So, I took a step out on faith and pursued my dream. I had no idea what the outcome would be. I knew that I had extremely high hopes. I knew what I could envision happening. I knew I wanted someone to recognize my talent. But, in the end, I don’t know if that happened. What I do know that is my life is in God’s hands. I know that for the first time, I went to an audition, gave it my best, and didn’t feel the least bit rejected or disappointed when I didn’t get the outcome for which I had hoped. That was a victory. I also felt so much love and pride from the most special people in my life. That was a victory. I did not cry. If you know me at all, you know that was a victory. Even in the face of what some people would envision to be a failure, I can still see victory.
But, what about the dream, what is next? It is a fantastic feeling to know that I have overcome my hesitancy to try for things because I do not like rejection. It is a wonderful feeling to know that I have so many people that support and believe in me. It was a triumphant feeling to not even be able to conjure up a tear of sadness. Still, I feel like there is unfinished business. So, what do I do? I have made enough mistakes in my life to know that I should not take any action without prayerful consideration. I have also missed enough opportunities in life to know that I should not give up on my dreams or set them on the backburner. I know that my true passions in life are Kingdom-building enterprises. My goals are focused on God’s glory, so at His appointed time, I will be used in a way that is appropriate. All I can do, the best thing I can do, is pray and listen, wait and work. As I pondered the question, “What’s next?” a song by my favorite gospel artist came to mind. What Shall I Do by Tramaine Hawkins: What shall I do? What step should I take? What move should I make? Oh Lord, what shall I do? I’m going to wait for an answer from You, I have nothing to lose. Oh Lord, what shall I do? I know You’ll come through with a blessing for me. Please Lord, set my soul free. Oh Lord, what shall I do? After that song popped into my head, I heard my mom talking about a situation that broke my heart, and immediately, a song began to form. And, there I was pursuing the dream again. Not in such an overt way as the day before, but I was being obedient and listening. The dream is not dead, it is not even delayed; it will come true right on time and be exceedingly, abundantly above all that I could even imagine, so until then, I’m going to wait…For I know He’ll come through. Ms EV
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I truly believe that God places dreams within each of us, so that we can fulfill His purpose for our lives. What we do with our God-given dreams is up to us. But know, you were created for a purpose. We can turn the dream into ministry and reach to seek the lost. Or, we can devote our time to making the dream profitable. Is it possible to do both? Well, the Bible says that we cannot serve two masters. Still, I have faith that if I submit to God’s Will for my life and use the dreams He has placed in me for the building of His Kingdom and to glorify His Name, I will have riches untold. Those riches may be spiritual, material or both. And, whatever He provides will be enough and more than enough.
I have had several dreams. Some have always been present in my life; some have been present for a season. Some have been used to honor God, but honestly, most times, I got swept up in how the dream to uplift me. I have realized, the hard way, that God’s purpose for my life is for others to see Him through me and to feel His love through my love. All the good deeds and good intentions in the world are worthless if I am not seeking His Kingdom. At times, the dreams placed in our hearts may seem strange or even risky, but God knows what He is doing and He knows who He can use. My dream may not fit your life and yours may not fit mine. What God has for me is for me and what He has for you is for you. Once we know the gift He has given us, we must make the choice to live it out for His glory. We must choose to walk it out daily. You may not be able to see what is coming, but if you could, you might not take the leap of faith. So, trust in Him, lean on Him, let Him direct and guide you into the dream He has placed in your heart. Ms. EV It is funny how life comes full circle...I wrote this a little over two years ago and its truth shouts even louder today! God knew I would need these words and that I would need to reread these words. I pray that they are a blessing to you as well...
