For the foreseeable future, Ms. EV's Blog will feature music from Toni LaShaun Music. Today's song is Worth Dying For. This is the first one of mys songs that I ever professionally recorded. After hearing the finished product, I felt compelled to continue writing and recording. This song is in response to feeling unworthy of love. I went through a period in which I felt I was unlovable, but God reassured me that, not only does He love me, but He loves me so much that He thought I was worth dying for and fighting for. Enjoy! Ms. EV Worth Dying For Copyright © 2012 Toni L Wortherly I’ll never know why You felt that I Was worth dying for I can’t know the pain Can’t feel the hurt You endured But though You were never guilty You took my place before the Lord And You showed me I was worth dying for It’s hard to believe You look at me And think that I’m worth fighting for I’ve caused You such pain I feel so ashamed Oh Lord But You have never given up on me You bring peace in the midst of my storms And You showed me I am worth fighting for Before I ever took a breath of life You knew what my path would be You know I’d make mistakes, lose my way But You still loved me I am trying to do Your Will Live a life that will bring You glory That is my purpose to fulfill For the One who gave His all for me I’ll never know why You felt that I Was worth dying for It’s hard to believe You look at me And think that I’m worth fighting for So I won’t be ashamed To sing praises to Holy Name To show You You are worth living for Worth Dying for is available on Amazon, iTunes, and at the Toni LaShaun Music Store
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Tuesday night, many people across America tuned in to the State of the Union address by President Obama. He outlined our nation's needs and desires, our victories and failures, and then, give a plan of action for our future. It made me think, "What is the state of my union?" I'm not married, but I am in a relationship with Christ. So, what are my needs and desires? My victories and failures? And, what is my plan of action for the future? I'm not about to answer those questions in front of all of you, but I will say that it is good to take inventory and it should happen more than once a year.
We should all ask ourselves if our relationship with Christ is growing. If it is, we should ask God to show us how can we keep it growing closer. If it is stagnant, we need to examine what is holding us back from experiencing the fullness of God. What are the distractions, disappointments, and disillusions that are keeping us from taking a step closer to God. We should take note of our victories in Christ and our failures to self or Satan. We should give God praise for the victories and for the mercy He shows us when we fall short. We should take the time to allow God to show us a path for the future. Notice I said path and not destination. God shows us the pieces to the puzzle and lets us know when we are on the right track or gently guides us back on the right road (or, if you're being hard-headed like I can be, chastises us until we find our way back) . When the President finished speaking, there was a rebuttal, and political pundits from all over will weighed in on the speech. But, that's where God, the King of Kings, is so much more faithful than our government. When you have your state of the union, God is the only one who needs to hear. You don't need anyone else's approval. You don't have to defend your position to another human being. So, what is the state of your union with Christ? Ms. EV I spent three years in law school and three years practicing law. It was a career that I wanted form the time I was a little girl, but after a year and a half of school I fell out of love with the idea of becoming an attorney. Choosing not to be a quitter (and to not have to pay back my grant for law school), I finished and I begrudgingly practiced family law to make money and entertainment law for fun…and to make money. Do you know why attorneys make so much money? In school and in practice, I learned that it is because attorneys specialize in the fine print.
You know what the fine print is. It is the teeny tiny words at the bottom of a contract, agreement, article, prescription; the words that look so little, but say so much. It is the part at the end of the commercials that gets read in a low voice and super fast. I was reminded of these little words, these caveats if you will, during my pastor’s sermon on Sunday when he talked about the side effects listed on medication. “Sure,” he said, “the medication might cure one problem, but it could bring on a ton more!” (I’m paraphrasing, but you get the gist). Most of us ignore the fine print because we are so focused on the thing that we want. Whether it is health, housing, a husband or a host of other things we are begging God for, we often forget that just because something seems good doesn’t mean that everything about it is good. We don’t see the potential harmful effects. We don’t see the things that are not guaranteed. We just see what we want. As I am sure my clients were about my ability to read the fine print, I am so glad that God realizes that we fail to read the fine print sometimes. Knowing this, helps me to accept when God says, “No” or “Wait.” I am going to be honest, I said accept, not like because I want what I want when I want it. Nevertheless, doing things my way is how I ended up being a 23-year-old divorcee, so that experience alone should have taught me about reading the fine print. But, alas, it did not. And, I have made some questionable choices since then by only looking at what I want and not paying attention to warnings to go another way. Now, all of this is not to say that you or I should not pursue our passions and dreams. Still, we must be careful. Yes, we trust God to take care of us, but aren’t you tired of God having to dig you out of a hole that you jumped into on your own? All I am saying is that we should take the time to go to God and ask Him to illuminate those things that we cannot see, or those things that we are choosing to ignore. God allows us free will, so if we want to jump head first into something, He will allow it to happen. If you are waiting on God to move in your life though, and you feel like He is saying “No” or “Wait,” chances are there is some fine print that you have not read. If you ask Him, He will show you what you are ready to see. I know it is difficult. In this day and age, everything seems to be so time-sensitive. However, there is no timing like God’s timing. And, the Father of Time does not work on the same timetables that we envision. So, take a little time to read the fine print. See the whole picture and not just the parts that you think will benefit you in the end. Ms. EV I was reading a devotion this morning and it referred to the verse, John 15:5, where Jesus says, "Apart from Me, you can do nothing." The devotion went on to ask what the readers felt Jesus meant by saying we can do nothing without Him. It is a good question for which I will attempt to clearly state my answer.
