I was reading through some past journal entries the other day and I ran across this little mini-poem:
“It may be me one day, but right now it is not; I have to keep my focus on what I have got.” I cannot remember what prompted that little message of encouragement. It could have been anything. Perhaps, I read a devotional on thankfulness. Maybe I saw an article about a wedding. It is possible that I saw someone who is very wealthy on television. There is no telling what my eyes or ears witnessed that caused me to stop immediately and affirm my gratitude and contentment with my life. And, the other day when I read it, I thought, “Thank God for what I don’t have, too.” Do you ever think about all of the things that you don’t have? I am not speaking of the wants and desires that you wish you had; I am talking about all of the things that you don’t want and you don’t have. Or, how about all of the things that you should have, but you don’t have? We may never know the depths or breadth or lengths of God’s love and mercy. But, as we look around the world at the tragedies that are suffered, it ought to cause us to throw our hands up in praise if we are not afflicted with that type of calamity. When we look over our past mistakes, and we realize that we have escaped some of the worst possible scenarios for our lives with consequences that are not nearly as awful as they could be, we ought to fall to our knees and thank God for His mercy. These mirrors of mercy can appear on any level of our lives. On a spiritual level, children of God can be thankful that we do not have to go through someone else to get to God. We can come boldly before His throne of grace asking anything we need in Jesus’ name because Jesus took our place on the cross (Hebrews 4:16; John 14:13). We should be thankful that we do not have nail-scarred hands and feet or a pierced side, which is the least that we deserve for our sins. On an emotional level, we can praise Him when we do not have any more tears to cry over someone who has caused us pain, whether it is a spouse, a loved one, a family member, a co-worker, or a friend. It is such a blessing when we get to the day when we do not have any more emotion to give to that situation and we can finally move on with our lives. On a romantic level, thank God for that person that He did not allow you to be with or to stay with who would have done more damage to your life than good. On a physical level, we should appreciate that we do not have all of the ailments that we could have. Some sickness happens because we live in corruptible bodies. Some sickness happens because we have bad habits or do not properly value our health. In either case, even when we are infirmed with something, we can be grateful that we do not have other conditions and diseases in addition to that one. On a financial level, we ought to be grateful that we do not have to depend on man as our source. Once again, this is not an encouragement to quit your job, but just recognize that no matter what man does, if you belong to God, He has your back--and front and sides. (2 Thessalonians 3:10; Psalm 27:1). Just think about all the debt you could have that you do not have. Whether you are in good standing because you used Godly wisdom in economic evaluations or because God has spared you from the most severe outcomes associated with your financial foolishness, you should shout, “Hallelujah”(especially in this economy). I believe that there are many times when we are trying our best to be content with what we do have that we can identify the gifts of grace, but we also should be thanking God for His mercy; for the circumstances with which we do not have to grapple. What makes it difficult to recognize these blessings is that we truly do not know all of the situations from which God has protected us, which is a blessing in and of itself. Nevertheless, the next time you find yourself feeling pitiful because of what you do not have, turn the pity party inpraise party for what you do not have by the mercy of God. Remember, (and I cannot think of the exact quote or who said it) it is better to be able to desire what you do not have than to have what you do not desire. Ms. EV
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Well, since I talked about driving yesterday, I may as well stick with that theme today. There are a lot of lessons to be learned while you are driving. For example, my mom and I were headed out the other day and I was driving. We had to make a left turn out of her neighborhood. This left turn is not an easy turn to make because it seems that traffic is always flowing steadily past the neighborhood, leaving little to no room to get on to the main road. As we approached the exit of the neighborhood, my phone beeped, so when I got to the stop sign, I checked to see who it was and if I needed to return the message while I was safely stopped. The only issue was that when I looked down at my phone, I did not realize that the coast was clear to make that left turn, and, by the time I looked up, there were cars everywhere. My mom looked at me and said, “You missed your opportunity.”