Give ear to my words, O LORD, consider my sighing. Listen to my cry for help, my King and my God, for to you I pray. Psalm 5:1-2 Today, I have peace about it, but three days ago, I was in distress because I realized that the puzzle I saw coming together was truly a figment of my imagination. I thought he was the missing piece, but the words he so prophetically spoke to me three and a half years ago rang true. “I like things easy.” He had said it before, but I ignored it, thinking that I meant enough to him to change his mind, but I never did change his mind. I never changed who he was, he never changed who he was, and God never changed who he was, so now, I have peace because I know he’s not for me. To him, “I like things easy” –simple and plain—to him that meant that I would make his life easy by allowing him to drop in and out of my life as he pleased. I would make his life easy by being at his every beck and call whenever he decided to beck or call. And, I did that for him because I thought it was a good way to show him that I love him, but did he ever show me that he loved me? He said it…once. It was, it seemed, his convenient way of holding on to my attention, which I feel he sensed was waning. I fell for it and I waited. I waited on God to make him the man I needed, but he’s not that man. I know believe he will never be that man. That man will love me as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25). He will esteem me higher than himself. That man will not expect me to compromise my values. That man will make my life “easy.” And that man will be loved truly and deeply. I know this because I have loved men who did none of those things. How much more then could I love someone who actually shows me that he loves me rather than just telling me he loves me when he feels me slipping away. My kindness will no longer be taken advantage of; my true friendship will no longer be unrequited. I know who I am and whose I am, and as a child of royalty, I deserve the best my King has to offer, so I am not willing to settle simply because the pangs of loneliness eat away at me in the midnight hour, and sometimes, in the midday hour. I am not willing to settle because it seems that my chance for a family of my own is fading. I am not willing to make another person’s priorities my own if that person is not willing to make the same sacrifice for me. Like Christ loved the church means willing to sacrifice your life. I can honestly say that no man who has ever claimed to love me has come close to exemplifying this quality, so is it possible? I am convinced that every Word of God is true and he tells me that with men, things are impossible, but with God, all things are possible (Matthew 19:26). So, I am not willing to settle even if it means that I face singleness and loneliness, even if people keep asking me why I am not in a relationship, even if I cry or become sad at times. I have given up too much of myself and gained little in return. That is not the way God intended love to be, so I am confident that He knows what I need, and He will give me the desires of my heart. I do not know when or how, but I know that settling does more harm than good and makes my path more crooked than straight. So, yesterday, I was looking for an old picture, and after I found it, and several pictures of my oldest nephews and niece that nearly brought me to tears, I ran across an old journal. I thought I would read through a couple of passages, but almost an hour later Joy Bella (my cat) and I were still in the spare bedroom sitting on the floor, as I wrapped up a glimpse into my past. Sometimes, it’s nice to look back. When I was looking at the pictures, they brought back memories of really happy times (of course, because no one would put sad pictures in a photo album). As I read the journals, I had mixed emotions. I call them journals, but they were actually prayers. As I looked over these outpourings to God, I was grateful for how far He has brought me. I was delighted at how much I have grown as a person and in my relationship with Him. But, I was also saddened because the dreams that I had almost a decade ago have fallen by the wayside.
The sadness I felt could have resulted in a couple of things. I could have thrown a huge pity party celebrating my non-achievements and biggest failures. Or, I could use it as a moment to figure out where I went off course. I chose the latter, although, I was tempted by the former because I am the world’s greatest pity party planner. I have heard my pastor preach that we can compare looking in the past with driving. When you are driving, you have a rearview mirror and side-view mirrors. Those mirrors are helpful for figuring out if it is safe to change lanes, or if you’re lost, you can look in the rearview mirror to see what you’ve past and it gives you a sense of where you need to go or if you need to turn around. Nevertheless, we must notice that the rearview mirrors, and side-view mirrors, while helpful, are never larger than the front windshield. So, while we may glance back or to the side, our focus needs to remain on what is ahead of us. That is what I learned when I looked at those prayers. During the time I wrote them, I was so busy looking back at the loss of my “dream” relationship and looking around at what others had that I lost sight of my dreams and goals. I began to pursue a career that, though rewarding, took me further and further away from what I truly love to do. Then, even after I grew so close to God, I focused on a relationship that felt like what I had been waiting for, but ended up leading me into disobedience. I focused so much on my ex and took on his dreams and goals as my own, that I let go of my dreams. And, though I was troubled by that, and the devil wanted me to feel defeated, I chose to be appreciative of the fact that God has allowed me to see another day, so that I can get back on track. God has a plan for each one of our lives, and our success is not as much about reaching our destination as it is about what we learned along the way. I know that I got off track and I could probably already be in the midst of something greater. I know that I settled for good when God still had His best for me, but I learned, and now, I am stronger, wiser and better suited to be who God desires for me to be. It would be really hard to drive, if we only looked in the rearview mirror, but a glance back can help guide us to what is ahead and I praise God in advance for wherever He is taking me. Ms. EV PS: Another good piece of advice I heard from my pastor: we have to stop saying that God is our co-pilot; God should be in the driver’s seat! This is an affirmation that I wrote early one morning after studying John 4. May it inspire and encourage you...