When I read the verse in The Message Bible, it is interpreted as, "When you’re joined with me and I with you, the relation intimate and organic, the harvest is sure to be abundant. Separated, you can’t produce a thing." Surely, anyone can live his or her life without Christ. We see it everyday in people we know, we love, and with whom we interact. They live everyday of their lives without Christ. Some of them are very successful at what they do. They have families who adore them, businesses that make great financial gains, and material wealth. If we are honest, most of us know people who seemingly have it all and could care less about a relationship with Christ. When Jesus said, "Apart from Me, you can do nothing," I don't believe that He meant that if we tried to live our lives without Him, we would just shrivel up and die or that we would be incapacitated and unable to function; we can go on living because that is not the way God loves. God's love allows us to make the choice each and everyday of whether we will do life on our own or trust and lean on Him. Nevertheless, I am a witness that when you make the choice to do life with Christ each day, it is a much more fruitful and satisfying life. Others may have a bigger bank account, more loved ones, more accolades for things they did on their own, but with Christ, we have more contentment and satisfaction and peace knowing that we did things His way. It all boils down to what we consider to be successful. If we want the type of successes that the world holds dear, then we can choose to live in whatever way we please, but we risk trading eternal treasures forever for earthly treasures now. If we want to be productive for the Kingdom of God, we must understand that, though we may never see the fruits of our labor on this side of heaven, when we join with Christ, there is satisfaction in knowing for sure that there will be an abundant harvest. When you have a real, intimate relationship with Christ, anything you try to do on your own will seem meaningless and empty. It is better to listen to God's plan and follow His path because it is what is best for you. Ms. EV Yesterday, I had the day off, and I was very tempted to stay in the house all day and veg out. But, after a quick pep talk, I decided that since I had a few errands to run, I would make a day of it. I would take myself out to eat at a new place and walk around a shopping center. Perhaps, even get a new phone to replace my rapidly dying, malfunctioning one. I knew I needed to get up, make myself pretty and get out of my house. I had gotten out of the habit of doing so and more into the habit of being a hermit. I could tell that while I don’t particular mind being a hermit most times, it was starting to lead me into a sullen and somber state that tends to happen to me about this time of year.
I set off on my journey, looking cute I might add, and I went to a new restaurant. I had nearly forgotten what it was like to eat alone in public. I had built up a certain confidence in the practice of eating alone, but I hadn’t done it in so long that I began to panic. But, I made it through lunch with the help of my best friend who participated in a conversation by text. I made three stops in that shopping center (this will be important later), and then, I headed to my last stop. I went to look at phones, but the line was too long, so I left the store. On the way out, there was a Salvation Army bell ringer. I thought I should put something in the bucket, but realized I had $0.31 on me and decided to keep walking. I got in my car, turned the key and nothing happened. I prayed, turned the key again, still nothing. I called my mom, who is out of town, to see if she or my dad could offer some advice. They told me to call my uncle and see if he could help. I tried to reach him, but my phone wouldn’t let me dial the number and my aunt wasn’t answering. I started to panic. I surmised it was the battery and I probably needed a jump start, but I didn’t have jumper cables and I was not comfortable asking a complete stranger for help. So, I tried my phone again. The next number it let me dial was my nephew, but he couldn’t come help me, so I decided to try to call my roadside assistance plan. I texted my best friend to update her on my situation, opining that I should have opted to stay in for the day. She quickly calmed me by saying that what I was experiencing could happen to anyone and I should just be thankful that it happened there and at that time, where I could get some help. She was right. While I was reading her text, I thought of a way to try to reach my uncle. I went into the store and called him and he was willing to come and help me. On my way out of the store, I dug into my pocket, took the $0.31 out and dropped it in the bucket. I didn’t want to take any chances that being disobedient to the urge to give it the first time had caused my current trouble. As I sat and waited for my uncle to come to the store, I thought about what my friend said. I had made several stops during my trip. Most of them were not as close to my house as this last stop. Had I been further in town, my uncle might not have been able to reach me. Had I stayed home, and tried to start the car this morning when it was time for work and it didn’t start, it would have caused far more trouble. Sometimes, we just have to examine our perspective on a situation and find the places where God clearly shows His hand, so that we can give Him praise. There is more to this story. Tune in to Ms. EV’s blog tomorrow, for part two. Ms. EV "...and then he told me, My grace is enough; it’s all you need.My strength comes into its own in your weakness. Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become." 2 corinthians 12:8-10 (The Message)