We sat at the stop sign for what seemed to be a very long time, but were probably about five more minutes, waiting until the coast was clear again for a left turn. And, though we reached our destination in plenty of time, my mom’s words were stuck in my head, “You missed your opportunity.” This time, I missed it because I was distracted by my phone. But, because I only live a few minutes away from my parents’ house, there are many times when I am sitting at that intersection, needing to make that left turn, and I miss the chance to make it for another reason, like the fact that I am afraid of making left turns that are not at a light. So, it got me thinking, “How many times do we miss opportunities because we are too preoccupied or too petrified to see our opening?” These missed opportunities can occur in our dreams and goals, our relationships, and in sharing Christ. I once heard my pastor say, “Whatever breaks your focus becomes your master.” We can be on a path to greatness, but if we allow distractions into our lives, they can cause us to miss opportunities. Distractions come in many forms. Our thoughts can be distracting, which is why the Bible tells us to take our thoughts captive (2 Corinthians 10:5). I don’t know about anyone else, but I know that my mind is capable of coming up with all sorts of scenarios that are much worse than anything that would ever really happen. And, when I give in to those thoughts of self-pity, self-doubt, self-centeredness (notice a theme here), it does not take long before I have talked myself out of pursuing a dream or goal. Other people can be distracting. Either we focus on what others are doing and become envious of their successes, rather than being steadfast on the path that God has given us or we become so focused on other people’s issues that we stop pursuing on the dreams God has placed in our hearts. Sometimes, we are too focused on what others are telling us we should do instead of listening to God’s voice alone. The minute we take our eyes off of the end goal because of negative thoughts or negative interactions with people, we miss our opportunity. Fear is another reason we miss our opportunities. Fear is only as powerful as we allow it to be. I have missed plenty of opportunities because of fear. Looking back, as a child of God, fear has no place in my life because it is not something that God intends for His children to have (2 Timothy 1:7). When I was engaged to my ex-husband, my mom, who was and is much wiser than I am, implored me to reconsider my decision. Rather than listen to her and take that opportunity to take control of my destiny, I let fear rule. I feared that if I did not get married then, I would never get married. At that point in my life, being single forever was a fate worse than death and I could not allow that to happen. Though my marriage was short-lived, I stayed married longer than I should have because I feared what others might say or think about me. I let fear win and I missed the chance to go to law school a year earlier, and to have the entire experience as an unmarried person. I am positive that I missed some opportunities to build friendships and fully engage in my learning experience during that time because of a decision based on fear. Are there times when you have realized that you missed your opportunity? I recently had someone with whom I wanted to be in a relationship a long time ago make a comment about missing his chance with me. But, it is not just about relationships. How many times do we miss the chance to use our gifts because we are distracted? How many times do we miss the opportunity to pray for someone or tell someone about Christ because we are afraid of being dubbed a “Jesus freak?” We have to pay closer attention to God’s urging and make that turn when the coast is clear; knowing that He is not going to cause us to turn too quickly and get into an accident. However, when we miss the opportunity, He will let us sit and wait and think about it. The good news is that God is a loving God, and whatever He has for you is for you. So, even though I missed my first opportunity, I eventually made the left turn and reached my destination. In the same way, God will allow us to get to the prize that He has for us, if we will stay focused and fearless. Ms. EV I love the fact that my nephews and niece are athletes; I am unapologetically unathletic (that’s not really a word, but it was good alliteration), nevertheless, I love watching sports. There are so many life lessons to be gained from what happens on the field, court, course or track. I was watching the older boys play basketball and one of their teammates was defending a player on the other teams. While the referees in this game were a little whistle-happy, this player was giving his opponent way too much space to operate with the ball. I kept saying, “Go get it. Take the ball!” And then, I said, “You can’t just stand back and wait for it to come to you, GO GET IT!” That’s when the light bulb turned on over my head. I mean, I listen to Mary Mary’s, “Go Get It,” all the time; it is one of my get-hype songs, and in that moment, the message was just louder and clearer. The life you want isn’t just going to come and knock on your door and invite itself in; get up and make it happen.