The kind of love that God has shown me through Christ is the kind of love that I deserve from a man of God. I do not have to sacrifice my body, or give in to lustful pleasures to please a man because Jesus already sacrificed His body. He ignored His pain, His needs, and His desires in order to give me a better future. So, the man who loves me like Christ loved the church should be willing to ignore his so-called needs until we are married, in order to ensure that we both have a better future together. And, I do not have to compromise because I am God's child. I do not have to be someone that I am not to get another person to love me because Jesus loves me just as I am. I am not perfect, and I never will be on this side of Heaven. But, I am unique, and God gave me my character and personality. God has not asked me to be perfect. He has asked me to show love through obedience. Even though, God knows I am not perfect, I am still a part of His family, and when He sees me through Jesus' eyes, washed in Jesus' blood, He sees perfection. I still struggle to be all that God wants me to be through the imperfect circumstances of life; yet God shows me that He still loves me even in the hardest times. So, the man who loves me like Christ loves the church should accept me for who I am as long as I am living for God, in obedience to His Will and working for His Kingdom. If he does not, then it is not love, not God-love. When I lean and trust solely in God and stop looking around at others and start looking up, I am satisfied in the joy of my salvation. I have to stop looking at what I am not and focus on who I am; the person that God made me to be. I have to stop looking at what I do not have and start praising for what I do have. You cannot worship in sprit and in truth when you are living a lie. The truth is that I am worthy of more than I have given myself credit for, but I did not comprehend my worth until I met a Man who knew everything about me. I will no longet thirst for a man to fill my needs. I have met the Living Water, and He has quenched my thirst. Ms. EV I’m not really sure what God has planned for me, but it must be something really good because the devil is so busy. You see, I know it’s the devil and not God because God tests you. He allows trouble to happen to see if our faith in Him is strong and if we will lean on Him, depend on Him, and allow Him to love us through times of calamity. But, the devil tempts you. The devil tries to get you to fall. The devil attacks the places that you are the most vulnerable and there is no love involved. So, this weekend, I’m sitting at home, minding my own business, drinking hot tea and preparing for church on Sunday when my phone rings. I looked at the caller ID and it was just a number, but it was a number that I recognized (I have a photographic memory, so even if I delete a number form my Contacts, I still know who it is). I looked at the number and thought, “Should I answer this?” and I decided on about the fourth ring that I was finally ready to pick up the phone and be strong in the Lord.