Different people have different ways of dealing with problems. When I was younger, I was prone to worry, but I learned in my late twenties that, as Dr. Phil says, "Worry is like rocking in a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere." Incidentally, Dr. Phil also says this about guilt and a couple of other things, but I digress. I have always admired how several people very close to me seem to never worry about problems. They seem to take adversity in stride with a smile on their faces and a song in their hearts. Then, there are others who skip straight past worry into all out panic. They scratch and claw desperately for a solution to the issue. Now, instead of worrying, I tend to ignore the problem, hoping that it will just go away. I do not recommend this particular coping mechanism. What I have found lately is that when I ignore a looming or lingering issue, it tends to sneak up and consume my thoughts when I least expect it. This happened to me just yesterday. I was getting ready to enjoy my day off when suddenly, I became paralyzed by fear and worry. I didn't utter a word. I couldn't utter a word. But, in my heart, I said, "Lord, I cannot do this. I do not know how to make it through this time. What am I supposed to do?" I felt completely helpless. I had this sudden feelings that all of my best efforts to be obedient were still not enough to get me out of a situation that I had hoped would just go away or be miraculously resolved. And, then, I gave up. I gave up trying to make things work out and just said, "Lord, you have to fix this because I can't." Later in the day, I received two blessings that directly related to my problem. No one knew what the problem was, but God. I knew I had reached my limit. I had taken all I could take and I had done all I could do. And, I believe that God was glad that I came to that revelation, so that I could get out of His way and let Him show me how much He loves me. And, He did. Not that He didn't already show it when He sacrificed His only Son, but He continues to show us in our daily lives, that He loves us. He is strong enough to take care of our every need. His grace is sufficient. If we would learn that it's alright to be weak and limited because our God is strong and limitless, imagine the miracles He could work in and through our lives. Ms. EV Anyone who knows me knows I hate confrontation. That is the main reason that I am no longer an attorney. I know how to stand up for myself, but there are still some situations in which I feel uncomfortable. When I was practiicing law, every single time I walked into the courthouse, my stomach would tighten, I would start sweating and I would get nauseous. This was just at the thought of having to argue with others, especially with so much on the line. So, in my daily life, other than meaningless banter with family and close friends, I try to avoid confrontation at all costs.
Recently, at work, I had a situation where I believed that I was being judged unfairly. I tried to defend myself with the person without seeming overly sensitive. However, the end result was unchanged. This situation bothered me for the entire weekend. I commiserated with a couple of close friends, but that did not make me feel better. I tried to decide if I would follow the advice of my friends and confront the person, but it just never felt right. Then, today, someone for whom I have great respect that had listened to the situation comforted me, which made me feel a littlee less crazy, and told me that he was willing to advocate for me if that is what I decide I need. It was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I was thinking that I had taken a huge step backwards because I have grown to be able to advocate for myself, but in this situation, I just wanted someone to stand up for me. God knew that and he sent me someone to watch over me. I think sometimes we overlook moments like these when God lets us know that he is listening to our heart cries. I never told this person that I needed his help. I simply vented to him knowing that he is not the type to share personal information. But, he said that he was so bothered by the situation that he felt compelled to help. And, I for one am appreciative. God surrounds us, His beloved, with people who can help us. While there are times, when we need to take a stand on our own, there are also times when we need to have the humility to allow God to let someone else help us. I am grateful that my eyes were open and my heart was receptive to the help that I know was sent by God. Ms. EV Instead of trusting in our own strength or wits to get out of it, we were forced to trust God totally—not a bad idea since he’s the God who raises the dead! And he did it, rescued us from certain doom. And he’ll do it again, rescuing us as many times as we need rescuing. 2 Corinthians 1:8-9 (MSG)
I was caught in a very precarious situation this morning. Though I was not the target of a violent act, I was caught in the crosshairs, closer than I had ever been before to a fight. In the midst of the melee, I was able to escape, but was quite shaken and it took some time for my heart to return to a normal rate. In the moment, I thought my life might be in danger because I did not know the people or the extent to which the issue would escalate. Thankfully, I left unscathed. In refelction afterwards, I had to say, "Thank You, Jesus!" The situation could have gotten very ugly, but God! I am not sure how I would have reacted had I been hit or pushed. I am not sure how the students around me would have reacted or what would have happened if my family heard something happened to me. And, I thank God I don't have to find out. This is not a regular occurence, but it caused me to think about the fact that I constantly pray for blessings and protection for others and I don't ever really ask that for myself. I think I actually take for granted the protection that God gives me day by day. So, I am grateful that God protects me and rescues me even when I don't recognize; or worse yet, when I recognize it, but resent it because I think I know what is best for me life. I am so thankful that I know that God loves me. The God who can raise the dead will protect me and rescue me as many times as I need it. I am glad that God was on my side today and will be forever and ever. Ms. EV |
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