Many times we sit back and watch the devil play with our lives. Sure, we are defending him, but we are giving him way too much space to operate. We sit back just hoping that he makes a mistake or we catch him off guard and we can get back on track. Or, maybe Satan isn’t toying with you; you are just too scared to make a move. You can’t just wait for something good to happen; in the words of Mariah Carey, “Make it happen!” (Can you tell I love music?) My best friend is so good at this and she really inspires me. While most people make excuses about what they can and cannot do, including me, she sets her mind to a goal, and then she does whatever it takes to achieve that goal. She is not reckless, but she is also not one to sit back and dream while not doing anything. The key to her success at fulfilling dreams is that she listens to God and walks in faith. Another person who inspires me to go and get what God has for me is a student at our high school. He had a promising basketball career ahead of him last year until he was struck by a car while riding to school on a scooter. He was put in a medically induced coma and doctors prepared his family for the worst. When he woke up, the medical professionals did not have high hopes for him, but he did and his family did. They did not wait around for a doctor to heal him. His brother helped him rehabilitate. I have seen this young man go from a hospital bed, to a wheelchair, to a walker, to a cane. Now, he can take steps on his own and his goal is to learn to run again. I have no doubt that he will achieve it. I have many friends who are starting their own businesses and they are successful. It did not happen overnight. They each have their own story, but they are all go-getters. And there is no reason that any child of God cannot be a go-getter. You may ask, “What am I supposed to be doing?” Alright, here goes, I am going to let you in on a little secret…I DON’T KNOW. I have no idea what you should be doing. I just figured out what my dreams are and how to press forward no matter what trusting that God will make a way. What are your passions? What makes you upset? What makes you cry? What do you complain about that needs a solution? Those issues that concern you are the places where God can use you (I got that nugget of wisdom from my pastor). God is powerful and faithful; He is also loving enough that He will not enable us. He will not do for us what we can do for ourselves. This is not a quit your job, rent a Winnebago and see the world blog. Let’s not be ridiculous. Just stop saying why you can’t do something and start thinking of ways that you can. If God wills that it becomes your career, then it will happen. Maybe it is not meant to be your career and is only meant for a certain season of your life. Again, I do not know what God has for you. I do know that we, as Christians, must stop sitting on the sidelines waiting for life to come to us. God wants to use you and me in a mighty way for His glory. The blessings already exist In the words of Mary Mary, “It’s Your TIME!” Actually, it is always “your time,” if you are a child of God. The question you have to ponder is, “Are you doing what God has for you to do with your time?” Ms. EV When I wrote and published Pray While You’re Prey, I thought it would be the key to my success. I figured it would bring me financial freedom, forever-lasting fame, and foster feelings of affection from suitors worldwide. I had a few visions of grandeur; don’t judge me. It was always my intention to keep God first and foremost in my endeavor, but somewhere along the line, I started making decisions and asking God about them afterward, which is very obviously not the right way to go. At the time, however, I did not see that I was leaving God out of the very gift He had bestowed upon me. I felt as if He wanted to use my testimony and the talent He had given to me for writing and public speaking to reach the masses, so that is what I aimed to do.
Because I was caught up in being a commercial success, I never stopped to realize how God used my testimony. I considered what I had done to be a failure. I gave up because the book did not produce my desired results. I did not stop to think or ask if it had produced God’s desired results. People kept asking when I would write another book and what my next project would be, but I did not feel like I could succeed at anything. An unsuccessful marriage, short-lived law career, and not being invited to be in Oprah’s Book Club left me feeling like nothing that I would do would ever matter. Feeling like a failure led to other behaviors for which I am not proud, but thank God that when He has a path for you, He will pick you up and put you back on that path with a better understanding of Who is in control. In an attempt to please other people, I tried to write another book. I followed the same format as the first one. I looked at Scriptures that spoke to me. I wrote an outline. I started writing. I pitched it to publishers and literary agents and got rejection after rejection. I could not understand why God would give me a gift and not let me use it. The truth of the matter is, God gives me plenty of opportunities to use my gifts and talents, but when I do not see their usefulness, I feel like a flop, which is right where the devil wants me. Because the devil knows that my ego is so big that I am unlikely continue on a journey if I am not getting some sort of accolades. But, this is not about me. Have you ever noticed that when you are not doing what God calls you to do you feel miserable? Not only do you feel miserable, but a lot of times, you want everyone around you to be miserable as well? So, I asked, “God, how do you want me to use what you have given me?” He replied, “Just write.” I responded, “But,”--because you know we like to throw those “buts” in there when God gives us an assignment; am I right, Moses--“Lord, nobody wants to read or hear what I have to say. It seems like a waste of time and effort.” He said, “I want to see what you have to say. Does anything else matter?” That was the problem. Everyone else’s opinion mattered more to me than what God desired. When the psalmist wrote, “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” I thought, “Yes, please. Lord, I love you. So, I’ll take a Christian male about six-foot-six, a writing and singing career, and a mansion with maid service, for the win!” That is so not what that verse means. That verse means that when you get in sync with God, His desires for you become you desires. You start to understand that regardless of the outcomes you see in front of you, there is a greater plan at work; the Master’s Plan. He doesn’t need your help, but He will use it if you are a willing vessel. So, I started writing as I was