He has given me. I fell in love with writing in the tenth grade. I was never much of a reader, especially of anything that was very long. But, I love writing. In high school and early on in college, I wrote a lot of poems. Well, I wrote one song in high school called, “If I Were a Tree.” It was not a commercial success, but it was a hit with my family and friends. “If I were a tree…I would have some leaves…and some acorns…” and it went on to describe the characteristics I would and would not want if I were a tree. It was not my best work, but it was the start of something.
When, I got out of college, I put together a demo tape called, Brains and Beauty (I told you the other day that I was super conceited). Anyway, it featured the potential smash, “Bye Bye Baby,” a bitter ode to ex-boyfriends that I recorded in a local studio and another song that I cannot even remember, plus all of the lyrics that I had written at that point. I thought that if the right person heard it I was sure to be a superstar! My parents got me a four-track recorder for my 21st birthday and I started making a cappella songs. Some were great, some were not great. The first song I was truly proud of was the one I wrote when my Aunt Shebra passed away in 1998 after a brave battle with multiple sclerosis. When I got the call, all I could do was cry and write. My Aunt Shebra was a real singer/songwriter, she played the guitar, and she was awesome. After her memorial, I heard some of the songs she and her friends composed and it truly inspired me. I wrote a song for my wedding, and recorded an a cappella wedding march. I wrote a couple of songs in law school. I tried to learn how to play the piano to put music to my lyrics, but it was too hard and I quit. After I had a pretty significant collection going, I copyrighted the songs I had. For the next few years, I wrote songs here and there. I even took my collection to a gospel conference where I was speaking and tried to get other artists to use them. But, I could never get the right person’s attention. I wanted someone else to take the reins and make my music and my dreams come alive. Because, no one did, I essentially gave up. And, two years after I gave up in my heart, my computer crashed and I lost most of my music collection, plays and poetry that I had written. (Remember computer users: Jesus saves and so should you...it's a joke, I'll tell you later if you want to hear it). At that point, I thought it was a sign from God that giving up was the right choice. Over the last few years, I have lost two very close friends and my grandmother, one of my best friends. Those events sent me into a spiral of evaluating and sometimes over-evaluating what I had and had not done over the course of my life. At first, that resulted in a mild depression. I thought because I had not “been discovered,” I was destined to be used by God and I had made so many wrong turns that God didn’t want me as a witness for Him. But then, one day, I woke up. I cannot even pinpoint the day, but I started writing again. I started recording the melodies, so that I would not forget them. Then, I became determined to learn an instrument, so that I would have more than just melodies. I chose the guitar this time. So, after some long conversations with God about what I should do, I decided to take a leap and really, seriously record the music that God has given me. And, I mean given me, when I started learning guitar, I thought it was a lost cause, but within three weeks, I was putting chords with songs. Now, of course, there had to be an attack. When, I realized how easily this new skill set was being learned, I thought, “I should have done this a long time ago.” When I heard the finished product of Worth Dying For, I thought, “I should have done this a long time ago.” I shared those thoughts with my mom and she told me I can’t dwell in the past. I replied, “You’re right. Yesterday is never gonna happen again. All we can do is move forward.” Focusing on an audience of one, God, diving into the talents, that He has given me, and trusting that He knows what it best when it comes to those gifts has been a long time coming. I could feel guilty for not doing it sooner, but as Dr. Phil says, “Guilt is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you anywhere.” So, sorry devil, I won’t be looking back at the past, or to the sides at other people. I will be looking up to the hills from which comes my Help (Psalm 121) and looking forward to where God is guiding me. I am not sure what the future holds, but I know who holds the future. Ms. EV I recently purchased a guitar, which my niece said was, "so random." But, I have always been a musical person. I love singing, and I love writing love songs, especially love songs to Jesus and about Jesus. In the past couple of years, I have often (too often) found myself moping and thinking about what I want, but don't have. Or, worse yet, what I have, but don't use (Oh, those God spankings are the worst). Thankfully, in one of those moments, I had the "random" thought that I should learn an instrument. I tried when I was young to no avail, and yet, in that moment I felt the strong pulling that it was the right thing to do. I figured I could use a guitar to help me write chords for my songs, so I can finally record them. In the first few days, I learned the chords and melody for "Amazing Grace," and then some techniques. But tonight, after finding the notes to a recent song. I just began to play. I commenced picking at the guitar strings and strumming what felt natural and a calm just soothed my spirit. The song had no name and no words, but it was just Jesus and I in the room and beautiful music. I have often been soothed by the sounds of someone else's musical creations, and now, God is giving me the opportunity to play my own serenades. What an awesome gift! Sometimes I complain about being alone or being single; however, there are moments like these when I discover one of God's treasures that I know may not have recognized had my time been filled with entertaining a companion, and then, I'm grateful for the "me" time. What hidden (or not-so-hidden) treasure does God want you to discover? Ask Him to unlock the door or open up the window... Ms. EV
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