When my first relationship ended, I picked up right where I left off…you guessed it…BOY-CRAZY! And then, I decided that it was time to settle down at the ripe old age of twenty-one. When my ex-husband and I fell apart, I entered immediately into another ill-advised and unhealthy relationship, but when that one was over…come on, say it with me…BOY-CRAZY!!! Then, one day, I realized that the hole was still there. That’s when I started seriously talking to God about the issue. I stopped praying, “Lord, send me a man!” and started praying, “Lord, show me how to be satisfied with You.” So, I was in a really good place when I wrote Pray. And, earlier this year, I had to look at myself and ask, “How did I get so far away from that?” If it only took one relationship to knock me down from that place, then no wonder I am still single. How can God trust me?
I know He has forgiven me. But, I have to forgive me and never fall into this boy-crazy trap again. I am learning even more the second time around after another big break-up and almost four years or being single and abstinent. I do not even know if I can trust me to carry out what God wants for me while I am in a relationship. Can I handle it without falling back into this same pit again? Can I not make the same mistakes of timetables and giving up me again? Am I ready? I thought I was ready again until I looked at where I was and how far I slipped backwards. It’s very scary. However, I find encouragement in the boy-crazy women that came before me: Rahab and the woman at the well.
Okay, Rahab was a harlot. She will not get any judgment from me. I have been called and have called myself worse. Nonetheless, when faced with a life-threatening decision of whether to protect God’s spies or turn them over to the authorities, she chose God. Despite her despicable reputation and the dire repercussions, Rahab showed faith in God. And, as a result, she is in the lineage of Christ, as the mother of Boaz (of Ruth and Boaz fame). God used that boy-crazy foreigner to help deliver Jericho to His people and she asked for salvation of her relatives as well. The woman at the well had five husbands, and one man with whom she had shacked up waiting for her when she met Christ. We would probably say that she was just a smidge boy-crazy. Yet, when she met the Living Water, she was filled and she brought the message to others and they were saved.
Sometimes, we might feel that because of a sordid past, God cannot use us. Maybe, like me, you have felt or currently feel used up by those you have allowed into your life. Maybe, like me, you feel that you will disappoint God…again. Here’s the deal, I am not a eunuch, I still have boy-crazy moments (though they are much more infrequent as I age). I want a relationship and to be married and have a family of my own. However, the major relationships and subsequent heartbreaks that I had were not because God sent them and I messed it up; they were the result of being desperate for a man instead of being desperate for God. So, if I wait on Him, and walk in His path, He can give me all that I desire and use me for His glory. How do I know this? The Bible gives proof that God can use a boy-crazy girl. Ms. EV