instructed. I honestly didn’t think that I would have something to say, but nearly every day, there is something on my heart to say. At times, that old, ugly monster of discouragement tries to bring me down by saying, “No one reads what you write, no one listens to your music, and no one cares, so why are you doing this?” My response, “Because my Daddy said so.” And, the Lord knows that I need encouragement, so every once in awhile, He lets me see His gifts to me reach someone that I do not know or did not think was paying attention. But it is not about me getting attention; it is about me giving God glory. It is about letting others know how He has surrounded me with loving people and life-changing experiences. If you know what your gift is, just use it to His glory because nothing else matters. If you do not know what your gift is, just ask God to enlighten you. He wants to use us as vessels for His greater works, but we can only be used when He is the center of our focus. Ms. EV I have addressed how it feels to hear gratitude for things that we have done earlier in the month in my blog, Appreciation. But, what about those times when you have not done anything that is particularly special. How do we help ourselves or each other get up on those days when we are feeling down? The answer is encouragement. See, appreciation is generally about something that we have already done in the past, but encouragement is about who we are right now, and what we are capable of in the future.
I believe that God gave us each other, so that we could lift each other up, but we have become accustomed to tearing each other down to make ourselves feel better and to advance our own agendas. We have to stop that. The first step in encouragement is to see people as God sees them. He sees us as works in progress, made in His image with limitless potential. We are so quick to point out faults and flaws; not only in other people, but also in ourselves. Learn to see the positive. This does not mean to ignore those things that can be improved, but to accept the person before you right now (even if that person is you) and to surrender those places that need to be molded to God. Next, we have to trust and know that God has an individual plan for each one of us, so there is no need to be envious of how He moves in another person’s life. There have been many times that I have judged other people’s lives. I could not understand how God could bless them in their current state. I have also had people tell me that they were jealous of my life. The bottom line is, what God does in anybody else’s life is none of our business. All we need to know is that wherever God chooses to take us is His plan for our best life. So, once we get past what others have that we don’t have and whether or not they deserve it, we can become exhorters rather than exhausters to others and ourselves. It does not cost anything to speak a kind word. We do not have to wait until someone does something nice for us to uplift them. We do not have to wait until we reach all of our goals to have a boost of confidence in ourselves. If God is the center of your focus, it is not difficult to encourage those He loves. By practicing encouragement, the life you improve just may be your own. Ms. EV A roadblock is barrier or barricade on a road, especially one set up by the authorities. They can be intentionally placed because of construction or an accident, or they can be the result of something outside of anyone’s control like a fallen tree or a sink hole. In either case, when you meet a roadblock, you have to decide what to do. There are usually two options we are left pondering while we sit in traffic headed toward the impending obstruction of our route. Turn back around and wait for a better time to complete your mission or take a detour and complete the mission (just not in the way we had envisioned).
When you are actually driving, the choice may be clearer, depending on purpose of your trip in the first place. However, in the figurative sense, when you are faced with a roadblock on the path to your goals, the choice between turning around and taking a detour is a very serious choice. If you turn around, does it show a lack of faith or does it show that you are being cautious about where you are headed and when you might get there? If you choose a detour, does it signify perseverance, a win-at-all-costs attitude and determination or does it signify a lack of faith when you decide to call an audible (sorry, I miss football) and take another route so you can get to where you think you deserve to be. This is not something that we can take lightly. I am known to analyze and overanalyze every decision I make. I plan my spontaneity. It does not even matter what type of decision it is: relationships, financial, career, ministry; if I hit a roadblock, I am taking whatever amount of time it takes to decide the next course of action. Even if it means sitting in proverbial traffic with people honking at me about what I should be doing, I will pray and consider my options carefully. It is not out of a lack of faith; it is because I want to be sure of whether God is saying no, go, or take it slow. Sometimes, we think God is taking us in one direction, but He has another plan. Sometimes He needs to get our attention because we have taken His plan and put our own spin on it. Whatever the case, the roadblock is there for a reason. Maybe God wants to know how deeply you want to reach this goal. Maybe you’ve been barreling full steam ahead and have not stopped to assess whether or not you are still on God’s path for you. Maybe God wants to know how deeply you want Him. The only way to know the reason is to go to God and ask Him what He would have you do. Notice I said ask God, not your parents or your pastor or your friends. If God wants you to hear from those people, He will make it so, but depend on Him to answer the question. At times, that answer will come instantly and clearly; other times, you will have to wait. But, whatever the answer and whenever it comes, and whoever delivers the message, it will be what is best for you. A roadblock is not the opportunity for you to quit; it is the chance for you to quiet your mind and seek God’s direction. Ms. EV Today is Memorial Day. So, first I have to thank the countless service men and women who have sacrificed their time and their lives for my freedom. I also want to thank their families for supporting them as they fight for America. This morning, I was celebrating a different sort of memorial. I was minding my own business, preparing food for later and cleaning the kitchen when several thoughts starting coming to mind. They were divisive, destructive, counterproductive thoughts, so I knew exactly who was doing the whispering, Satan.