The caller was my ex boyfriend whom I have not heard from in almost a year. We have been broken up for almost four years, but he was a man that I thought I would marry and have a family with, so I have tried to remain friends with him, but we can’t seem to agree on a friendship without benefits. The last time I saw him, he tried to convince me to, how shall I say, be naughty. I refused his advances, but I still felt bad for even putting myself in the situation. And, the last time he called, I missed the call because I was still grieving after my grandmother’s passing and I wasn’t really talking to anyone. So, I called him back when I came out of my depression and told him, as a friend, what was going on, to which he replied, “I’m sorry to hear that, but I’m tired, so I’m going to bed.” And then, I didn’t hear back from him until this past weekend. The conversation was the usual small talk, and then, the request to “visit.” In my mind, I said, “The devil is a liar!” I know what visit means. It took me a minute to learn, but I definitely know what it means when it’s after 10PM. I politely told him that it was not going to happen and I kept a smile on my face as he lied and said he’d call me the next day. The point is that I didn’t give in this time. Next time, I won’t even answer the phone. If I had let him come to my house, it would have been very hard not to let him hold me or kiss me because it has been a long time since I have had affectionate human contact. If I had let him come to my house, I might have “slipped” and knocked God’s plan for my life back a couple more years. I’m tired of doing things my way. I don’t even want to know how many opportunities I have forfeited for fleeting moments of pleasure. So, instead of inviting him over, once I calmed down (because I was mad at him for trying me, but now I understand that the devil will use people close to us), once I calmed down, I invited Jesus in and we talked until I felt asleep and I had peace. I don’t know what God is planning, but I do know what He has done and where He brought me from, and that is more than enough. Ms EV Good Friday is a celebration of hope and expectancy. That may sound weird considering that it is when Jesus was crucified, but if we understand that this was all by God's design, we can have peace and joy about that Friday. Can you imagine what it was like on that fateful day? Just a week earlier people were praising Jesus. And, those same people that cried, “Hosanna,” were now yelling, “Crucify Him!” One of His own disciples sold Him of thirty pieces of silver. Can you fathom knowing that one of your best friends would betray you and still showing him or her love? Jesus even asked the Father to take the burden of our sins away from Him if possible, but was willing to do the will of God no matter what. Peter, my boy Peter, cut off the ear of the soldier that grabbed Jesus, and then, denied him three times before daybreak. And, as the sky turned dark, Jesus cried out, “Father, why have you forsaken Me?” Then, He took His last breath and died…for me.
Can you imagine the despair? Because after He died, and the earth shook and the tombs were open, some finally realized that Jesus was who He said He was and that they had killed the Son of God. Can you picture the grief of those who believed all along? The Savior, their Savior, was dead. He was to be buried in a borrowed tomb. He was their hope, their peace, their joy. And though, He spoke of rising from the dead, if these humans were anything like me, in that moment they felt a deep despair. They probably felt that all hope was lost. And then, they rolled the stone away on Sunday morning and He was not there. At first, they thought someone had stolen Jesus’ body, but the angel reminded them that Jesus had foretold this miracle of Resurrection. In our lives, our Friday nights are those times when everything goes dark. Friday nights are those times when we think that God has forgotten about us. Friday nights are those times when we need our faith the most because it seems like everything we believe is being tested. But, if we can hold on until Sunday morning, then our miracle can happen. If we can trust God, then our healing can happen. If we can be patient and faithful, then our deliverance can happen. It may not be literally three days. It could be weeks or months or years, but if we can just wait until our Sunday comes, everything will be as He planned. And, no matter how dark it looks right now, Sunday’s on the way! Ms. EV On Friday night, they crucified the Lord at Calvary, but He said, “Don’t fret because in three days, I’m gonna raise again. You’re gonna see…So, when problems try to bury you (six feet deep) and make it hard for you to pray, they may seem like that Friday night, but Sunday’s on the way. - Take 6 This is an excerpt from a talk that I gave at Connect Ministries...I pray that is blesses you and pleases Him.