I quickly said, “Satan, why you always gotta bring up old stuff!” Then, I realized, that’s all he has to work with right now. The issues that he is bringing up have been prayed about, fought out and buried. And, because I have not given him anything new to pester me about, he has to try to knock me off track with old problems. But, don’t you know that once God has delivered you from a battle and the victory is won, you never have to succumb to the pull of guilt or shame from that issue again. When you allow God to step in and fight for you, the victory is won. You can shovel the dirt on top of the defeated problem or problems and you can celebrate. Like today, when we take the time out to celebrate the lives and the sacrifice of those who fought for freedom, we should take the time each day to celebrate God’s sacrifice for our freedom and to remember the battles He has already won. Do not give Satan any leverage. If a problem is dead and buried, leave it there. Celebrate the victory. As long as we live in this world, there will be another problem waiting around the corner. The good news is that God can handle that one, too; especially if you don’t weaken your fight by dwelling on past missteps and mistakes. It’s one thing for Satan to bring up old stuff to use in attack; it is a whole other story when we continue to dwell in a place from which we have been delivered. Ms. EV It truly breaks my heart to see or hear of people making the mistakes that I have made. It doesn’t matter if the person is younger or older than I am, I simply cannot stand to watch someone I care about trip over my old stumbling blocks. If I could, I would help everyone I know avoid the pitfalls of life wherein I have fallen. Sometimes you hear people say, “Do as I say, not as I do.” That statement is seen as hypocritical and it is because you cannot expect someone to stop certain behaviors that you are not willing to extinguish from your life. Nonetheless, I firmly believe in attempting to curb the errors of those we love by saying, “Do what I say, not what I have done.” The issue with feeling comfortable enough to say this is that you have to be willing to explain your past and unmask your inner blemishes.
Like many teenagers, I truly thought that my parents had never done anything wrong in their lives. I felt that they couldn’t possibly know about the tough moral choices I was facing or the peer pressure that I was under. My parents were perfect, smart and saved. Plus, they had been married all of their lives, so they definitely could not have dealt with relationship issues. It wasn’t until very recently that I found out that I was very wrong. Sometimes, in an effort to protect those we love, we feel that we should not expose them to any darkness in our past. However, by hiding our true selves, we are not protecting them. In fact, we make them uncomfortable and unwilling to communicate when they have a similar problem. If we cannot use our past experiences to try to help those we love, then our missteps are in vain. I heard someone say that if you learn from a mistake, it becomes experience, but if you don’t learn from a mistake, it becomes a failure. I have found that using the lessons I have learned about love and life to help others is essential to healing. It helps me forgive myself and others, and keep moving forward. Some people are afraid that they will share vulnerable information only to have their valuable advice rejected. Don’t be discouraged if someone doesn’t listen to your advice; we plant the seed and God does the watering. But, no one can ever learn from you if you hide behind an image of yourself that you want people to know. Peeling back your layers is not only a blessing to the person you are potentially helping, but it also serves as praise for the God who has carried you thus far. I know that there are certain mistakes that some people have to make for themselves before they learn to live differently; still, how would it feel to find out that you could have prevented a catastrophe in someone’s life by simply sharing your story? The only perfect human being was Christ, so we should stop pretending to be infallible and start using our victories to be instructional. Ms. EV |
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