There are three people in the Bible that I identify with readily. David, a man after God’s own heart, who had a man murdered, stole his wife, had chaos in his family and still had the promises of God fulfilled in his life. I identify with David because I am quick to see the mistakes in others, slow to see the ones that I make, and then I beat myself up about my mistakes. David and I also do the panic-then-pray-and-praise thing. Peter is my favorite disciple. He was a hot-tempered, I-will-cut-you (literally) kind of guy, who sometimes, well a few times put his foot in his mouth on his quest for holiness. Let’s see there was, “Jesus, let me come out on the water with you,” “Jesus, stop the crazy talk; you’re not going to die,” “Jesus, I’ll never deny you.” Yet, God still used Peter to spread the gospel. But, as a woman, I really identify with the Samaritan woman at the well. She was well put together on the outside to a stranger she met, but then that stranger told her all about herself… Come see a man who knew all about the things I did, who knows me inside and out. John 4:29 (MSG) In this day and age of social networking, we get the sense that we truly know people. I mean, I can tell you what my friends did at work, what they had for dinner, what they learned in church. But, how well do you really know your friends, or your family, or even yourself? We let down our walls to a comfortable point with other people. Sometimes we are afraid that if they see our true, authentic selves, they won’t love us, or worse, maybe we won’t love us. But, I met a man named Jesus, who knows me inside and out, and despite every thought He hears, every emotion He feels, and every action He witnesses, He still makes a way for me. You know those days when it feels like everything that can go wrong is going wrong? Praise God, I am not having one today, but this morning, on the radio, I heard Darlene McCoy’s, “I Shall Live and Not Die.” It made me think of those days. Those days when I feel like I cannot press on any further. Those when I feel like I am not going to make it. Those days when life seems hard. Of course, I am kind of a drama queen, so those days probably happen more often for me than they do for normal people, but my feelings are my feelings.
For some people, you may only feel that way when a great tragedy strikes; when you get a terrible diagnosis, when a spouse leaves, when you have more month than money. For some people, it is more subtle, when you can’t hear God’s answers, when you’re tortured by your past, or when things just aren’t going your way and it seems like the world has it in for you. David, in Psalm 118:17, literally thought he was going to die. Saul was trying to kill him. After he was king, his own son tried to kill him. He had to run and hide, even though he knew he was destined to be king. He also probably thought he was going to die when Nathan called him out for killing Uriah and getting Bathsheba pregnant (God used to strike people dead for that kind of stuff). David probably thought he would not live when his first child with Bathsheba died as a result of his sin. But, in spite of it all, David lived. Not only did David live and become king, but the King of Kings is in his lineage. Not only did he have another son with Bathsheba, but that son built God’s Temple and was the wisest man ever to live. Even with his somewhat tawdry past, David was called, “a man after God’s own heart.” So, after all of these life events, David could exclaim, “I didn't die. I lived! And now, I'm telling the world what God did” (Psalm 118:17 MSG). We can do the same thing. Even if your issues aren’t as big as David’s or even if they aren’t what others would consider big issues. Every time, you make it through, it assures you that the next time you face a challenge, you shall live and not die. So, you can tell the world what God has done for you! Ms. EV As a little girl, I always pictured myself making a lot of money, living in a mansion, raising a perfect family. Many people have similar dreams, but at what cost? The Bible says, "What does it profit a man (or woman) to gain the whole world, but lose his (or her) soul?" (Matthew 16:26, Mark 8:36). That question became very real to me when I had attained success by worldly standards, but found myself deeply depressed. How was it that I could set a goal, reach that goal, have everyone I love be proud of me, and yet still feel empty? That's when I knew what gaining the world and losing your soul meant. I hadn't done anything wrong per se, I just hadn't achieved what God had for me.
Deep inside, we know what we need to do to enhance our spiritual walk. We know what our heart desires for our relationships with God and those around us. We know there is a path that we should take in our career. But, rather than focus on those things, we might focus on what others want for us or on what we think others want from us. We get heavily involved in ministries that God didn't send us to, rather than spending more intimate time with Him, building our relationship. We settle for a mate that isn't right for us and isn't God-sent in order to avoid becoming a spinster, rather than waiting on God. We take a job with a huge paycheck, or even just one with a steady paycheck, rather than pursuing our dreams, making some sacrifices and trusting God to provide so that we can turn our passions into ministry for the good of His Kingdom. Personal success is not about gaining idol worship from others. It is not about amassing piles of money, clothes, and "bling." Personal success should be measured by how well we integrate God's desires for us into every facet of our daily lives. And, whether or not, He will be able to say, "Well done, my good and faithful servant." Ms. EV |
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